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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend went and got drunk in my early labour

357 replies

ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 05:08

Hi

My waters broke at 32 weeks because of pprom. I have been in hell since. I'm nearly 35 weeks.

I have been contracting every day since and I'm in early labour however I'm not dilating. I've been in hospital in and out this whole time and being closely monitored. They decided they wanted me to push through the pain and contractions to give her a better chance starting off. Today it's been two weeks since I've been in early labour

My boyfriend has been great so dad always there for me and very hands on. However tonight he went for dinner. I was pleased he was getting out.

I did tell him all day though the pains are getting unbearable I was crying on the phone and I was begging him for help. I didn't tell him not to go to dinner I still didn't mind but I did say I think I might have to go to hospital.

Fast forward he has got so drunk he can't even walk. He can't speak he has no idea what's going on. He drunk dialled me when he was with his friend slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

I've never ever seen this side of him and im heartbroken. My friend came with me as I couldn't walk through the contractions and he did turn up with his friend but he was so drunk she had to turn him away. He apparently looked relieved.

Its 5am now and my friend had to go home and I have been told I'm showing signs of infection and I may have to deliver early via emergency c section.

I've tried calling and calling him but I can't get through. I've begged and pleaded for him to pick up but he was so drunk I can only assume he is dead out. He certainly won't be able to drive or look after me in the next few hours.

I am so scared to deliver my child alone if I have too, it's been such a scary two weeks and I can't believe he's done this.

I don't know how to get through these next two hours alone so I'm just reaching out to anyone who's awake. Also do I have a right to be mad? The doctor has said we have to be on standby until our original c section (8th feb) is here because of risk infection, my ongoing pain and stress to the baby. His friend said it's not fair on him to have to be on call for the last two weeks.

I didn't mind him going out but he's so paralytic he doesn't really know or care what's going on

Sorry my head is everywhere

OP posts:
MimiDaisy11 · 30/01/2022 06:51

Reaching out to him seems to be draining you. He’s shown him self to be unreliable. You don’t need that. You must be so exhausted.

Also in the nicest possible way stop making excuses for him. Of course “he's been stressed with all the pregnancy complications” but so have you multipled by a hundred. You should be the focus not him. You need him and he’s failed you. Reach out to friends and family x

Amichelle84 · 30/01/2022 06:51

Also just to say...my baby was delivered by section at 34 weeks and totally healthy of that reassures you on that front. Sometimes it's safer for them to be out than in. Sounds like you are being looked after by the hospital anyway, you're in the safest place x

girafferafferaffe · 30/01/2022 06:56

I would never, ever forgive him for saying that. Jesus fucking Christ if he can't support you fully through this, I don't have much hope for newborn/toddler stages. What a nasty man.

Please have someone else there to support you - the way you deserve.

I hope he has the hangover from hell the bastard.

erinaceus · 30/01/2022 06:56

Crikey OP, I'm really sorry to read this.

I don't think you need to make a decision on the long term future of your relationship with this guy right now.

Do you have someone who can come and be with you in the hospital this morning? If you have a midwife or doctor in charge of your care I would also let them know what happened, so that they can be sensitive around it.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 30/01/2022 06:57

Either this is a one off as a pp mentioned, or its a sign of things to come. The fact that you are worried about being called a drama queen suggests that the relationshio isnt as good as you think it is. Do you find yourself changing your behaviour to avoid a reaction? Does his mood set the tone for the household?

Whenever this baby does come give her your surname. Think very carefully about whether to out him on the bc. If he is named then he will have rights.

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/01/2022 06:58

@Amichelle84

You need to try and focus on you and the baby now.

Of it were me (with my non panicking head on) I'd ask whoever you are close with to come and support you and turn your phone off.

BF has made his bed and he can lie in it and be the one to start panicking and worrying.

Such a selfish thing to do and he should feel very guilty when he wakes up. Comments aside, he shouldn't have got so drunk.

Good luck

This is good advice. You do not need any more stress. Stop chasing him and let him panic.

Also what @Indecisivelurcher said.
I would also personally be pushing VERY hard for a c section "now now". The benefit of a few extra days vs infection etc and the broken waters would not be worth it to me.
There is also a huge difference between a "planned" c section with well rested mother amd non distressed baby and an emcs where you are exhausted and poorly and baby is in distress.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 30/01/2022 07:00

Even if this is a one time, out of character mistake I honestly think I would struggle to forgive my partner for this. Both what he said and how he acted would be something I would struggle to ever forgive.

I’d call your mum or a friend to be with you as your birth partner. You’ve been in labour for two weeks, your body is going to the absolute limit of what it can do. You’re going to have a hard recovery and I think you need to think about who is best to support that so that you can get better and look after your little girl. Even if this was a mistake on his part, the anger you feel towards him (understandably) is going to impede your recovery. You just need to think about you. You can deal with him, your emotions to him and what you want from him or the relationship when you’re recovered. Telling him you’ll forgive him by text is understandable because you’re scared and alone and vulnerable but you don’t have to stick to that. But that’s for another day. Today, focus on the scan and getting through the pain.

Fingers crossed you can make it to 36 weeks Flowers

Neurodiversitydoctor · 30/01/2022 07:02

Hello OP
Ex SCBU doc here. They will be giving you medicines now to help LO if she needs to come early, they will want to hang on if they can for at least another couple of days if possible. At 35/40 she has a very good chance Flowers.

BF did a pretty stupid thing, I bet he will regret it enormously when he wakes up. Some people deal with stress in different ways, perhaps we could together think about better ways of coping.

Good luck with everything.

Original poster
ddolly123 · 30/01/2022 07:07

@InTheNightWeWillWish

Even if this is a one time, out of character mistake I honestly think I would struggle to forgive my partner for this. Both what he said and how he acted would be something I would struggle to ever forgive.

I’d call your mum or a friend to be with you as your birth partner. You’ve been in labour for two weeks, your body is going to the absolute limit of what it can do. You’re going to have a hard recovery and I think you need to think about who is best to support that so that you can get better and look after your little girl. Even if this was a mistake on his part, the anger you feel towards him (understandably) is going to impede your recovery. You just need to think about you. You can deal with him, your emotions to him and what you want from him or the relationship when you’re recovered. Telling him you’ll forgive him by text is understandable because you’re scared and alone and vulnerable but you don’t have to stick to that. But that’s for another day. Today, focus on the scan and getting through the pain.

Fingers crossed you can make it to 36 weeks Flowers

Yes it is very very out of character and that's why I'm so shocked and almost desperate that this is just a bad dream or a big joke.

I am starting to get angry now and I've text him some of the things you guys have said about not deserving to be involved from the journey from now on and that I want to speak about her second name because this has been an indication he will fuck off when things get hard which I NEVER thought would happen.

I'm absoutely exhausted, I cry every day with the pain and I had an absolute break down in front of the consultant because I'm so scared and I'm so much pain but she drew the line and refused to do this before 36 weeks as she believes it will do more damage than good. Believe me I've had many sleepness nights and pleading with doctors.

I think I might tell him to pack his bags and just go stay at his mums. I don't really want him anywhere near me and I want to stop relying on him- I don't know if i even want him for the delivery!

I'm hoping we are okay but more Importantly I am praying she's okay. Just slightly concerned as her movements have slowed down but she's great on the monitor, my temp has gone down and my bloods are okay.

I think they want to do a scan to check for distress so im hoping tommoro I get to go home and sleep. It's 7am and I haven't slept! No doubt he will be delighted he slept through all this!

Thanks for the advise I really wasn't sure if I was being "emotional"

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 30/01/2022 07:08

I also 100% reiterate the post saying do not give the baby his name amd do not register him on the birth cert.
Its incredibly practical and sensible advice. You will likely be tired and vulnerable post birth but I'd you do nothing else make sure you do that. Do not be persuaded to add him because "he is the father" and you are labelled a 'drama queen" by anyone Inc your own family.

Don't engage in any discussion on it beyond saying it is not important and just a piece of paper that can be changed later if you decide to. And if they want to talk about important things let's talk about how he is / isn't stepping up as a father/partner

Puffflashpuffflashbang · 30/01/2022 07:10

What a giant cock womble. I'm so sorry op, he's been an absolute shit.
Sending you massive hugs, I hope you and baby girl can go home and rest. X

spotcheck · 30/01/2022 07:12

Hi OP
First make a plan for the next few weeks. Rest in hospital, have your little girl, and then, can you go to your dad's?

Labour is a very serious thing. You don't have to be stoic, this isn't something you should deal with on your own like a stubbed toe. You are NOT just being dramatic, and you should not have to do this on your own. You have every right to be angry, and this would be a relationship breaker for many.
The absolute bare minimum you should be able to expect from him is his physical presence. Bare minimum.

OP, is he lovely because he does whatever he wants, and you don't impose expectations?

If so, that really has to stop. He became a dad the moment you found out you were pregnant, and you have the right to expect him to behave in a responsible way. Right now, that means being there for you. And not slagging you off.

As for advice about what to say, how about ' You got drunk when I needed you most. I heard you slagging me off, which was incredibly disloyal, and makes me doubt you, and our relationship. I need to out our daughter first, so I'm going to my dad's where I know we will be looked after, we'll speak when I have thought things through'

No need to argue- you need to put your energy into your beautiful little girl.

Best of luck OP

sandgrown · 30/01/2022 07:14

Your boyfriend was terribly wrong but if he is normally very supportive I am not sure if it’s worth ending the relationship over. You will need support when baby comes and hopefully he will be very apologetic. Ask your mum or a friend to come and be with you ( not sure why you rang so many people at 4.30am? You are safe in hospital so just take a deep breath and concentrate on you and baby . You can deal with everything else after . If it helps my ex DH went out with friends when I was a couple of days overdue. He was so drunk that when I opened the door he fell flat on the floor . There was no way I could get him up so I left him there . He was very very sorry and was totally supportive after . He was a great dad for years and still is to be fair .Unfortunately he had an eye for the ladies!

Spud1130 · 30/01/2022 07:18

I hope when he wakes up and sees your text and missed calls that he experiences some of the worry that you've experienced over the last 2 weeks.
I think you need to turn your phone off and concentrate on you and your baby. Stress is not good at this stage.

Do you have someone with you supporting you?

Allpenguinsarepingus · 30/01/2022 07:19

Of course you’re emotional OP. Having strong emotions is normal when we are in stressful situations or when we are in pain.
Why di you think it’s not ok for you to be more emotional than usual at a time like this? Your bf is feeling so emotional he got paralytically drunk to try to numb the feelings. His way of dealing with the stress is idiotic and has left you without his support.

coldfeetmama · 30/01/2022 07:23

When a man shows you who he is ... listen

This is how he's talking about his DP to his friends ?
He thinks this is the time to go and get absolutely rat arsed ?

I would 100% be telling him where to go and what he arrives fuck off a bit more

Being a single parent is not so bad and you will never have to put up with this shit again

mathanxiety · 30/01/2022 07:24

As for advice about what to say, how about ' You got drunk when I needed you most. I heard you slagging me off, which was incredibly disloyal, and makes me doubt you, and our relationship. I need to out our daughter first, so I'm going to my dad's where I know we will be looked after, we'll speak when I have thought things through'

Yes to this.

Do not listen to people telling you you re being a drama queen, or "emotional".

Whoever has said that to you does not deserve a place in your life. It's the accusation that twats level at women when they are not willing to accept being shat on from a great height.

Bex268 · 30/01/2022 07:27

Do not give him another chance after this!

You are your baby deserve so so much better.

Believe me having a baby and raising one is both wonderful and stressful. There’s no way he’s going to step up and help you during this time. You’re better off without him.

Best of luck and keep us updated.

tara66 · 30/01/2022 07:31

They say the true person is revealed when they are drunk.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 30/01/2022 07:34

Yes it is very very out of character

I don’t think it’s that out of character…

No doubt he will be delighted he slept through all this!

Thanks for the advise I really wasn't sure if I was being "emotional"

That aside, don’t worry about him or your relationship for now. That a conversation for after she’s here and you’re rested and recovering. Focus on you and your baby. Both of you being healthy - it’s so easy to just get hyper-focused on baby - is what’s important.

rainbowstardrops · 30/01/2022 07:34

Oh you poor thing. After a nightmare couple of weeks, I can't believe he's acted so appallingly!
Stop trying to contact him for now and focus on you and the baby.
I'd personally be pushing for a c-section now though.
Good luck Thanks

MondayYogurt · 30/01/2022 07:35

How are you today?

slagging me off and saying hope they give her morphine to fucking shut her up up.

If he tries to brush this off and call you a drama queen I can't see the point of having him around at all. You don't need two babies.

CaperCaper · 30/01/2022 07:41

Why would you give the child his name? That's a privilege that comes only with marriage in my opinion as a commitment has been made. Definitely stick with your own name, it's very awkward to have a different name from your child and he's shown you is unreliable.

Sorry you're going through this. Do what's best for you and baby. Labour is scary, you're not a drama queen don't be pressured or guilt tripped into doing anything you don't want to do.

JillFromHolt · 30/01/2022 07:42

I think pp have pretty much covered my response to your boyfriend (fuck off) but I just wanted to let you know that I too had PPROM and ended up delivering at 35 weeks. My baby spent a few weeks in NICU due to breathing and feeding issues but is now a healthy 6 year old and the tallest in the class! I would seriously think about delivering soon as it sounds like baby might be distressed? Hopefully you'll have more information after your scan. As for your boyfriend, the next few weeks are going to be difficult for you emotionally and physically with your recovery and potentially a baby in NICU. If he doesn't come back with his tail between his legs and apologise I'd be thinking about asking your mum or a friend to support you from now on. Best wishes for your delivery and the baby.

PinkButtercups · 30/01/2022 07:44

You're not being dramatic.

He might have had a tough year but what about you? You've had the scariest 2 weeks off your life which you're now going through on your own.

What he has done is completely selfish and irresponsible. I don't think I'd even be nice to him at this point.

Sure he can drink but go get to the state he got himself into? Unacceptable.

His friend can fuck off too. He put 50p in the dickhead?