How long did you know your partner before starting a family?

[ALS94]

I have been with my partner now for 6 months, I have never felt this way about anyone and I know this relationship is going the whole way. We’ve already discussed babies, marriage and moving in together. He’s very keen on children and said he wants them in the next 3 years (I’m 28 and he’s 31) but is happy to go at my pace. All my friends have children or are pregnant and I really want to have my children the same time as them so we’re at the same life stages together.

Am I mad for considering having a baby with someone I’ve only know for 6 months? I’m interested to know others experience of this

TIA x

Yes

We got engaged at 6 months, married at 18 months and started ttc so altho the answer is 4 years, we aimed for less.

But yabu to rush into babies so you can fit in with your friends. They're already pregnant so they'll be back at work when you're going off on mat leave, or they'll have active toddlers when you have a sleepy newborn. You're already out of sync. And that's without knowing it can take up to a year to conceive even if everything is fine.

Good friends will share in your experiences regardless. My boys are nearly 3, my friends girl isn't even 6 months. It doesn't stop us hanging out or sharing experiences or advice.

There's no rush.

10 years. And sorry, yes I think you are mad. You don't know a person 6 months in.

Together 4 years when DC1 was born.

Not a chance I’d think about having a baby with someone after 6 months.

Slow down, get to know each other, get married first. You’re young enough to pace yourself.

I'd been with him 12 years and married 7. The father of your child is the most important decision you will make in life. It will impact you and your child for the rest of your lives. You don't know someone after 6 months and saying you want a child because your friends are having them makes you seem immature.

We were together nearly 8 years, we bought a house together and got married before we had DS1.
We knew all about each other, we made several life decisions together building up each time before having kids. It's what worked for us.
No one can say what will be right for you
I know people who have had kids quickly and it's been fine and others where it hasn't but the same goes for those who wait.

27 when we got together
30 when we moved in
32 when we married
33 when we had a kid

Please don’t rush. I’ve got stuff in my freezer that’s older than your relationship! You owe it to your hypothetical child to make sure you choose a good dad for them and part of that is experiencing a bit of life together and seeing how they behave in different circumstances, not just the honeymoon period.

We had our first child on the two year anniversary of meeting but I was nearly 40 so a case of now or never.

I also thought long and hard on could I cope on my own. I assumed I could but having had a child I know I am not cut out to be a single parent and need support.

Do I regret it - no never but is it easy having children so early into a relationship - no it's not.

8 years. You haven't even moved in together yet, you need to just take one step at a time. Keeping up with your mates is not a good reason to have a baby.

3 months

I expect age will have a lot to do with people's anwers.
We decided to try for a family 11 years after we started going out. But we were teenagers then. When we had our son we were 31 and 29.

10 years, 7 of those married. Hadn’t even slept with him by six months let alone wanting to start a family! (Both Catholic).

I think you are an idiot to have a child with someone you barely know.

I'd been with DH for 10 years, lived together for 7 and been married for 3 years when I got pregnant with DS1. Even then it pushed our relationship to it's limits.

Everyone I know who had kids within a year of meeting their child's father separated not long after the child was born. The only exception was BIL and ex SIL who stayed together for about 16 years but they were miserable for 90 percent of that time. BIL ended up a functioning alcoholic and ex SIL had 3 affairs. Everyone was relieved when they finally ended it.

12 years. I suspect mumsnet is skewed towards couples being together for a long time before having children.

Everyone is different but I do personally think you're a bit mad 😅 babies rock even the most solid relationships. You need to build a solid foundation before bringing a child into it.

I was with my husband 10 years when our first came along. We rarely fought but having a baby (in a pandemic) tested us like never before and we both agree the fact we were together ten years and also best friends was what kept us together. As I say everyone is different, some people might have a baby after a year together and stay together forever. I just personally think it's better to build up a good solid relationship first!

Knew him for 5 days before conception. Would NOT recommend.

We are together 4 months when I fell pregnant. Not planned and would have preferred longer but we are so excited to meet our baby

I had been with my husband 2 1/2 years when we had our first child. However, I had been friends with him for 2 1/2 years prior to that so had known him for 5 years. Now 6 years in and we have another child also x

I was with DH for three years when our first was born. We were both late thirties and previously married, so that pushed the timetable a bit.

It worked out great. Our first is just out of uni and the second is halfway through it.

On 2nd anniversary of our first date we got married, we had a 6 month old baby. We now have 3 teens and are still married and going strong 16 years later.

When you know, you know.

We were together for 17 years before we started trying for a baby, but that was just because we got together as teenagers and didn't feel ready to start a family until our early thirties.

At 28 I'd want to have been living with someone for at least a couple of years before starting trying for a family. You learn a lot about someone by living with them, and you should (in theory) have time on your side as you're both quite young.

Been together 6 years, now married, and currently pregnant with our first! x

5 years, nearly 6 years.

You don’t need to be married, but you do need to be financially independent and not give that up. Exactly what is best for you depends on your circumstances, but those saying you should be married first are assuming you are the lower earner, weaker financially and will sacrifice your earning potential for your children. None of these things should be assumed.

You don’t need to do things at the same time as your friends. People saying they have 2 year olds and their friends have infants, that’s the tiniest of gaps. I’m 40 with teen and primary DC. Some of the people from my class at school are grandparents. Some of them are TTC their first. It doesn’t matter.

DH and I lived together for 18 years before having DD. We were too busy having fun and building careers before that.

Knew each other 23 years, we'd been a couple for 9 years when I had DS at 34.
We were best friends for years, our relationship is very solid and the newborn states are a challenge to any relationship.
I think you'd be insane to plan to have a baby with someone you've only known six months. His timeline seems very reasonable, 3 years time you'll be 31 still plenty young enough to have children and you will have been together long enough to either know it still works or not.

Yes you're mad, you need to let that die down. Lovely the honeymoon period is lasting this long but wait until he begins to irritate you and then you will truly know whether you want a family with this person.

Also have you decided on what you want regarding set up? Do you both work full-time? Does he want a housewife? Do you want a provider or an equal? Where does he want to live in 15 years, and you? What's your parenting style? How many children do you want?

There is so much to sort out or you will be back here in years to come asking about separation to the detriment of your child because you started a family and went in blind.