Why do boys get treated like a second place prize?

[willwewontwe]

I had a little boy last year, absolutely delighted with him, love him to bits etc but over the last year I’ve steadily noticed more and more this attitude by some people that girls are better than boys. I’ve even now noticed it in some baby clothes shops where you walk in and there’s aisles of girls clothes on display then a small section of dinosaur clothes in the corner for boys.

My friend was pregnant at the same time as me, I knew what I was having but she wasn’t finding out. At her baby shower my other friend said she hoped she was having a girl. I just felt a bit put out sat there pregnant with a little boy as if people thought girls were better 🤔 We have since been for lunch etc with the babies and multiple people walking past make a big song and dance over her little girl but didn’t acknowledge my little boy. I’m just sat there feeling awkward like yip, I’ve got a baby too 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ve had people making jokes to me about future children saying ‘aw itl be another boy’ or I even had a guy jokingly say ‘when you have twin boys’. It’s like, what would be wrong with that?! 🤔 I feel for people with two or more boys who will no doubt have had to deal with these kinds of comments all the time. They’re not some sort of second place prize 🙄 Just saw a post on Facebook from someone with a little boy popping a pink balloon at her gender reveal saying she was ‘finally’ getting her princess, as if somehow she has just been passing the time with her little boy waiting on a girl arriving. I hate the whole thing, is it just me? 😩

@Queenie72

I have 2 brilliant boys , when I had my 2nd a friend even said after him being so overdue what a shame after all that waiting it’s a boy !!!! I wouldn’t change it for the world they are best of mates !’

Oh my goodness 🙈 that’s the exact attitude I’ve dealt with and had two friends who haven’t found out then both said they felt it was a girl and hoped they weren’t disappointed if it was a boy. It’s fine to have that feeling inside if that’s how they feel, but to say it outloud to someone who is very happy with a little boy 🤦🏼‍♀️

I had the same experience with people not acknowledging my boy when I'm sat with friends who had girls! It's bizarre. I am pregnant with my third now - girl, after having 2 boys and people act as if I have won the lottery! It is tiring. I would have loved 3 boys, I have a third baby to have another child - regardless of their sex! It will be interesting to see if this experience is different when my baby girl arrives.

'Oh you'll have your hand full there' and 'your house will get wrecked, haha'

This is such bull! I used to run through mud and climb trees just as much as the neighbourhood boys, and on top of that I was heavily into horses so had all my riding kit stinking out the house too! And if we have another and it ends up being a girl, I'm definitely encouraging her to do the same! Out of me and my husband at our little fruit farm I do the muddier outdoor jobs whilst he is more office based.

It took me 4 years to fall pregnant after a couple of traumatic miscarriages.
I had a couple of 'jokey' comments when I found out I was having a boy that it's a shame he wasn't a girl. I was shocked and a bit upset, I really didn't think that would be a thing.

I honestly cannot recognise any of this negativity. I have 2 sons, no daughters and have not had a single negative comment. Differences come up in conversation at times, but just as a discussion. Maybe the people I spend time with are not ignorant.

I get what you mean op and it's shit. I have a friend with a little boy,she's trying again and has expressed that she would be disappointed with another boy which I find really sad.I have found it a bit the other way too though. I have three girls one boy. When I was pregnant with Ds I got lots of ooh I hope you get a boy this time and oh I'm on team blue etc. Same when dd3 was born lots of oh poor Ds with all those girls he's outnumbered etc Ds is such a brilliant kid and he adores all of his sister's doesn't give a crap about being the only boy.People seem to have this weird fixation with the perfect boy/girl family. Whatever it is about pregnancy and babies folks don't seem to be able to engage their brains before their mouths. I hated that my belly felt like public property when I was pregnant too but that's a whole other thread 😂

I have four boys. They are absolutely bloody brilliant (now teens) and I love them more than anything.

What anyone else thinks is irrelevant. Ignore them and pity their ignorance.

I have definitely noticed this. I have 2 boys and I’m expecting a girl. I first noticed when I was pregnant with Ds1 and people would ask what I was having and then look a bit disappointed or say they would prefer a girl. Usually for stupid reasons like being able to put it in pretty dresses! When I was expecting ds2 a lot of people were openly disappointed, especially my mil who had 2 boys and makes no secret of the fact that her second son, my husband was a huge disappointed as she wanted a daughter! I found it very annoying and was very protective of my second son, he is not second best and I was very happy to have a second son.

When my husband and I decided to ttc our third and final baby I said I would probably prefer another boy if I could choose but didn’t really mind either way. The amount of people that assumed we only tried for a third to get a girl was unbelievable. And now we are expecting a girl I’m actually finding it quite hard when people are so openly excited about how it’s a girl. It makes me feel like they think my boys aren’t good enough. Especially my mil who goes on and on about how she’s FINALLY getting her girl.

@MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat

I have definitely noticed this. I have 2 boys and I’m expecting a girl. I first noticed when I was pregnant with Ds1 and people would ask what I was having and then look a bit disappointed or say they would prefer a girl. Usually for stupid reasons like being able to put it in pretty dresses! When I was expecting ds2 a lot of people were openly disappointed, especially my mil who had 2 boys and makes no secret of the fact that her second son, my husband was a huge disappointed as she wanted a daughter! I found it very annoying and was very protective of my second son, he is not second best and I was very happy to have a second son.

When my husband and I decided to ttc our third and final baby I said I would probably prefer another boy if I could choose but didn’t really mind either way. The amount of people that assumed we only tried for a third to get a girl was unbelievable. And now we are expecting a girl I’m actually finding it quite hard when people are so openly excited about how it’s a girl. It makes me feel like they think my boys aren’t good enough. Especially my mil who goes on and on about how she’s FINALLY getting her girl.

My friend had exactly this - 2 boys followed by a girl. Nearly everyone made comments along the lines of "Oh finally a girl! Thank God, you must be so happy" etc. It drove her mad. She would have been completely happy to have had a third boy. She told me she feels very protective and defensive of this 3rd boy who never existed.

I have often come across mothers of daughters (there are a few on this thread as well) who are so relieved they didn't have a boy. I always think that a boy would have been exactly what they needed so that they could see how wonderful it is being a mother to a son.

I think probably if someone has already had one or two of one gender, then people are (unnecessarily) excited if they have the other next time, and it's not so much to do with being disappointed about a boy in general, just that there seems to be this weird expectation that everyone must want one of each. The reaction would likely be similar is they'd had two girls and were expecting a boy.

What I find strange is that it seems acceptable to have a preference for a boy, to the point in some cultures girls are aborted.

Even in this thread people are expressing their delight in having boys instead of girls. It’s hypocritical.

I have 2 of each sex and am pleased I’ve got to experience raising both sexes. And there is a difference. If there wasn’t we wouldn’t need feminism.

I have a 10 year old boy, he's my absolute world. My best friend. He was such a good baby!

I just gave birth to his baby sister 4 weeks ago and I was absolutely over the moon she was a girl. Not because of clothes or anything else materialistic. It was because me and my partner have lost 2 daughters in the past, so I didn't think I could carry a girl and convinced myself I would never have a daughter.

We are planning to have another baby soon, I would love love love another little boy 💙

@Blxo94

I have a 10 year old boy, he's my absolute world. My best friend. He was such a good baby!

I just gave birth to his baby sister 4 weeks ago and I was absolutely over the moon she was a girl. Not because of clothes or anything else materialistic. It was because me and my partner have lost 2 daughters in the past, so I didn't think I could carry a girl and convinced myself I would never have a daughter.

We are planning to have another baby soon, I would love love love another little boy 💙

Just to add that even though I have said I would love our next baby to be a little boy. I would just as much love our next to be a baby girl! I just want my daughter to have a sibling to grow up with, my son grew up a lone child until now (10 years) and its something he said he wished he has growing up with a sibling to play with x

I'm glad I've got a son.Its shit being a woman most of the time.

I understand where you are coming from OP.

Whenever I see a new thread with the title “gender disappointment” I know before opening it that it’s a mum disappointed that she’s having a boy and not a girl.

I have a DS and he’s the best thing in the world. I’m pregnant with DC2 and so many people have said “I bet you’re hoping for a girl”. I’m just hoping for a healthy baby. A friend said to me only yesterday (who has a girl) “if we have another I’d want a girl again. Not a boy. I can’t be doing with how boisterous they are”. Yet I know many boisterous little girls! There’s too many stereotypes around the sex of the baby rather than just treating them as the individuals that they are.

I'm expecting my second boy next month. I've noticed this attitude but in relation to both sexes. So ppl who have a boy/girl and who want the opposite sex when having next DC.

MIL has three sons and was a bit disappointed to hear her second GC would be another boy. Her sons all left home as soon as they could. Two moved away completely. She is completely oblivious that this is due to FIL being an abusive twat and any daughters likely would've ran too.

I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I was relieved to hear I'm having another boy as I don't want MIL making a big fuss of "finally getting my princess"
🤮

I adore DS. He is a person to me, I don't define him by his sex.

I hope I have a good relationship with my sons. However I think I will be quite happy for them to be independent men. They won't owe me anything. If they and their future wives decide they don't want us to have as much involvement with any GC I think DH and I will just accept it. We will have raised and enjoyed our own children it will be up to them how they want to raise theirs.

My mum and MIL spend equal amounts of time with DS. DH adores his Mum. If it wasn't for his dad, we'd probably spend a lot more time with her than my mum.

I have 3 boys and was never disappointed! Obviously everyone assumed we were "trying for a girl" with our third, but that genuinely was not the case. All our boys are very affectionate and loving. Dc1 in particular is an absolute mummy's boy right now and is always telling me he loves me. I think the whole son is a son until he gets a wife thing is largely steeped in sexism and stereotyping. Women are expected to keep in touch, expected to visit and remember birthdays/anniversaries and expected to shoulder the majority of care for elderly relatives, while men are largely allowed to just get on with whatever they want with no repercussions. And once he has a wife to wash his socks, what does he need mum for? That's how I interpret that saying anyway. I will definitely be bringing up my boys to take responsibility for themselves and their family and DH is a good role model as he is still close to his parents and we see them regularly.

so happy with my gorgeous boy. I wanted a boy (I get on better with males usually) but honestly wouldn't have minded if it were a girl, I would have loved my child whatever. No-one around me had any disappointment.

@GinnyBee

'Oh you'll have your hand full there' and 'your house will get wrecked, haha'

This is such bull! I used to run through mud and climb trees just as much as the neighbourhood boys, and on top of that I was heavily into horses so had all my riding kit stinking out the house too! And if we have another and it ends up being a girl, I'm definitely encouraging her to do the same! Out of me and my husband at our little fruit farm I do the muddier outdoor jobs whilst he is more office based.

Not everyone likes to live like they are in a farm though

Ehh? Since when were girls the preferred sex?
All I hear is boys are less drama, more loving, hard workers.
Girls are bitchy, expensive and out of control.

Obviously does not match up to how boys and men treat girls and women... but that's what I've been told numerous times. Are you living in upside down town OP?

Not everyone likes to live like they are in a farm though

How is this relevant to anything I said?

I also think boys can be quite rough and very hyperactive, play up more at school, etc. They tend to be more trouble

Bollocks. Neither of my boys have been in trouble at school or smash up things 🙄. Girls that sit nicely and quietly and just get dressed up sound utterly dull not to mention the be quiet and look pretty stereotype that’s being pushed on to them.

I also think boys can be quite rough and very hyperactive, play up more at school, etc. They tend to be more trouble

This is absolute rubbish!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It's hard - whenever I see a thread title about gender disappointment etc it's always boy without a shadow of a doubt.

I have one of each. If I could choose for my third, I'd go boy hands down.

People don't realise what they are missing. Boys are fucking brilliant.

I wanted a boy as my first sooooo much, and I got him. Had "gender disappointment" (I say this VERY lightly) with my second because I really wanted my son (then 9) to have a baby brother. Got a girl, was actually nervous but she's been a delight. Then 1.5 years later I had hoped for another girl (because I had all girl stuff, haha) and got a boy, who is sweet and hilarious. For me, my kids are awesome... Their genders don't determine that at all🤷‍♀️