First time IVF age 42

[worrymerchant]

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

TNP,

Haven't heard from you for a while. Hope you are okay there and that baby has turned.

Lots of love,

NS XXX

Hi NS

Had a scan yesterday - baby now head down and fully engaged. Lots of leaning forwards and a few stints upside down on the ironing board seemed to do the trick. I am not allowed to 'lounge'! Have hired a doula and am beginning to feel a bit more confident now.

Hope you and Emily are well. What's your news? Take care, love TNPx

TNP,

You can't be far off if babs is fully engaged. Lots of love and looking forward to hearing your birth announcement.

How many weeks are you?

Emily is doing fine...it's the people around who aren't. DP now has a babd cold so we are trying to keep him away from her!

NS XXXXX

I'm only just 37 weeks, so hoping baby won't come too early. Hope the colds subside soon - look after yourself & I hope you don't catch it. TNPx

Thanks NS, i've come a long way. there isnt any explanation...you cant imagine the emotional trauma i've been thru but thank God for who He is cos He's been keeping me 'sane' these yrs and I've got support from family,it hasnt been easy at all i dont ever wish what i've been thru these yrs on anyone cos indeed fertility is a curse. i pray i get a positive test next week thurs.....ohhhh you need to wrap emily in cotton wool so she doent catch the cold. how are you anyways hope you're ok

soo sorry i meant infertility is a curse

Faith08,

I can imagine the emotional trauma you went through because I've been there. You can feel very alone and if your anything like me envious of all those couples who conceive so easily. I am delighted you have support from family. Although I am English I lived in Ireland through the years of my infertility and felt that it was poorly understood and my family were a long way away. Hospitals were geared up for dealing with pregnancy rather than supporting couples through the lenghty assessemnts needed to test for infertility. My DP (although Irish) has no family alive. I got great support from the Irish group NISIG, the National Infertility Information and Support Group which is v. active. Many couples in that group went through IVF (some several times) and they were able to explain what it would be like.

Emily has everyone in this house wrapped around her little finger. She's so much cotton wool about her you can barely see her. Fortunately, I am breat feeding which is offering her some protection from the cold which is ongoing.

Thinking of you and hoping for a positive test on Thursday. Do you have to take progestrone?

Lots of love,

NS

TNP,

Congratulations. Your full term. That's great. How did your dates work out? Emily was always a week ahead despite us knowing her conception date. They always used her dating scan to estimate EDD.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief at 37 weeks.

Thinking of you.

Lots of love,

NS XXX

well i'm taking gestone injections together with the clexane injections oh dont even get me started with envy......i see/hear of friends i got married already having babies,some are even on their 2nd or 3rd go.....then i use to wonder what's really wrong with me?why cant i get pregnant? i kept away from answering my phone when it rings cos i was tired of having to give a reason to my friends when thry ask what i was waiting for before i got pregnant...and in my heart i just say'if only you knew',[anger] i've walked the streets with anger in my heart especially when i see teenagers/young girls who are still babies getting pregnant....i've felt like a failure to myself and my DH, he's been my rock thru these almost 6yrs of TTC....i've gone thru a lot emotionally and physically (i believe most of us have).i'm praying for a positive result this week. my faith/hope/confidence failed me towards the end of last week and all the built up anxiety came crashing as i found myself crying uncontrollably,DH kept encouraging me not to loose hope and have faith......NS,i just want this period of waiting to come to an end.i have been constantly looking out for any signs but everything is just 'quiet'.

faith08,

I wouldn't worry too much about lack of signs. I have read plenty of stories about women who felt nothing at all and were successful. Each women responds in a different way and there is no way of being entirely certain until the 2ww is over or you test. (Some women do test a couple of days early with a home test. It's entirely up to you. I did with the support of counselling.)

As a friend said to me. "Keep the faith"

What you are feeling is normal. First of all you've taken all that medication which places a huge toll on the body. Secondly, anoyone who is prepared to go through IVF has invested a huge amount into having a family and desperately wants it, even if there was no medication most of us would be feeling miserable. I was exactly like you. I felt anger at all the unwanted pregnancies and I found it v. difficult if anoyone became pregnant easily. I remmember a colleage of mine got pregnant one summer. Her desk was opposite mine. Although I was delighted for her, it was v. difficult within the confines of space to get away from it. I kept thinking will this ever be me and I collapsed into tears in front of her once when she went on about buying things for the baby.

The 2ww will pass though. You are already more than half way through it. Use the centre and all the support you can. I found the counsellor at our centre really helpful. She was someone I could talk to who really understood just what it was like to face infertility. I think it takes someone special or someone who has been there to truely understand the isolation and frustration. Good for you for turning off the phone, it can be hard when people keep asking! And it's great your DH has been so supportive.

Have you any hobbies. I write in my spare time and am thinking of going back to it. (I worte volumes through the years of my infertility. 2 novels and hundreds of plays and short stories because my ficticious characters were my children.) I now want to write about my experiences of infertility in Ireland / England. Maybe you enjoy painting, walking or going away...Anything that's relaxing might help.

Lots of love NS XXXX

TNP,

How are you doing there. Only write if you get a chance but you must be near the big day! Any contractions? Or news? You must all be v. excited.

Thinking of you,

NS XXX

P.S I am back at the writing now inbetween feeds. I am looking to print out all my old work and am starting to write about my experiences of infertility and pregnancy.

hi NS I went for my pregnancy test today and it was negative.....i feel so empty and feel like a failure. I've been crying uncontrollably since i came back from the hospital,i've never felt disappointment like i do right now and there's this air of hopelessness and helplessness around me...i dont know what to think right now,i pray this phase passes quickly. dont know what the future holds but.......i'll hang in there.
How are you doing today anyways. I havent 'holad' at the other members on this site hope everthing's going on/will go on well with you all. God's blessings

Faith08

I was thinking of you and I am really, really sorry to hear your news. It is a breavement. Take some time out to think through the next stage...if possible have some days off work. Is there someone you can be with? Don't worry about crying. Cry as much and as often as you can. It's natural after what you've been through.

Is there any way you can express your grief? For me it's through writing. I wrote countless stories / poems about my two ectopic embryos. Some people I know plant trees or flowers in memory of the embryos.

Most clinics offer a review appointment and
I would check in with them in the next few weeks. Clinics learn an awful lot about you in the first treatment cycle. The dosage you need and how your body reposnds and they may be able to adjust accordingly if you decide to try again. Have they given you any explanation as to why it failed? You could also check out different centres. Quite often there are differences in treatments between centres and it just might be that another place might suit you better. I was initally treated in an Irish Assisted Conception Unit and the treatment they considered for me (clomid) was completly wrong and failed.

Thinking of you. Stay in touch, only if you want of course and let me know how it goes.

Lots of love,

NS XXX

NS - hope all is going well with you. Glad to hear you are back to your writing. Hope Emily is well. Am now week 38, so getting v close, I think. Lots of niggles and griggles but nothing productive yet. Getting a bit impatient but know that I might have a while yet so trying not to be too twitchy! Take care & I'll post news when it happens! Love, TNPx

thanks NS for your message. erm, there was no explanation given i'm booked in for a consultation in sept and the nurse says then things can be explained to us and we can discus what next to do..........my mind is still over the place,i've got a blasting headache since thurs from crying and thinking at the same time.......i feel like curling up somewhere and remaining there for a long long time. i do write maybe i should pick that up again....thanks. God bless you n ur family

faith08,

September is a good time for your next appointment because it gives you a chance to have some space. Your body needs time to recover after treatment. Do you have any holidays booked? Sometimes it can be good just to get away. Oh the number of times I felt like curling up somewhere. It is so unfair. Can you talk to your DH?

Do write. I find writing one of the most cathartic exercises ever. I remember when everyone was pregnant (except me) I lost myself in the worlds of imaginary children. Writing is great because you can do it at any time, in meetings, if someone is insensitive, on the bus, in bed at night ect. You can just get right away. Right now I am printing out all my work. I have hundreds and hundreds of pages. What do you write? I am hoping to get it published one day.

Thinking of you and lots of love.

NS XXX

TNP,

Lots of good luck vibes sent your way. Hope the niggles and griggles get moving soon.

I am dying to knowe the flavour.

Lots of love to you all,

NS XXX

Emily is well. She has a hearty pair of lungs and has screamed all aftetrnoon non-stop.

Hi all,

Just bumping this up.

NS XXX

Bumping this up.

NS XX

bumping this up

Hi NS - DD born yesterday, in the early hours, after a quick-ish labour. All well, 8 lb, 10 and a half oz - similar size to Emily. I've got painful stitches, though! Wanted to come home asap. Hope you are all well and lots of love, TNPx

TNP,

I have been thinking of you. I thought you had probably had the baby.

CONGRATULATIONS!

So lovely for you to have a girl. Any names or have you not decided yet? The boys must be v. excited.

You must be exhausted so don't worry about replying. Tell me all the news when you have a bit more strength.

Lots of love to you all.

NS XXX

Thanks NS! Are you on any of the post-natal chats these days? I'll join you when I'm up to it - took a /short/ walk this morning and it has totally done for me! TNPx

HI TNP,

I'm sure your exhausted. All my sympathies. I did start a thread on the postnatal board called parenting after infertility but no-one answered. Why not start a thread when you feel up to it and I'll keep an eye out for it. Just put my name in the message and I'll know to look for it. I think my thread has probably disappered by now.

Hope you are all doing well and looking forward to hearing your story. I'm writing our story at the momment (infertility and pregnancy) which I will try and publish at some stage. It's my next book.

So it's goodbye to this thread.

Lots of love NS XXXX

OK NS. This thread has been a very good, supportive one, I think, for us 4 ladies on it, over our various trials & I have really enjoyed posting on it.

Parenting after infertility - an excellent topic - which we will start up soon.

Lots of love from TNPx