Pregnant again with ex used to be under ss

[Happyface12]

so long story short we had a child and the dad was abusive towards me during pregnancy ss got involved and me and dad split up so the child was on a child protection plan .. case is now on a child in need and it’s nearly closing. Problem is we went through a period throughout this where we started seeing each other again silly I know and now I’ve ended up pregnant again I’m not very far gone so I could get an abortion but I just want to know what would happen if I did keep it

Posts like this are so depressing. OP you are the architect of your own destruction. You knew exactly what you were doing - missed “one or two pills” and had sex with a known abuser. You need to work on your low self esteem and put your babies first and get away from this man.

It takes a lot to be put on a child protection plan.
I think social services biggest concern may be that you don't seem to see how serious what he was doing was. They will want to see that you understand that because that's important when it comes to keeping your children safe.

It pisses me right off that they allow, encourage and force contact with the abusive father while coming down hard on the mother but that is the reality of it and that's what you need to understand.

Something doesn't sit right here.
He's allowed unsupervised visits? I highly sour that was just for verbal abuse.

Why on earth did you go back sleeping with him? I doubt you ever stopped?

You need to put your first child first. Please start doing this for Christ sake.

An old friend of mine (no longer in contact) had an abusive relationship which was verbal and physical. The child was 7 months when they went on a protection plan. Ordered not to have contact with the father.
Well she did.. she got pregnant again. SS involved, she terminated the baby in the teens of the pregnancy and now the first child has been taken out of her care and placed with another family member. Father now not in the picture and she lives alone.

Very said all round and I made the choice not to remain friends with her for a few different reasons. But please wake up and put your first child first. You keep saying your child is safe and happy lots of toys etc.
*
If that was the case SS wouldn't have put them on a protection plan or a 'child in need.'*

I do think there is more to this than what is being said though, child protection plan is extreme and wouldn’t just be for verbal abuse/emotional abuse

please don't lie to the social workers. Chances are you will be found out. If you are sincere in wanting to protect your children then you need to work with them.

However, you knew what you were doing, you risked a pregnancy with an abusive man, despite knowing the consequences in terms of child protection. Please prioritise your dc.

They put her on a cp plan because how dad was to me when I was pregnant… verbal emotional and at times physical not because of their concerns of anything they’ve told me they can see I’m looking after her well that’s why that dropped it to cin after 3 months and now looking to close it all together they just awaiting paperwork she’s only 7 months old so it’s been opened a month before she was born and now being closed

Hi op, I am a Social Worker (not from England). However given the situation you have described you have already told your ex therefore your hands are tied. He will tell SS regardless if you get an abortion so your first step is to own up to this now before he does first. I would have a serious conversation with your SW and explain what has happened and that your priorities are the safety and welfare of your children (however it throws this into doubt completely because you have breached I assume a safety plan or agreed areas by going back with him).

They will have lost trust in you and your ability to put your children first. Alongside a new baby will come many new changes especially with how he will react to contact. It's difficult to explain this all on mumsnet. All you can do is be open and honest with them and see where they want to take it. Nobody here knows the specific circumstances or decision making here.

What makes you think it won't be the same again in this pregnancy? Has he suddenly morphed into a different person? Probably not. Think about what kind of life you'll bring the child into. Then decide what kind of regrets you can live with.

physicall aswell smashing things and pushing

They will most likely remove your current child from you and put your unborn on a CP plan too, you have failed to prioritise your child by fraternising with your abuser again. Is he really more important to you than your child?

Pretty sure you posted last week about this and your threads were deleted by @mnhq.

I've just realised that your first child is only 7 months old. So his abuse is fairly recent.

You really need to talk to your child's social worker. You are not protecting your child.

I think you need to be honest with your social worker and keep your distance from him for your child's sake.

Are you back with him?
what kind of contact do you have in place for the older child?
what would happen would depend hugely on the level of risk but you won't be getting social services out of your lives for a while that's for sure. Probably for months after the new baby is born and the level of involvement depends on the risk.

can I ask though - if OP did have an abortion and he told ss - surely they can’t look at her medical records to verify that ?

@goldsparklyChocolate The SW won’t look at the medical records, but CIN and CP meetings take place with a full panel of professionals from Health/Social Care/Education, etc, so yes the representative from health (maybe GP or Health Visitor) should be able to corroborate this.

@goldsparklyChocolate Also, don’t think it’s helpful to the OP in the long run to ask questions on her behalf that could aid her in subverting the consequences of her choice to return to her abuser.

As soon as you book in the pregnancy the midwifes will make a referral to children's social care and your child's social worker will be made aware. If you haven't told them yourself that is going to look a lot worse for you. Where I work the chances are once there would be a strategy meeting and another child protection conference as you have clearly gone against the plan in place by resuming the relationship and becoming pregnant. Depending on how bad the domestic abuse was and the level of risk posed you may even find that things escalate to pre-proceedings which is the final step before care proceedings where the social worker would be asking for the children to be removed from your care. I would think very carefully if I were you, get some more support around the domestic abuse you have been a victim of and have nothing more to do with the dad. if he is having contact then this should be sorted via a 3rd party so you have no contact with him.

I definitely read this on the last week or so?

So your child is 7 months and you are pregnant again? By an abuser who you aren’t even financially or in any way dependent on? Wow, you sure took Social services advice about protecting your children seriously didn’t you?

He’ll end up hurting the kids and they’ll be taken away from you - and that’s the best case scenario otherwise he’ll kill them or you.
I am sick of reading about these cases every day in the papers and my sympathy for women who do this is now practically non-existent.
You don’t deserve another child who will no doubt be abused as you turn a blind eye, or happily pop out a few more to be taken into care, and their lives messed up accordingly.

You need to be honest. They are closing the case because they don't think you are in a relationship and think you've worked with them to reduce risk. Bin him off and put your kids first - child protection is when children are at risk of SIGNIFICANT harm so the risk must've been high.

Why just why did you put an abusive man before your child not once? But twice?!

you need to be honest with social services. They will find out if you lie and stop putting your child at risk!

I hate it when children's services tell you that you and your child are at extreme risk then just expect you to be responsible for mitigating that risk no build up no training no support in how to keep yourself safe just you need to supervise the man who abused you and keep your kids safe its setting you up to fail because if you knew how to do that they wouldn't need to be around would they

Are you early enough to take tablets? You don't need his permission to do that and if he tells them you slept with him you can tell them (hopefully honestly) that it was a mistake and it will never happen again

You are being really naive.

You say they're looking to close the CIN plan.

Are they aware that you're still sleeping with your verbal and physically abusive ex and not putting the safety of your first child first, and now have fallen pregnant because you're still shagging this guy?

Because I highly doubt when they find that out, they will look to close the case.
They will lose trust in you.

You have put your abusive ex and this unborn child above your child you already have.

I think you need to start being honest about what's happened here. People who are having sex and don't want to get pregnant do not miss '1 or 2' pills and if they do they take emergency contraception.
And if you were truly considering termination why on earth have you told the father?

You need to start prioritising the child you have now.