Pregnant again with ex used to be under ss

[Happyface12]

so long story short we had a child and the dad was abusive towards me during pregnancy ss got involved and me and dad split up so the child was on a child protection plan .. case is now on a child in need and it’s nearly closing. Problem is we went through a period throughout this where we started seeing each other again silly I know and now I’ve ended up pregnant again I’m not very far gone so I could get an abortion but I just want to know what would happen if I did keep it

Whatever services did the first time OP was done when they thought you understood the risks and were being honest with professionals. They will take a different view now they know you both ignored the risks and were both lying to them, in spite of having done your course you still minimise the risks.

Shaming the OP is more likely to push her into the arms of the abuser, the ignorance in these replies is outrageous.

You needto be honest with yourself,firstly do you even like him? Or do you feel he is demanding sex?do you want another baby at this time with him as the father.Is he young and could he change,were are there drugs,alcohol involved,lots of questions you need to think about.Does he work and pay CSA?How can you resolve this situation putting your baby first no child deserves an abusive father.You are trying to care for her I am sure but making poor decisions around your small baby.You need help to make the decision to terminate or not please ask for help from SS or your HV.Good luck.

Op, first of all, I understand abuse... the excuses on both sides, the wishes to change, the promises, how hard it is to escape etc... so please believe me when I say that pregnancy and leaving an abuser are THE most dangerous times for women living with/having experienced abuse.

Now you are pregnant again, you will be deemed to be at greater risk, as will your existing child. Once SS know you are pregnant they would be stupid to close your CIN case, giving the last "round" of violence was during pregnancy and less then a yr ago (this is NOT enough time for him to have changed his actions, especially as you are now - or still were - seeing him)

SS should be able to see that you nor he take the violence seriously and should move to escalate the CIN and put the new baby under one too.

You could also stand to lose both children as you have proved that you cannot keep either safe how.

Start off by being 100% honest with yourself ...and SS and do what you can do to keep at least one adult in your children's lives.

You have already not been truthful with us until pushed (started off with verbal/emotional, then added smashing things to finally admitting physical abuse) and in order to stand a change of keeping your babies, you owe them to be honest going forward.

I think you're getting quite a pasting here OP and while I also share the frustration of some of the posters, I think it's very hard for women or men, who grow up in functional households, get a good education and work etc to really understand the psychology behind why young women will partner up with undesirable men, end up pregnant in error, and then end up in cycles of abuse. And also to understand why young men, partner with women, are careless about contraception and then are violent to them. It's all so fucked up.

I wouldn't continue with this pregnancy. Trying to raise two babies will be very hard. It will be hard to go back to work or any training or education. You need to ditch this bloke and move on. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and make a better future for your child. Get what ever help you can for this. Make her a better life so that she doesn't settle for the same from her boyfriends.

@AchillesPoirot

You did. Mn deleted the thread.

That’s not my intent at all

my point is if OP took on board what people are saying and decides to then have an abortion and get away from this man that it could still be used against her if her medical information is not totally confidential and her ex tells ss

Why was it deleted?

*stand a chance, not change

OP, the sad truth is that you are between two choices, both of which you could regret.

Having another baby with him ties you to an abuser even more strongly, gives you more years as a single parent with few financial choices, more years ‘co parenting’, another baby with an abuser for a father… trapped.

I do understand it is hard, and the grip of abuse and coercive control is tight. Time to focus on yourself and building your self esteem and freedom . Do some reading (Lundy Bancroft is often recommended), the online Freedom Programme, the pages on the Women’s Aid website.

Carry on and risk losing not only this baby but your older child too.

Don't introduce another child into the world who will, no doubt, end up as a statistic.

Always happens when women are 'on the pill', doesn't it? Take some responsibility for yourself and get the two of you away from this waste of space.

I'm not going to pile on.

I believe you mentioned you did the freedom programme?
Not sure what your childhood was like growing up and whether that has an impact on today. If you can look into more counseling, it would probably help you out a lot.
Did you have a job and some type of qualification?
Does the ex work, into drugs, alcohol, etc?

You and you child deserve better.

FFS.

Sort your life and your contraception out. Do not continue with this pregnancy.

This I would assume

assurances as in, it won’t happen again.

You can't miss any unless you want to get pregnant.

Get yourself to Family Planning and get them to explain how all methods work

Does he have supervised contact? What does he do when he has your DC?

It's possible to get pregnant without missing any. To say 'literally missed maybe 1 or 2' as if it's no big deal says it all.

You need to start working with your social worker and taking their advice onboard. I had a little help from them when I left my abusive ex partner. But for a child protection plan to be put in place they don't believe you are or were capable of keeping your child safe. I'm not sure why they have adviced share custody, have they explained why this has been allowed to happen with him being violent?

I wouldn't continue with this pregnancy if I were in your situation. I would be speaking to my social worker and getting a plan in place. Are you scared of how he may react if you terminate?

I’m gonna go to a private clinic and ask it not to go on medical records

I took hi for maintenance also he received the letter the weekend which he isn’t happy about and is blackmailing me saying he will tell ss everything and get my dc took of me

You need a different form of contraception going forward since you miss pills.

This man doesn't want to pay for his child, and will blackmail you with getting your child taken away from you and put into care.

Let that sink in for a moment.

He will get your child taken from you to avoid paying maintenence.He doesn't give a shit about his own dc.

This is the man you're pregnant to. He abused you the first time round, and he is abusing you again, but this time he has more ammunition.

Are you still working with WA? Have you done the freedom programme? Could you ask WA for a support worker?

I've little sympathy to be honest. You weren't so concerned when you were missing pills and sleeping with a man you were supposed to protect a very young child from.

I'm so sorry to hear this.something similar happened to me sadly.My dog of an ex husband secretly had another family with 3 kids!!!!!absolutely devasted.If anyone needs to talk i'm here for you all.