First time IVF age 42

[worrymerchant]

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

Thanks TNP. V. useful. I'll chat more tomorrow and tell you about ante-natal classes.

NS XXXX

TNP

The ante-natal class was all about looking after newborns. V. useful but daunting. I imagine you've got yourself into a really good routine now. Mum said each child is different so I guess you will be learning as well. I really admire you managing three under the age of 6 whilst your DH is out at work. That was also a v. helpful list and thanks for all the support about the ectopic. When I write up my experiences of infertility (which I plan to do when I have the energy) I am definately going through that!

I have no more information about induction and have to ring up this morning. The group facilitator told me to ask my own midwife but I truthfully think it might be a bit much for her (she failed to diagnose the allergic reaction). I am going to ring up the Maternal Foetal Assessment Unit and see if I can get them onto it. I can't be too far off although I have heard that they like to wait until you are 39 weeks. Another 3 weeks like this. OH MY GOD!

All our technology has broken down and my vallium TV failed to video while I was at the class. I am really hormonal now and it gave me a few bad hours sleep (along with breathlessness). I think we're all awake at various different times now. I imagine all these pregnant women lying there awake at night and we're sort of bonded to each other without knowing one another. I keep poor DP awake with shuffling around and complaining.

When do your ante-natal classes start?

Lots of love,

NS XXX

Hi NS - hope you had a good night last night - that's bad, bad news with your video failure. I sat down at lunchtime today while DS2 was having his nap and finally watched this week's The Apprentice, though it's difficult to watch it so late after the show and not find out from the media who was fired etc. If the machine hasn't worked and recorded what it's supposed to, I throw a fit!

Did you get anywhere with ringing up/finding out about the induction? The really good thing about it is that you'll know exactly when it's all going to happen & you can gear yourself up for a real date, rather than waiting in limbo for twinges to start. Are you getting Braxton Hicks much? I got them really strongly with DS2 at around the same stage I'm getting them now - 31 weeks - they can be quite painful at times, but usually just a tightening sensation.

I won't be going to ante-natal classes this time around. The midwife asked me if I wanted to go again and didn't seem surprised when I said I'll be giving it a miss. To be honest, it was only slightly helpful last time, altough the tour of the hospital (something separate from the ante-natal classes) was very useful. Although I'm going back to the same hospital this time round, I think I might go on another tour just to refresh my memory.

There's been some talk on the 40+ thread about testing and someone mentioned the valid point that at least we have the choice here as to whether to have tests or not ... and it made me think that in Ireland you probably can't get various tests for Downs etc ... is that right? And it made me think how awful that must be for people who might have a high risk and for whom, because of their situation, having a baby with serious problems might be devastating ...

Must go and dish up the DSs tea now ... take care - I am getting excited for you as you're getting really close now! Love TNPx

Hi TNP,

More techical blunders. I wrote a long message to you and then the site went down and I couldn't send it. If this is illegible I am trying to remember what I wrote.

We are going out to celebrate it being May (my month) at lunch. A meal in town. Mexian, I think or Spanish.

I haven't found out anything about induction. I was advised to get my community midwife onto it but when I rang she told me it wasn't her role. The problem is that I have fallen between the stools. The thombosis team want to induce me whilst my obstetictician wants me to go into natural labour. I haven't heard anything from the maternity service, although I have received a copy of a letter from the thrombosis team written to the maternity service recomending induction. The maternity service said they would be led by the thrombosis team so I reckon I will be but when. Who knows? I have heard they don't like to induce before 39 weeks here. Another three weeks...OH MY GOD! I have a thrombsosis appointment on Wednesday so I guess I will find out more then and I'll let you know.

The Apprentice was really funny wasn't it. I had a great laugh which did me the world of good. My vallium fix for today is 'I'll do Anything.'

I don't know about testing for Down's in Ireland. I was never offered it but then all my scans were normal. I think they do it now, but only after an anomoly on a scan. When I got here the triple test was mentioned but I was 24 weeks and it was too late. I do know about cases where women have had to carry a baby to term with a severe disability because of the issue of abortion. There have also been famous cases (in the 80's) of women having to keep pregnancies after rape although I don't know what would happen now. Ireland is an odd place because it very much depends on where you live. There is a far greater bias towards anti abortion issues in rural areas than in large towns like Dublin. Abortion is still illegal so I think most of these woemn would have to come to England. I was offered metatrexate (drug to terminate pregnancy) for my second ectopic in Drogheda which is about 40 miles North of Dublin, whether I would have been offered it anywhere else (given that I only have one tube) is an interesting question.

Better go now. There are people who want to use the computer.Hope you aren't too uncomfortable, I am!

Lots of love

NS XXXX

Hi TNP,

I am just writing another message because we had a bit of luck yesterday. We bought almost all we needed at a local car boot sale yesterday. Of course everything needs to be washed and we'll have to get mattrasses but the rest is great and in really good condition. We have a gorgeous Moses Basket in imaculate condition with toys hanging from the hood and a little blanket to match, it's cream and white colour. Two play mats (also look brand new) one with toys hanging from it, a baby monitor (measures termperature as well as hearing what's going on) two baby carriers, a bouncy chair for a new born, one of those swing chairs which plays music and goes at different speeds. We've also bought a changing mat and sheets from mothercare.
Really all we need now is a car seat. There were car seats there but we didn't go for those for fear they had been in an accident.

Let me know how you do with your list and enjoy the bank holiday.The weather here is great.

Lots of love,

NS XXXX

Hi NS

Sounds like your bank holiday weather's better than ours - it's dry but overcast, so not much cop. Still, DH is out there at the moment spraying weedkiller on our ever-growing weed problem!

Wow, your purchases sound fab! You've got all the big stuff all in one go - great going! I was wondering if you'd got your Moses basket yet - it sounds really lovely, and I think you'll really get use out of the swing too - I had one for DS2, which I shall be getting out of storage soon, which I found really useful.

Well, I got some baby things from Mothercare yesterday. I got some new nightdresses and a load of maternity pads; a swaddle blanket and another pack of bibs; a soft fleece blanket and a top and tail plastic bowl thing; plus some clothes for the DSs (I like Mothercare children's clothes). Today, we have spent the morning rearranging the DSs bedroom furniture, clearing out the nursery, where DS2 has currently been sleeping, and moving him into DS1's room. It's been a major operation! At least now I will have somwhere to put all the baby stuff I'm accumulating.

I am trying to be more aware of counting the baby's movements at roughly the same time each day, to get used to a pattern. Have you tried to do that?

Good luck at your thrombosis appointment on Wednesday - let me know you you get on - I hope they manage to come to an agreement about when is best for the induction etc (I don't know about you but I would probably, in your shoes, go with their advice rather than the obstetrics, as management of your dvt is crucial, but I'm sure both teams will come to the best decision). Bye for now and love, TNPx

Hi TNP,

Well I am just back from the thrombosis team and I still don't have information about induction. It's being discussed but the letter recomeding it doesn't seem to have been sent from the maternity service. Another one is being written today so hopefully in the next couple of days I will get information.

I am sorry to winge on...(I always seem to be doing it) but I am finding this week difficult. It's hard to sleep with the hot weather and I find it hard to breathe and sometimes I twitch just as I am dropping off to sleep which wakes me up. Yesterday I got between 3-4 hours sleep (with Piriton) and I am sooo tired. I just can't wait now! The midwife who seemed so pleasent at first hasn't offered as much help as she originally said she would and I feel a bit lost in the system.

Anyway enough of me. I hope you are doing well there and enjoying the weather. Has the sickness improved? Not long now!

Lots of love,

NS XXXX

TNP,

Sorry just to clarify. It's the letter from the thrombosis team to the maternity service that hasn't been sent so they don't know anything about it.

Lots of love,

NS XXX

Hi NS

Don't worry about wingeing - I'll join you, as, although I like the warmer weather in theory, in practise it's not good for us heavily-pregnant ladies, and I know what it's like with the breathlessness, too. It's just awful, because you can't escape it. It's the baby pressing on your diaphragm and squeezing the air out - I had it terribly with DS2 (this one is slightly better, but not much ...). We should both try really hard to not exert ourselves, so that we concentrate on getting enough breath in, which is all that counts. If it means frequent/permanent resting/sitting down/lying propped up, then we have to do it when we can. I am trying to do a slow school walk, slow being the operative word, so that I get a bit of exercise, but it must be like seeing a giant tortoise lumbering its way down the hill. DS1 keeps asking me to play football with him and all I can do is wave him away and flop on the chair. I bet you are really tired with just 3 hours sleep. Can you have a nap in the afternoon, if the baby-bump will let you? It's important you try to get as much rest as you can as you're so close now, but if you can't drop off to sleep, try not to worry, because physically resting yourself is almost as good and will be beneficial.

That's a bit of a nuisance, that the thrombosis team haven't sorted out their recommendation yet. It might be worth chasing through with your midwife, to see if she's received it, by Friday, perhaps? And then, if not, keeping on at them early next week? As you're so close now, you'll need to know what their collective decision is on how many weeks it's best to take you to. Do you have another thrombosis check soon? If so, try and get a copy of the letter yourself to take away in your hand and physically wave it at the MS, if you have to!! Can you get your GP on the case, to check it through (he/she will be getting a copy of the letter, won't they).

Thank you for asking about my sickness - it's still there, and I've dug out my sickness wrist bands that I first wore in the early weeks. I'm not sure they're helping much - I'm not actually throwing up, just the queasiness a lot of the time and feeling off food.

I have found out when my hospital (where I delivered DS2) offers its tours and will be going next Thurs week, so I am looking forward to refreshing my memory about what they've got.

I do hope you have a better night tonight ... is your squishy maternity pillow helping at all? I'm sure you've tried this already, but perhaps some camomile tea alongside your Piriton - and maybe a couple of paracetamol (don't know if Piriton has paracetamol in it already, though??) just to relax your muscles?? Bye for now and take care, love TNPx

TNP,
Thanks for your lovely message. I guess I am tired and a bit flat from this morning, I was hopeful of more information. My midwife has already said that it's not her job to follow this up but I got the hospital counsellor onto it. She is really helpful and is seeing to it. The thrombosis team are writing a letter today.

I find it nearly impossible to sleep in the day but yes I will take your advice and rest. Fortunately there's good valium TV on this evening as well so that might help(The Apprentice). I do all sorts of acrobatics with the pillows at night. Unlike you I don't have comitments at the moment which helps me rest in the day but when I do walk I have the tortoise look as well and if anyone offered to play football with me I think I'd scream. My pelvis is really sore now and I think the baby is begining to drop.

Baby is oblivious to it all and continues to kick away as I'm sure yours is.

Lots of love and keep well

NS

XXXX

Ooh yes, The Apprentice - I shall be watching it, too.

Hopefully NS, when the baby has dropped, you might find it easier to breathe ... here's keeping our fingers crossed. Keep well and get some rest! love TNPx

Hi NS - I am just wondering if you are okay? I should imagine you've been struggling in the heat, as I have, not to mention all the other things on your mind & I hope the thrombosis team have had success talking with the obstetrics about your plan? Did you get any joy out of either of them yesterday? I just can't sleep much in this heat, can you? This morning, although it's overcast, it's so hot and thundery, I am wearing one of my mother's huge kaftans, with huge black-and-white-print. I'm sure I look like a walking tent, I don't care - I'm going out in it later! Take care, thinking of you & let me know how you're getting on when you get a chance (seen any good valium recently? I did laugh at The Apprentice.) Bye for now, love TNPx

TNP,

You must be in a very different part of the country to me...it's still hot and humid here with no evidence of rain on the way. I am wearing an old football top with some loose fitting trousers.

The Apprentice was great wasn't it? I laughed a lot too.

The induction business is getting sorted out. The obsteticitian is on holiday at the momment but will be back on Monday and I am told he will make a decision then. I am very impressed with the thombosis team, I really am, they are following up everything.

I was sent to the assessemnt ward on Thursday because my blood pressure was up but it dropped again while I was there so no-one is too worried. (I also had protein in the urine but none showed up in the blood test.) I have to get my blood pressure checked twice per week.Baby is starting to engage but of course is back to back so I have to try lying forward to encourage her to twist round.

I have finally also been given medication to sleep because I am so far on in my pregnancy, the consultant said it wouldn't hurt. He prescribed 5 tablets of 10mg's of tamazepam. Because I am aware of the dangers I have chopped the tablet into three so have taken a very low dose. This has helped with the twitches and insomnia. Last night I got about 12 hours sleep which is a first for me so I won't take anything tonight!

Lots of love and sleep well

NS XXXX

TNP,

By the way I am celebrating because I am offically full term! If the baby was born now she would just be early.

Oh that's great news, NS - so glad you've got something for the sleep & that everything is going to plan. Congratulations on being officially full term! Have a great weekend, love TNPx

Hope you've enjoyed the weekend TNP. Hot and sticky here and I've been in my maternity swimming costume in the back garden on a chair. I am hoping to get clarity on induction tomorrow so am a bit nervous...hope it happens soon!

Hope you've managed to avoid the soccor with DS1.

Love NS XXXX

Dear TNP,

Hope you are well and enjoying the heat.

Well I have more information now. I am due in on Monday 26th May for an induction if there is room on the ward. That is just 4 days before my due date. I think it is a bit later than would have been recomended by the thrombosis team. We suspect there has been a slight disagreement / friction between the two teams because the maternity consultant was quite clear that he would have preferred me to go into natural labour. I was not terribly impressed by the interview, to be honest it was terribly rushed and I didn't have a chance to ask a number of questions. I also for the first time in my life got really bad sciatica probably as a result of the baby being back to back. My back locked in the hospital and we had to get a wheelchair because I simply couldn't move. It happened twice while I was there. The midwife told me to take paracetamol. I also am still waking myself up with snoring or hyperventilating although my general sleep has been better and I have not taken anything the last two nights! That's my whinge over for today.
There is a programme about teen Mum's on later so I plan to watch that along with an Old Dragon's Den. What's your vallium tonight!
Talk soon.

Love NS XXXX

Hi NS

Oooh, Monday week!!! Not long now - you can literally tick the days off and see the end in sight - lucky you! And as you know, you might well go into natural labour before then. I bet you're glad to have an agreed date out of them. I'm sorry, though, that it was rushed and you couldn't ask all you wanted to ... what did you want to ask them? Can you phone someone there and ask them, to put your mind at ease? That's what they're there for, and you need to feel totally confident with what's going on. That sciatica sounds absolutely awful - I've never had that, so can't imagine how painful it must be, but if it happens that suddenly it must be very frightening - what if you had been on your own or something ... .

What's the teen mum programme you've got lined up for your valium? I saw something a while ago ... I think it was calaled "Pram Faced Mums" or something like that ... I wonder if it's the same? I was completely shocked by some of it and laughed my head off at the same time ... one of the 'girls' was having her fag outside the labour ward and was discussing the merits of smoking outside the house, as opposed to in it, which would harm the baby, wouldn't it ... (this said as she's smoking while in labour FFS!!!). I've got a Desperate Housewives to catch up on when the DSs are asleep later.

I have not been coping very well in the heat and having to manage the two DSs. It has been making me fed up and tearful. Last week, I stupidly walked down to pick DS1 from school, as usual, but despite going v slowly coming back up the hill, I was just about in tears as I felt I couldn't do it and was doing too much etc. So, it's the car out every time for me now and will remain so until after baby is born. I am waking up so many times at night and often can't get back for a couple of hours, with the baby really digging in on all sides and making me uncomfortable. The baby's movements weren't nearly so uncomfortable with my first pregnancy - it must be a second pregnancy thing ...On the plus side, I saw the midwife yesterday who pronounced everything fine and even said how healthy I looked and not at all like my 41 years . I'm going to dine out on that one ... don't get many compliments like that these days ...!

How far down is your baby now? Did they do an antenatal check for you yesterday as well as deciding on your induction date etc? Take care for now, lots of love, TNPx

Dear TNP,

Thank you for your message. I sympathize about the walk up the hill. You have done exactly the right thing to decide to take the car. I think our bodies are built to say "I've had enough" sometimes. Mine did and I made that decision to go on extended sick leave from 20 weeks. What I would have done without the support of the family through the DVT I don't know but I keeep counting my blessings that I am here in England rather than on my own in Ireland.
Have a good cry, we're allowed. We're tired and at the end of a difficult 9 months, 12- 13 if you count what went before! And you've two young ones to see to.
I think we also have to remember that we have a pregnancy after IVF which puts an additional emotional / physical / finacial strain on the body. I keep saying I am delighted to be pregnant (I am for all my whinges)but I feel so lucky to be 38 weeks pregnant after the first round of IVF that it puts an additional burden on my body to try and do everything right, which is not always possible. I'll probably be like that for the next 24 years.

Congratulations on all being fine! Go out and dine. We've done it often enough.

No I didn't get a chance to ask all I wanted at the appointment. (Will it be possible to take medication the night before I go in because I will be so excited, although I only thought of that today so I will phone and ask.) I wanted to ask the top man about all the problems with sleep because it seems to me that most of my difficulties centre around that. (I have found I have to sleep on my back which of course does not help the position of the baby.) I wanted them to feel me to check which way round the baby was lying and how far down it was but boss said it wasn't necessary, although I met someone at reception who was due at the same time and being scanned for that very reason.

And that's the end of my rant. I am off to take a slow walk around the block. Hopefully the sciatica won't come back because there aren't any wheelchairs around there. I am also slighlty periody (keep hoping it's a sign of something)but nothing obvious yet.

Lots of love,

NS XXX

Thank you NS - your understanding has made me feel much better amd you are quite right - we do need to remember that we've been through all the IVF procedures as well and the toll it takes on the body - I have forgotten that, I think, being so wrapped up in being pregnant and almost dismissing all the drugs etc necessary to get to this state. I do think it messes with the mind as well as the body! Enjoy your walk and let's hope we have some good valium tonight! Love TNPx

Hi TNP,

Just saying hello. It's better with all this cool weather isn't it? I feel I can breathe again (or maybe that's due to the baby being engaged!). I am now on maternity rather than sick leave which makes me feel better and no serious sciatica since Monday.
The vallium TV tonight is appaling for me. It was yesterday as well so I watched an old DVD of Catherine Tate which was funny and I saw the Apprentice with my sister for the second time. It wasn't as good this week though. I just tried to imagine myself with my shape fitting into one of those dresses. (I am engaged but no wedding planned.)

Hope your doing okay and getting a lot of rest. We're going out to buy a buggy today. Mothercare have some good deals on.

Lots of love and hope your all well. Shadow developed a really bad cough in the week and we thought we'd have to take him to the vet but it improved with honey and ice-cream. There's alwasy plenty in the house because it is one of my cravings!

NS XXXX

10 days to go!

Hi there NS!

Thinking of you having only one more week to go! That's amazing - I expect you're getting really excited about it. Just think - this time next week, you could be right in the midst of your labour! Have you got all your things packed? Did you get a buggy from Mothercare at the weekend? I popped in on Saturday, just for a few bits and bobs, but they'd actually run out of some of the things I wanted (boring stuff llike maternity pads and steam-steriliser descaler sachets!) I expect you'll be having ante-natal checks this week - so let me know how it's all going, won't you. Are you getting any twinges or pre-labour aches yet??? I'll not be far behind you ... (I hope).

I did laugh at Shadow liking his honey and ice-cream. I bet he wolfed it up & hope his cough has kept away. I'm an ice-cream additc, too - must be a pregnancy thing, because I don't usually eat too much of it, but since being pregnant, I usually have some in the evenings with my dose of valium.

Yes, I'm much more comfortable with this cooler weather - my mother was done up in all sorts of layers the other day, saying it was freezing, and looked at me horrified with just my lightweight clothes - but I'm not cold in the slightest.

I am wondering how MTB and WM are getting on ... especially if either of you have started any treatment yet & how things are going.

(I haven't been up to posting too much on here recently - to be honest, it's downright uncomfortable sitting here at the 'pooter and I have to sort of balance my bump over the edge of the chair ... not a good position!)

Take care NS - as I say, not long now, so I shall be looking out for developments!!! Lots of love, TNPx

TNP,

Hope your doing allright there. I am not quite sure what is happening to me. I have had pains all through the last few days and spent yesterday at the hospital because my medication needs to be controlled. They think I am in the early phases of labour. When I left last night the cervix was 1cm dilated, softend and thin. I had the option of staying in but came home and had a good 6 1/2 hours sleep. I am going back to the hospital now for further monitoring as they were predicting last night I might go into labour in the next 12 - 24 hours and I have been getting contractions fairly regularly. I'll probably be back here tonight saying nothings happened!
I am 39 weeks today. My mother had all of us one week early. Please send baby lots of eviction notices. I have had enough!

Lots of love NS XXXX

Dear NS

I am telling your baby to get a move on now!! How exciting - really sounds like things are on the move for you - I am jumping up and down with excitement myself! You have done so well to get this far and I think it's great that it sounds like you're going into spontaneous labour well ahead of Monday - great news! Fantastic that you managed to get some proper sleep at home last night - especially being in the early stages and excited, too. If it all slows down later today, do try and get some good rest again tonight, won't you - it was the one thing I just couldn't do when I started labour and I ended up totally exhausted at the end of it, so look after yourself.

Sending you loads of happy birth vibes & look forward to you updating on here when you can, of course! Keep well and strong, breathe and focus!! Lots of love, TNPx

TNP,

Oh the joys of labour. Back home and waiting for labour to get established. Still 1cm dilated.

Hope you are well.

Love NS XXXX