First time IVF age 42

[worrymerchant]

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

Hi Newbishad - sorry, I'm probably not making myself clear about posting - what I mean is that I will start a new thread within the pregnancy topic section here on Mumsnet, that's addressed to you in the title, so when you check in you will hopefully notice it on Tuesday(my scan is mid-afternoon). I just thought it might be a good idea to start a new thread as well - but this one can also be kept going if WM needs/wants to chat to us.

I'm so glad you've got that excellent-sounding medical care and that you feel confident about being able to get help if you need it. I have to say mine is pretty good really, but at this stage the checks are still infrequent. Not so good if you're a serial worrier or have frequent 'niggles' like me. My community midwife, who took care of me during DS2's pregnancy (we adopted DS1 as a baby) is very nice and I like her.

WM, if you're there, I wonder how you're feeling? Let us know, if you feel like a chat.

xx

Dear TNP,
I agree with you and will look out for the thread, of course I will find it. I can't say how much I have benefited from the support of both of you over these two difficut weeks. No-one else really understands the trauma of infertility.
Good luck with the scan and speak soon.

Sure thing, speak soon. x

Hi You two,

Just a quick note to say that I haven't disappeared ! Just was lying low for a bit... I am SO appreciative of your support, it has meant a lot to me. And I would love to continue talking with you both and seeing how you both progress. I am feeling much better than I was, although I still dont know what to do next. I will see the consultant I suppose and listen to what they have to say and take it from there. I hope the view is that there is still a good chance if we try again. It means so much ot me. ANyway,catch up wiht you both soon, am off to bed now! AF arrived today.

Hi WM - good to hear from you and thank you for your kind words. Glad to hear you're feeling much better. I think you'll both need to take as much time as you need to decide what you want to do next and it's definitely a good idea to have a chat with the consultants/clinic to help you make your choices. Whichever way, there is no rush. I'm sure, if you want to try again, that because you got to the fertilised embryo stage, and had a good egg collection rate, that you will have a very good chance. You'll have to weigh it all up with the toll the treatment takes in the first place, and everyone reacts differently. Can you go through all the down-reg and stimulating drugs again? If you managed it okay and feel you could take it again, and with the advice from your clinic, then why not, is what I say! Anyway, I'm sure they will advise at least a month or two to let your body rest and recuperate, so you can see how you feel about it.

Dear WM,

It is great to hear from you and I am delighted that you are feeling better. As TNP says it is important to give yourself as much time as possible. With the help of the consultants and the clinic you will be able to plan the next stage. Like TNP says it is a hard decision because you have to weigh up the emotional, physical and financial strain against the chance of sucess. I very nearly didn't go through with it myself because of the huge cost. We don't have a lot of money and I was not elidgable for treatment on the NHS because I lived in Ireland. In the end I decided that we had to try because, after two ectopics, one in each tube, I knew I couldn't have a child any other way and my family helped us with the cost.
The clinic should talk you through the options. You did have good egg collection and reached the fertilisation stage and you also know that you can become pregnant naturally which is a huge plus. These days there are also many other options which I am sure you know about blastocyst culture, donor eggs / sperm. Though a long way down the road from where you are now they may or may not be something you want to consider.

Hi both of you,

I am a whole lot better since I moved back to England and work have been very sympathetic, although I still suffer from weird vivid dreams and disrupted nights. It's not a problem since I am off work and I am getting enough sleep throughout it all. I guess it's all par for the course.

WM I am thinking of you and wish you all the best. X

TNP
Just checking in with you to wish you luck for your scan today. Are you going to find out the flavour? Let me know how you get on. X

Hi Newbishad - thanks for thinking of me today - I have just got back from my scan and am taking my opportunities whilst DH does the school run for a change! All went well, thank goodness. I am SO relieved, having got myself into a bit of an anxious state about it, especially yesterday. I nearly didn't opt for this 20 week scan, but after a lot of thinking, decided to go for it to prepare for any health issues. But, I am not a fan of scans personally. It really gets my goat that they call it an "anomaly" scan - I know that is the correct term and that is, in fact, what they are looking for, but I think it has such negative connotations and serves to heighten an anxious time. Why can't they call put a more positive spin on it and call it a "wellness" check, or something??? Argghh!! Anyway, in the end it was quite stress free - and quick, too. I'd forgotten how long our scan at 20 weeks was for DS2, but remember busting for the loo, whereas this time I felt okay, was only in there for about 10 minutes and could have taken longer if required. The sonographer didn't ask if we wanted to know the sex, which is just as well, because we don't! I am so glad it's done with now.

How are you feeling at the moment? Still sleeping okay? And baby moving lots? Did you say you were planning another scan soon, for peace of mind? You've got a midwife appts soonish, haven't you ... has your blood pressure etc all been all right so far? As to all the weird vivid dreams, I'm getting that too! And waking about 3/4 times a night for loo trips.

WM - I am thinking of you also and send you best wishes.

xx

Dear TNP,
Congratulations on your scan. Now it's over and you know things are okay. I agree an anomoly scan is an odd name for it. I don't think it's called that in Ireland but anything's better than the dodgy service I had there. Did you see baby move around? I've seen him / her move on all my scans since 14 weeks and she / he was going big time last night throughout an entire concert of Gillbert and Sullivan. Have you had any kicks yet? I am unsual in that I have felt the baby move from about 14 weeks, but I have been told he/ she is very active. God help me in a few months. My midwife appointment is next Monday.
I am sorry you are having the weird dreams but it's nice to know I'm not alone in it. It still takes me several hours to get off to sleep but I am managing between 6-8 hours a night which is far better than before and I feel more myself. Anxiety knocks around in the background but if I stay really calm I can usually beat it. I think it's been caused by the pregnancy hormones plus IVF hormones and everything that went before. Mumsnet and
our chats help enormously.
Anyway enough of my moans. I hope you've a chance to relax now and get a rest while DH is around.
Take care X

Thanks Newbishad. I don't very often get DH around during the day at the moment, so have been making the most of it today. He works long hours and has a long commute, with starting the day at 5 am, train by 6 and me dealing with the two boys during the day and early evening and I'm still feeling very tired from the pregnancy. I'm waiting for that magic mid-term energy boost that one is supposed to get - you being a bit further down the line from me, do you notice any difference in your energy levels now? Or does the baby's movements and the increasing awkwardness of it tend take over? I agree, our chats help me a lot, too, as I tend to get stuck in a small-boy world during the day, am exhausted in the evening and so don't really get much of a chance to sort it all out in my head. Yes, I'm getting quite a few little kicks and prods but no somersaults yet!

Dear TNP,

My first trimester was considerably easier than my second because I didn't have insomnia then. I have had no big rush of energy, I just have days when I felt less drained, but then I suppose like you I am an older first time Mum. I waited so long for pregnancy and felt envious of all those lucky women (as I termed pregnant women) and then when it came to me I hit all these problems that are workable but hard to deal with. I never knew pregnancy was such hard work. Mind you infertility is hard work as well. Being a women is hard work! I think next time round I'll ask to be a man!
That little life inside me keeps me going and optomistic through it all. I wouldn't change it for the world. I am counting down the days as I am sure you are!
You sound as though you are managing a lot there and doing really well.
Take care and look after yourself X

Hi you two,

Just bumping this up the page and wondering if either of you felt like a chat.

Hi Newbishad, just saw your message. Hope both of you are okay? Newbishad, still sleeping well and everything fine? When are you actually due? I'm due July 4th - Independence Day, hah! Have you thought about a birth plan yet? I am keeping my options open again, except that this time I'm determined to remember to breathe! (Sounds silly, but with each contraction last time, it was so painful I couldn't help but hold my breath - bad move.) I'm sure you'll get lots of often conflicting advice, but you have to go with what you feel best for you. Anyway, I'd be interested to hear if you've got any thoughts on it yet, but of course you've got loads of time to look into all the options.

WM, just wondering if you've had a follow-up appointment with your clinic yet and if it has helped you at all?

Dear TNP,

I'm due 29th May so I'll chat on Monday. I'm due to see the midwife mid afternooon so I guess I'll find out about birth plans then. It's all a bit of a mystery to me at the moment being the first time I've gone through it. I certainly want a hospital birth. I want the specialists around and like the idea of being spoilt! and I don't want to be too far away from medication if necessary.
I'm much better and begining to sleep well. Being treated for a mild urinary infection at the moment. Baby is a little hooliogan. He (I'm sure it's a he, don't know why) kicked practically all night!
Take care and will speak Monday.

hi you two,

So glad you're still chatting... I am sorry I disappeared for a bit. I was under a lot of stress this last week or so because of havign to deal with my ex husband who always manages to rear his head at the wrong moment and upset everyone.

Anyway, I am due ot go and see the consultant tomorrow to discuss next steps. I suppose I should have a lot of questions to ask, bit to be honest I dont really know what to say. One thing that has been on my mind is why I was not offered the option of ZIFT (where the embryo is placed into the fallopian tube and makes its own way to the uterus). Apparently this method is more 'natural', and more successful,especially for older women, because the embryo makes its way on its own to the uterus and arrives there at day 5 instead of hanging around there from day 2 where it is not expecting to be. Since i had only one embryo, and only a day 2 one,I would have thought this would have been a much better option. Do you have any thoughts? Or any suggestions for questions?!
ANd how are you both? I bet you are both getting more and more excited!? x

Dear WM,

That was very bad timing re your ex. Poor you having to deal with all that on top of IVF! I don't know how I would have coped. My thoughts are with you.

I am just trying to think of questions you could ask. Here are a few.

1. How long do they recomend you wait before trying again?
2. The likelihood of sucess using ICSI as before.
3. The sucess rate of the proposed method you described above?
4. If you were interested (and it's not for everyone I fully understand that)the possibility of donor eggs and or sperm and sucess rate for your age group ect. I have heard of people who have done very well with this, particualy in the older age groups and they have been very happy. It does not have the red tape of adoption and the clinic would support you.
5. You might also want to shop around and see if there are other clinics with better success rates / different treatments neither of us have heard about. In Ireland they were determined to treat me using Clomid, followed by IUI which was rediculous and dangerous given my eventual diagnosis of blocked tubes. By chance I contacted Borne in Cambridge re a piece of writing and through the consultation learned that they wouldn't consider anything other than IVF for my age group.I have heard other people who have swopped treatment centres and been sucessful elsewhere.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Let me know how you get on. Thank you for your kind wishes about me. I am much better than I was and I will drop you a line re my progress. I am meeting the midwife tomorrow for the first time.
Lots of love XXXXXX NS

Listen keep well and all good wishes. XXXX

Hi both of you

Good to hear from you WM, although sorry you've had such an awful-sounding week with your ex - just when you least need it, I expect.

It's good you've got a follow-up appointment. Try to get the most out of it that you can: go armed with all the questions you can think of, write them down and take them in with you. Jot down their answers as they give them, too, so you don't forget anything. In my experience of these things, the more questions you ask, the more info you get.

There's some good points from NS to think about. Also, remember that, although I know this treatment cycle had a heartbreaking result for you, your clinic should, in theory, be even better informed now about drugs levels etc that work for you in making a further attempt. They will know if they'll need to adjust the drugs at all and what quantity of eggs to expect, and how your DH's sperm reacts etc, so that's all very valuable information. Ask them about that: what, if anything, they'd do differently the next time.

The ZIFT idea is fascinating - I'd not heard of that - is it quite a new, cutting-edge treatment? Definitely ask about that one. I remember my clinic saying that there is a slightly increased risk of ectopic pregnancy with 2-day old embryos because, as you say, they have several days to float around and try to get back up into the fallopian tubes. Not sure if blastocyst culture helps there at all ...?

The one thing that strikes me about ZIFT is that you'd probably want to be completely confident about your tubes. Blocked tubes are relatively easy to detect with lap-and-dye exams etc. However, having had many years of the old chestnut "unexplained infertility", with regular ovulation, no blocked tubes and DH sperm okay etc, my clinic suggested that there was a strong possibility that this might be due to "cellular damage" of the tubes, which apparently is quite common, like endometriosis, but because it is so microscopic, is difficult to detect. What happens is that the egg would get damanged, although not blocked, as it made its way down the tube. It can explain why so many couples fail to get pregnant despite checking out on all the tests etc. So I guess you'd want to be quite confident about your tubes if considering that option, but it does sound really interesting and makes sense, doesn't it?

You both have appointments tomorrow, so hope all goes well for both: NS, that your midwife visit is okay and that she is nice and supportive; and especially WM's appointment and that you get something positive to think about for your next steps.

Take care both, xx

Hi both of you,

I hope you are well and WM I am thinking of you particulalry today. Let us know how you got on...only if you want to of course. I do hope the clinic have been able to help you and that you have some positive steps for the next stage. All good wishes.

TNP it sounds as though you have a similar diagnosis to me. Until the ectopic pregnancies happened I too had the 'unexplained infertility' line given out at each appointment. Even after one of the ectopics and months of continued infertility they still persisted in telling me that my remaining tube was fine. The treatment that I had in the Assisted Conception Unit in Ireland inbetween both pregancies was so wrong. I kept telling them the tube was damaged and they refused to listen! They even wanted to keep me on Clomid after I bled continuously for 2 months while taking it. Thank God I moved on.

Onto positive things, I am back from the midwife. She didn't have a lot of time today so she is coming to the house on Wednesday to talk to me in more detail and complete the paper work so I guess I will find out about ante-natal classes / birth plans then. She had a listen to the heart beat and said I had a active baby which I know! It's been kicking away while I type.
Take care both of you and speak soon. NS

Just bumping this up and saying "hi". Hope your midwife's visit to the house goes okay today NS and that you get all the info you need, and that WM is okay. I'm battling a tedious head cold and half term with energetic five and two year olds ...arrgghh! Take care xx

Hi both of you

WM I am continuing to think of you and hope all is well.

TNP: You've got your workload cut out there. You must be exhausted. There's a couple of threads about head colds blocked noses on here you might want to read, don't know if they'll help. It seems everyone I know has a cold at the moment. I had mine a month ago.

Well the midwife poppped around this morning. The first booking appointment in Cambridge is done in the mother's home which I think is a lovely service although she told me they are thinking of cutting it due to lack of staff and cut backs, which is a pity because I think it a great service. Most of it was stuff I had done before and she just copied notes over from my Irish folder into a new English one but she asked me to get a copy of blood tests ect which are still in Ireland. Easier said than done, the system in Drogheda (where I was based before)prefer a request from a hospital so I had a bit of a battle.
Baby continues to kick away. Last night the whole household was up at about 4.00am (no-one could sleep) and baby joined in with gusto. I went back to sleep though afterwards, which was good.
I am going to private ante-natal classes (rung by a friend of my mother's) because they focus more on relaxation techniques which is important for me. I also have to start thinking about a birth plan which I will discuss with the midwife at a later date. I have to see her week 28, 31, 34, 36, 38 and then 40 and 41 if necessary (Hopefully not). TNP what is your schedule like?
I am so greatful for the help I have received from both you and WM over those dreadful days in Ireland two weeks ago. It is begining to seem like a bit of a nightmare in the past but the link with you helped carry me through.
Oh TNP do you have any advice about how to introduce a new born baby to dogs?
Lots of love, NS XXXX

Hi NS - that does sound like a good service and similar to the one here. Hopefully the midwife team will be able to do full follow-up visits to you at home as well after the birth. I'm not due to see my midwife for another 2 weeks yet, and then the schedule is a bit like yours, I think.

You are lucky being able to get back to sleep after 4! That is a real nuisance time for me to wake up (which I often do) because then I just can't get back off, so well done for getting back to sleep. Sounds like those relaxation techniques are really helping. I keep meaning to buy a birth "hypnosis" to put on my iPod, to start training myself.

I was going to ask about if you'd had any thoughts on the dogs and your newborn. What we did with our dogs was try to introduce both the DSs gradually. So, bringing home some clothing worn by baby so they can get used to the smell first. They are members of the family and so need careful handling when introducing the baby, who they'll see as the newest member of the pack, and want to take care of him/her, so I'd let them have a little sniff of baby and really take your time over introducing each other. They do get jealous, though, and might get over-excited, so just keep vigilant with the baby, which I'm sure you'll do. My elder dog made a point of sleeping on my bed throughout my first pregnancy, something which he'd not wanted to do before - it was like he was looking after me. The night I went into labour, just before my contractions started and I knew it was all systems go, he suddenly got off the bed and left, as if he knew and was giving me my space! Take care, love TNPx

Hi TNP How are yer doing?

Thanks for the advice. I'm quite lucky in that I am now living in England in a large house, my sister, mother and partner will be there to help with dogs so it's great, especially as they'll be three dogs and a cat because my mother also has a dog, so that's one labrador cross (Newbie), one collie cross (Shadow) and a spanial (Cara). (What do you have?) Still a good tip to bring something with baby's scent back home from the hospital. I remmeber hearing somewhere that dogs can actually smell the pregnancy hormone, so they may know more than we know. I don't think ours will quite manage the level of intuition that yours showed. Our lab (Newbie) apparently has taken to sleeping upstairs since I left Ireland. He's behaving a bit like a teenager and gets off the bed for his food and walks!
Yes I will have midwife support at home for the first week after birth. After that the health visitor takes over. I am getting extra support because of my anxiety from a couple of weeks ago. I will be meeeting the health visitor prior to the birth so she can get to know me but that's standard practice at my surgery.
I hope your cold is better soon and I'll speak again.
Love NS

Hi NS How are you? I think my cold is on its way out, but feeling a bit light-headed this morning, so not sure if it's that or the pregnancy. A pain, because I've got to drag the boys round Sainsbury's this morning ...

Yes, I'm sure that dogs can sense/smell pregnancy - they definitely behave differently. I have two labs - a yellow (the oldest at 13 next month) and a choccie who is 12. As they're both getting on, they really just like to spend their time sleeping in the kitchen, with the occasional walk and run around, so I think it's unlikely they'll make it up the stairs again to sleep on my bed, which is a pity ... I was hoping my soft yellow boy would snuggle in! It's great you've got a good family support network who'll be there for you - that will be invaluable, especially in the early days.

Right, I must get on now, so have a good day yourself and take care, TNPx

Hi ALL.

I'm new to this site and I really need some advice.Turned 42 on jan 27 and soon going on my second attempt at ivf. Did the 1st one August last year but it failed. Was told not to w8 for too long b4 doing it again. How long is too long? Have two DG 14 & 7 and one DS 10. Although we hve DC3 and are so grateful for them,,it was so devastating when it failed. My DH has an extremely LSC. Dr reckons its always been low but has gotten far worse with age.He's also 42. Still trying to make sense of all this. want to change drs as we feel not fully up a very positive attitude and believing that it will be well against all odds. Wld like to know how Newbishad,WM and TNP are doing?

Hi ALL.

I'm new to this site and I really need some advice.Turned 42 on jan 27 and soon going on my second attempt at ivf. Did the 1st one August last year but it failed. Was told not to w8 for too long b4 doing it again. How long is too long? Have two DG 14 & 7 and one DS 10. Was devastated when the first one failed. My DH has a LSC. Dr reckons its always beeen so but has gotten worse with age.He's also 42.We want to change drs as we feel we were'nt fully briefed on what to expect. Hve found a fantastic dr who really knws what she's doing. Recommended by a friend who used her and ws succesful.How can we increase our chances?
WM,TNP and NBS. How are you all doing?