First time IVF age 42

[worrymerchant]

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

Dear worrymerchant,

I understand what you are going through. I did IVF a few months ago and I found it a very anxiety provoking experience, all those drugs, day in day out and uncertain outcome.
You will need to use all the support you can get.I had loads from my family. I also found the counsellor at my clinic extremely helpful, she saw me at each stage from down-regulation through to the day of the pregnancy test and I found it great to speak to someone who knew the pain and anguish. The counsellor should also be able to see you for a few weeks whatever the outcome.
Have you any hobbies? I wirte in my spare time and I kept a diary of everything that happened. Putting things down on paper really helped.
Also infertility supports can help. I live in Ireland and got great support from the Irish group.
I will be thinking of you and good luck. Let me know how you get on.

Hi newbishad, thank you so much for your kind words... it is good to know that there are others who have gone through the same thing and can understand. Unbelievably my clinic did not mention counselling to me at any point in the process. in fact they didnt really enable me to make informed choices at any point. My family are unaware i am having treatment. What was your outcome, if you dont mind me asking?

Dear worrymerchant,

First of all your clinic should recomend counselling. If you are in England HEFA (regulatory body) recomend all couples undergoing IVF treatment receive counselling. At my clinic in Borne Hall Cambridgeshire, counselling was offered free to all couples, as much as was deemed necessary by the counsellor. I am unsure about Ireland, (where I live) I was never offered it directly in the clinic I attended but I think it was available. Wherever your clinic is, they should provide it and it might be worth asking if you think it would help. I also know acupuncture and other forms of alternative medicine are recomended and might be useful but you should check with the clinic because there are all those issues of herbal medicine in early pregnancy.
I chose to share my experiences with my family who were hugely supportive (still are). (It was hard to keep it secret anyway because I had had two ectopic pregnancies in the past.) However, everyone is different and I know lots of families who chose to keep it private, I still recommend an infertility support group. You can go along to those and they should be totally confidential. There are also infertility chat rooms as well.
Thanks for asking about my outcome. I was lucky and am now almost 23 weeks pregnant with my first child. Since it was an IVF conception I have found the pregnancy difficult. I am a regular memeber on any anxiety, insomnia and ectopic heart beat thread on this forum and have found the support I have received hugely benefical.
Keep well and let me know how you do.My baby is due at the end of May.

Hi Worrymerchant. I know you are going through a hugely stressful and anxious time - it is natural to feel that way. My advice to you is to keep positive thoughts in your head as much as possible - just keep affirming to yourself that things are going well. Indeed, you have had one embryo transferred, and one is all it takes! Keep telling yourself that, be kind to yourself and allow yourself as much personal time & space as you can have right now. You are nearly half-way through the 2ww, so doing well! Also, you've had two successful pregnancies in the past, which is a huge plus, and in my opinion, goes a long way to negating any 'negatives' from age etc.

I'm 41 and currently 17 weeks pregnant through IVF with DC3. Like Newbishad says, I wrote everything down and kept a journal, which I'm still maintaining now. It can happen! All the best of luck, and keep positive!!

Take no prisoneres, thanks for your kind message... can i ask you how you felt physically after your ET? Did you have any early signs of pregnancy?

By about your stage of the 2ww, with both of my successful IVFs, I was beginning to get the odd twinge & mild shooting pains. These, I remember reading, are good signs! (I found Zita West's book extremely helpful and her advise very common-sense.) But, similarly, you must remember that not getting any twinges doesn't mean it isn't working. I also remember being told by my clinic not to worry about any period-type, dragging pains I may feel, as that doesn't mean it isn't working, either, but is because of the drugs/progesterone. Bear this in mind, especially if you are having to take progesterone suppositories during this time (I couldn't absorb from the suppositories and so had to have an IM injection of progesterone every day until week 11 - not pleasant!).

With this IVF, I was due to test on a Thursday, having had the ET on a Thurs, like you. I felt definite shooting pains in my left breast two days before testing and took that as a really positive sign - was also very tearful and fearful.

You have had an ET from ICSI - that's fantastic success already, so do try, for your own sake, to shoo away any worries - easier said than done, I know. I shall be keeping my fingers crossed for you and do ask anything else you might like, to help put your mind at ease.

Newbishad - congratulations on your pregnancy, I am SO pleased for you.

Thanks for the info re counselling, it certainly has not been directly offered to me by my clinic alhtough i think there was a leaflet about it in the brochure.

I have been trying to do as much prep as poss for this cycle, including drastic changes to my nutrition, no alcohol, and i have also done the acupncture. Apparently I ahve managed to generate a really good, thick womb lining, so hopefully this will have helped implantation.

Newbishad and Takenoprisoners -

I would be interested to know whether you had any iinkling or physical indications early on that you might have been successful after the transfer?

Also, (if you dont mind me asking) how many eggs did you produce\fertilise\implant etc? Are you my age group? Sorry!!

I'm 41. I did my first IVF cycle in 2005. I produced 15 eggs, 8 fertilised, transferred 2 and kept remaining 6 in storage. Result, one happy, healthy DS2!

2nd IVF last October, a frozen embryo transfer. Had to thaw 3 (one didn't make the thaw process) to put back 2 embryos again. The night of my positive pregnancy test, I had a heavy-ish bleed, which I think was the 2nd embryo coming away. But now 17 weeks pregnant.

Dear worrymerchant,
I don't mind sharing my story at all. I am a bit younger then you, 36. I produced 16 eggs, 12 fertilised and 6 went to blastocyst. Two were returned and one embedded. (I have 4 frozen blasts, one high quality.)
My diagnosis is blocked tubes. No-one knows why. Like Takenoprisoners I got shooting pains in my side during those two weeks and lower abdominal pain as well. Since I already had two ectopic pregnancies I thought that was what I had. On my retrun to Ireland I was admitted to the Gynecology ward for 2 days until they were able to scan me. obviously I was delighted to learn I had a viable pregnancy.
I hope, hope, hope things work out for you. That two week wait is a nightmare, isn't it. I spent a lot if it reading other women's stories on the computer, hoping it would be me. I do believe in positive thoughts but part of me also wanted to be realistic. I had lived with infertility for so long I couldn't really believe I would ever have a child.
The two week wait does pass though.

takenoprisoners - thanks - you have done really well!.. did you do any special preparation for your cycles? Wish you all the best wiht the pregnancy.

Thank you both SO much for sharing with me... i have been getting some lower abdominal cramps and was really worried, then read on the net that is was probably due to progesterone, also have sore boobs but thought that might be pre menstrual\progesterone. Will jsut have to wait it out, but am a lot more positive now, thank you both very much.

Takenoprisoners - which Zita West book did you read? I have been going to her clinic for the nutrition and acupuncture.

Dear Worrymerchant,

I did no special preparation other than lots of writing, counselling, support from family and taking a lot of time off. The more personal space I had the better! I still do as much of this as possible.

Dear newbishad - i have lots of time to myself, and am doing a lot of reading and cooking, both of which i enjoy. But I should probably try and find a way to keep a bit busier as the more time i have to myself the more i dwell on it.. hence i am a worrymerchant!

Dear Worrymerchant,

I think it's about finding the right way for you. I forgot to mention I also got myself as fit as possible.By the way I am a worrier as well. Big time! I could have used that name myself. Instead I chose an amalgamation of my two dogs Newbie and Shadow as they were my two children for four years, hence newbishad.
Do let us know how you get on and I wish you all the best.

Thank you for your good wishes. I read "Fertility and Conception". I did all the usual dietary preparations before hand, rested as much as possible during the 2ww. I comopletely avoided coffee - a hardship, being somewhat addicted. The advice from my clinic during the 2005 cycle was to limit to one or two per day, but it avoided it nonetheless and did the same this time. Now, research has shown that it is indeed best to cut it out altogether, as the caffeine can make miscarriage more likely. I did lots and lots of positive visualisations and mediatations, especially this time around, where I just plugged myself into my iPod and literally talked myself into being positive. I have an orange and pink silk 'fertility scarf' which never left my neck during that time. Sounds silly, but I think these mental props can be so important. It's great that you are doing the nutrition and acupuncture and feeling a bit more positive now. Also, what is the success rate of your clinic? Whatever it is, just keeping thinking of it and that you will be part of it!

Hi there, I think your advice (both of you) has been really helpful to me. Walked down to the library and ordered the Zita West book you recommended. They had her book on Natural Pregnancy there which I looked at and hope tp go back for in a short while!

I also spent some time today just really relaxing to music and trying to focus on a positive outcome. My problem is that my mind tends to wander a lot and i find it really hard to stay focussed... any tips?! However, I must have got some benefot from it because i felt really calm afterwards.

Can I just ask... did either of you have to go in during the 2ww for a blood test? I have to go in tomorrow and I am not sure what it's about?

Hi WM Glad you're feeling better. I had blood tests before the transfer - screening for hepatitus and rubella etc. I did have a blood test a couple of days after my positive pregnancy test; because of that bigish bleed I mentioned, they wanted to check if my hCG levels were rising. So, not sure what yours would be for at this stage ...

Dear Worrymerchant,
Glad your feeling better
I am also not sure what the test is for but I would check in with them and ask. I found it a great help to ask at every stage so that I knew exactly what I was facing.
Despite being 23 weeks pregnant I am still receiving support from my clinic. I really do recomend you check in whoever is avaialable. They will probably only be too glad to help.
I am braving the high winds and rain today and returning to Ireland. I don't have internet access so will be unable to respond as often but I am interested in how you get on. If you like leave me a message and I will get back to you when I can.

Hello you two, how are you doing? Sorry I have been away for the last couple of days. Actually have had quite a nightmare day yesterday which began at 2.30am, when DS ill with abdo pain. HAd to rush him to doctor who said: watch for it to get better (then prob gstritis) or worse (then prob appendicitis). Then had to leave him with mum (felt guilty) whilst I went to clinic for blood test, stuck in traffic, arrived 1 hour late, tearful, and forgot to ask all my questions.

Hope you had a good trip back to Ireland,newbishad, I would love to keep in touch with you both.

Can I just ask you both about the crampy feelings you got? I have had them since Sunday but today they seem to have faded.. was that the case wiht you as well, or were yours continuous?

Well, half way throught the 2ww anyway...

xxx

Dear Worrymerchant,

I am here in an internet cafe writing to you. I had a terrible trip back to Ireland, high winds, unsympathetic staff, and am now looking for ways in which I can return. Like I said in an earlier email I suffer from huge anxiety. It's much harder to deal with here away from my family so I am looking at ways to return as soon as possible and bring my partner, plus dogs and cat back with me.
I had every abdominal pain under the sun in the two week wait and was certain I was about to have my period. I actually took a test the day before I was due for my blood test and was delighted and shocked that it was positive. Like I told you I then thought I had an ectopic pregnancy.
Everyone is different in the pain they experience. I was constantly on the internet and read all sorts of stories. Some people who were successful never had pain, some had pain that improved and others like me had it constantly.
I still believe in positive thoughts but I do think a lot of what happens is out of our control. I had periods of panic during my two week wait (one which kept me awake until 5.30am, the day after embryo transfer) and it made no difference to the outcome. I am sure you have done no damage by your terrible experience a day ago. IVF clinics tend to tell us "you can't do this and you can't do that" and a lot of it is probably very wise. But, just think of all those people out there who conceive in the worst conditions imaginable, drunk on drugs, stressed etc. It is only because we have so many problems and have invested so much into it that we are focused on trying to do things right. All we can do is work with our own methods and hope. I am still doing this through pregnancy.
I am sure I would have been just the same as you faced with a sick child in the middle of the night. How is your DS?
Anyway thinking of you and keep in touch.

Hello both of you - it sounds like you've both had a rough few days, with WM having to rush DS to doctor and Newbishad's awful-sounding journey, not good when pregnant, either. Hope WM's DS is okay and not appendicitis? Newbishad is right, having these stressful experiences won't make any difference to the actual outcome, so try not to worry about that. And, you can always give your clinic a ring next week if you want to check on what those blood tests were for.

Newbishad - we have two dogs, too, which were our original 'babies'. They're now 12 and 13 years old, incredible to think our quest for a family stretches back all those years and that it took such a long time for us to get DS1 in 2003. Children have been a long time coming for us, and we have loved our dogs so much.

Worry Merchant - I had cramps and shooting pains on and off - mainly throughout the second week. Something like a little twinge in the morning, then nothing all day and then perhaps another sensation in the evening, on and off throughout the week. It doesn't really indicate much but you'll just be extra sensitive to what your body is doing. I don't know about how you'll feel, but I was never tempted to test early - infact I had to really steel myself to test on the proper date, as I was petrified I would get a negative which might turn out to be a false one but which would have dashed my hopes, ifswim. But if it's worked, you will definitely be starting to produce hCG now which will be building up over this coming week, here's lots of hoping and praying ... The second week of the 2ww is just the hardest thing, so try as much as you can to keep your mind off it and do the things you enjoy.

Dear both of you,

Thanks for all the kind messages. It really helps me to be in touch. As I said the journey was awful. I asked the airhostess to help with my bags. She dumped them at the bottom of the plane and left. They blew into a puddle and I had to carry them miles to the terminal building soaking wet!

Takenoprisoners- Dogs can make good children can't they. And cats. I am so greatful for mine.

Worrymerchant- I keep thinking of you and wish you all the best.

Hi You Two,

Glad you made it safely back to Ireland,Newbishad, but your journey sounded horrendous. I hope you have had time to recover. It helps me also to be in touch, I really like our little group. I would like to think that we will stay in touch wiht eachother for a long time.

TNP... I am really struggling with wanting ot test early. But I suppose it would be silly seeing as i was only a day 2 transfer.

I really feel that I have a lot of symptoms, but this means so very much to me that I am petrified of what I'll feel if I am wrong. I am feeling really down today and full of anxiety. Just cant seem to help it. Some days I just feel so positive, and on others, like today, I jsut feel like it's all been for nothing.

Newbishad - is Ireland home for you ?

Dear all,

I would like to stay in touch as well. Things have been really hard for me in Ireland. No it's not home, England is and I want to get back ASAP. I have spent today in both the psychiatric and gynecology services trying to get help for sleepless nights. No-one will prescribe me anything which is just wrong! I know there is safe medication that can be taken during pregnancy to help deal with stress. Sorry for going on about my problems during your 2WW but I feel as though I am really swamped with problems at the moment and I FULLY UNDERSTAND YOUR ANXIETY
Good luck and I'll keep in touch.

Hello both of you. I will join you with my woes and say that I'm getting awful pregnancy-related headaches and dizziness at the moment, not much fun at all. It's not much help when the medical profession are reluctant to prescribe anything stronger than paracetamol, so I can understand you being so frustrated with sleeplessness, Newbishad. There is nothing worse - I suffer from it periodically. There must be something that is safe to prescribe for you? Do you have a GP back in England to see as soon as you get back? It's not good for your health or baby to be stressed and sleepless.

Oh WM, it's entirely understandable you are feeling down today - your hormones will be all over the place (whatever the outcome) so try to be kind to yourself and just hang in there. Might it help to think about 'contingencies', in the event of a negative when you test (on Thursday?). It just might help to have a coping strategy at hand, where you've given some thought to maybe trying again or taking a break etc? Anyway, back to thinking positive, I'm sure all these symptoms are really a good sign! If it does help ... and as I say, I wasn't tempted to test early ... when I had my first IVF in 2005, I unfortunately had rather bad OHSS and had to be in hospital during my 2ww ... anyway, the doctor insisted on giving me a pregnancy test on the Tuesday, a full two days before I was due to test. (I had had a 2-day-old embryo transfer, too.) She thought that my OHSS symptoms were being caused by the pregnancy and wanted to verify it ... I didn't want to test but gritted my teeth and did it, with a very faint positive result. My somewhat convoluted point is that clinics are quite happy for us to use home pregnancy tests and regard them as very accurate by the end of the 2ww, meaning that by a couple of days before hand, you'll be producing lots of hCG. Plenty of women do test early so if it helps you to do a test early, then try it. Personally, I'd rather hang on for a good, firm result, one way or the other, but you have to do what YOU need to.