Why do boys get treated like a second place prize?

[willwewontwe]

I had a little boy last year, absolutely delighted with him, love him to bits etc but over the last year I’ve steadily noticed more and more this attitude by some people that girls are better than boys. I’ve even now noticed it in some baby clothes shops where you walk in and there’s aisles of girls clothes on display then a small section of dinosaur clothes in the corner for boys.

My friend was pregnant at the same time as me, I knew what I was having but she wasn’t finding out. At her baby shower my other friend said she hoped she was having a girl. I just felt a bit put out sat there pregnant with a little boy as if people thought girls were better 🤔 We have since been for lunch etc with the babies and multiple people walking past make a big song and dance over her little girl but didn’t acknowledge my little boy. I’m just sat there feeling awkward like yip, I’ve got a baby too 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ve had people making jokes to me about future children saying ‘aw itl be another boy’ or I even had a guy jokingly say ‘when you have twin boys’. It’s like, what would be wrong with that?! 🤔 I feel for people with two or more boys who will no doubt have had to deal with these kinds of comments all the time. They’re not some sort of second place prize 🙄 Just saw a post on Facebook from someone with a little boy popping a pink balloon at her gender reveal saying she was ‘finally’ getting her princess, as if somehow she has just been passing the time with her little boy waiting on a girl arriving. I hate the whole thing, is it just me? 😩

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It's hard - whenever I see a thread title about gender disappointment etc it's always boy without a shadow of a doubt.

I have one of each. If I could choose for my third, I'd go boy hands down.

People don't realise what they are missing. Boys are fucking brilliant.

Agree! My 3 yr old boy is just perfect for our family. I cried when I found out he was a boy- how wrong I was! I’m pregnant with my second boy now and I’m delighted. I was delighted when I found out, I just really want them to get on now.

I think girl (children) are more highly valued in our society.

Sometimes I think this but I also think if Kate Middleton hadn't had a boy first some would see it as a failure.

Sometimes I think this but I also think if Kate Middleton hadn't had a boy first some would see it as a failure

I disagree. They changed the order of succession before she delivered and had she had a girl, me (and I assume most feminists) would have been cock-a-hoop that this girl was the marker for positive change.

I LOVE having a boy. Also have a girl who is awesome, in part because she has an older brother, but if I’d had two girls I’d 100% have gone again for a boy. If I’d had two boys I’d have stuck there. But they’re great, and I feel like having one of each has made me see parenting differently too

I did say some..

I have never come across this (2 boys here). Though it is annoying that kid's clothes shops have so much more girl options than boy options!

My mum is my rock. It’s something as a woman to have a good relationship with your mother and want to replicate that with your daughter. It’s what you’ve known and what you love.

I would have be devastated if dd had been a boy. I didn’t find out the sex for this reason as I knew I would love my baby once it was here either way but would have grieved for a girl during pregnancy if I’d been told I was having a boy

I never came up with a name for a boy and I won’t risk having another in case it’s a boy.

I don’t want to spend my life running around after any male and I don’t want to be fighting what society is constantly trying to turn boys into.

I would have been so anxious in the teen years that he was treating to girls in his circle well that I would probably have made him too scared to talk to them.

I also don’t want to share a house with teen boy smell and most importantly I don’t want to find myself with grandchildren I don’t get to see because he joined the ranks of utter waste of space men that have filled my life this far.

Me and my mum are tight. I wanted that with my daughter and we do

It’s definitely a thing and I agree with a pp that it’s annoying when people deny it just because they haven’t experienced personally it doesn’t mean it isn’t a thing, girls are definitely seen as more special, 99% of gender disappointment threads are about having a boy, the only time I’ve seen one about girls is when the poster already has 2+ girls so wanted a boy but even then 99% seem to be from those disappointed it’s a boy.

I have 3 boys. People actually told me how sorry they were that my 3rd was a boy. I look at each one of my boys and feel angry that anyone could think I would see them as second best or a disappointment. I also worry how this attitude will effect them when they are old enough to understand.

I worry my 3rd and even 2nd will be told how I must have been trying for a girl. I don't want them to feel unwanted.

People always trot out the justification that 50 years ago/in other countries people wanted boys but there was a genuine reason for this linked to economics, inheritance and care in old age. The desire for girls is irrational and I worry what misconceptions we have as a society that make us value one sex over the other.

I only have 1 dc (ds). He's brilliant! I genuinely didn't care what the sex of the baby was when I was pregnant. We're one and done, but I'd be quite happy with another boy if we were to have another.

Denzel Washington said - 'A mother is a son's first true love. A first son is a mother's last true love.'

I love that. And I think it's true for ds and me. I hope it turns out to be anyway.

I've found this too. I have 2 boys, desperately wanted 2 boys but still had the odd commissary type comment after my 2nd as if I'd be disappointed

@HerrenaHarridan

I would have be devastated if dd had been a boy. I didn’t find out the sex for this reason as I knew I would love my baby once it was here either way but would have grieved for a girl during pregnancy if I’d been told I was having a boy

I never came up with a name for a boy and I won’t risk having another in case it’s a boy.

I don’t want to spend my life running around after any male and I don’t want to be fighting what society is constantly trying to turn boys into.

I would have been so anxious in the teen years that he was treating to girls in his circle well that I would probably have made him too scared to talk to them.

I also don’t want to share a house with teen boy smell and most importantly I don’t want to find myself with grandchildren I don’t get to see because he joined the ranks of utter waste of space men that have filled my life this far.

Wow. This is really sad to read.

This makes me so sad, DD obviously a girl, when I'd have loved a boy, currently carrying a boy and so excited for him. Boys clothes feel like a bit of a cop out compared to the the girls a lot of the time, but I can get past that.

I really hope that I don't witness any of the stuff you have, I'd be a bit heartbroken to be honest.

I think it’s more deep rooted than just ‘wanting a dolly to dress up, princesses blah blah blah’

One of my guilty pleasures is watching gender reveal videos - I must have watched 1000s and when the children are asked if they want a brother or sister, they ALWAYS choose the same sex as themselves.
And me. I’m the oldest of 4 sisters and never wanted a brother either time (my second sister is only a year younger so don’t think I knew to have a preference)

I have 2 girls and 2 boys and my husband was so pleased our first was a girl as he only had brothers and they only had sons. I can’t remember if I had a preference.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

It's hard - whenever I see a thread title about gender disappointment etc it's always boy without a shadow of a doubt.

I have one of each. If I could choose for my third, I'd go boy hands down.

People don't realise what they are missing. Boys are fucking brilliant.

I think this is part of the problem though

People are individuals

The fact you prefer your son to your daughter is about him and you as individuals, not the fact he’s a boy.

@HerrenaHarridan

I would have be devastated if dd had been a boy. I didn’t find out the sex for this reason as I knew I would love my baby once it was here either way but would have grieved for a girl during pregnancy if I’d been told I was having a boy

I never came up with a name for a boy and I won’t risk having another in case it’s a boy.

I don’t want to spend my life running around after any male and I don’t want to be fighting what society is constantly trying to turn boys into.

I would have been so anxious in the teen years that he was treating to girls in his circle well that I would probably have made him too scared to talk to them.

I also don’t want to share a house with teen boy smell and most importantly I don’t want to find myself with grandchildren I don’t get to see because he joined the ranks of utter waste of space men that have filled my life this far.

That's very sad.

I love having a boy. I can't have any more so he is my world. I hope to raise him to be kind, caring and a good husband and father when his time comes. I hope we'll be close in the future but you only have to read the threads on here to know it's not always sunshine and roses between mums and daughters.

Are there times I think it would have been nice to have a girl? Yes, but as well as, not instead of.

But I get where you're coming from @willwewontwe You don't see programmes called '8 girls and wanting a boy.' It's always the other way around.

I also don’t want to share a house with teen boy smell and most importantly I don’t want to find myself with grandchildren I don’t get to see because he joined the ranks of utter waste of space men that have filled my life this far.

yeah that's sad. My dad is amazing & my DH is great.

One of my guilty pleasures is watching gender reveal videos - I must have watched 1000s and when the children are asked if they want a brother or sister, they ALWAYS choose the same sex as themselves. And me. I’m the oldest of 4 sisters and never wanted a brother either time (my second sister is only a year younger so don’t think I knew to have a preference)

See I always wanted a big brother & DS was super excited & wanted a sister.

The fact you prefer your son to your daughter is about him and you as individuals, not the fact he’s a boy

Oh gosh, I wouldn't go so far as to say I prefer my son to my daughter - but that having a son is something I've enjoyed so much that I would want another.

My daughter is truly wonderful. As is my son. But there are more elements of my sons nature than my daughters that I would want if I could choose. And typically these are the things which seem to meet the stereotypes of having a son - which I find frustrating as I hate stereotyping.

I have 2 girls. I’m delighted that I do, but I’d have been equally delighted with 2 boys, or one of each. Their personalities are miles apart so I don’t buy this ‘good girl, naughty boy’ or ‘sassy girl, chilled boy’ shite. It’s personality.

We’ve been asked a lot if we’re going to ‘try for a boy next time’ (there is no next time, we’re happy with our lot thanks), and whether my husband has ‘come to terms with no son’. We’ve been told that people pity us, and just wait for the teen years.

I think whatever you have, some idiot is always snarky.

When I told my dad my second child was also a girl he said ‘awk, don’t be worrying, you will get a boy next time!’

Had a friend who was pregnant with number 3 when l couldn't get pregnant with number 2. She said unless it was a girl, she would never feel complete. Well it was another boy so guessing she isn't complete. I never got to have a 2nd baby and would've given my right arm for a boy/girl or anything in between! Thought it was quite insensitive of her.

@StrawberrySanta

I assumed it's because as women we know what it's like to be a girl and can relate to them as we've been there. You know you might imagine your child having the same toys and experiences you did as child and wanting to do those for nostalgia so feel that a girl would be most natural

This is what l think too....we like things that are familiar to us