Why do boys get treated like a second place prize?

[willwewontwe]

I had a little boy last year, absolutely delighted with him, love him to bits etc but over the last year I’ve steadily noticed more and more this attitude by some people that girls are better than boys. I’ve even now noticed it in some baby clothes shops where you walk in and there’s aisles of girls clothes on display then a small section of dinosaur clothes in the corner for boys.

My friend was pregnant at the same time as me, I knew what I was having but she wasn’t finding out. At her baby shower my other friend said she hoped she was having a girl. I just felt a bit put out sat there pregnant with a little boy as if people thought girls were better 🤔 We have since been for lunch etc with the babies and multiple people walking past make a big song and dance over her little girl but didn’t acknowledge my little boy. I’m just sat there feeling awkward like yip, I’ve got a baby too 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ve had people making jokes to me about future children saying ‘aw itl be another boy’ or I even had a guy jokingly say ‘when you have twin boys’. It’s like, what would be wrong with that?! 🤔 I feel for people with two or more boys who will no doubt have had to deal with these kinds of comments all the time. They’re not some sort of second place prize 🙄 Just saw a post on Facebook from someone with a little boy popping a pink balloon at her gender reveal saying she was ‘finally’ getting her princess, as if somehow she has just been passing the time with her little boy waiting on a girl arriving. I hate the whole thing, is it just me? 😩

I have 2 brilliant boys , when I had my 2nd a friend even said after him being so overdue what a shame after all that waiting it’s a boy !!!! I wouldn’t change it for the world they are best of mates !’

@Goodluckanddontfuckitup

I get this too OP. Mum of two boys and found out what we were having both times. The amount of people who looked sad and asked if we would go for a third to try and have a girl was insane. I LOVE being a mum of boys. If we did go for a third I'd be crossing my fingers for another boy.

This was my experience too, I love my two boys, wouldn’t change it for the world.

As the mother of girls, this is the exact opposite to everything I have ever known. I'm always told how difficult girls are and about the teenage years. Also secondhand disappointment that DH never got to have a son etc etc.

People have strange ideas. I didn't have any comments about preferring girls and haven't heard any but acknowledge different experiences. have one of each, people always comment about how lucky I am to have one of each. Love them both but had no preference at all , would have been just as happy with two boys or two girls. They are just two individuals.

@collieresponder88

Trinacham yep so am I !

As you've said already.

Boys are a blessing, as are girls. I'd like one of each but if I have 2 boys I'd still be overjoyed. My children are my children. I wouldn't feel any different to them depending on what is between their legs.

I've always said I wanted a girl first but now I'm actually pregnant with my first child, its a boy and I couldn't be happier. I agree with the clothing 100%, the boy options are mediocre in comparison

I love my little boy so much and honestly didn't have a preference before finding out at the 20 week scan. If anything I erred towards wanting a boy as they might have life a little bit easier than a girl would.

For example the sexist shit that is the reason people prefer girls in the first place. They think they'll bind better with a girl, or a girl will be more compliant, or a girl will be a "princess", or a girl will be quieter.....

If they're anything like me and my sisters, all that stuff about girls is absolute rubbish!

I think boys are more common on the whole. My mum was the only girl out of 4 boys between them there was 6 boys and one girl ( me ) currently all girls here but desperate for a son

One of the generations before had 15 children in total only 4 girls

@HerrenaHarridan

Sad it may be but it’s true.

I’ve never met my ‘dad’ I don’t know if his family even know I exist

Sure, sure not all men ya da ya da but there’s a LOT of boy mums who don’t get to see grandkids.

When my dds dad fucked off it was me who preserved her relationship with my ex ils. They have another grandchild they haven’t seen since she was 2 and she would be 22 now.

Search the threads on here, how many devastated mils are feeling shut out of their sons family (even while he is still around) while the mums mum is welcomed in?

It’s not hard and fast but it’s certainly the general trend.

I suspect your upbringing is heavy influencing your feelings on this. I hope you don't pass on your feelings towards men to you daughter. It doesn't have to be this way. My DH is the only boy (he has three sisters) and MiL probably sees more of our DS than any of her other 8 grandsons.

All of my male friends are close to their mums and they play a very active role in their grandchildren's lives.

I'd love to have a little boy 🥰
I do notice what you mean though.

Other than the clothing. I've got a toddler girl, and have massively noticed how much better the boys baby clothes are quality and quantity wise in most shops. Really annoys me!

God, I was going to post this myself recently! Nearly all my friends seem to have girls only and I have noticed this smugness amongst some of them and little comments they drop in to conversation "Thank God I didn't have boys!" etc. A friend the other day told me she was so relieved not to have boys because they are "immature and crude". A woman I worked with was pregnant with her first. When she found out she was having a boy she was distraught. I'm not exaggerating. She actually had to take 2 months off work with stress while she came to terms with it! Another friend had a girl and found out her second was a boy. She came to me in tears saying she was so upset because "Girls are little angels and boys are so naughty". Actually once she'd had her boy she became pregnant with her third and desperately wanted it to be a boy!! The other day I went out for dinner with 2 friends. They both have girls only. They sat there telling me about when they had their 20 week scans. One said she actually started shouting "Yes! YES!" and CRYING with relief when she found out she was having girls. The other nodded "oh yes, I was the same. I'm so thankful I had girls." it really pisses me off! It's rude too. I have a boy (and a girl) yet they think it's OK to sit there saying how thankful they are not to have boys? I just don't get it. Little boys are just as wonderful as little girls. There's no reason to see them as second best at all.

My mum said when i excitedly told her i was having a boy 'ohhh, well il still dress him up in dresses' and stormed off.
I was fuming as she knew i really wanted a boy, but she clearly didnt.

One on my work friends always said she wanted a girl, had picked the names, then when she fell pregnant with a boy you could see her disappointment. She planned on having 3 but said 'il stop at 2 if i just keep getting boys'. I completely understand her being a bit disappointed as people have in their head what babies theyl have but her comment at having less children just because they where boys was shocking.

It also annoys me that people stereotype aswell. My boy is the most cuddly little thing, tells me he loves me all the time and isnt boisterous what so ever. Id get comments off stangers when they saw he was a baby boy 'youl have your hands full when he can walk'. They have all different personalities and like alot of people have said on here were lucky to have healthy babies

@Jinglebellsoncake

"A daughters is a daughter for life. A sons a son, until he finds a wife." This cut me the first time I heard it.

But my boys are 4&5 now and I feel so blessed to have boys. They are so caring cuddly and sensitive 🙂

I actually feel special, being the only female in the house too!

This is utter nonsense anyway! I’m v close to my MiL, we have a much better relationship than my own mother and I do and my DH is very close to his mum, he adores her! My MiL came wedding dress shopping with me and does all the things a mother might do with me, things that I don’t do with my own mother.

Not in my experience or generally.

I didn't get this at all. I did though say openly I really wanted a boy (which I got) and that I'd only ever had one child so I think people probably knew better than to make comments.

In honesty, if I'd have found out I was having a girl I'd have had gender disappointment.

This is news to me, I thought boys were the preferred sex! I’m currently pregnant and so many people have said they hope it’s a boy. I’ve heard ‘boys are easier going’, ‘boys are more loving’, ‘there’s less drama with boys’. I have nephews and nieces and have to agree with this generalisation!

Also I love my MiL and would love to have a relationship with a DiL like we have, it’s much better than the one I have with my own mother! The love DH has for his mum is so lovely and my grown up nephews are so close to their mums, the mother / son bond is unique.

We are having a scan to find out the sex in a couple of weeks and I’d love a son, and may be a little disappointed with a girl. I just think boys are sweeter natured and girls are a bit annoying and attention seekers 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll be happy with either, but I’d love a son and so would DH 💙

Just had my first a girl and would've to have a little boy next...to have one of each.It doesn't matter really either way

My parents are like this. I have 2 boys and was the first to have DC. When my sister was pregnant, my mum essentially said that although my boys are great, it would be AMAZING if my sister had a girl. Ouch.

They now have 6 grandchildren. They’re all boys. Ha.

OP I'm sorry you're being condescended to. I had the exact opposite experience though. I had two girls first and yes, there were parents of boys who told me I was lucky, but that was supposedly because 'girls are so much easier than boys'.

I always felt like telling them that actually, trying to protect daughters from sexist bullcrap being thrown at them from all sides is harder work than controlling the most boisterous of boys.

I'd think that the self-congratulation you hear among mums of girls has something to do with the need to 'talk up' their daughters. Ultimately, boys still get the better deal in the world we live in.

Anyway, hope you can enjoy your little one sexism notwithstanding.

People seem to like to coo over little girls wearing pretty frocks.

That's probably all it is. Boy's clothes are rubbish.

This is news to me, I thought boys were the preferred sex! I’m currently pregnant and so many people have said they hope it’s a boy. I’ve heard ‘boys are easier going’, ‘boys are more loving’, ‘there’s less drama with boys’

This is my experience too! Although no one has said they hoped I was having a boy, but as soon as I tell them I get the congratulations and spiel about how boys are more loving and have less attitude. I didn't really care, but had maybe a slight preference for a girl only because there are almost no little girls in my circle of friends and family, everyone has boys. Only my cousin has two girls, all my friends and husband's friends with children younger than 10 have boys. But there are benefits to having another boy too I guess, like sharing experiences with all the other boy parents.

Also my husband is very close to his family, and especially his mum. Helps that they live next door too, so she is definitely going to be seeing the grandbaby much more than my mum who lives abroad and doesn't travel well. Also my brother is closest to my mum out of all four kids (3 girls and him)

Ignore them if you can! My two AMAZING boys are 19 and 21 now and I still remember people's attitude, "awww, two boys, poor you..."

All I can say is they have been an absolute delight! I do empathise though as it's upsetting to have the comparison made and feel like a boy is less in some way.

For some reason - in this country at least - some people think that mothers need a daughter (sigh). We absolutely don't, and in my experience boys are kinder and more loving towards their mums than many girls and have closer relationships.

I desperately wanted my first to be a boy and when pregnant again I thought he'd probably prefer a brother, so was delighted to have a second boy. I'd have loved to have a third boy too! They're just amazing!

Mine also have lovely girlfriends that I get along well with, which is brilliant. You've only got to read some threads on here about 'awful MILs' to be a bit concerned about how a potential DIL might view you, and fortunately mine think I'm alright 😂.

Maybe some mums and grandmas just want a girl to have a 'mini-me' accessory? I know my mum did, she really was disappointed I didn't have a girl, but she got over that and has been an incredible grandma who they are both still close to.

Enjoy your little boy OP, he's fantastic.

@missv556

I've always said I wanted a girl first but now I'm actually pregnant with my first child, its a boy and I couldn't be happier. I agree with the clothing 100%, the boy options are mediocre in comparison

Then you obviously haven't seen how you can dress a boy beautifully

I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my first. I reckon I thought I'd be more confident with a girl, being female myself. Seems vaguely ridiculous now. I found out I was having a boy at my 20 week scan and I immediately forgot I had ever wanted a girl. When I got pregnant with my second, I had a slight preference for another boy (but obviously would have been delighted with a girl). I ended up with another boy. I did, however, get a quite a few comments like 'Oh you'll have your hand full there' and 'your house will get wrecked, haha' etc, but then I (stupidly) used to think a bit like that before I had boys myself. They're just human beings with their own very, very different personalities. My eldest, now 13, is the gentlest, most sensible and fair minded person I know. My youngest is more adventurous and competitive, but still a sensitive wee soul. Neither of them have given me too much stress (so far!) and I just don't think about whether my life would have been any different with girls. My sister has five girls and would have loved a boy!