17 weeks and I think I'm losing/lost the baby

[OopsImDoingItAgain]

Had another thread about midwife not finding the heartbeat and how I'm having a scan tomorrow, but I'm having cramps today in my lower back and down my thighs as if I'm about to come on and really sharp pains in my right hand side. I'm convinced I've lost the baby and my body is starting to catch up. I have tried phoning my midwife I don't think she's working today as no answer, I'm too early to go to the ward. What can I do? Or do I have to just sit tight until tomorrow?

You don’t have to do anything at the moment with regards to social media. You put a short post up to explain what happened if you’d like to (and even turn off the comments if you’d prefer) and that might stop people asking about your pregnancy whilst you’re hurting. You also don’t owe anyone an explanation so you can just do nothing if you’d feel better. However, I think that’s a decision for another day. You look after yourself, I’ve been thinking of you

The hospital gave us an aching arms bear and I can't explain how much it helped to not have to leave the hospital empty handed. I do plan to give him to my toddler when we tell him, we couldn't bare to do it today, but since he's been in bed I've barely put the bear down. I can't believe how much comfort I'm getting from a teddy I don't think I can bare to give it to him! I've just donated one online from our baby to another family in a similar situation and feel like that just doing that helps me feel a bit better for now. I'd never heard of this charity but it's lovely.

That's a lovely idea, and really nice to donate one to another family.

It's so hard to process you are very early on. Have you ever heard of Oscars wish? I have made contact with my bear ment midwife excuse typos. I was lying next to my own little girl earlier and holding her hand. And it felt ok. Then bang she asked about how babies are in my tummy. 😑 . Thats the thing about grief it's not straightforward and linear. Have you managed to get in contact with a doctor for some short term meds sleeping wise? It can really help xxx

Hi I have that teddy I haven't been able to take it out of the little bag yet. But I'm so glad it's bringing your comfort xx

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. You sound so strong and the charity donation is a lovely thought. Sending hugs and

@Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed

Hi I have that teddy I haven't been able to take it out of the little bag yet. But I'm so glad it's bringing your comfort xx

The hospital just gave us ours loose and I clung to that bear the whole way home. They put a little one in with the baby to be too to be cremated with him. It's a lovely way of feeling some sort of connection. They've said the bear will stay with him throughout his post mortem and everything. When I'm holding it I feel like he's not going through all of it alone as silly as it sounds.

Good advice from @22EL23, I agree with this. You don't owe anyone anything. In time if you want to make an announcement then do so.

I think it's lovely the bear can give you comfort. Keep the near for now, you dont have to pass it toi your little one. It's obviously helping

Thinking of you and your family @OopsImDoingItAgain and sending lots of love and hugs 💐♥️

Morning hope you managed to sleep a bit. If you want to chat more feel free to pm me. Do whatever feels best for you and your family. It's hard explaining it to the kids. And trying to cope with everyday life as w

Sorry it cut off. I found a private FB group for women in our situation if you want the link x

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you lost your baby. RIP little one, and I am hoping for peace and strength for you, and your family

I'm still thinking of you
I think the bear is a lovely idea
I don't think you necessarily need to update Facebook, but if you feel it would be helpful for you, that's ok
It's such early days, and there is no pattern to grief, so acknowledge your feelings as they come

The hospital assured me no milk would or could come in. I've been scared for the last 24 hours that it is happening as my boobs were getting harder and more and more painful and they are leaking milk today. It's really too much for me to cope with how can I stop it. Why would they tell me there's no risk of it happening if there is

So sorry for everything that's happening. Not sure if there are better options but decongestants for colds (maybe sudafed?) can dry up milk supply

You can get cabergoline from the GP but I would imagine a pharmacy would have to order in but its maybe something the maternity ward would stock? If you want something without the hassle of that you can try sudafed but it has to be from the pharmacy and contain pseudoephidrine, the one you buy in shops won't work.

Just hand relieve for comfort and try and keep it to a minimum to stop the production of milk.

So sorry you are experiencing this, it must be so distressing I wonder if it was because your placenta was still there a bit later than the 14 weeks.

I'm sorry to hear that, OP, it must be really difficult. A cold compress/flannel soaked in water on your breasts may help soothe them a bit, and you may find expressing helps. If you need help with this La Leche League, your midwife or HV should be able to support.

breastfeeding.support/lactation-after-stillbirth-infant-loss/

'To stop lactation after miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss, express just enough milk to stay comfortable by hand expressing or using a breast pump—the milk supply will gradually reduce. There is no evidence that using prescription medication to dry up breast milk is more effective than expressing to comfort. Some women choose to pump their milk and donate it to a milk bank.'

I had a medical MC at 15 weeks, baby had passed at 14.

I didn't opt for a post-mortem. I wasn't given the choice of deciding what happened to baby, wasn't even allowed to see it, I don't know where my little bean ended up.

Sending you lots of love OP, so sorry for your loss x

@FluffEverywhere, I'm sorry for your loss.

When I lost my girls, I was told by the chaplain that the babies are treated with respect and are kept by the hospital mortuary. Once every six/eight weeks They are taken to the local crematorium where they are cremated. The hospital chaplain or other staff there attend the ceremony.
On the second Sunday of May each year, they have a memorial service locally. You may, if you find it helpful ask your hospital for details.

The hospital absolutely should have offered you medication to stop your milk coming in. I was given it but chose not to take it and my milk did come in. It lasted about 2/3 days before starting to dry up. I’m so sorry your going through this, I know just how hard it is. Xxx

@OopsImDoingItAgain

The hospital assured me no milk would or could come in. I've been scared for the last 24 hours that it is happening as my boobs were getting harder and more and more painful and they are leaking milk today. It's really too much for me to cope with how can I stop it. Why would they tell me there's no risk of it happening if there is

I'm so sorry OP. I found that one of the worst parts. Having gone through the mc, it's so cruel to produce milk. I suppose PP was right in that the placenta was still working. My poor baby had died weeks before and I was so distressed that my milk came in. There really should be more help specifically tailored for those of us that have second trimester losses. It's as if all mcs are first trimester which, although awful, are different.

I've been thinking about you lots and wondering how you are doing.

My friend suffered a loss in a very similar way. They too had announced their pregnancy on sm.

When they felt the time was right and after their son was cremated they made a sm announcement along the lines that they'd recently laid their son to rest after he was born asleep and were still coming to terms with their loss.

I hope you find the right words if that's something you want to do.