Why do boys get treated like a second place prize?

[willwewontwe]

I had a little boy last year, absolutely delighted with him, love him to bits etc but over the last year I’ve steadily noticed more and more this attitude by some people that girls are better than boys. I’ve even now noticed it in some baby clothes shops where you walk in and there’s aisles of girls clothes on display then a small section of dinosaur clothes in the corner for boys.

My friend was pregnant at the same time as me, I knew what I was having but she wasn’t finding out. At her baby shower my other friend said she hoped she was having a girl. I just felt a bit put out sat there pregnant with a little boy as if people thought girls were better 🤔 We have since been for lunch etc with the babies and multiple people walking past make a big song and dance over her little girl but didn’t acknowledge my little boy. I’m just sat there feeling awkward like yip, I’ve got a baby too 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ve had people making jokes to me about future children saying ‘aw itl be another boy’ or I even had a guy jokingly say ‘when you have twin boys’. It’s like, what would be wrong with that?! 🤔 I feel for people with two or more boys who will no doubt have had to deal with these kinds of comments all the time. They’re not some sort of second place prize 🙄 Just saw a post on Facebook from someone with a little boy popping a pink balloon at her gender reveal saying she was ‘finally’ getting her princess, as if somehow she has just been passing the time with her little boy waiting on a girl arriving. I hate the whole thing, is it just me? 😩

@HistoricMoment

I have often come across mothers of daughters (there are a few on this thread as well) who are so relieved they didn't have a boy. I always think that a boy would have been exactly what they needed so that they could see how wonderful it is being a mother to a son.

🥰 I'm sitting here right now getting cuddles from my tiny son. There's no way I'll ever wish he'd been a girl. I feel so blessed.

I kinda think those women are quite possibly jealous that they don't have any boys. The one who was responding to me sounded a bit harsh about boys and I thought she doth protest too much - like she's trying to convince herself that she wouldn't want a boy. No child is that awful so I can't help but think that is the case.

I have 2 Nephes and 2 Nieces and although they are all such an absolute joy to be around, it is my Nephews that are the sweet, sensitive children. Once my Nieces were being a bit cheeky and mischievous with me, and my Nephew (he was the same age as one Niece, but younger than the other!) was telling them to leave me alone (he's only 7 now and this was about 2 years ago!). A little gent. Boys are often very sweet and caring in my experience. Boys are often very close to their mums aswell.

I admit to being one of those pregnant people who fantasised over a little girl.

Now am the Mum of a amazing DS(8) and wouldn't change a thing. We stopped at one child but, had we chosen to have had more, I'd have been delighted with a houseful of boys. Little boys are just wonderful. 🥰

@GinnyBee

Not everyone likes to live like they are in a farm though

How is this relevant to anything I said?

I was wondering the same thing.

I was at a forest park with my two sons yesterday and we stood looking into a stream with loads of big stones. They were happy to stand there saying 'Nice stream' and the like (maybe a bit more enthusiastic than that!!) and all I could think was that when I was their age, I'd have been straight in there slipping and sliding across the stones!! Of course boys and girls are different in some ways, but stereotypes are unhelpful.

@PinaColada123456 stereotyping behaviour based on gender is ridiculous and outdated. My sons won't be "smashing up things and shouting" because we have boundaries in our house and teach our children to be respectful of their home and space. I have plenty of friends with sweet and respectful boys as well as friends with daughters who are rude, yell and scream, have terrible manners and who have hit and thrown things at my son and frankly their behaviour comes down to parenting NOT gender.

According to my PIL my husband was always a very respectful and calm child who was a high achieving student. He wasn't "hyperactive and rough" and wasn't "jumping on and smashing up things and shouting." He continues to be a highly intelligent and successful man who has respect for his home and appearance.

And my husband and son dress impeccably in beautiful clothing (thanks to my interest in fashion) and I have a lot of fun buying clothes for my sons.

I also think boys can be quite rough and very hyperactive, play up more at school, etc. They tend to be more trouble

The parents I know who think this have chosen to poorly parent their sons, and often they have been far more harsh with the expectations they have for their daughters. It isn’t a boys fault if his parents choose not to instill manners and boundaries, just as it isn’t a girls fault when her parents teach her to be quiet and passive.

I have to admit that when I found out I was having a boy (this is my first) I didn't know how to react. In hindsight I realise that I wasn't disappointed at all, but actually I was scared. I was scared because like others have said - I felt like I'd be a better parent to a girl because I am female myself. I was worried about the challenges. It was irrational but it existed.

However, the truth is, despite their genitalia, babies are individuals with their own hormones etc that can't be seen on a scan. My baby has a whole life to lead where they may actually be trans, or prefer to be acknowledged as non-binary. The idea of 'two genders' is outdated. Whatever my baby is, I am excited for them.

I have boys, and have never really felt that, but all my NCT group had boys (and all then went on to have a second boy at some point).
Perhaps it is who you surround yourself with, as honestly I have never experienced that, or thought it.

My brothers were far better behaved than I was! They gave my mum far less trouble.

There have been many posts on this thread about how terrible boys clothes are and while I agree that in some shops, boys clothes can be a much smaller category in comparison to girls clothing, I also have found many lovely clothing items for my boys. Fashion is subjective so I do keep that in mind but I am constantly being told how adorable my toddler is dressed and when we are out about about with my friends who have girls, it is always my son's clothing that people are commenting positively on.

I don't know if this helps or not but since I love fashion, I thought I would post some brands and styles that I find to be really nice for my boys. I do tend to buy brands that can be more expensive but I shop off season for them, for instance now that we are heading into spring and summer I will buy winter clothing (sizing up of course) in sales. I also favour a more classic clothing style for children. Though at home my boys wear brightly coloured leggings, joggers and shirts for play.

Babidu:
www.childrensalon.com/babidu-boys-blue-striped-shorts-set-444909.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-boys-blue-shirt-shorts-set-444893.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-white-blue-cotton-shorts-set-444898.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-green-stars-cotton-babygrow-444938.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-boys-floral-shirt-shorts-set-444873.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-boys-yellow-linen-shorts-set-445038.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-white-green-smocked-babygrow-444935.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-blue-cotton-2-piece-babygrow-444871.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-boys-blue-stripe-shorts-set-444906.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-grey-check-cotton-shorts-set-413460.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-grey-cotton-shorts-set-373014.html

www.childrensalon.com/babidu-white-cotton-bodysuit-173830.html

Trotters:
I love their Hampton shoes as they come in a lot of colours for boys
www.trotters.co.uk/products/hampton-canvas-champ-shoes-in-lemon

www.trotters.co.uk/products/hampton-canvas-plum-plimsolls-mint

www.trotters.co.uk/products/the-little-rupert-set-red-stripe

www.trotters.co.uk/products/jacob-trousers-sage

Mayoral:
www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-baby-boys-linen-shorts-set-446600.html

www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-boys-red-cotton-chino-trousers-446154.html

www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-boys-blue-floral-cotton-shirt-445458.html

www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-boys-orange-polo-shirt-445929.html

www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-white-beige-linen-shorts-set-445329.html

www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-blue-gingham-linen-baby-shorts-446563.html

www.childrensalon.com/mayoral-boys-blue-striped-trousers-445528.html

M&H BABY
www.myhbaby.com/en/product/shirts-shorts-toddler-boy-myh/red-stripes-boy-short-white-myh-myhbaby

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/shirts-shorts-toddler-boy-myh/medium-blue-linen-short-toddler-boy-summer-myh

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/toddler-boy-shirt-stripes-green-blue-red-white-cotton-myh/mao-collar-shirt-short-sleeves-white-linen

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/toddler-boy-shirt-stripes-green-blue-red-white-cotton-myh/shirt-with-thick-blue-stripes-short-sleeves

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/rompers/aquamarine-green-short-romper-oscar-model

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/sweaters-boy/striped-sweater-white-red-summer

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/sweaters-boy/buttoned-thick-knit-aquarelle-green-sweater-myh

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/cardigan-boy/medium-blue-buttoned-thick-knit-cardigan-myh

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/sleepsuits-boy/long-white-sleepsuit-blue-stitch-baby-buttons

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/sweaters/aquarelle-green-knit-sweater-myh

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/knitted-leggings-baby-myh/medium-blue-thick-knit-leggings-baby-myh

www.myhbaby.com/en/product/soft-leather-baby-shoes-and-born-shoes/medium-blue-boots-soft-leather-baby-shoes

LA Coqueta
www.lacoquetakids.com/us/navy-zas-boy-cardigan-boknca190004nvy

www.lacoquetakids.com/us/light-blue-bolo-boy-cardigan-boknca180005lbl

www.lacoquetakids.com/us/camel-lucas-merino-boy-hoodie-jumper-boknju180007cam

www.lacoquetakids.com/us/sage-green-elio-boy-chinos-bosttr180009sgr

www.lacoquetakids.com/us/light-blue-laica-cotton-baby-set-btneks190009lbl

www.lacoquetakids.com/us/blue-fantino-baby-boy-set-btdrba190016blu

M&S (I buy a lot of multi packs for at home play and taking my son to his toddler activities. M&S is, of course, a classic brand that everyone knows but I do find their clothing to be a good quality, and they have a classic style that I often like)

www.marksandspencer.com/cotton-rich-stars-joggers-0-3-yrs-/p/clp60523586?color=CREAMMIX#intid=prodColourId-60523586

www.marksandspencer.com/3pk-pure-cotton-printed-sleepsuits-61-2lbs-3-yrs-/p/clp60533759?color=MULTI#intid=prodColourId-60533759

www.marksandspencer.com/2pc-cotton-rich-dungaree-outfit-0-3-yrs-/p/clp60535017?color=INDIGOMIX#intid=prodColourId-60535017

Pepa&Co
www.pepaandcompany.com/collections/newborn-first-outfits/products/delicate-green-knitted-baby-cardigan

www.pepaandcompany.com/collections/baby-boy/products/stripe-button-detail-sleeveless-romper-blue-and-red-baby-boy

www.pepaandcompany.com/collections/baby-boy/products/blue-knitted-set-with-peter-pan-collar

Boden (a classic of course. I like their joggers for play at home and the park)
www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/warrior-knee-jersey-bottoms-starboard-frosted-blue-stars/sty-y1572-nav?cat=C1_S15_G19

www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/twin-pack-joggers-grey-marl-space-race/sty-y1974-gry?cat=C1_S15_G19

www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/jersey-skinny-jeans-strawberry-tart-red/sty-b1030-lrd?cat=C1_S14_G19

www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/cable-knitted-jumper-ecru-marl/sty-y1856-ivo?cat=C1_S15_G6

www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/newborn-crochet-cardigan-frosted-blue-marl-bunnies/sty-y1890-blu?cat=C1_S15_G6

I also really like the brand Amaia for special occasions. I think Gap does a great inexpensive toddler polo shirt and their shorts are great too. H&M for inexpensive leggings and multipacks and Ralph Lauren has good sales and mark their knit wear, jackets, t-shirts and polos down quite a bit.

Gender disappointment is really a thing and varies around the world according to customs and expectations. I had 2 girls and by far the worst comments came from mums of boys. Saying they were so glad they got boys as "girls are little bitches/squealers/whingers" 🤔 Boys clothes are incredibly crap though, when I was pregnant with a boy I couldn't believe how samey and drab they were in comparison to girls clothes.

My ds wasn't particularly rough with things and he took great care of his pets. He was more physical though itms

I don't get the dissapointment at all. I have a daughter but honestly didn't have a preference. I just hoped for a healthy, happy baby and she is! A wish come true. I had years of ivf to have her and every baby born is such a blessing. It shouldn't matter what sex they are.

There is something weird about girls clothes though. Pink and white don't suit my dd's complection and 90% of the clothes are pink or white. It drives me insane! Whatever happened to girls clothes in red, blue, yellow, green, striped etc? It's as if it's a law to put them in bright pink unicorn and rainbow dresses. I sometimes buy boys clothes but there isn't as much to choose from.

On the fashion point, I don't think I've noticed that girl clothes are cuter or there's more choice at all when shopping for my boy. But then I've kept to neutrals anyway, would have bought the exact same things if I was expecting a girl. One sleepsuit is even a dusty pink with some woodland prints on it.

90% of the clothes are pink or white. It drives me insane! Whatever happened to girls clothes in red, blue, yellow, green, striped etc? It's as if it's a law to put them in bright pink unicorn and rainbow dresses. I sometimes buy boys clothes but there isn't as much to choose from.

I've done pretty well with neutral clothes I think! There's loads of lovely animal or woodland themed stuff out there, yellows and greens, bunnies and lions. If we end up having another and it turns out to be a girl she's going to be wearing all the same things I've got for this boy.

@Shutupyoutart yes! Me too! Actually slightly enjoyed the fact I was pregnant during covid and people couldn’t touch my bump without me swerving out the road and using that as an excuse 😂 The comments from the second you’re pregnant saying they can see your bump when it’s literally what you looked like on a normal day 🤦🏼‍♀️ People do just feel they need to say something and probably don’t realise you’ve been bombarded with these comments day in day out. I’m sooo conscious now of what I say to a pregnant person

@GinnyBee yes I very much stick to the neutral clothes too, I’m not really into the whole ‘he’s a boy so he’s head to toe in blue’ thing. I do sometimes feel like I have to put a token blue item on him so that people don’t think he’s a girl as I’ve had people ask before when he’s wearing all beiges etc. I would be the same with a girl though, she could wear at least half his clothes and they wouldn’t look out of place

@Fossilsmorefossils see I’ve only ever breezed past the girls clothes hunting for the blue section in the corner so I’ve never really properly looked but I’d agree most shops are predominantly pink, especially those traditional nursery shops, there’s literally a wall of pink clothes and a wall of blue. I had never put much thought into it before I was pregnant but I always just remember this girl’s Facebook post about her little boy being due soon and it was a video of his wardrobe. The entire thing was that exact same shade of blue and it just made me think why would you want him in what looks like the same outfit on repeat every day? So when I was pregnant and found out it was a boy I made a big effort to get a whole load of different colours and usually dress him in neutrals or even navy rather than baby blue. I actually like him in blue when he wears it too but I think something about the image of that wardrobe has just ruined it for me 😂

I've got 3 boys... girls aren't better!

I know, I have a 3-year-old boy who has been an incredibly easy, sensitive child and am now pregnant with another boy - can't wait for him to be here! To be honest I didn't really care one way or another, I'm just hoping the baby also turns out to be outdoorsy so we can go on lots of adventures as a family. I'm very girly too, but I don't mind being the only one in the house wearing pink dresses and flowery clothes! Besides my son is already interested in learning to knit. Then again, most of my friends are male and I like to hang out with guys. But yes, it's really frustrating when you look at children's clothes and all the fun stuff is for girls, boys clothes are always the same boring designs.

Also, I really don't get the idea that a girl is more likely to be close to her mother as an adult - as a young adult I actually took a job abroad just to get away from my (judgy) mother, and most women I know have spent their whole life making sure they're as different from their mother as they possibly can. Women are just more independent in my experience and not afraid to go at it alone - you don't hear stories about 30-year-old women living with their parents! In contrast most of my guy friends are close to their birth family and not keen to move away. I know several families where only the paternal grandparents are involved with the children as the mother isn't close to her own parents.

I have two girls - I could never find clothes that we liked. We used to joke that are youngest lived in her baby gros as I just didn’t like or see the point of pink frills. We try to find practical baby clothes for rolling around and crawling! I looked at envy at the sensible clothes in the boy sections!!

I wish people stopped with their set pre-thoughts, I have two girls we are bringing them up without the gender expectations. We both close to each of them. My husband gets to watch his sport with the eldest & the youngest is slowly beginning to watch it! My youngest is a much more pink & glittery! But it’s her own choices!

We weren’t disappointed with a second girl but seemingly everyone else thought we must be sad not to have a son. Yes it would have been nice to have one of each but we just went with healthy happy babies :)

I do think generally Mums are heavily biased to having a gender preference of a girl and this is "mumsnet" so that's why it's more Mums posting on here although I know Dads and gender neutral non binary people also post on here. I also think Dads tend to be heavily biased towards having a gender preference of a boy. Yea there's always the exception but generally that's my experience.

I have a son and have heard quite a few of the comments mentioned by the OP, I also have a vivid memory of sat with 3 of my friends who all had girls one saying "I wouldn't want a boy" I remember feeling awful, what do you say to that when you are the mother of a boy? This was many years ago and she now also has a son who she loves very much. I think sometimes it's the fear of the unknown.

My son is absolutely amazing he's my world I love him to pieces and he's very loving and we have a good relationship, I'd love to experience parenting a girl also but if my next child is a boy i'm 100% sure I'll love them just as much.

It does sting when you're a boy mum and people make negative comments, I guess it would be the same for a girl dad to hear negative comments about daughters.

People sometimes just don't engage their brain when they speak, I think it's their version of small talk or they just don't realise they're being hurtful.

Also those that don't have a strong preference aren't going to be the ones posting on sites talking about it so again skews things to look like there's a huge preference towards girls

Think it goes both ways to be honest OP...

I mean for centuries girls were seen as disposable and sometimes worse than having no child.

Now gender roles mean women like having girls probably because they can relate to them more. People think mums want girls and dads want boys. And there are probably more clothes because people try and dress them up more (gender roles again).

I experienced this. Had ds1 via ivf, then after subsequent ivf attempts failed we turned towards adoption - our social worker said she thought we would want a girl, I told her that I wanted a child to join our family and that when the time comes to match us I wanted to know all about the child before knowing the sex.
I then fell pregnant naturally - a real surprise! I was thrilled and honestly didn’t mind if I had a boy or girl, after our journey to become parents again it really didn’t matter to me.
I had ds2.
But the comments from people never failed to amaze me and showed true insensitivity.
Children are a blessing and a miracle - each and every one of them no matter what sex they are.