Why do boys get treated like a second place prize?

[willwewontwe]

I had a little boy last year, absolutely delighted with him, love him to bits etc but over the last year I’ve steadily noticed more and more this attitude by some people that girls are better than boys. I’ve even now noticed it in some baby clothes shops where you walk in and there’s aisles of girls clothes on display then a small section of dinosaur clothes in the corner for boys.

My friend was pregnant at the same time as me, I knew what I was having but she wasn’t finding out. At her baby shower my other friend said she hoped she was having a girl. I just felt a bit put out sat there pregnant with a little boy as if people thought girls were better 🤔 We have since been for lunch etc with the babies and multiple people walking past make a big song and dance over her little girl but didn’t acknowledge my little boy. I’m just sat there feeling awkward like yip, I’ve got a baby too 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ve had people making jokes to me about future children saying ‘aw itl be another boy’ or I even had a guy jokingly say ‘when you have twin boys’. It’s like, what would be wrong with that?! 🤔 I feel for people with two or more boys who will no doubt have had to deal with these kinds of comments all the time. They’re not some sort of second place prize 🙄 Just saw a post on Facebook from someone with a little boy popping a pink balloon at her gender reveal saying she was ‘finally’ getting her princess, as if somehow she has just been passing the time with her little boy waiting on a girl arriving. I hate the whole thing, is it just me? 😩

Pregnant with my seccond, first is a boy and seccond is also a boy but i tell everyone i dont know the gender, keeping it a supprise for birth. Alot of boys in my family and the one girl child defentley does get spoilt and favoured. I feel like if i tell people now the responce will be 'annother boy' just like the responce was with my first, whereas they find out when the baby is born they will be more excited over the fact the baby is here than be bothered by the gender. I wanted a boy, i see it as it will make things easier, small age gap, simular hobbies and intrests (hopefully!) reuse all chlothes from first and no issue sharing a room, win win in my eyes!

I'm the same. Don't get the whole gender disappointment thing if I'm honest.

We have one of each, I felt the exact same excitement with both pregnancies. Would have been happy whatever the gender.

Do know a few people who've cried over having boys etc, always makes me sad. Like you say, the threads are always about boys & the clothes shop stuff used to drive me crackers when shopping for DS!

I wonder if it's mothers wanting daughters with the idea they'll to be super close with them, dress them up etc....

@Quornflakegirl

For centuries little girls were look at with disappointment, killed or left unwanted by the vast majority of cultures around the world. I think being a little disappointed in having a boy today doesn’t really compare. It’s wonderful that girls are now revered and welcomed by many.

^ this. My own mum speaks fondly of my dad reassuring her that he was fine/happy when she had 3 girls in a row and no boys: the was the late 70s!

I think this girl stuff is because of the princess/dressing up factor, but also maybe because a lot of women understand how to parent girls intuitively but have to get their head round understanding their little boys

I do think as adults mothers tend to be v proud of/talk about their boys though

My partner's family are delighted with a boy because he'll 'carry on the family name' apparently. Erm well he might not have children or if he does have a child with a woman she might want to give their children her surname etc etc.

Where I notice similar is my daughter often invited on 'girls days out' by my sister's or mom.

They often suggest to me things we 'girls' should do.
Every time I have to remind them that I have boys too and they would feel left out or want to join in and not fair saying it only girls.

@HarrietM87 oh really? I know what you mean about thinking about it from their point of view, I’d be happy with either if we have another child but it would be great for him to have a brother if it was a boy. Equally, it would be nice to have a girl to experience one of each. I don’t get why these people make these comments out loud 🤦🏼‍♀️

I have 2 girls and did feel a little twinge of disappointment when I found out it was another girl as I would have loved a little boy. But I got over it quickly and love them both to bits.
But I had quite a lot of people ask if I was disappointed and if I'd try again for a boy so I think it does go both ways. For what it's worth I never uttered a word in real life so these were completely unprompted comments.

Agree about clothing though. Boys stuff is really limited compared to girls.

My own father said he didn't want grandsons he didn't like little boys etc, I have two DS, my sister had one DD and the favouritism was so obvious it was pretty awful.

But I love my DS and like other posters actually never wanted a DD at all I felt safe with my DS as a tomboy my whole life I felt I'd have more in common with them.

And as grown boys now I feel that's the case 100% I'm not sure how I'd cope with a teen DD to be

I have always found parents of girls to be a bit smug about how perfect daughters are, until they get to teens! Then I think the tides turn but I've never really understood it at all.

@MollieSheep1

2 boys and 1 girl here. I adore all 3 and don't really understand the disappointment thing but there you go. When pregnant with DS and then DS2 it was all 'oh you'll have your work cut out, boys are hard work etc.' Couldn't be further from the truth (it's DD that's let say... strong-willed! ).

100%!! 🤣

BeanStew22 my father too, delighted with his 4 girls in the 70s & 80s. I would be equally delighted with boy or girl but I am equally delighted little girls are so wanted now.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

I think most people want what they know. So women want girls and men boys. I have one of each, both much bigger now and the other day DH was saying to me how pleased he was that he had a son.

I think this is it.

There is an element of while nowadays there are plenty of boy dolls - when many of us played with our dolls as young children, the dolls were all girls. Perhaps it stems from our make believe coming true?

I wanted a girl but I’m sure I would have loved a boy just as much. I think as a girly girl I wanted a girl to play princess with, watch Disney, take to dance class, lunch dates who might grow into my little bestie and go on spas days and cocktail tasting with like I do with my mum. Obviously I know boys can do all these things too but it’s more likely they’d be into cars and football rather more interests of disney and clothes shopping!

Is it just women who think this though. Lots of men I know really want a son.

I have 3 boys then 3 girls with new husband. After my 3rd boy I definitely felt disappointed that I would never experience having a daughter. At that time I had separated during the pregnancy and thought he was my last so was a bit upset.

I then met a new partner and had a girl, then another girl and then another girl. When expecting 3rd girl I had comments like " oh are you hoping to give your husband a son".

If I would of had the girls first then I would of desperately craved a boy. I think a lot of people just want to experience both sexes and there is nothing wrong with feeling sad that that won't happen. It's a horrid feeling especially as some people make you feel guilty for having these emotions.

It’s definitely a thing for women and baby girls absolutely but reserve it and men get the same thing.

When my DP finally got his boy, everyone was chuffed for him. Then he got another and it was like the greatest thing on earth that they were going to be some sort of gang!

Whenever the 3 are out and about together they get lots of happy comments and smiles.
Our families love that they have the boys and all his friends who don’t have kids yet have said they would love to have the two boys.

I would have loved a girl but there has never been a moment of disappointment, I love the bones of them, the greatest gift of my life

I think most people want what they know. So women want girls and men boys.

I only have sisters, same as my mum & most of my cousins are girls. I wanted a boy.

I think it comes from the idea that boys will abandon you as soon as they get a wife but girls will be close to you always

I like the idea of a bit of arms length parenting/grandparenting once my kids are grown

I have two girls and have had comments about trying for a boy and 'well that'll be a nightmare when they hit puberty'.

I think people just are tactless and often talk to fill time without spareing a thought for the utter dross coming out their mouths!

Agree. What's most annoying are the posters on here who completely deny it... Despite the fact that practically every week there's a gender disappointment thread that is absolutely always about a boy.

Coming from a culture where boys are celebrated, it's so odd meeting older aunties who are so impressed by multiple sons and then Western women (mostly but not always white, but always women) who feel sorry for you.

I’m not sure that it is that people just “want what they know”. I think girl (children) are more highly valued in our society. The stereotype is that they are better behaved, quieter, calmer, do better at school, generally “easier” than boys. Like all stereotypes it’s reductive and damaging but people believe it.

Fwiw my DH’s strong preference was for a girl in the “daddy’s little girl” vibe. In reality now we have both he loves them equally. A lot of this stuff is only an issue before the kids arrive. Once they’re here they are loved regardless of sex.

It's a bit silly yes but why is it bothering you? If you don't feel that way and can't understand it at all, what does it matter if other people would theoretically like a girl or one of both?

I'm wondering if you do slightly feel that way and are struggling with it.

The clothes thing goes both ways, girls have more in quantity, but the clothes are more garish and less practical, so many people prefer boys clothes. Anyway why stick to the one section? I buy clothes from either for my dc. Not to make a point, just if it's something I or they like. My son loves rainbows and bunny designs for example.

Agree with @ImAvingOops, I think it comes from the idea that boys won’t stay close to family…. I think that is really true- I don’t know a single man of any age who makes a really decent effort with his mum. I was disappointed when I found out my DS was a boy for this reason- I asked DH if he knew any mates who really stayed close with their mums or whose mums’ were considered really epic- he could only think of one. I find it really sad! DS is very tiny but I will try hard to keep some closeness between us.

On another note, since having DS I am relieved he is a boy… I have realised being pregnant and on mat leave how unequal things still are and how shit it is really in a capitalist world to be a woman. I am relieved for DS that he is a boy.. sad, but his life will be easier imo and have better life chances than if he was a girl. I also have realised I cannot stand the shrill tones of little girls aged around 6/7/8! Drives me mad so am quite happy with a boy for now! X

I assumed it's because as women we know what it's like to be a girl and can relate to them as we've been there. You know you might imagine your child having the same toys and experiences you did as child and wanting to do those for nostalgia so feel that a girl would be most natural

Oh and I totally agree about the clothes! Boys stuff seems very boring in comparison. The cutest/most on trend affordable range I’ve seen are George at Asda! They have some good multipacks and sets for boys I’ve found x

I don’t know a single man of any age who makes a really decent effort with his mum

My DH does, it drives me mad sometimes but it's a lovely relationship.