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Original poster

Pregnant again with ex used to be under ss

249 replies

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 07:05

so long story short we had a child and the dad was abusive towards me during pregnancy ss got involved and me and dad split up so the child was on a child protection plan .. case is now on a child in need and it’s nearly closing. Problem is we went through a period throughout this where we started seeing each other again silly I know and now I’ve ended up pregnant again I’m not very far gone so I could get an abortion but I just want to know what would happen if I did keep it

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Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 25/04/2022 10:13

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 09:58

I took hi for maintenance also he received the letter the weekend which he isn’t happy about and is blackmailing me saying he will tell ss everything and get my dc took of me

But you knew what kind of man he was and continued to have unprotected sex with him. At any point do you actually consider what's best for your child? Because that situation isn't it. Focus on sorting your life out and stay away from him. I would terminate the pregnancy and focus on the child you have already got.

differentnameforthis · 25/04/2022 10:14

@kopite121

There's no need for that.

Puts you are on par with her ex.

CurlyToStraight · 25/04/2022 10:14

Please seek help for yourself. You may think you are okay, but you are not if you keep going back to this horrid man. Understand that you are worth more than this and even more so, your child deserves better. As her mum, it's your job to protect her. Having anything to do with this man is not protecting her. Please don't bring another child into this life.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:16

I’ve wanted to part ways with him for ages now I don’t have feelings for him at all anymore I don’t think he’s a good dad at all he doesn’t take responsibility and he puts himself before his child he is not reliable at all I do think me and my dc would be much better without him in any of our lives but trouble I’m facing now is if I cut ways with him and don’t let him see dc then he will reveal to the ss that he’s been staying here when he wasn’t supposed to ect and thag we slept together so I feel like I’m constantly having to please him and stay in his good books so I don’t risk him telling ss because it’s to much of a risk what they would do if they found out

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:18

I’ve applied to the abortion clinic last week but not heard back and they’re only open one day a week and when I call them it cuts of after so long and you can’t walk in you have to have an appointment

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:18

As I don’t want to go through my gp and risk them telling ss

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 25/04/2022 10:19

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 07:36

I was on the pill I literally missed maybe 1 or 2 also I haven’t had a period for like 6 months didn’t think I’d ovulate I feel like only choice is to abort really but I just know I’d regret it later on

..so you didn't take it correctly.

Funny how the pill doesn't work unless you actually TAKE the pill, isn't it?

If you can't remember, do what I do and set an alarm every day.

chocorabbit · 25/04/2022 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Advises to lie to police about rape.

Louise0701 · 25/04/2022 10:22

The child is on a child protection plan yet he has regular unsupervised access with the child?
something isn’t adding up here.

@DropYourSword I completely agree with you. The lack of ability to understand how serious this is raised major red flags to me!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/04/2022 10:24

They put her on a cp plan because how dad was to me when I was pregnant… verbal emotional and at times physical not because of their concerns of anything

How can it possibly be "not because of their concerns" when he's verbally and physically violent and now you're pregnant again within a few months of the previous baby's arrival?

They don't issue CP notices for fun, and they'll doubtless believe that you've no intention of breaking with the father and that this pregnancy will be followed by another - and another

Sadly I believe all too well that they "didn't do much" to follow up last time - let's hope they finally act now, so your DCs don't feature in another tragic headline

AchillesPoirot · 25/04/2022 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Advises to lie to police about rape.

Do not do this. Do not lie

differentnameforthis · 25/04/2022 10:24

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:16

I’ve wanted to part ways with him for ages now I don’t have feelings for him at all anymore I don’t think he’s a good dad at all he doesn’t take responsibility and he puts himself before his child he is not reliable at all I do think me and my dc would be much better without him in any of our lives but trouble I’m facing now is if I cut ways with him and don’t let him see dc then he will reveal to the ss that he’s been staying here when he wasn’t supposed to ect and thag we slept together so I feel like I’m constantly having to please him and stay in his good books so I don’t risk him telling ss because it’s to much of a risk what they would do if they found out

He's going to tell them anyway, you really are better off telling them yourself, op. Like I said, start being honest.

Autumndays123 · 25/04/2022 10:24

I know of a woman who had her children taken away because she resumed a relationship with a violent ex after being warned not to do so. Very sad all around, especially as she finally got rid of him after that and never had her children back.

TheEponymousGrub · 25/04/2022 10:25

me and my dc would be much better without him in any of our lives but trouble I’m facing now is if I cut ways with him and don’t let him see dc then he will reveal to the ss that he’s been staying here when he wasn’t supposed to ect and thag we slept together so I feel like I’m constantly having to please him and stay in his good books so I don’t risk him telling ss because it’s to much of a risk what they would do if they found out
OP, this is what you should have started with: a monster is blackmailing you, is it better to come clean with SS and hope they will support you keeping your first child?

I think yes. I hope someone knowledgeable will advise on your chances and on whether you need to admit to the current pregnancy; but it would be cruel to bring another child into this.
What age are you, OP?

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 25/04/2022 10:25

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:18

As I don’t want to go through my gp and risk them telling ss

I really think you should go through the go, it will be much quicker.

You should also be honest with SS as you clearly need some additional support.

chocorabbit · 25/04/2022 10:26

Louise0701 · 25/04/2022 10:22

The child is on a child protection plan yet he has regular unsupervised access with the child?
something isn’t adding up here.

@DropYourSword I completely agree with you. The lack of ability to understand how serious this is raised major red flags to me!

Sadly, if you read enough on the news and on here they do allow contact. The OP doesn't seem do realise the gravity of the situation and they have left it up to her! It's so messed up.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 25/04/2022 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Advises to lie to police about rape.

WTF kind of shitty advice is that.

Op don't lie about that.

differentnameforthis · 25/04/2022 10:28

Autumndays123 · 25/04/2022 10:24

I know of a woman who had her children taken away because she resumed a relationship with a violent ex after being warned not to do so. Very sad all around, especially as she finally got rid of him after that and never had her children back.

My sister was threatened with this too. She chose her children, op.

Please take steps to at least try to do the same.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:28

LindaEllen · 25/04/2022 10:19

..so you didn't take it correctly.

Funny how the pill doesn't work unless you actually TAKE the pill, isn't it?

If you can't remember, do what I do and set an alarm every day.

Show quote history

I’m planning to get the implant now

OP posts:
EatTheToast · 25/04/2022 10:29

I think you need to be honest with SS and yourself OP. You need to pick, loser ex or DC, you can't have both. You need to take responsibility. Could I ask how old you are?

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Advises to lie to police about rape.

I knew he was bad all along he wasn’t abusing my daughter but he is bad in the sense he doesn’t actually care less about her . He has texts from a while ago on his phone where I asked him if he was coming back ect all this he will show ss so I feel like I’m abir stuck

OP posts:
EatTheToast · 25/04/2022 10:30

It's not really about contraception though is it OP, if you don't sleep with him then he won't get you pregnant.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:32

Autumndays123 · 25/04/2022 10:24

I know of a woman who had her children taken away because she resumed a relationship with a violent ex after being warned not to do so. Very sad all around, especially as she finally got rid of him after that and never had her children back.

This is why I’m scared to tell them and I am trying to stay on his good books so he don’t tell them

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 25/04/2022 10:33

The best ammunition against blackmail is ALWAYS the truth. Own the mistake, tell SS and then he has no hold over you. You can be honest and say it was a really bad error of judgement but it has helped you close that chapter in your life and you will not be going there again. And it's true - sometimes we do have to fuck up one last time to really learn our lesson. Tell them you would like to move away - they can't help but it will on your records that your intention is to move away from DD's father.

I won't tell you whether you should abort or not. You know the additional complications have another DC with this man will bring, but it's your body and you must choose.

Your priority now has to be your DD. Make every decision based around what is best for her.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 10:33

TheEponymousGrub · 25/04/2022 10:25

me and my dc would be much better without him in any of our lives but trouble I’m facing now is if I cut ways with him and don’t let him see dc then he will reveal to the ss that he’s been staying here when he wasn’t supposed to ect and thag we slept together so I feel like I’m constantly having to please him and stay in his good books so I don’t risk him telling ss because it’s to much of a risk what they would do if they found out
OP, this is what you should have started with: a monster is blackmailing you, is it better to come clean with SS and hope they will support you keeping your first child?

I think yes. I hope someone knowledgeable will advise on your chances and on whether you need to admit to the current pregnancy; but it would be cruel to bring another child into this.
What age are you, OP?

I am 21 I have decided on abortion I think that’s the best option and I’m gonna do it through a clinic so it’s not on my records so he can’t use that against me then

OP posts: