First time IVF age 42

[worrymerchant]

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

Fab to hear from WM. Yay for the pink and orange scarf! I am very attached to mine. You are doing so many positive things, it all sounds brilliant. I am sure that all these preparations will have great benefits for you and am intrigued to hear of the Prepare to Conceive CD and others in the series. Sounds just the thing. I mentioned earlier on here that I need to get myself a hypnosis for birth CD, so you have prompted me to get online today and order it. It's the one from the Gentle Birth Method (Dr Gowri). I have the book although, I have to say, I have fallen by the wayside with most of its advice as it's very strict in the diet department (although I am quite a bit more sensible this time than I was with my first pregnancy, where I had a serious chocolate swiss roll habit!). I really do think these mind-training/self-hypnosis exercises are very important. Interesting news too from your acupuncturist about the low progesterone - that's something you can raise with your clinic and have them keep an eye on for you, when you decide to go through it again. Do I remember you saying you had suppositories to take? Progesterone ones? It might well have been that your dose wasn't high enough and it would need to be monitored in future, so I think that's a really interesting comment from your acupuncturist. All these treatments sound brilliant!

MTB - regarding the embryo transfers, I think in this country it must be something of a grey area for the over-40s, as my clinic expressly stated that they would not transfer 3. I think, obviously, the quality of the embryos also would make a difference. Hope you are getting on well with your new doctor and feeling a bit more confident.

NS - as you are a dog person, like me, what advice do you think we can we club together to give WM about her dominant dog problem?!! Have you had any experience of that with your two? Mine are so old now, they are only too happy for someone else to take the lead - my eldest one has quite suddenly, in the last two weeks, gone quite deaf, bless him. He used to bark like mad at the hoover and now completely ignores it.

Bye for now all of you, TNPx

Dear all,

Hi there. Bit sleepy this morning because I had a bad night (roughly 4 hours sleep) My mother has gone out to Ireland to help my partner wind down the house so I feel a bit alone and got a bit anxious. I am trying very hard to control it this time and my sister who is around is going to spend some time with me. They'll all be home this weekend. Horray! It seems a long way away now though.

WM: Great to hear from you. You sound so much better. I am sad you had a bad week and dogs going wrong can add to it. I'm having trouble with my mother's dog at the momment if it's any help. I think she realises that I am not quite with it and has played up. Not coming when she's called ect and all those things dogs do. I don't know if you've ever watched Dog Borstel on television but they often have cases of that kind of pocession. Here are some tips I have picked up anyway. 1. If your partner enters the house he should greet you / children first rather than dog. 2. Maybe you could take him (dog not partner) out for walks on your own 3. Both of you agree and stick to rules (e.g. both agree dogs are not allowed on the sofa and both enforce it) 4. Maybe you should give him treats so he associates you with good times, perhpas when you are entering a room. There are more and I will think of them!
I am glad the acupuncture is working.

MB: Thinking of you and wondering if you have had your consultation. Let us know how you do.

TNP: Thanks for the advice about the writing. You are right (no pun intended) on doing something now but I think I might wait until this house business in Ireland is settled . I am bit nervy at the moment and don't want to go back into all that anxiety I had a few weeks ago. It seems to be something I have from time to time. I feel so bad about it as well because I am delighted to be pregnant after all these years and I am having a completley normal pregnancy. I think tiredness makes it worse, so it's going to be lots of relaxing things today. I'm going to be firm with myself and not let myself panic about sleep. My midwife appointment is next Monday so I think we are going at the same time.
Take care all...NS XXXXX

Dear all,

Just to add to the discussion when I did IVF I didn't stick to any dietry requirements at all simply because I didn't know it was important.

Just thought it might help.

NS XXXX

Hi there you guys... you know, I am just so pleased that I have met you. I really do hope we find some way of remaining in touch in the future.

NS - sorry to hear you had a bad night and thanks so much for the advice re my dog, some really useful suggestions that I think we should try and put into practice, especially being on the same page about things - one of the issues is that I feel DH is too soft, and I am firm, so Bilbo prefers the easier ride and gets aggressive at me when i try to discipline him.

TNP - interesting to hear about your clinic re refusing to transfer more than 2. Both clinics we looked at said that they would transfer 3 for an over 40 year old as this would maximise chances. their

I have been listening to my CD again this evening, and I am really loving it, principally because I find it so very de-stressing and relaxing. It actually sends me off to sleep!... the first time I listened to it, I heard the first 2 minutes and then went into such a deep sleep that the next thing I heard was the narrator saying wake up half an hour later!!!

NS - do you think something like this might be helpful to you? I really sympathise with the anxiety you feel at times, I suffer that kind of anxiety very often. I think maybe something like this might be really helpful in getting you to relax and sleep better?

TNP and MTB .. I think you might be interested to check it out as well... The CD Iam listening to is from a website called www.natalhypnotherapy.com, and as I said they do CDs for all the various stages including IVF preparation, pregnancy relaxation, effective birth preparation, birth music and postnatal recovery. Just think, we'll be the most chilled out mums on the planet!

TNP - Yes I thought the commments on progesterone were very interesting as well... in fact I have been reading up on a lot of 'fertility issues' recently - there is a fantastic book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility which is all about understanding how your body works so you can be more empowered. IT made me embarrassed to realise how little I knew about my own body. It's such a shame that these clinics take such a heavily medicalised standpoint as they could benefit a lot from looking at things more holistically.

Re the progesterone pessaries... a GP (who had been undergoing IVF herself) told DH's acupuncturist (he is seeing someone different to me) that the pessaries have been proven to be totally ineffective and were nothing more than a placebo!!

RE diet during pregnancy. . . I think that we can too easily become stressed about eating hte right things... I think that if people trust their own instincts and let their bodies guide them they will generally choose a diet that is varied and healthy enough for them automatically. Personally, during my first pregnancy I was strongly guided towards bakewell tarts, and also (and this is disgusting) spoonfuls of dried Marvel (how gross!!!) ... mmm, detecting a hole in my theory here.

MTB - hope all is well wiht you. Let us know how you are getting on.

Night night everyone!

WM xxx

A quick message for WM to add to NS's suggestions - can you try feeding your dog his meals if you don't already? You need to put yourself in an Alpha position and be the one to hand out the food and any treats etc. Thanks for the hypnotherapy link - will check it out and try the birthing CD. My new birthing ball arrived today and we've just pumped it up - now for the task of keeping the two DSs off it! Dog tired so off to bed now. TNPx

Dear all,

I have also heard that 3 embryos can be transfered if you are over 40. I meant to write it last week. I think practice varies across England, even with HEFA. In Ireland it really depends on the clinic.

I would like to stay in touch as well. The contact means a lot. It's a difficult week for me at the moment with the house being wound down away from me, so it's great to be able to check in with people. WM let us know how the dog situation improves.
I did manage to relax last night and had a much better night's sleep but it's a bit harder with everyone away. I am really looking forward to them coming back. WM thanks for the advice about the CD. I actually do something quite similar. I try and find all the reality TV shows / documentaries that I can and wind down watching them. If I can find someone to hang around with for a couple of hours in the evenning as well (my sister did last night) that helps as well. My anxiety is always less when I know people are around. WM it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I think the pregnancy hormone has made it a lot worse and it's something I just have to live with. I feel really guilty because I lived with infertility for so long and realise that I am so privaledged to be pregnant. I never knew that would happen, I am counting the days until I give birth literally! I can't wait to be a mother.
Well that's about it for now. Talk soon
NS X

Bump anyone??!!

Bump anyone??!!

Hi all,

Hope all is going well.

I'm slightly worried tonight as my blood sugar levels came back raised and I have to have a glucose tolerance test for gestational diabities. The hospital can't see me for several weeks so I have to go the doctor tomorrow to give a urine sample. I am so impressed with the surgery. They really seem to care. I rang up to ask for infomration and the doctor told me my levels were 8.9. The cut off point for more intensive screening was 7.8. She said it wasn't massivly inflated but needed watching and she's going to talk to the midwife who I am seeing on Monday. Baby continues to kick away so no harm at the moment.
Back in my part of Ireland I don't think they'd have even done the test!
I've also had minor stresses over sick notes. I have to send them in every 2 weeks rather than one to cover a month which is hard to arrange when you are living in England and your doctor is in Ireland.

WM: I hope the dog is behaving now. Let us know how the discipline works. My Mum's dog knows Mum is not around and contimues to play up from time to time. I am good at giving advice and poor at following it!

TNP: Your mother's day sounds a nightmare and I bet you were pleased when it was over. Not easy being pregnant with two small boys, stuck on the side of the road. I got a box of chocolates from bump as this was
my first ever mother's day.

Love to all,

NS XXXX

Hi all, how is everyone?

NS - have you had the results of your urine sample yet? I am sure everything is ok, it's great your surgery is loking out for you. I expect you family is due back any time now as well, so I imagine that will be a huge relief to you.

TNP - where are you hiding? have not heard from you in a while, hope you are doing ok. I think of you every time i wear my pink and orange scarf!!

ANd MTB - where are you as well?? !!

On the dog front, thank you so much for all your advice. I have been taking a much more leading role with Bilbo, feeding him and taking him for long walks (which has been very beneficial to me as well)... I have noticed he is much more responsice to me now and yesterday I managed to stroke him while he was eating without him growling at me!! . DH is taking a real back seat which has really helped me to get closer to Bilbo and get him to see that I am in charge as well. Plus I have really enjoyed the walking. It made me realise that I have not been gettign any proper exercise, nor have I been gettign any time to myself, and this is a solution to both problems and I am loving it!

Anyway, take care wont you all of you and hope to hear from you soo, have a great weekend

WM x

PS did anyone watch gundogs in Crufts last night? Did you notice the Clumber Spaniels? Heavy creamy-white fluffy things wiht a St Bernard face - there was one on the sofa - well, that is the kind of dog we have... would be interested to know what yours are? x

Hi everyone. Sorry I have not been in touch for a while - I have had a bit of a busy week and have found myself quite exhausted and teary. Must be the hormones. I fell asleep on the sofa last night at 8.30, woke up half an hour later unable to get off it due to stiffness and felt quite disorientated. At least I've managed to finally do some proper yoga this morning whilst DS2 was napping and DS1 out at gym class, so I feel quite good about that.

WM - so glad things are looking up now with your Bilbo. I didn't see Crufts last night, which was a pity, because the gundogs are my favourites (I have two Labs) but I managed to catch bits of it during the week. I do like Clumber Spaniels. Yes, keep showing Bilbo that you are the boss too and it's good that you're both enjoying your walks together. Keep wearing that scarf!

NS - I expect you'll have got your sample results back now, so hope they're okay. It's so good that they've picked up on any potential problem quickly - I am sure it will all be fine. Yes, I'm due to see the midwife, like you, on Monday, so let's swap notes when we get back, eh? You'll have your family with you now or v soon - you're over the worst of the week and can look forward to their company and support.

MTB - hope you are well out there in Bahrain. Wish I was there! I am sitting here quite cold watching the rain out of the kitchen window.

Take care and love to all, TNPx

Hi everyone,

Well my family are travelling towards me as we speak. They should be here latish afternoon so I can't wait to see them. It's been a long week but it's nearly over now.
My results were normal when going to the doctor so I am releived about that. It was probably caused by the lucosade I took plus cereal. I didn't have a great night last night through a combination of anxiety and excitment but I got enough sleep.
WM: I'm glad the strategies are working with Bilbo. He sounds a lovely dog. Ours are crosses. Newbie is a lab cross (a black lab on stilts we call him.) We found him in the park on a riany day in Ireland about 5 years ago (no-one knew anything about him so we took him in.) He does all the lab things like the sofa and beds and he's very gentle but extrmely disobidiant and can be bad with other dogs. Shadow is a collie cross. His mother was a pure bread collie and got out and messed around with one of the local dogs. Shadow was born in the dog shelter in Carrickmacross Ireland. We got him at 7 weeks. He is a special dog because he was probably conceived around the time of my first ectopic so he has always been my baby. Then there's Puzdy the cat, we've now had him 5 years and he also came from a shelter, somewhere near Galway. Apparently he went missing this morning and they only found him at the last minute!
TNP: I'll check in with you tomorrow re midwife. I also have to have all my bloods done again because they were mislabelled. This is a bit of a nuisance because I am rhesese negative so they need to check antibody levels, but I am so happy witht he paractice I don't really mind. I hope you have a more restful week. I really admire all the work you do. You must be exhausted. Look after youself and get your DH to help out where possible!
MB:I also hope things are okay with you out there in Barain. As TNP says I am sure the weather is much better there. We've had storms all round the UK. Fortunately my family seem to have largely missed them.
Will talk soon NS XXXX

Hi all!

Just wrote a full page only to lose it all while going back to check a previous message on page 3

How are you all? I'm really sorry for the long silence. Had a very hectic week. DS and DD had their sports day which i had to attend both amongst other things.

TNP and WM thanks so much for thinking of me.
NS how are you? Hope all goes well with the blood test.

On the IVF front, nothing much is happening. DH has been on business travels a lot these days. So basically, i have to w8 till he is available. Things have been so slow but nontheless, I am remaining optimistic for when I do undergo the procedure.

Although DH and i talk about the procedure alot, we are nowhere near commencing. Hoping and praying we can come to a conclusive time when we can proceed. Its hard with him having to travel all the time. I cant see things taking off until April/May. I guess there's a reason for everything. I choose to look on the bright side of things.

We hope to go for acupunture. That should be our next step when things start rolling.

TNP the idea of the scarf is so interesting and i hope to embark upon it. I hope when i'm out, i stumble across one. One that has been waiting for me to find it. A kind of good luck i suppose .

WM how can i get the CD? I hope i'll be able to get it here. Can you clarify the name please?

Lately, i have been too lazy to exercise. I usually workout 4 times a week but in the last two days i've not exercised neither have i paid attention to what i eat.

What kind of exercise or diet regime would you advice. I read s/where that spinach helps boosts fertility. Does anyone know about this? I really want to be in tip top shape b4 conception. Does ones weight really matter? I'm currently 71kg but would love to be 65kg be4 i conceive. Am I paying too much attention to the weight/fitness issue?

Because of my age, i feel being in the best form physically is important.

Well all, I enjoy sharing my thoughts with you. Please pardon me if i don't post often.

All the best. MTB XXX

Dear all,

Well everyone is back. It's great. My DH amd two namesakes (Newbie and Shadow, plus Pudzy). I am really sorry to moan on but things have been extrmely difficult today. I don't know if the trigger is seeing the few remaining things from our house in Ireland brought into the house or what...I just need someone to talk to.
I had my midwife appointment but it was not great. I have both high glucose levels and anaemia. The midwife couldn't find out what level of anaemia I have because it hasn't been recorded and I've had to be retested for antibodies and being rehsess negative because the sample wasn't labelled properly.
Then to make things worse the midwife wasn't at all sympathetic about anxiety. She was trying to refer me for apropriate counselling (which I think is a good idea) but made a number of very unhelpful comments. She told me that I hadn't experienced that high level of anxiety when she had seen me before and said I was deteriorating in her opinion. She was concerned I might not be able to look after the baby if it continued. I mentioned the high level of supports that I've got at home and that I thought I would be able to cope. Then, she told me there was counselling available at the maternity hospital but it was only for people who had lost babies. I told her I had lost babies and she immediately said it was for people who had carried to term not ectopic pregnancy which was right at the begining of pregnancy. I asked if my anxiety might harm the baby and she said yes it might (although at the moment there is no sign of it). She asked what help I would like and I mentioned couselling. Later on in the interview I asked about a low level antidepressant which could be taken in the final weeks of pregnancy. I know this is sometimes recomended by doctors for the treatment of anxiety..."You didn't mention that earlier on," she told me. "Depression is completly different to anxiety and needs a different approach." I have been told by doctors that anxiety is caused by the same difficulty, an inbalance of seratonin in the brain and can be treated by the same medication.
There was no understanding on her part about how hard I try to control it and just how much I work at night so that I am relaxed and get a few hours of interrupted sleep. I have been complaining of anxiety for weeks so it shouldn't really surpise her. Also I have read that you should try to be as open as possible in appointments. Her manner was not conducive to being open about psychological difficulties.
I am really sorry to go on about my problems. Hopefully when I talk to you tomorrow I will be more relaxed and able to think more clearly. I am seeing the doctor tomorrow and will try to change midwives.
Don't get me wrong. I am still so greatful to be pregnant and find this whole business such a shame. I would like to enjoy my pregnancy after the long wait and lie on the sofa, soaking in all the bad TV without a care in the world...
Hope you are all well.
Lots of love
NS XXXX

Hello Newbishad - I was just checking in before turning in for bed - am suffering exhaustion and cramps in the leg, but just wanted to reply for now so that you know I'm thinking of you & will reply more fully later. I am so sorry you were treated like this today. To be honest, it sounds to me as if that midwife has been a bit of a bully to you today & caught you when you were feeling quite understandably down. You've had a lot to go through this past week and I think it is natural that you would be emotional/anxious today. And yes, anxiety & depression are linked and do not necessarily need a different approach, as she has said. That was an unhelpful comment for her to make. I think she is talking beyond her remit, to be honest, and you should get a more supportive and commonsense approach from the doctor tomorrow. Try to have a relaxing night and put today's appt out of your mind - hope you feel better in the morning and will speak then. At least you've got your family with you now - that's the most important thing. I am very upset for you on your behalf and think that midwife seems totally out of order. Sorry if my message is a bit scrambled - my brain is addled, but will write tomorrow morning. Love, TNPx

Dear TNP,

Thank you so much for your comments. I am just off to bed now as I am exhausted but am really, really greatful for your comments. Everyone here at home is a bit tired to talk with me at the moment and there is a whole story going on with my sister which I will speak about soon.
Thanks once again. You've been a great support.

NS XXXXXX

Dear NS,

I do hope you had a reasonably restful night after yesterday, and that you've managed to get some sleep? I think what happened with your appointment would have been enough to make sure I had a horrid night if it had been me, so I do hope you've been okay.

Firstly, I know it's easier said than done, but do try not to worry about your glucose levels and the anaemia. They are both so common a condition, especially at this stage of your pregnancy, and can be straightforwardly monitored and treated. The iron, in particular, can be fairly quickly remedied. Have you heard of/tried SpaTone? You can get it from Boots etc - it comes in an organge box, full of the sachets and is quite expensive but worth it, IMO. It's a liquid supplement that you add to a glass of orange juice, and gives you a good dose of iron and is safe to use etc. The trouble with iron tablets from the GP etc is that they can cause constipation and a whole load of other difficulties. Your GP might mention this and suggest the SpaTone, but if he/she suggests the tablet route, you might want to be aware ... Anyway, see what the GP says. I found out yesterday that iron levels within the range of 11.something to 16.something are what they are looking for, so that might help you to gauge how bad the situation is etc.

Well, I do think the midwife making those comments about your anxiety levels most unhelpful and I am still very cross on your behalf. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the midwife's job was mainly the physiological care of you and baby during pregnancy, labour and birth, and that once one starts crossing into psychological territory, unless it's to do with birth-fears etc, then that is probably outside their scope and should be referred straight to the GP. You are being so sensible in raising your concerns with her and the possibilities of counselling/support and/or gentle medical treatment, and I don't think she should make comments like you've "deteriorated" (what sort of diagnosis is that???) - I mean, who is she to say?? It almost sounds as if you're a kid in school whose grades have suffered or something!

What you've been going through recently, with all the domestic upheaval between here and Ireland, being on your own for a while etc, plus the fact that you'll naturaly be anxious with your much-wanted pregnancy because of the IVF and your trauma over two ectopic pregnancies, is enough to be a red-flag for anxiety at some level for ANY woman. When I was pregnant with DS2, we were moving house, from one county to another, and doing it all ourselves (couldn't afford the luxury of a removal comapany) and so did what seemed like a hundred trips with our furniture in a horse box over 70 mile journeys. I was a nervous wreck, and very very anxious about the whole thing and pregnancy seems to make any tendency to anxiety much worse. So try not to be too hard on yourself NS and it's so infuriating that this midwife sounds like she has been unfoundedly unsupportive of you.
What makes me cross about this is that her attitude may make women more reluctant to raise the sorts of issues they most need help with, for fear of being treated in this way. And remember you are a 'mature' (and I mean this in the best possible sense - me being 41 after all!) mother-to-be in her mid-thirties, not some teenage pram-face, so you deserve better! (Sorry - I will get off my soap box now!)

Please do tell the doctor all this today and yes, book your next appointment in with another community midwife - they should be able to offer you an alternative on a different day of the week?

I do hope you get some help today and will be thinking of you - let us know how the doctor's visit goes and take care, love TNPx

Dear TNP,

Thank you again for your comments. I did sleep reasonably well and I was very, very greatful for your comments last night. I work hard, hard, hard at relaxation so that no matter how frightened I am I manage to sleep and my blood pressure is often surprisingly quite low! I want the best for my beloved baby.
We are going to try and speak to the doctor tactfully today because we don't want to upset things, the practice is generally quite good. I do want to change midwives to someone with a better understanding of psychological issues and the trauma of ectopc pregnancies. I think part of the issue is that ectopic pregnancy is dismissed in general practice as almost pre miscarridge. In fact the ectopic pregnancy trust stresses that many women sufffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of the condition. This is enhanced in infertility cases where the much wanted embryo has to be taken away even though the couple have been waiting years for it. I have gone through two unwanted abortions with no support and I think that coupled with a bit of prenatal anxiety is what has happened.
I will write later and let you know how I do. I'd also like to know how your appointment went because I know we were being seen on the same day.
You can't imagine the amount of support and comfort you have given me. I am so pleased we met on Mum'snet.
Lots of love
NS XXXX

Dear NS - I'm so glad you managed to get some proper rest - hats off to you for managing to keep yourself calm enough to sleep, really well done.

My appointment was fine - all urine, blood tests (which was where I checked on acceptable iron levels) and blood pressure all good. It was nice to take my two year old DS2 with me, as he was fascinated by listening to the baby's heartbeat on the doppler, and had been going around with his hand on his chest saying "baby boom boom boom"! I don't go again for another four weeks - it does seem like an incredibly long gap again, when I will have the 28 week blood retesting that you've just had. Will they have your results back today for you? Hope you get some reassurance about the glucose and anaemia as well. Just get the doctor to go through what they can offer in terms of counselling/support if you need it, together with any medication they think might be appropriate for you, so that you know what you can expect. And don't worry about swapping midwives - people do it all the time & it's quite okay to chop and change as suits you. Remember, you're the patient and they're there to help you!

I'm so glad I've been able to be of some comfort - it's good because I can get so caught-up in my own discomforts that it can be difficult to offer anything to anyone else, so I'm really touched if I've helped you in some way NS. I shall look forward to hearing how your appt went and a big well done for handling it all so well so far, because it sounds like you really have!

Take care & love, TNPx

Just to reply to MTB - glad to hear you're keeping optimistic before going for it. Now is a really important time, to prepare yourselves mentally and physically, so any hard work you can put in now will be good in the long run. The CDs that WM mentioned can be bought from a UK site (so hope they would be able to ship to you?) www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk They look rather good, I think, and I'm going to order the pregnancy and labour ones. Also, NS uses some relaxation recordings, I think? Regarding diet and exercise - I'm no expert, but I would say just be moderate and reasonably careful with things. Make sure you're taking a good prenatal supplement (DH too) and keep your weight within a normal range. I remember Zita West (her books are really good) actually stating that, while exercise is of course beneficial, you can overdo it whereby blood flow is diverted to the parts of your body you are exercising and not your womb etc, and so to try not to overdo it. My acupuncturist used to say the same thing. Ultimately, I don't think diet has that much of an effect - it can help boost your positives etc but I would think the most important thing is to get the right IVF treatment for you - that's key. Pink and orange are the colours of fertility! Take care, TNPx

hello Everyone, I am SO sorry I have not checked in to see what has been happening - have been run off my feet dealing with other things. I always look forward to the weekend as a chance to relax, but actually, when I think about it, the weekend is often far more action packed than the week!

NS - I was SO very sorry to hear of your enxiety and the way you have been treated by the midwife. I wish I could have been more of a support to you at the time.

I totally agree wiht TNP in that I think the midwife was acting totally beyond her sphere of responsibility and also, given that she is in a position of trust and care, she was unbelievably negative and unsympathetic and could only have added to your anxious state.

Her immediate response should have been to reassure you and then refer you to the appropriate professionals, ie your doctor and a counsellor for help.

Did you get to see the doctor today ? I hope she\he showed more concern. You are perfectly right to want to change to a more sympathetic midwife, I am sure that your doctor should fully understand when you explain how you have been feeling.

I also agree with TNP about the anaemia and glucose... these are very common complications of pregnancy. Did I tell you that in a previous life I was actually training to be a midwife?! It was the best time of my life, but unfortunately I had to give it up to go to Singapore to support my then husband when he got a job there - that was the worst time of my life! Anyway, durign my one year of training I got to see an awful lot of pregnant women and births and hardly any of them were straightforward textbook cases! WHat I am trying to say, in a very clumsy way, is that it is far more normal for these things to occur than not, so please try not to worry too much. Your doctor's surgery sounds really caring and helpful (apart from that midwife!) so you have the reassurance that they will really look after you. Anyway, I am glad you managed ot get some sleep, and I send you lots of love - jsut feel so guilty that I wasnt there for you last night.

TNP - glad your appointment went ok, and your DS really made me laugh

MTB - good to hear from you - again, TNP has some really good advice. I would just add though that although you shouldnt get too hung up about diet per se, the advice I got from Zita West's clinic and from the IVF clinic was that it was important to stay within a healthy BMI range for your height. If you are too far either side of the range then it can have a negative impact on outcome, whether natural conception or IVF. I had to put on ten pounds to satisfy them. Unfortunately it is still with me and no bump to explain it away!!

Anyway, must dash now, Bilbo needs a walk - take care everyone.

WM x

Dear all,

I'd just like to thank both of you WM and TNP for the support. Don't worry about not being there last night WM, you can't possibly be there all the time. It's just great to have such good cyber space friends. I know you are out there supporting me and that means a huge amount.
Anyway after the episode with the midwife I was left coping with lots of stress. I have been to see the doctor today and voiced my concerns and will change midwives for my next appointment. The doctor is getting me some extra counselling support which is great and I have a few centres to ring as well. She agrees with you WM, that a lot of what I am experiencing is not so unusual after all. Antidepressants are there if I need them but she would rather prescribe them if other methods fail. In the meantime I can take Piriton to help me sleep. Piriton is an allergy tabblet with sedative properties and apparently quite safe to take in pregnany, so I will carry on with my relaxation techniques with occasional usage of Pirition. I also spoke to the Ectopic Pregnancy trust today who believe that I do have PTSD and also recomended some counselling services.
I hope you are all well and will speak soon

MTB: I know it's a nuisance having to wait until May to start IVF. That's the whole trouble with IVF isn't it. Waiting! You could always see it as preparation time. I started to try and keep fit months before I began a treatment. Sometimes I felt so stuck the only way I felt I was moving forward was by feeling myself swimming through water. All the best

NS XXXXX

Hi everyone. Bumping this up

Dear all,

Well everyone. Just to let you know I've finally got the midwife problem sorted out. I have changed to the other midwife in the practice and she seems much calmer. She has told me that I can contact her at any time and she will do her best to come round to the house and see me on that day. (I can't believe that this service exists.) Today she listed to the foetal heart beat (baby didn't like it and apparently moved away!) Her next visit is Thursday and again she is coming to the house. She is so totally different to the midwife I experienced at the begining of the week.
I am also getting supportive counselling from the maternity hospital and will receive this until term. I am entitled to 6 free sessions. The counselling is for women who have experienced previous pregnancy loss at all stages of pregnancy (unlike the information I was given by the midwife who said it was only for women who had experienced still birth) and ante-natal anxiety-depression. She told me I am doing all the right things.
Thanks again for all the support earlier in the week. It really came at a much needed time. I am going now to watch all my silly TV programmes and relax with my DP (who hates them) and my namesake (Newbie / Shadow).
I hope things are going well. Sorry this is all about me but I thought I'd check in with you and let you know.

MB: I hope you get a chance to post sometime over the weekend and that things are going okay over there in Bahrain.

Dear all,

Just bumping this up and seeing if anyone would like to talk this Sunday.

Cheers,

NS XXXX