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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend went and got drunk in my early labour

357 replies

ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 05:08

Hi

My waters broke at 32 weeks because of pprom. I have been in hell since. I'm nearly 35 weeks.

I have been contracting every day since and I'm in early labour however I'm not dilating. I've been in hospital in and out this whole time and being closely monitored. They decided they wanted me to push through the pain and contractions to give her a better chance starting off. Today it's been two weeks since I've been in early labour

My boyfriend has been great so dad always there for me and very hands on. However tonight he went for dinner. I was pleased he was getting out.

I did tell him all day though the pains are getting unbearable I was crying on the phone and I was begging him for help. I didn't tell him not to go to dinner I still didn't mind but I did say I think I might have to go to hospital.

Fast forward he has got so drunk he can't even walk. He can't speak he has no idea what's going on. He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

I've never ever seen this side of him and im heartbroken. My friend came with me as I couldn't walk through the contractions and he did turn up with his friend but he was so drunk she had to turn him away. He apparently looked relieved.

Its 5am now and my friend had to go home and I have been told I'm showing signs of infection and I may have to deliver early via emergency c section.

I've tried calling and calling him but I can't get through. I've begged and pleaded for him to pick up but he was so drunk I can only assume he is dead out. He certainly won't be able to drive or look after me in the next few hours.

I am so scared to deliver my child alone if I have too, it's been such a scary two weeks and I can't believe he's done this.

I don't know how to get through these next two hours alone so I'm just reaching out to anyone who's awake. Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

I didn't mind him going out but he's so paralytic he doesn't really know or care what's going on

Sorry my head is everywhere

OP posts:
crazyjinglist · 30/01/2022 09:45

Your concerns about how he will react when you face him with how he's behaved make me think he's not as consistently lovely and supportive as you say.

It sounds very much as though he is only bothered by how the worry and inconvenience of the imminent birth of his child affects him. He needed to go out and have a good time because he's stressed?! You're the one having to actually go through the pain and difficulty. This doesn't bode well for him as a committed parent. Everything will be your responsibility, I'm guessing.

I hope all goes well with your delivery, OP, and that you think hard about whether you want this man in your life.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 30/01/2022 09:45

Forget him OP and concentrate on you and your lovely baby. Put your surname on the birth certificate then dump this loser. He is not a good role model for your daughter.
My ex husband did similar things. Didn't attend the birth at all and my short marriage was hell. Dont even go there.

Greenrubber · 30/01/2022 09:45

You have to think about yourself and the baby now don't give him anymore time

Winterautumn · 30/01/2022 09:47

It’s not the time to question your relationship with him , he’s made a huge mistake but deal with this once you feel better.
You aren’t overreacting to expect your partner to be around and se sober and supportive for a few week while you are in labour/hospital.
Don’t focus on him focus on you and your baby , call a friend instead and the hospital staff will be taking great care of your baby. If the send you home today again go to your supportive friends or family so the can look after you.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/01/2022 09:47

Dearest OP, what he’s done is unforgivable. Stupid, selfish, immature and cruel. He has shown who he is. I’m so sorry.

Flowers for you and sending positive vibes to you and baby.

Tilltheend99 · 30/01/2022 09:47

Really sorry op, thinking of you and hoping your baby is ok Flowers

I too thought from what you described that your boyfriend must be really young. Can’t believe what his friends said either and bet they wouldn’t dare say that to their own partners.

I think you need to think only of yourself and your baby until baby arrives

Gardengates · 30/01/2022 09:49

OP, try and get out of the mindset that you are being a burden on BF because you have had complications.

You are carrying his child. Carrying his child has caused you to have to massively restrict your life and activity, and has put you where you are now.

Your health in pregnancy isn't just your responsibility. It is his job to support you as you grow and nurture his child.

My DH gave up drinking for the last month of my perfectly normal pregnancies in case he had to drive me unexpectedly to the hospital. Because it was his job as the father to ensure that I got to the hospital safely.

If his attitude is that this all your responsibility and he can go and do what he likes before the baby is born, is that going to change when the baby arrives?

Focus on yourself but whatever you decide, he needs to shift his mindset.

Tarne · 30/01/2022 09:49

When you were in the most scared, distressed and excruciating pain of your life he was not there for you.

When your baby was in jeopardy he was getting drunk instead of supporting you.

Tells you all you need to know.

Op he laughs behind your back and slags you off and then gets drunk and useless and doubles your pain and anguish by turning off his phone to shut you up.

There's no way of getting past this and moving on in a happy ever after.

You know it.

Please stop chasing this immature, useless, selfish drunk.

You need all your mental strength to concentrate the rest of your life on you and your baby.

You can do it and it's good he has shown you his true colours now so you don't have to waste any more time trying to mould him into your fantasy good dad and partner.

Aaaabbbcccc · 30/01/2022 09:49

OP. - he has had an immature reaction to the pressure you are both under. You and the baby will be fine and you can have a conversation with him later. He made an extremely bad decision (tbh many men do when they are in this uncharted waters of childbirth).
This is NOT a time for the keyboard warrior MN leave the bastard brigade. This is OP’s life, a real person, with a real baby about to be born. OP just take it step by step, tap into the millions of women who have done this before you. You are the one bringing this baby into the world, the one that has got her through the past two weeks. Forget about him for now.

It will all be ok.

Winniemarysarah · 30/01/2022 09:52

He sounds like a complete prick. You are clearly not his priority, neither is the baby

MadeForThis · 30/01/2022 09:53

If he was that drunk he will probably be asleep for some time.

He will wake up and hopefully remember what he did and said. He will have plenty of texts to read.

Showing up at the hospital in that state is embarrassing. He needs to grow up.

How he deals with the aftermath of last night will show you if you have a future together.

SheWoreYellow · 30/01/2022 09:53

I really like this thought from Gardengates

“OP, try and get out of the mindset that you are being a burden on BF because you have had complications.”

He won’t be any use to you today, can you find another friend to come in?

Hope all goes well.

RenGreen · 30/01/2022 09:53

Hope you and baby are ok OP. But I’m really confused one minute you’re saying baby will pop out any minute the next you’re saying the consultant wants you to wait until 36 weeks. What is the message you’re getting? The morphine conversation is unforgivable but I’m trying to get my head round were you in actual risk of going into labour or had he gone out based on it being as it had been for two weeks? I know you’re in pain but there is real inconsistency in your thread, I just want to understand what your medical situation is exactly! You must have some waters? You don’t have an infection? You are holding on until 36 weeks? Did you know all this before/after he went out?

Did you need to call all three mum’s? If you know he’s paralytic and the mum’s are on standby why you calling him?

ancientgran · 30/01/2022 09:53

I had a baby on Christmas Day and in the next room there was alot going on. Turned out the dad was so drunk they had to put another bed in the delivery room and he went to sleep and woke up Christmas morning to a very annoyed wife and his new baby. I've often wondered if she ever forgave him. So this sort of thing does happen.

I hope they get the baby out soon, it sounds hard for you and baby. The only bit I don't understand is phoning your mum, his mum and his step mum. Do you want them all at the birth?

FurbleSocks · 30/01/2022 09:54

His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

Not only have you been 'on call' for the last 8 months but you've been literally labouring in pain for the last 2! Never mind being 'on call'. If a person can't not drink for 2 weeks while their partner might give birth at any minute they have a drink problem.

I do think you are emotional and of course that's perfectly to be accepted right now. So I suggest no more messages to him and focus 100% on yours and your baby's needs.

StrictlySinging · 30/01/2022 09:55

Oh love you do sound scared and I can understand why.

Regarding his action with his mates he was letting off steam it’s very stressful for him I’m sure to watch and wait and support while this is going on.
Best to forget the stuff you heard.

Let him sleep it off and try to relax and sleep yourself. Lean on the hospital team. If you need him get because things start happening maybe they will call him in for you.

I hope everything works out well for you.

3Daddy31982 · 30/01/2022 09:58

Stop making excuses for him.

3Daddy31982 · 30/01/2022 10:00

Ps. Good luck with your little one. You both deserve so much more.

SocialConnection · 30/01/2022 10:02

I'm so sorry 💐
Can you rely on your own family? At this awful stressful time they may be your best support while you wait for fthe birth, have the baby and immediately afterwards.

His behaviour now is a clear announcement about what your life and the baby's life is going to be like.

Stability, kindness and warmth with mature caring people is what's needed.

Hope all well.

christmaskittenincoming · 30/01/2022 10:05

Looks like he has shown his true colours.

Please concentrate on yourself and baby now.

TidyDancer · 30/01/2022 10:06

Sorry this is happening to you OP. I'm not sure I could get past the morphine comment, let alone the rest of the behaviour. Regardless, he's shown you that you won't be able to rely on him so I think you have to treat this as a lesson learned.

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2022 10:07

@SilverDoe

I would be careful following some of this advice. Yes he has been a shit but things like cutting all contact and not putting him on the birth certificate is not sensible. If he is not listed as the father you cannot pursue him for child maintenance.

Nonsense.

Cakecakecheese · 30/01/2022 10:09

My partner is very stressed right now, family drama, work problems and looking after me but he hasn't turned into a twat. It is a tough time yes but there is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour.

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2022 10:12

@Aaaabbbcccc

OP. - he has had an immature reaction to the pressure you are both under. You and the baby will be fine and you can have a conversation with him later. He made an extremely bad decision (tbh many men do when they are in this uncharted waters of childbirth). This is NOT a time for the keyboard warrior MN leave the bastard brigade. This is OP’s life, a real person, with a real baby about to be born. OP just take it step by step, tap into the millions of women who have done this before you. You are the one bringing this baby into the world, the one that has got her through the past two weeks. Forget about him for now. It will all be ok.
Good job the OP's not having an 'immature reaction' then isn't it?

She's just got to get on with it and has every right to expect her partner and father of her baby to be there and supportive. He's not the one that's been in terrible pain for the last few weeks.

He's also not a child (allegedly) he's in his 30's!

Raise the bloody bar. He has NO excuse for his appalling behaviour. NONE.

Now is not the time for the OP to make any decisions. She just needs to concentrate on getting whatever rest she can while she gets ready to deliver her baby. But she needs caring, supportive people around her while she does. Not someone she doesn't trust who will only add to her stress.

ArchibaldsDaddy · 30/01/2022 10:14

Ordinary, I find myself sticking up for blokes and giving a different perspective.

Not this time.

Whilst we all can behave badly when we’re drunk, this is beyond the pale.

Do you really want someone like this around your newborn?

It’s when the child arrives that blokes need to ‘Dad the f*ck up’ and it sounds like that could be quite a challenge here.