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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend went and got drunk in my early labour

357 replies

ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 05:08

Hi

My waters broke at 32 weeks because of pprom. I have been in hell since. I'm nearly 35 weeks.

I have been contracting every day since and I'm in early labour however I'm not dilating. I've been in hospital in and out this whole time and being closely monitored. They decided they wanted me to push through the pain and contractions to give her a better chance starting off. Today it's been two weeks since I've been in early labour

My boyfriend has been great so dad always there for me and very hands on. However tonight he went for dinner. I was pleased he was getting out.

I did tell him all day though the pains are getting unbearable I was crying on the phone and I was begging him for help. I didn't tell him not to go to dinner I still didn't mind but I did say I think I might have to go to hospital.

Fast forward he has got so drunk he can't even walk. He can't speak he has no idea what's going on. He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

I've never ever seen this side of him and im heartbroken. My friend came with me as I couldn't walk through the contractions and he did turn up with his friend but he was so drunk she had to turn him away. He apparently looked relieved.

Its 5am now and my friend had to go home and I have been told I'm showing signs of infection and I may have to deliver early via emergency c section.

I've tried calling and calling him but I can't get through. I've begged and pleaded for him to pick up but he was so drunk I can only assume he is dead out. He certainly won't be able to drive or look after me in the next few hours.

I am so scared to deliver my child alone if I have too, it's been such a scary two weeks and I can't believe he's done this.

I don't know how to get through these next two hours alone so I'm just reaching out to anyone who's awake. Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

I didn't mind him going out but he's so paralytic he doesn't really know or care what's going on

Sorry my head is everywhere

OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 30/01/2022 09:18

Sorry this would be a deal breaker for me. IF and it’s a big IF, he got pissed cause he’s stressed then he’s clearly not reliable.

Try to focus on you and the baby. Best of luck OP

2tired4this · 30/01/2022 09:18

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stop messaging him now though, he'll see a barrage of texts when he wakes up and will feel mortified and you can talk then.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 30/01/2022 09:20

@EricScrantona

Going against the grain here, I think he's got so ridiculously drunk because he is stressed about the situation and wondering what he can actually do to help. You say this is the first time he has ever behaved like this. It must be a difficult situation for him too. He can't ease the pain or offer medical advice. He is just there as support and it appears to be growing resentful of the situation. It's hard to see loved ones in pain and be unable to help. Some people take this to a bad place.

He is in the wrong, he has coped with the situation badly and he needs to understand what he has done wrong here. I don't know if I could forgive what he has done or said but you could ask why he feels this way and talk about it.

I hope you're ok and you can get through itThanks

I agree with some of this. You'll really not know what to do until you've spoken to him. It is possible for people to make mistakes and still be a good person (granted this is a very big one and a very difficult one to get passed). If you can forgive then don't forget. If it is repeated it will become a pattern.

For now call in another person for support, focus on you and baby and stop calling him. Let him contact you. You don't need to decide anything right now, it is only adding to the stress which is good for noone.

Really feel for you, i would be devastated in this situation too. Good luck OP FlowersBear

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 30/01/2022 09:21

I'm so sorry he did this to you
I hope your little girl is well and stays where she is a few more weeks

bonetiredwithtwins · 30/01/2022 09:22

Not putting him on the BC is a dick move IMO and all about petty revenge - he's the father and should be recognised as such and by the OPs admission he's been fine until the last 2 weeks

OppsUpsSide · 30/01/2022 09:22

Can you have someone else come and support you instead, like your mum? If he can’t handle it he can’t handle it, so he needs to step aside now until and seek support from someone else whilst you get the support you need.

applesandpearz · 30/01/2022 09:24

Why would you promise not to be mad? He's behaving appallingly.

His friend was bitching about you. Will you be okay with him going out drinking with this friend while you're at home with a newborn? This dude is not going to stick around and parent given his behaviour towards you in labour.

I'm stunned you seem to think this acceptable and keep calling him. He is drunk or hungover this morning. Ask mum/MiL anyone with a brain & heart to help you think morning. Not him.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 30/01/2022 09:24

@ThisBooksCanDo

Turn your phone off and concentrate on you and the baby. If he's that paralytic he won't be any use to you now.
100% this.
IncompleteSenten · 30/01/2022 09:24

You are not being dramatic.

How your partner behaves when you are at your most vulnerable and need them the most tells you everything about them.

BadgerB · 30/01/2022 09:25

You don't need anyone except the hospital staff. It will be fine - maybe better if you don't have to concentrate on his hangover...

All my children were born "back in the day" when husbands/birth partners were not a thing. And I'm so glad my husband wasn't allowed in as a spectator. He would have been useless, and probably tried to charm the nurses.
Yes, he was an arse too
I'm just sayin'

whynotwhatknot · 30/01/2022 09:26

i cant believe he left you and got drunk-ok a couple of hours might have been ok but he knew you were in early labour why get ratted

his friend sounds immature and not a good influence

Phrowzunn · 30/01/2022 09:27

Oh OP you say he is honestly normally really lovely so a lot of PP are basing their advice on that being true, but is it really? Or do you have a very low bar for what ‘really lovely’ is? You say you think you’ll be called a drama queen tomorrow and that he won’t come back with his tail between his legs. I’m telling you that any man who was actually, genuinely ‘really lovely’ would be so completely mortified at what they had done and what they had put you through, they would be grovelling and so ashamed of themselves and they certainly wouldn’t be calling you names and trying to make you feel bad. I think you need to have a good hard think about whether he really is the ‘partner’ you are making him out to be. My DH is an actual really lovely guy and I can honestly say he wouldn’t do this to me in a million years.

bozzabollix · 30/01/2022 09:28

My heart goes out to you. My second child was born by C section at 34 weeks due to complications. She’s now absolutely fine and nagging me right now by the way, one day your horrible experience will be a distant memory, so keep hold of that thought.

So I know how vulnerable and how scared you are, and for your boyfriend to pull this is fairly unforgivable. You should come first, and he needs to support you 100%, not be going off getting drunk. It genuinely shows no empathy or responsibility towards you or your baby. I’d like to kick him in the knackers right now to be honest with you.

candle18 · 30/01/2022 09:29

Sorry you’re going through this. I know you will be desperate to get hold of him and talk about how he could have done this but as you said, you are exhausted and emotionally vulnerable. Also, if he’s been out drinking all night, he won’t have had time to sober up and think it through himself so you probably won’t get much sense from him and that will make you even more angry.
You can deal with him later. Just now, think about yourself and the baby. Try to get some sleep and support from others around you.

Good luck

diddl · 30/01/2022 09:30

@bonetiredwithtwins

Not putting him on the BC is a dick move IMO and all about petty revenge - he's the father and should be recognised as such and by the OPs admission he's been fine until the last 2 weeks
Can Op put him on if they aren't married?
Whysotired · 30/01/2022 09:30

OP my heart goes out to you. What you need to do is stop messaging him and concentrate on yourself and your baby. He sounds like an immature child. You are 100% not being dramatic. Your going through the hardest thing - you are growing another human. Concentrate on getting your baby here safe and on your own health. Any big conversations/decisions can be made once you & baby are both safe. Sending you lots of love and support xx Flowers

ItsDisneyBitch · 30/01/2022 09:31

What an absolute cunt!!!!

I’m so sorry op. I was married to someone who went missing quite a lot when I was pregnant, or he would turn up smashed. We aren’t married anymore and I’ve raised my child alone. It only got worse once the baby arrived. When I was in labour and he was sent home from the hospital for the night. He didn’t bother to come back until mid afternoon the next day when my mum and the midwife had to call him and suggest he came back in.

It is always said on this site but he has shown you who he is.

Get out of this relationship now.

diddl · 30/01/2022 09:33

It's what he said that I would find hard to get past tbh.

You only have someone else's word that he looked relieved when she had to turn him away.

All of that said, he knows that you are in pain, chose to go out & leave you & chose to get so drunk that he couldn't walk.

Bobobilly7 · 30/01/2022 09:34

Op, I'm so sorry youve had to go go through this.

I'm honestly gobsmacked to hear he's 30. I was really assuming, from the sounds of it, that he was about 17.

It doesn't matter that he's had a tough year, it's zero excuse. Do not let anyone tell you you've been too emotional, over dramatic etc. You have not. He has behaved appallingly, and I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to know he's let you and your baby down so much at such an important time. I'm so sorry.

For me personally, this would be unforgivable. I wouldn't give her his last name. He is not dependable. He's childish, rude, selfish, immature, and to be honest, just down right cruel to let you go through this alone.

I hope you've been able to get some sleep OP. Thinking of you xx

nomorefrogs · 30/01/2022 09:35

Dear god - how can you parent with this man? He will be a completely spineless father who will resent having to do anything for his child or for you. I'm disgusted by his behaviour and you should be too. Open your eyes very wide. Pregnancy is a time that domestic abuse often starts and you need to feel nurtured and safe not alone and worried!

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 30/01/2022 09:35

Stop defending him, what he has said and done is completely selfish and out of order. Time for you to be selfish OP and leave him too it, concentrate on yourself and what is happening right now.

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 30/01/2022 09:36

"His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks."

Fuck him and fuck his useless mate! This post filled me with frustration and anger. I'm mortified. You sound so patient and brave. Keep doing what you're doing, sounds like you're in safe hands at the hospital and it sounds like you have a great supportive friend. Focus on yourself and baby for now. The two of you are the most important. Good luck! You got this.

RJnomore1 · 30/01/2022 09:38

People are right that now is not the time to make long term decisions. I think you are right to tell him to get to fuck for a couple of days though, as long as friends/ mums etc. can give you the practical help you need right now. I wouldn’t want to look at him if I were you.

Try to rest. Easier said than done as I can imagine how agitated you are but put something soothing on tv or music wise and close your eyes and just listen.

UnderTheMoonlightWeDanced · 30/01/2022 09:40

Omg I’m so sorry you are going through this I hope you and baby are okay and sending thoughts.
I don’t want to go into what you do with your partner you will need him regardless for next few days (when he sobers up…) but tbh when you are feeling better you need to process what he has just done to you….
My husband didn’t go out at all for final trimester as I didn’t have my jab and we were being super cautious re covid. Of course it can be done and our health was more important to him.

Phobiaphobic · 30/01/2022 09:44

@HollowTalk

I'd struggle to get past that conversation he had. Quite honestly I would just put yourself first now and not expect anything from him at all. I wouldn't contact him either. If he tries to call you just don't answer the phone.
Yup. He's treated you so appalling and his actions are so callous I wouldn't be able to get past that. It would be game over.