Navigating pregnancy after loss thread 5!

[barneymcgroo]

Probably time for a new thread - forgive me if I forget anyone...

@Annny27 @arianasky @B1993 @Bridgey8 @calimc83 @chasingtherainbow1 @Elspethelf @flowergarden16 @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl @Mrs173 @Prayingformyrainbow93 @Skl2021 @Srx1 @sunnyd67

Ok. Any tips on how to stay calm?

Only 6+4 here and on and off brown CM started three days ago on exactly the same day as my MMC back in April.

I've been petrified ever since. I had big plans for Christmas. We've never had a tree before and never decorated the house and my little boy is now two and understands a bit more of the magic surrounding it.

But I can't make myself do any of it now. All I can do is Google reasons for brown cm.

I cannot imagine losing this baby 😭 It took us so long to get here with fertility problems. Starting from zero again just petrifies me.

The only positive is that a scan we had on Wednesday showed a heart beat which is further than we ever got with the MMC. Everything looked normal bar a cyst on my ovary which she wasn't concerned about. She just measured it and made a note of it for my next scan.

@calimc83 that sounds amazing 😍 hope u have a lovely time! Yes all my boys are full of coughs and cold ATM 😩 little max is all snuffly and not himself xx

@TheBirdintheCave Oh it's so tough, isn't it. I have no idea if it helps at all, but I had spotting, and then some reasonably heavy bleeding (bright red) when I was 6 weeks. Convinced I'd had another Mc. And I know there are various people on here who had bleeding for various reasons, some pretty far into their pregnancies.

I suppose what helped was just to take each day as it comes. I know that's easier said than done.

Brilliant that you've seen a heartbeat though - must've been emotional!

@barneymcgroo I burst into tears 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ I was convinced it was bad news.

And yes I suppose all I can do is one day at a time and crawl towards the eight week scan appointment on the 20th. There are a few days left after that to do Christmassy things if it's good news I suppose. Not sure we'd have time to get a tree though :/

@TheBirdintheCave I had bleeding around week five I thought it was my period!

It was relatively heavy and lasted seven days. Currently feeding my five week old...

Try not to panic x

Hi all, I hope everyone is keeping well. I haven’t posted much as I’ve been struggling a bit. I’m 17 weeks now and was getting worried that I just wasn’t feeling any movements and all my symptoms had gone. Rationally I know that’s normal as baby is still small and moves around a lot but in the end we booked a reassurance scan a week ago.

Luckily everything looked good, I cried my eyes out when I saw baby move and heard the heartbeat. But we found out the sex of the baby and I am really struggling with it. I feel terrible saying this but I can’t help it. This is our second boy. Our first, DD was sadly stillborn three years ago and we have DS who is 2. I was really hoping for a girl this time. I’d hoped we could use some of the clothes we were given when I was pregnant with DD, I was looking forward to choosing girls names and maybe using DDs name as a middle name. I was sort of hoping for a second chance to have a DD. It feels like another huge loss to have almost had DD and now we will never have the opportunity to bring a DD home and raise her.

I feel so guilty thinking this especially as the baby is healthy and growing well which is all that matters. But it feels as if I am now grieving never having that mother daughter relationship and it’s making the loss of DD much more tangible.

@TheBirdintheCave, I’m another who had bright red spotting (wasn’t even 4 weeks pregnant at the time) and then some light red, brown and pink spotting since. Despite all that, things seem to be progressing well and I’m currently 15+1. 🥰

@Shefliesonherownwings, I’m so sorry to hear about your past loss 😢 It must have been an incredibly difficult experience and can’t be easy that those feelings of loss have surfaced again. It’s normal to experience gender disappointment - we’re having our second boy (and last baby) and, while it’s no way the same as your situation, I’m also sad that I’ll never get to have a mother, daughter relationship. I love my boy and will love this baby, too, but I understand you wanting to have that experience of a girl. I’m sure your boy is exactly who your family needs and will be perfect addition to your family; in years to come I’m sure when you look back, you won’t think anything other than that. Sending big hugs in the meantime though as it doesn’t help those feelings now.

@Shefliesonherownwings so glad everything was well at the scan ♥️ I didn't feel movement until late this time think I was 20+ weeks but I did have a anterior placenta this time so it did make me panic quite alot as I couldn't feel him as much.
I also struggled when I found out the sex. I have three boys now and this was last baby also. I won't lie I cried when I found out. I felt like I was grieving. I felt guilty as hell for feeling like that but I always had in my head that I would have a girl. It makes me upset even now thinking I won't have what me and my mum have. But I couldn't imagine my life without my little boy now. Hopefully it gets easier after u have had time to process it. Don't be too hard on yourself ♥️

How's everyone getting on? Hope staying nice and warm - it's freeeeeezing here!

@barneymcgroo We had a scan at the EPU six days later and the baby had doubled in size but I was measuring 2-3 days behind where I should be which just brought all the terror back again.

I wake up every day expecting to bleed or to have lost my symptoms. I have another private scan booked for 9+3 on the 30th (if I make it that far) and all I can imagine being told is bad news. I can't picture a scenario in which this works out well.

I've been referred to the perinatal mental health team too.

My booking in appointment is next Friday and I'm scared they're going to try and give me notes. I can't have them in the house so I'm already panicking about that.

@barneymcgroo, thanks for checking in on us all 😊

I'm 16 weeks today and feeling like it's going quite slowly at the mo. It feels like an age since my last scan (end nov) and an age until my next scan (mid January). I have my 16 week midwife appointment on Thursday and I'm sure I won't stop for the next couple of weeks as, like for everyone, it's a busy time(!) so hoping it will pass more quickly.

How are you? Is everyone who has already had their baby looking forwards to their first Christmas? 🎄🎅🎁

@TheBirdintheCave It's so hard to be positive, but glad the scan

(Pressed post too soon...!)

@TheBirdintheCave Glad the scan showing nothing untoward so far. They're measuring such tiny tiny distances at this stage, so a difference of 1 or 2 mm here or there makes a big difference in terms of weeks/days.

Hope perinatal

@TheBirdintheCave Sorry, forgotten how my fingers work... pressed send too early again

Hope perinatal mental health helps too. They should hopefully have some helpful advice.

In the meantime, hope it doesn't feel too long til your next scan. X

@B1993 No problem, hope you're okay.

16 weeks already - time crawls at certain stages, but then all of a sudden you'll be weeks away from birth and panicking about car seats!

Busy few weeks, but should calm down a bit after Christmas and after new year, and I'm slightly looking forward to that!

@barneymcgroo, I think it feels like it's dragging because I'm waiting for the 20w scan. I was going to do a private one around now but for one reason or another, decided not too.

Since this is baby number 2, I have very little to buy this time around! I'll need more clothes (we're expecting another boy so what I kept can be reused) and want a next to me crib, a baby carrier and swing, which we didn't have with DS, but that's really all we need!

I had a next to me cot for DS2 and DD1. They're great - just a bit of extra space. Though as we largely co-sleep, it's often just a fancy storage space in our bedroom...

@barneymcgroo Well my nausea is better this morning which has made me miserable. I even had a nightmare about it happening. I was still retching a bit but the background feeling isn't there at the moment :(

@barneymcgroo, we had a Moses basket for DS and he didn't seem to like it much so we ended up loving his (huge) convertible cot bed into our room!

I've kept the Moses basket but will have that for downstairs and then the next to me in our room. Does anyone have any recommendations for a decent one?

How's everyone? ❤️

@sunnyd67 Just plodding along. One week to go until my next scan at 9+3. Very nervous about it but I currently still have symptoms so I have a small bit of hope that I keep trying to stamp out.

@sunnyd67, thanks for checking in! I've been meaning to message actually to ask if anyone has any advice regarding covid in pregnancy?!

I've had it for rougly the past week (although I didn't test until Monday, but I'm certain it would have been postive before that) and, after a conversation with midwife, I'm a little worried. I was supposed to go for my 16w appointment yesterday but of course had to cancel. The midwife phoned and told me that, because of the risks, she's booking me in to see the consultant after my 20w scan (I am consultant led care anyway for past history of DVT).

I'll now have my midwife appointment next Sunday when I'll be 18+1 and will discuss it then, but in the meantime, does anyone have any reassuring words?! 😩

Sorry for the long post!

@TheBirdintheCave, good luck with your scan!! I always felt so nervous before mine, too, so I understand how you're feeling. Continuing symptoms are a great sign so try not to overthink it and just enjoy that moment of seeing baby again. 🥰

Hi all, hope everyone is ok? We had our 20 week scan on Wednesday. Everything looked great and all limbs and organs where they should be lol. Confirmed it was a boy and we’ve told a few people now so I’m getting more used to it. We’ve also managed to agree on a couple of names which is miracle given the nightmare we had last times with both kids trying to agree. I’m hoping for a nice calm peaceful Christmas this year. I’ve finished work until the 3rd now so hoping I can relax and rest too.

Is everyone set for Christmas now?

@Shefliesonherownwings Congrats on finding out you're having a little boy! :)

As to Christmas... We're nearly there. Still some wrapping to do tonight and the entire house to clean 🤦🏻‍♀️ Then tomorrow picking up some food bits that were missing from our order and some flowers for the dining table :) Might see if we can take the toddler to see some reindeer somewhere if possible. Weather is currently a misery here though!