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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend went and got drunk in my early labour

357 replies

ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 05:08

Hi

My waters broke at 32 weeks because of pprom. I have been in hell since. I'm nearly 35 weeks.

I have been contracting every day since and I'm in early labour however I'm not dilating. I've been in hospital in and out this whole time and being closely monitored. They decided they wanted me to push through the pain and contractions to give her a better chance starting off. Today it's been two weeks since I've been in early labour

My boyfriend has been great so dad always there for me and very hands on. However tonight he went for dinner. I was pleased he was getting out.

I did tell him all day though the pains are getting unbearable I was crying on the phone and I was begging him for help. I didn't tell him not to go to dinner I still didn't mind but I did say I think I might have to go to hospital.

Fast forward he has got so drunk he can't even walk. He can't speak he has no idea what's going on. He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

I've never ever seen this side of him and im heartbroken. My friend came with me as I couldn't walk through the contractions and he did turn up with his friend but he was so drunk she had to turn him away. He apparently looked relieved.

Its 5am now and my friend had to go home and I have been told I'm showing signs of infection and I may have to deliver early via emergency c section.

I've tried calling and calling him but I can't get through. I've begged and pleaded for him to pick up but he was so drunk I can only assume he is dead out. He certainly won't be able to drive or look after me in the next few hours.

I am so scared to deliver my child alone if I have too, it's been such a scary two weeks and I can't believe he's done this.

I don't know how to get through these next two hours alone so I'm just reaching out to anyone who's awake. Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

I didn't mind him going out but he's so paralytic he doesn't really know or care what's going on

Sorry my head is everywhere

OP posts:
EricScrantona · 30/01/2022 08:43

Going against the grain here, I think he's got so ridiculously drunk because he is stressed about the situation and wondering what he can actually do to help. You say this is the first time he has ever behaved like this. It must be a difficult situation for him too. He can't ease the pain or offer medical advice. He is just there as support and it appears to be growing resentful of the situation. It's hard to see loved ones in pain and be unable to help. Some people take this to a bad place.

He is in the wrong, he has coped with the situation badly and he needs to understand what he has done wrong here. I don't know if I could forgive what he has done or said but you could ask why he feels this way and talk about it.

I hope you're ok and you can get through itThanks

Somebodylikeyew · 30/01/2022 08:44

OP stop ringing and messaging him. This isn’t about him, it’s about you and your baby.

Think clearly now for a few minutes.
What do you want the next week/ couple of weeks till the baby is here to look like? Where do you want to rest up and live, and who do you want to support you?

Don’t worry about the longer term stuff right now. Just make a plan for the next week that works best for YOU.

PearPickingPorky · 30/01/2022 08:44

Don't discuss the name with him, it's not something you need to negotiate over, just give her your name - it's definitely the right thing to do for both her and your sake.

Take care of yourself OP. Try to focus on you and your DD for now. His actions will have destroyed so much of the trust you had in him and this sort of situation can easily cause you to have PTSD and/or PND so you need to do all you can to protect yourself. Get support from your mum so you aren't on your own.

RedToothBrush · 30/01/2022 08:44

He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

See this is the bit that worries me.

You don't 'just' drunk dial someone like that.

It smacks of a nasty resentful streak underneath, which comes to the surface when he's drunk.

So what happens next time he gets drunk and comes home like that or just hanging out with this mate generally? It goes beyond just venting to a mate about a shit situation.

Outwardly hes nice, but he resents you and the baby for spoiling his fun. He doesn't like the responsibility of whats about to come.

I have to say that i doubt he will like the reality of a baby that won't 'fucking shut up'.

If i had to put money on it, i suspect he will eventually do a runner and leave you holding the baby. He is not emotionally invested in this. He doesn't want the responsibility. And his mate certainly isn't helping and is winding up on it.

He doesn't care or respect you if he talks about you like that.

Think carefully about his behaviour over the next few weeks and months and focus on the baby and not him, who i suspect will suddenly also have a bout of jealously over the baby.

I am unconvinced he's a keeper unfortunately.

girlmom21 · 30/01/2022 08:44

Whatever you decide you can't rely on him now. If he can't go two weeks without getting shitfaced how's he going to be when he's had a couple of sleepless nights?

Look after yourself x

nadgersbadgers · 30/01/2022 08:44

Hell. If my DP said those things he would be out on his arse. Let alone the behaviour and being AWOL drunk.

Surround yourself with people you can trust and distance yourself from him.

This isn't going to be a happy ever after and you need to be the strong resilient one right now for the sake of your child.

He's a shit. You deserve better.

Aphrodite31 · 30/01/2022 08:45

Lots of great advice here, OP.

Don't text him now.

Focus on your body and your baby.

I would also be asking for a c section right now today. Do you have someone who can come in and support you? You NEED someone with you who is not in labour and is preferably a parent, or a friend.

Think who can come. And demand a discussion about c section this morning.

FlamingRoses · 30/01/2022 08:47

Is he 15?! What a dick.

Focus on yourself and your baby. Have you got someone else who can be with you for the birth? Family, a close friend?

TigerLilyTail · 30/01/2022 08:48

I've been stressed but I've never behaved like this. I don't get why anyone would make excuses for him. He's a shit!

Theimpossiblegirl · 30/01/2022 08:50

Oh, op. It's not what you needed at all. He's a selfish dick. You are being so strong, even if you don't feel it. You deserve a partner who will support you in a crisis, not one who acts like this.
Give your baby your name, you are not being dramatic or over emotional. You must put the two of you first, as he certainly won't.
Sending love and support.

SilverDoe · 30/01/2022 08:51

@Totalwasteofpaper

I also 100% reiterate the post saying do not give the baby his name amd do not register him on the birth cert. Its incredibly practical and sensible advice. You will likely be tired and vulnerable post birth but I'd you do nothing else make sure you do that. Do not be persuaded to add him because "he is the father" and you are labelled a 'drama queen" by anyone Inc your own family.

Don't engage in any discussion on it beyond saying it is not important and just a piece of paper that can be changed later if you decide to. And if they want to talk about important things let's talk about how he is / isn't stepping up as a father/partner

I would be careful following some of this advice. Yes he has been a shit but things like cutting all contact and not putting him on the birth certificate is not sensible. If he is not listed as the father you cannot pursue him for child maintenance.

You are obviously not wrong to be incredibly upset. But it's very easy in an Internet post to say oh I'd never have anything to do with him again don't ever speak to him or acknowledge him as the father etc...

Don't automatically give baby his last name though! Do what you feel is right.

He has put you in a really difficult situation by causing stress this late in labour. I would send one last message telling him as such, and explaining that you need to focus on your and baby's wellbeing therefore you do not want him around unless he is there to be supportive to you emotionally and practically from here on out, as that is what any other decent partner would do. And that's obviously only if you want him around at all!

NoPrivateSpy · 30/01/2022 08:52

How could he not be beside himself with worry for both of you? That isn't a normal reaction at all. Either he's a just total, selfish arsehole or he hasn't faced up to the fact that you're actually pregnant. Either way, he's totally abandoned you in your hour of need. I'm so sorry.

Star81 · 30/01/2022 08:53

This is j not tthe stress you require when you’ve had such a hard few months.

Concentrate on you and your baby now. That’s all that matters

Good luck x

SerendipitySunshine · 30/01/2022 08:54

Put him on the birth certificate but do not give the baby his surname, or get ready for years of hassle when trying to go abroad, when you meet a new partner etc.

toomuchlaundry · 30/01/2022 08:57

I am sure that is wrong advice about birth certificate and maintenance, you can still claim whether his name is on it.

FlamingRoses · 30/01/2022 09:01

He doesn’t need to be on the BC to claim CM.

AWryGiraffe · 30/01/2022 09:05

@toomuchlaundry

I am sure that is wrong advice about birth certificate and maintenance, you can still claim whether his name is on it.
Yeah it is wrong, you can claim whether he is on the birth certificate or not.
Bananarama21 · 30/01/2022 09:08

Can you stay at your mams op this is unacceptable behaviour. My ex was very much like this after I got severe food poisoning when pregnant and was vile it didn't get any better.

SockFluffInTheBath · 30/01/2022 09:08

Bloody hell OP. Stop chasing him and focus on you and baby for now. He’s an incidental and you’ve done brilliantly so far on your own.

SockFluffInTheBath · 30/01/2022 09:09

That was bloody hell at him, not at you for calling him. Take care and I have everything crossed for you x

WetLookKnitwear · 30/01/2022 09:09

Baby gets your surname. Not to punish him, but because you can’t depend on him being around, so it just makes sense.

What a dick, adding to your stress like that and abandoning his baby. Can you get someone else to come with you to the CS so you have support?

Bumshkawahwah · 30/01/2022 09:10

I think the minute you said you were crying with pain and he still decided to go out for dinner with his friend was the minute I saw your DP as an arsehole. Who does that? I couldn’t enjoy a dinner with a friend, knowing my partner was in agony, never mind get hammered.

I understand him being stressed and worried and needing to talk to his friend but I don’t think leaving you alone and in pain is justified. I think that’s awful.

JellyinaWelly · 30/01/2022 09:10

Please take legal action against the NHS trust this should not have happened to you.

ugifletzet · 30/01/2022 09:14

OP, I just want to reiterate what some others have said. You worry about him labelling you a drama queen, you think he'll be delighted to have slept through your anger and pain, and yet you see his current behaviour as out of character? These things very much suggest that it's perfectly in character. If you know he minimises your distress and would be happy to sleep through it, it's not so surprising he'd behave like this. Focus on yourself and your baby. Make no excuses for him.

Buttermuffin · 30/01/2022 09:18

OP, this isn't the time to be making long term decisions about your relationship, which up until this point has been good.

I'm not minimising his behaviour, as it's terrible. But I suggest you tell him to stay away for the next 48 hours at least to give you some space to focus on you and the baby.

Focus on your baby, the post birth time and then make your next move. All these people saying LTB need to realise OP has other priorities right now and it's not that easy. I don't think anyone should be making decisions at such a vulnerable time.

When you feel it's the right time you need to weigh up what's happened.

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