Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant again with ex used to be under ss

249 replies

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 07:05

so long story short we had a child and the dad was abusive towards me during pregnancy ss got involved and me and dad split up so the child was on a child protection plan .. case is now on a child in need and it’s nearly closing. Problem is we went through a period throughout this where we started seeing each other again silly I know and now I’ve ended up pregnant again I’m not very far gone so I could get an abortion but I just want to know what would happen if I did keep it

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
AHungryCaterpillar · 25/04/2022 08:00

I wouldn’t lie, if they find out you lied it will be much worse for you.

and yes I’ve also read this before.

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:00

Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 07:59

Another thing if I just “pack up and go” the ss will question that because me and dad was meant to be co parents where he has her set days so dad will obviously contact the ss and tell them everything

So he is allowed unsupervised contact ? Even though he was violent ?

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:00

I am considering abortion but I’m just looking into what would happen if i kept it saying

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:02

Yes he is allowed contact the one thing they was hanging onto before looking to close it was to see how me and dad can communicate with each other “co parent “ the ss did a risk assessment on dad before he was allowed unsupervised contact which he passed

OP posts:
ImInStealthMode · 25/04/2022 08:02

So Dad is seriously abusive, and Mum can't afford to house herself never mind these babies, nor apparently pull herself out of his Dicksand.

What kind of childhood is this new baby going to have, really? Chaos? Drama? Poverty? Abuse? The very real possibility of being removed and growing up in care?

I am sorry to be so harsh OP but I think you'd be incredibly selfish to continue with the pregnancy. This isn't about what you'll regret, it's about the life of the child that had no choice than to be dragged into the middle of this shitshow.

Beefcurtains79 · 25/04/2022 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bunce1 · 25/04/2022 08:04

You would be under SS care. You would be monitored heavily. Your would need to take parenting classes and engage with the local offer. SS would want you to prove to them on a regular and sustained basis that you would not return to the abuser.

Forgetting the pill has nothing to do with this. You returned to your abuser. What counselling or support are you receiving cos you need a lot.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:07

ImInStealthMode · 25/04/2022 08:02

So Dad is seriously abusive, and Mum can't afford to house herself never mind these babies, nor apparently pull herself out of his Dicksand.

What kind of childhood is this new baby going to have, really? Chaos? Drama? Poverty? Abuse? The very real possibility of being removed and growing up in care?

I am sorry to be so harsh OP but I think you'd be incredibly selfish to continue with the pregnancy. This isn't about what you'll regret, it's about the life of the child that had no choice than to be dragged into the middle of this shitshow.

I can afford to house me and babies i already have them housed and I am doing okay my child has a roof over her head, she’s fed , clean, dressed she has plenty to play with lots of clothes I always take her out places so that’s not the case at all but I can’t afford private rent is what I’m saying it’s like 1k a month for a 2 bed whereas I only pay 400 a month where I’m at I’m on uc and maternity pay so I can’t exactly afford 1k a month to rent and I think most people would be the same

OP posts:
WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 25/04/2022 08:08

Your choices are to keep the pregnancy and have SS heavily involved permanently, or to have an abortion and things remain the same.

Either way you should get rid of the man who was so violent an outside agency had to step in to keep your child safe.

Honestly, what we're you thinking? There is cock everywhere, there is absolutely nothing special about that particular one.

IncompleteSenten · 25/04/2022 08:09

twojumpingbeans · 25/04/2022 07:59

I think the replies on this post are absolutely hideous. Stop victim blaming!! You all sound so judgemental and clearly have absolutely no idea about how coercive control affects survivors. Also, saying things like 'social services will be breathing down your neck' is beyond unhelpful and paints a picture of social workers as baby snatchers. It's just not true.

It's more unhelpful to lie to her and tell her there's no way social services will feel the need to be more involved.

She is not responsible for his actions but she is responsible for hers.

We can sit here behind her screens and spout bullshit to be 'kind' but how will that help her when the reality is social services will want to assess this and it will very probably affect the plan going forward?

She's asking what social services will do. You think telling her anything but the truth helps her to make an informed decision?

OP - the assurances they may want may be that you aren't going to resume your relationship, or it might be they recommend courses to go on. It really will depend on the full details and how concerned they are.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I told him yes he would find out anyway when picking his child up ge would eventually see I’m pregnant and my child is not abused at all it’s well looked after by me . The dad is not abusing her at all . It was more to do with when I was pregnant the first time the emotional and verbal abuse which is why ss got involved

OP posts:
YellowPlant · 25/04/2022 08:10

Talk to SS. Be honest about what happened and about how you’re feeling.

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:13

Well if he knows you’ll have to be honest with ss then

I can’t believe they’ve allowed unsupervised contact after violence

AHungryCaterpillar · 25/04/2022 08:14

It must have been pretty serious abuse for them to put your child on a child protection plan

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:15

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:13

Well if he knows you’ll have to be honest with ss then

I can’t believe they’ve allowed unsupervised contact after violence

hes been allowed unsupervised since they was like a month old

OP posts:
goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:15

AHungryCaterpillar · 25/04/2022 08:14

It must have been pretty serious abuse for them to put your child on a child protection plan

Yes - but to then allow unsupervised contact ? Surely ss shouldn’t have done that ?

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:16

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:15

Yes - but to then allow unsupervised contact ? Surely ss shouldn’t have done that ?

Show quote history

That wasn’t just one ss decision either I moved areas so different ss picked up the case who both agreed

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 25/04/2022 08:17

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:15

Yes - but to then allow unsupervised contact ? Surely ss shouldn’t have done that ?

Show quote history

Meh my ex was violent to me and doesn’t have contact. SS actually told ME to contact him and ask if he would like to see the kids. 🤷‍♀️So yes I can believe he was allowed contact regardless

IncompleteSenten · 25/04/2022 08:18

Your unborn child was on a child protection plan because your boyfriend verbally and emotionally abused you during pregnancy?

That must have been very extreme verbal and emotional abuse to trigger that level of social services concern and involvement.

How did they come to learn about this verbal and emotional abuse?

He never physically touched you? No hitting, shoving, other physical assaults? No smashing up the house? Nothing like that?

cansu · 25/04/2022 08:18

You made a huge mistake telling him. It would not have been obvious for some time. I yhink you have already decided you want the baby which is of course your call. However you are going to have more ss involvement and scrutiny. It also looks very much like you don't see him as a risk. If you did you wouldn't be having a relationship with him and you certainly would not be contemplating a baby. Honestly if you want to get on with your life without drama and ss you would have a termination and would not have said a word to him.

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:19

And to be honest even on the child protection plan nothing was actually really done I did a womens aid course . Dad did no courses whatsoever they just came out every 2 weeks abs asked how things was going that was if they didn’t really do a lot abs she was only on it for about 3 months then it went down to a child in need

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:21

IncompleteSenten · 25/04/2022 08:18

Your unborn child was on a child protection plan because your boyfriend verbally and emotionally abused you during pregnancy?

That must have been very extreme verbal and emotional abuse to trigger that level of social services concern and involvement.

How did they come to learn about this verbal and emotional abuse?

He never physically touched you? No hitting, shoving, other physical assaults? No smashing up the house? Nothing like that?

Because I reported it to the police one night ? There was aspects of physical aswell like smashing things up

OP posts:
Harridan1981 · 25/04/2022 08:21

If you are still on maternity how old is your existing child?

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:21

I’m really shocked that ss allow unsupervised contact after violence .
OP you must have been terrified handing over your tiny baby to this man ?
why didn’t ss help you relocate and keep away from him if there was a CP plan surely they should have ?

Original poster
Happyface12 · 25/04/2022 08:23

goldsparklyChocolate · 25/04/2022 08:21

I’m really shocked that ss allow unsupervised contact after violence .
OP you must have been terrified handing over your tiny baby to this man ?
why didn’t ss help you relocate and keep away from him if there was a CP plan surely they should have ?

I actually asked them to begin with if they could help me move and they said they can’t do anything they only work with the local authority so could only help relocate in that area but I was in the area less than 2 years so they couldn’t even do that

OP posts: