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Original poster

Boyfriend went and got drunk in my early labour

357 replies

ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 05:08

Hi

My waters broke at 32 weeks because of pprom. I have been in hell since. I'm nearly 35 weeks.

I have been contracting every day since and I'm in early labour however I'm not dilating. I've been in hospital in and out this whole time and being closely monitored. They decided they wanted me to push through the pain and contractions to give her a better chance starting off. Today it's been two weeks since I've been in early labour

My boyfriend has been great so dad always there for me and very hands on. However tonight he went for dinner. I was pleased he was getting out.

I did tell him all day though the pains are getting unbearable I was crying on the phone and I was begging him for help. I didn't tell him not to go to dinner I still didn't mind but I did say I think I might have to go to hospital.

Fast forward he has got so drunk he can't even walk. He can't speak he has no idea what's going on. He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

I've never ever seen this side of him and im heartbroken. My friend came with me as I couldn't walk through the contractions and he did turn up with his friend but he was so drunk she had to turn him away. He apparently looked relieved.

Its 5am now and my friend had to go home and I have been told I'm showing signs of infection and I may have to deliver early via emergency c section.

I've tried calling and calling him but I can't get through. I've begged and pleaded for him to pick up but he was so drunk I can only assume he is dead out. He certainly won't be able to drive or look after me in the next few hours.

I am so scared to deliver my child alone if I have too, it's been such a scary two weeks and I can't believe he's done this.

I don't know how to get through these next two hours alone so I'm just reaching out to anyone who's awake. Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

I didn't mind him going out but he's so paralytic he doesn't really know or care what's going on

Sorry my head is everywhere

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 30/01/2022 07:45

Who*

MimiDaisy11 · 30/01/2022 07:46

I don’t disagree with the points people are making about the baby’s surname but you don’t need to worry about that now or get into an argument with him about it at moment. Just focus on yourself and your baby.

Russell19 · 30/01/2022 07:50

Don't text him anymore.....leave him to it and concentrate on your baby.

dalrympy · 30/01/2022 07:55

Definitively give the baby your surname!

Had my DD at 35 weeks and all was well. A little time in NICU due to jaundice but at that gestation your baby should be fine.

Velvian · 30/01/2022 08:14

@ddolly123 sorry you are going through this. You don't need to have a discussion about the baby's name. It is 100% the mum's decision.

Definitely give the baby your name, you will be the default parent. If at some point in the future things work out and you want to get married, it can be revisited.

No double barrelling, no nonsense. Unmarried mums so often end up in a weak position from Maternity Leave and sacrifices made for their DC. We far too easily give away the only power we have, which is the baby's name.

Don't let anyone convince you to 'compromise' on that. Your can answer that you will see how things go and it can be changed in the future.

stopthepain · 30/01/2022 08:16

Are you sure this is completely out of character? He sounds very easily influenced by his friends if he goes from going out for a meal to getting stupidly drunk. How long have you been together? A decent man wouldn’t do this when his DP could give birth any day now.

I agree with PP, stop contacting your bf and his family. Just focus on you and ask your parents and friends for support.

10littledinosaurs · 30/01/2022 08:16

What a nightmare for you OP. Hope you're okay, absolutely no excuse for his behaviour

Milamight · 30/01/2022 08:19

I had pprom and it was 9 weeks from waters breaking to delivery, 9 weeks of hell and pain that noone really understood.
My now ex partner absolutely picked up every bit of slack, made sure i had everything i needed and did not touch alcohol during that time as it is a risky time and we never knew what would happen.
When your baby is born, he or she will give you more strength than you ever knew was possible and you will know what you need. Wishing you all the best, i really do understand what a horrible time it is for you. You will get through this and be holding your baby in your arms and i really hope this man absolutely begs for your forgiveness, and it will be entirely your decision if you do forgive him.
Wishing you all the best.

HappyMeal564 · 30/01/2022 08:21

You have every right to be mad. Right now stay calm as you can, focus on your baby, push him to the side and deal with him later. You need to be as calm as you can for your baby. If you end up delivering alone the maternity team will look after you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. He's completely out of line. Hope all goes well and hope you're ok Flowers

YesPleaseMary · 30/01/2022 08:24

He’s not lovely, he’s appalling. Get rid.

I hope you and your baby are ok.

Awrite · 30/01/2022 08:25

I find that it's very hard to forgive people who wrong us when we are at out most vulnerable.

You may decide to forgive him now, to get through this next few weeks/months. Ultimately, though - you won't.

Indeed, how people treat us when we are vulnerable is very telling.

Redwinestillfine · 30/01/2022 08:25

Congratulations on finding your voice op. He can't be getting that drunk if he's expecting to go anywhere near a baby. There would need to be some serious talks about his behaviour and relationship with Alcohol. If you're not married absolutely don't give baby his name. Why on earth should you? He needs to grow up.

Flickflak · 30/01/2022 08:26

This reply has been withdrawn

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THwife · 30/01/2022 08:28

He’s shown you who he is. I’m sorry.

My ex husband let me down massively in pregnancy and after the birth. I wanted desperately to be able to forgive him. I never could. So in your position now, I’d cut my losses and concentrate on being a great single mum to your girl.

Please please please give baby your name and do not put him on the birth certificate. These can all be changed in future if things work out, but can’t be changed the opposite way.

Take care lovely…concentrate on you. Don’t waste any more energy on such a useless, selfish man xx

ThreeLocusts · 30/01/2022 08:31

You poor thing. I remember meeting a woman who had spent two weeks in early labour on the pre-labour ward, and her bursting into tears when docs said they wanted her to hang on for another week. It must be agony.

Don't even try to process what your bf has done while you have this going on. Find someone else to support you, even if taking turns. I suspect even being alone may be better than

ThreeLocusts · 30/01/2022 08:31

..... than having him around after what has just happened. All the best.

daretodenim · 30/01/2022 08:32

Also do I have a right to be mad?
Yes. Absolutely, totally, without a doubt.

I have a feeling I'll be labelled as a drama queen or something tommoro, I really don't know if he will come back with his tail between his legs.
OP right now focus only on yourself and the baby. But keep this in the back of your mind for when you're thinking about whether you want to be with him.

Calling you a "drama queen" would be straight out gaslighting. It would be taking your pain and distress, which are very real and actually can't be exaggerated, and denying and dismissing them. Not only that, but it turns the attention into your behaviour, when the actual problem is his behaviour.

Now, I get he hasn't actually said it yet, but the fact that you're even thinking that he might dismiss your pain and twist the situation to make you're behaviour wrong, when it's definitely not, suggests you've lived through a pattern of this behaviour for quite a while. Because if he always took your feelings seriously, and took responsibility - full responsibility, without blaming you in some way for what he's done - you wouldn't be worrying about being called a drama Queen. You also wouldn't be asking "Do I have a right to be mad", because you wouldn't doubt your own right to feel whatever you feel, especially about something he has done.

Right now though, remember that it is your body that is going through this. Nobody has a right to be at a birth. You are currently going through labour unsupported. Is there anybody in your life who is reliable who you can have with you to support you during the rest of labour and the birth? Ask them - is it your Dad? Can you go to your Dad's already? He has shown that he's not remotely up for the task. This is serious. You need to mentally be in as good a place as possible right now and he is tearing away at your resources.

He can meet the baby when she's here. Until she's out and you're out of the delivery room, where your body is undergoing something major (however she is born it's major for your body) he doesn't need to be hanging around, with you unsure if you're allowed to feel in pain, sad, angry, whatever, because of how he'll respond.

Focus on yourself.

RubyKitty · 30/01/2022 08:33

I would definitely give baby your name. I wish I had for my 2 as we never got married (still together). I had my first at 33+6 (pre eclampsia) and she spent 3 weeks in SCBU. She’s now 21! Please don’t think you are being a drama queen, this is an incredibly scary part of life so you are allowed to be how you want to be. Good luck for the birth x

DefaultParent · 30/01/2022 08:33

I don't think you are being dramatic or emotional OP. BUT you're in labour pre term and have been for 2 weeks. You're entitled to be as bloody emotional as you like!

starsaligned · 30/01/2022 08:34

Op stop texting and calling him. All it's doing it adding to your stress when he doesn't respond. He will wake up and see loads of ranty texts and probably jump straight on the defence claiming you're harassing him or something. That's what immature people like him do when they know they've fucked up.

You need to be strong and as settled as possible right now for the arrival of your baby. Not stuck in a back and forth debate with him about who was out of order (obviously it was him).

My dp wouldn't even be going if I were going through what you are, never mind getting paralytic. He's let you down in a big way and only you can decide if you can get past it. He would need to be extremely, genuinely sorry I think. The morphine comment would certainly play on my mind too.

Sorry you're going through this at such a stressful time but you need to focus solely on you right now.

TheUsualChaos · 30/01/2022 08:34

His behaviour has been AWFUL. Not normal. Stop calling and texting him. Ignore him when he finally calls you. What a shit. I honestly think he is showing you his true colours so take note. So many men change once a baby has arrived. They don't think they have to try anymore.

The comment you heard about having morphine to shut you up...was that your BF saying that or his mate?

Houseofvelour · 30/01/2022 08:38

Omg I'm so sorry op. What a total shit bag.
I really hope you and baby are ok and hope he grovels like crazy!

LSLLM · 30/01/2022 08:40

Ah fuck, do not give baby his name! Why would you? You arent married.

This twat doesn’t even want to be on call for 2 weeks when he’s should be on call for the next 18 years for you both. That’s what having a family is about!

sazzy5 · 30/01/2022 08:42

All that matters is you and your baby girl. How is your partner going to cope with being a parent? Good luck to you.

SerendipitySunshine · 30/01/2022 08:43

Definitely do not give your baby his name. You would soon come to regret it. Don't text him, don't let him into the hospital. He has shown his true colours when it really counted.