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Original poster

Boyfriend went and got drunk in my early labour

357 replies

ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 05:08

Hi

My waters broke at 32 weeks because of pprom. I have been in hell since. I'm nearly 35 weeks.

I have been contracting every day since and I'm in early labour however I'm not dilating. I've been in hospital in and out this whole time and being closely monitored. They decided they wanted me to push through the pain and contractions to give her a better chance starting off. Today it's been two weeks since I've been in early labour

My boyfriend has been great so dad always there for me and very hands on. However tonight he went for dinner. I was pleased he was getting out.

I did tell him all day though the pains are getting unbearable I was crying on the phone and I was begging him for help. I didn't tell him not to go to dinner I still didn't mind but I did say I think I might have to go to hospital.

Fast forward he has got so drunk he can't even walk. He can't speak he has no idea what's going on. He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

I've never ever seen this side of him and im heartbroken. My friend came with me as I couldn't walk through the contractions and he did turn up with his friend but he was so drunk she had to turn him away. He apparently looked relieved.

Its 5am now and my friend had to go home and I have been told I'm showing signs of infection and I may have to deliver early via emergency c section.

I've tried calling and calling him but I can't get through. I've begged and pleaded for him to pick up but he was so drunk I can only assume he is dead out. He certainly won't be able to drive or look after me in the next few hours.

I am so scared to deliver my child alone if I have too, it's been such a scary two weeks and I can't believe he's done this.

I don't know how to get through these next two hours alone so I'm just reaching out to anyone who's awake. Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

I didn't mind him going out but he's so paralytic he doesn't really know or care what's going on

Sorry my head is everywhere

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/01/2022 05:11

I'd struggle to get past that conversation he had. Quite honestly I would just put yourself first now and not expect anything from him at all. I wouldn't contact him either. If he tries to call you just don't answer the phone.

Weenurse · 30/01/2022 05:12

Sorry you are going through this 💐

StruggleStreet · 30/01/2022 05:21

So sorry @ddolly123, he’s behaving terribly. I would also struggle to get past his comment about the morphine. It says a lot about him that this is how he treats you at your most vulnerable. He should be showing up for his partner and child, not getting pissed and complaining that it’s unfair on him.
Is there anyone else who you can be your birth partner? Mum, or a friend perhaps?

Hugasauras · 30/01/2022 05:24

Bloody hell.

Hand on heart, OP, is this really the first time he's done something like this? Is he really supportive and lovely and caring the rest of the time? I find it hard to believe someone with all those qualities would behave in the way he has, as it's truly disgusting.

Hugasauras · 30/01/2022 05:27

And as for this: 'His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.'

You've been not drinking for 9 months. Of course it's not too much to expect he can manage two weeks without getting drunk when you are in the situation you are in. I don't think my husband would even want to go out and leave me if I was in that situation, let alone get in that kind of state.

Please put yourself and your baby first, OP, whatever happens next Thanks

Flickflak · 30/01/2022 05:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

mathanxiety · 30/01/2022 05:30

Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

@ddolly123 first, Flowers to you and good luck for the delivery.

Next...
Do you have a right to be mad???????

You have a right to punt him and his stupid friend into the middle of next week.

When the baby is born, can you go to your mum's or any other relative's instead of going home with this sorry, pathetic excuse for a 'man'?

He resents being on call for two weeks while you are in pain. What the hell does he think having a newborn baby is going to be like?

I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship if I were you.
It sounds as if he will not be the help and support you will need, and you are going to find yourself living the life of a single mother, along with the aggravation of living with a man who resents everything you have brought into his life and is not prepared to give up anything for you.

ThisBooksCanDo · 30/01/2022 05:39

Turn your phone off and concentrate on you and the baby. If he's that paralytic he won't be any use to you now.

laurenGame · 30/01/2022 05:40

Hi I would try to focus on yourself and your baby right now.
Bf is asleep and no point waking him up in his drunken state.

You are not going to do this alone, you are under a care and supervision of experienced doctors and Heath care professionals, they will take care of you today. Deal with the bf tomorrow.

Can you go into hospital for monitoring? Call an ambulance so they can take you, say you don't have anyone to drive you. X Daffodil

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 30/01/2022 05:45

I'm so sorry OP, he sound like a complete shit. I'd be looking for a good friend to be with you when they deliver your baby, I couldn't forgive how he's acting when you need support now

tara66 · 30/01/2022 05:48

Why don't you call an ambulance immediately?

Mumdiva99 · 30/01/2022 05:57

OK....one thing at a time. You are safe. You are in hospital (I think). I know you are scared but it's unlikely anything will happen in the next few hours.

BF needs to sleep it off so he will be use to you in the morning so stop calling him for now.

If he really is a good BF the rest of the team then this was probably a mistake. He has probably been very stressed and worried too these last few weeks and drank a bit too much by mistake. (Maybe friends without kids didn't understand the current seriousness of the situation and egged him on.....come on last time you can do this...type comments.) The slagging off you can deal with when you see him......was he actually slagging you off or just making a bad joke which you understandably didn't find funny.

Please please try to get some rest. You need it. You can deal with him tomorrow. I hope he comes running tail between his legs.

Malibuismysecrethome · 30/01/2022 05:59

Are you in hospital if not get to one urgently.
Worry about him when you have safely delivered your baby.

Original poster
ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 06:04

@Mumdiva99

OK....one thing at a time. You are safe. You are in hospital (I think). I know you are scared but it's unlikely anything will happen in the next few hours.

BF needs to sleep it off so he will be use to you in the morning so stop calling him for now.

If he really is a good BF the rest of the team then this was probably a mistake. He has probably been very stressed and worried too these last few weeks and drank a bit too much by mistake. (Maybe friends without kids didn't understand the current seriousness of the situation and egged him on.....come on last time you can do this...type comments.) The slagging off you can deal with when you see him......was he actually slagging you off or just making a bad joke which you understandably didn't find funny.

Please please try to get some rest. You need it. You can deal with him tomorrow. I hope he comes running tail between his legs.

Hi everyone sorry I don't know how to reply.

Hand on my heart he's always very very lovely and supportive that's why I feel almost numb to the situation. I'm in hospital I have been all night and they've said my temp is staying the same but I will need to stay for close monitoring as her movements are slowing down and she seems a little stressed. My bloods have also just come back fine but I'm going for a scan now.

I have a feeling I'll be labelled as a drama queen or something tommoro, I really don't know if he will come back with his tail between his legs. I had too call his mum, call my mum and his step mum at 430am asking if they could be standby for emergency op.

I ended up calling and calling him out of desperation as I was so scared and felt I couldn't do the op but I never got through and I stupidly text and said I promise I won't be mad because I just wanted him there. I think deep down he would of been far too drunk to come in anyway and hold my hand and be there.

It's been the two most stressful scariest weeks of my life and I've been working with the trauma team so I'm just wary I'm not being stable or over dramatic.

Any advise on what to say when he wakes up tommoro would be great. I just feel like I don't want him around at the moment and I would like to rest at my dads. I'm in pain 247 so I can't deal with this x

OP posts:
bonetiredwithtwins · 30/01/2022 06:09

What an utter dick head. How long have you been together? I'd turn your phone off and concentrate on you and your baby.
Oh and I'd never forgive him

mathanxiety · 30/01/2022 06:09

If he really is a good BF the rest of the team then this was probably a mistake. He has probably been very stressed and worried too these last few weeks and drank a bit too much by mistake. (Maybe friends without kids didn't understand the current seriousness of the situation and egged him on.....come on last time you can do this...type comments.) The slagging off you can deal with when you see him......was he actually slagging you off or just making a bad joke which you understandably didn't find funny.

Fuck me sideways.

I have seen it all now.

catwomando · 30/01/2022 06:11

Oh @ddolly123 poor you. If it were me I'd tell him to,fuck off. And when he'd got there, to fuck off some more, and then maybe just , you know, fuck off again?

Seriously you deserve better than this.

Agree with PP a that you need to focus on you and the baby right now. This can still be an amazing experience, and your little one will be with you soon. You will have grown a whole new human, clever you. Smile.

Block him on your phone, have a bit of a cry to a midwife, take a breath and prepare yourself to meet your new baby. You have plenty of time to deal with him afterwards. Is there anyone else who can come and be your birth partner ? If not, explain to the staff and ask them to help and support you just a little bit more.

I'm so sorry you are at this point but you are an awesome baby-maker and will be a smashing mum, and your baby will be beautiful. Focus on that for now because at this point it's all that matters. Good luck x

mathanxiety · 30/01/2022 06:17

Any advise on what to say when he wakes up tommoro would be great. I just feel like I don't want him around at the moment and I would like to rest at my dads. I'm in pain 247 so I can't deal with this x

Yes, I have some advice.

Tell him to go and fuck himself, and fuck his friend too while he's at it because he clearly feels more affection for him than for you.

If you are genuinely afraid that you are going to be called a drama queen for asking for help and for expecting your BF to provide it when you are going through a medical emergency, then you are living with people who do not care for you at all, and I hope you can find support to get away from them.

I would never forgive him for this. He let you down in the worst possible way when you needed him the most. There is NO excuse for this. Please don't give him a second chance.

MimiDaisy11 · 30/01/2022 06:20

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You say he’s normally lovely but then say you think he’ll label you a drama queen. You’re not giving the impression at all of a lovely man. I mean you’re in hospital with complications you’re allowed to worry, be scared and reach out for support. It’s not being a drama queen, it being human.

I get you’re scared and want support but if he was that drunk then he’s not going to be useful for a while. I’d just ignore him for now.

I’d reach out to others like friends and family.

MimiDaisy11 · 30/01/2022 06:20

Also I meant to add if you want to be at your dads and feel more comfortable there then go.

DefaultParent · 30/01/2022 06:36

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not fair at all Flowers

He sounds very immature as does his friend. Are you teenagers?

Block him and focus on support from others if you can.

Original poster
ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 06:42

@DefaultParent

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not fair at all Flowers

He sounds very immature as does his friend. Are you teenagers?

Block him and focus on support from others if you can.

We are 30 with a cat and a dog and good jobs etc he has had a very very tough year and I know he's been stressed with all the pregnancy complications but I really do feel like this is an awful excuse and awful time to let off steam

They still want me to get to the 36 mark and so do I. I've got the scan and that will decide if we deliver. I'm praying and praying we don't. I've tried calling him to let him know about the welfare of his little girl but no awnser.

I wasn't sure if this was something to warrant a break up for but I feel incredibly hurt as I feel I'm pushing my body to the maximum limit- I've been in labour for two bloody weeks!!

I think I'm just feeling very vulnerable I'm
Exhausted and I just wanted him here as I've been so scared.

Im praying we get another week of cooking

Xx

OP posts:
EL1984 · 30/01/2022 06:42

Really sorry to hear what your going through OP.
I cannot imagine having contractions for 2 weeks. Jesus you must be so rung out.
You need to concentrate on yourself and your baby and have someone reliable at your side.
Sort the bf out later. I find it unbelievable that he can't put life on hold for 2 weeks to support you and the baby. You're managing to do it! Not that you have a choice in the matter!
Best of luck xx

Amichelle84 · 30/01/2022 06:49

You need to try and focus on you and the baby now.

Of it were me (with my non panicking head on) I'd ask whoever you are close with to come and support you and turn your phone off.

BF has made his bed and he can lie in it and be the one to start panicking and worrying.

Such a selfish thing to do and he should feel very guilty when he wakes up. Comments aside, he shouldn't have got so drunk.

Good luck

Indecisivelurcher · 30/01/2022 06:50

Ignoring the issue with your partner, I seriously think that at 35 weeks and with your pain and the risk of infection you should push for a C-section now. I'm serious. I don't see the benefit of waiting, just risks.

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