Why do boys get treated like a second place prize?

[willwewontwe]

I had a little boy last year, absolutely delighted with him, love him to bits etc but over the last year I’ve steadily noticed more and more this attitude by some people that girls are better than boys. I’ve even now noticed it in some baby clothes shops where you walk in and there’s aisles of girls clothes on display then a small section of dinosaur clothes in the corner for boys.

My friend was pregnant at the same time as me, I knew what I was having but she wasn’t finding out. At her baby shower my other friend said she hoped she was having a girl. I just felt a bit put out sat there pregnant with a little boy as if people thought girls were better 🤔 We have since been for lunch etc with the babies and multiple people walking past make a big song and dance over her little girl but didn’t acknowledge my little boy. I’m just sat there feeling awkward like yip, I’ve got a baby too 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ve had people making jokes to me about future children saying ‘aw itl be another boy’ or I even had a guy jokingly say ‘when you have twin boys’. It’s like, what would be wrong with that?! 🤔 I feel for people with two or more boys who will no doubt have had to deal with these kinds of comments all the time. They’re not some sort of second place prize 🙄 Just saw a post on Facebook from someone with a little boy popping a pink balloon at her gender reveal saying she was ‘finally’ getting her princess, as if somehow she has just been passing the time with her little boy waiting on a girl arriving. I hate the whole thing, is it just me? 😩

I experienced the opposite, or rather exh did, that he got two girls and no son

boys are ace and anyone who says otherwise is a complete arse- end of!

Personally I love the simplicity of boys clothes. Buying DS’ new season wardrobe is so easy: x number of trousers, jumpers and t-shirts and we are done. He isn’t fussed about colours, styles etc. I find the range of clothes available for DD (8) a bit bewildering plus she has firm ideas about what she wants to wear now so it’s just a bit of a headache.

I always wanted a son but I’m so glad I’ve got one of each. They are both amazing in their own right.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

The fact you prefer your son to your daughter is about him and you as individuals, not the fact he’s a boy

Oh gosh, I wouldn't go so far as to say I prefer my son to my daughter - but that having a son is something I've enjoyed so much that I would want another.

My daughter is truly wonderful. As is my son. But there are more elements of my sons nature than my daughters that I would want if I could choose. And typically these are the things which seem to meet the stereotypes of having a son - which I find frustrating as I hate stereotyping.

Yeah but that’s my point.

Your son might meet some stereotypes of having a son, and you enjoy that more and that’s all good. But I doubt actually those behaviours are much to do with him being a boy, it’s just what he’s like as a person.

I know endless people with a couple of kids of both sexes, who will say oh of course boys/girls are like this based on their own kids’ behaviour - but from parent to parent they’ll be ascribing totally different behaviour to ‘being a girl’ or ‘being a boy’. We seem quite obsessed as the moment with dividing behaviour by sex. It’s odd.

4 boys here. Been told its a shame , no girls. Boys are far less dramatic than girls. More boisterous yes, but they take far less time and drama to make friends again after falling out , unlike girls (this is from my own personal experience) can keep grudges going for weeks!!

I never got that impression, but maybe it's easier for me as I got one of each? So no one was saying 'What a shame only girls/boys' or anything like that.

There was a very slight sense from my grandparents generation that a boy was seen as preferable.

I guess now things have moved to being more 'mum-centric' there's this assumption that mums want to have someone to go clothes shopping with and do other things that only women are supposed to do.

@fogglez

One of my guilty pleasures is watching gender reveal videos - I must have watched 1000s and when the children are asked if they want a brother or sister, they ALWAYS choose the same sex as themselves. And me. I’m the oldest of 4 sisters and never wanted a brother either time (my second sister is only a year younger so don’t think I knew to have a preference)

See I always wanted a big brother & DS was super excited & wanted a sister.

Ah. See now I always wanted a big brother, but being the oldest that was never going to happen!

Totally with you OP. I have two boys and have heard all the negative comments, really shocked me to begin with!

@LeftieLucy I'm the oldest too! 😆

Sad it may be but it’s true.

I’ve never met my ‘dad’ I don’t know if his family even know I exist

Sure, sure not all men ya da ya da but there’s a LOT of boy mums who don’t get to see grandkids.

When my dds dad fucked off it was me who preserved her relationship with my ex ils. They have another grandchild they haven’t seen since she was 2 and she would be 22 now.

Search the threads on here, how many devastated mils are feeling shut out of their sons family (even while he is still around) while the mums mum is welcomed in?

It’s not hard and fast but it’s certainly the general trend.

I have 1 DD and if I had another baby I would secretly prefer another girl. I know how to parent a girl it would be a new thing if it was a boy. The main thing is they are healthy.

I must be weird as I wanted boys and was initially a little disappointed when I found out at 20 weeks that my eldest was a girl. Quickly wore off though when she arrived and was the absolute apple of my eye, the prettiest sweetest funniest little girl you can imagine!

DC2 was a boy and I do love his especial devotion to me as his mummy. He always sticks up for me when DH and DD gang up on me 🤣 plus he always helps me to do jobs like baskets and shopping in for me.

If I'd had a third child I don't know which sex I would have chosen. They're both so lovely and individual. A DC3 would have been different all over again!

Well for a start, it's only really women who think that way isn't it.

Pretty much all men I've come across would still prefer boys.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Whatever perceived disadvantage you think there is now, he’ll have plenty of it when he’s grown.

Not sure where you are shopping or what you are seeing, but where I go I see racks full of “born to be a princess” or “born to shop” t-shirts in girl colours where boys are “born to lead” I’d take quality over quantity any day.

It's so true! I don't know a single person who has two girls and would "try" for a boy. However, 4 of my friends have two boys and talk all the time about trying for a girl. I have two girls and all of my friends who don't have girls, tell me all the time how they wish they did.

I have two now grown up children, both sons.In those old days you never knew the sex of your unborn baby as it was before ultra sound scans, so you waited or the birth to get your surprise, it was the first thing mothers were told at the moment of birth.When pregnant with my second I was hoping for a daughter as I knew I would have to make it my last baby, as my DS1 and myself almost died during the crash caesarean birth and it looked like this one would have to be born by CS as well.In those days caesarean sections were all done under GA and the longitudinal incision was used which put you at risk of uterine rupture in further pregnancy and labours.To be on the safe side I had the tubal tie done with this second caesarean birth, and when it was over I woke from the GA and told I had a son he was alive that was all that mattered
The matron of maternity came into the ward a few days later she very briefly glanced at my lovely new son in his cot and said to me ''What a pity you got another boy, you do know that now you have had your tubes tied you will not get a girl don't you?''.If I had the strength then to get out of bed and hit her I would have done just that.No mention of him being a normal healthy baby at all
I now have four granddaughters and am also a great grandmother so I got my girls eventually but still love my two sons who were not born easily.I come from a large family of sisters, only one brother.He was my parents' longed for boy and was idolised by them, but I think it would have been the same if it had been the opposite way round, they would have idolised their only daughter.
Now I find it very annoying when people announce they are having a princess meaning a girl, and go into absolute raptures, but never for a boy.A baby is a human being not a doll to dress up all frilly pink and girly
Also do they ever give a thought to what would happen to the world population if no boys were born?

I live in a farming community. I am not part of a farming family but I have 2 sons. Boys stay on the farm, marry and produce boys ,who stay on the farm. Girls marry the sons of other farmers and go to live on their husband's farm . It hasnt changed in the 56 years I have lived here. Girls rarely take on the farm of their birth family. Producing a son is still important here.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Completely get where your coming from, people seem the pine over little girls and think they are somehow cuter which hurts when you have a boy.

To flip this the other way. I was one of three girls and people constantly asked my parents while in front of us did you want a boy, bet the father is disappointed not to have boy, no one to carry on the family name etc.

It really did affect me and I became a tomboy to try and win my dads affection when it was other people opinions.

People need to learn to keep their mouth shut or engage the brain a bit more at times

@rhowton

It's so true! I don't know a single person who has two girls and would "try" for a boy. However, 4 of my friends have two boys and talk all the time about trying for a girl. I have two girls and all of my friends who don't have girls, tell me all the time how they wish they did.

I was a teacher in a farming community in England. Every mother who had 2 girls would have another baby ,and would be praying for a boy.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It's hard - whenever I see a thread title about gender disappointment etc it's always boy without a shadow of a doubt.

I have one of each. If I could choose for my third, I'd go boy hands down.

People don't realise what they are missing. Boys are fucking brilliant.

Same, and I love them both equally and equally fiercely.

I wonder if there's a tilt on mumsnet / in mum groups / speaking to female family members because they're mostly women.

I think lots of women feel like it will be easier to relate to and parent a girl because they were girls themselves. It's natural to gravitate towards what you know.

Equally lots of men I know want boys. They imagine that will be all football and sports and things they like. And they worry about parenting girls as it's harder for men to think about periods and puberty etc.

Of course there's lots of gendered nonsense wrapped into that, but I do think it's quite natural to believe that it will be easier to parent and relate to a child the same sex as you.

And because it's mumsnet - that's largely women wanting girls so it seems massively imbalanced.

FWIW all my friends with boys say they are wonderful and they reckon a much easier parenting ride. Equally, All my friends with girls love their girls.

I think it's perfectly ok to have a preference or image in your mind. Also fine to have a twinge of disappointment. Everyone I know loves whatever they get when it comes down to it.

@HerrenaHarridan

*Search the threads on here, how many devastated mils are feeling shut out of their sons family (even while he is still around) while the mums mum is welcomed in?

It’s not hard and fast but it’s certainly the general trend.*

Totally agree with this! Also complaints about MIL relationships seems so common. A son close to his mother is referred to as a mama boys and their close relationship is looked down on.

Search the threads on here, how many devastated mils are feeling shut out of their sons family (even while he is still around) while the mums mum is welcomed in?

I'd say it's equal to the threads about fractured mother daughter relationships

I have a friend who had 4 boys. They had one last try and had a little girl.They dressed her in pink and fantasised about her father walking her down the aisle in a beautiful bridal gown. She is an adult now and a very, very masculine lesbian. She identifies as a woman but could easily be mistaken for one of her brothers. She doesn't like shopping and spa days and other things that might be classed as girl things. Just because you have a girl doesn't mean you will get to go wedding dress shopping and go for pampering sessions together. I have 2 sons. I went wedding dress shopping with my DIL. Another friend has a daughter who has decided that marriage and children are not for her. There will be no wedding dress shopping for her mother.The sex of a baby at birth means very little.