Would you judge someone who didn't try...

[hermioneweasley48]

To breast feed?

I know this is a subject that can become quite divisive but I'm looking for facts, opinions and experience not nastiness.

I'm pregnant with dc2 and my first child is 10 so big age gap. When I had dc1 I was young and had a very traumatic birth and wasn't given much help or encouragement to breastfeed. So dc ended up being exclusively bottle fed. He's always been a healthy child and settled quickly as a baby. He was just very easy to manage and other than the usual struggles of babies/toddlers I felt very relaxed as a young, new mum.

I always said if I had another I would try to breastfeed purely for the baby's benefit. But as I look around at friends who have/are doing it, it seems pretty stressful. Their babies don't tend to settle as well and I had one friend in particular who pushed herself to the brink of madness being determined to feed her baby herself. Others have suffered huge guilt when they tried and failed.

Is it rally that bad to go for the 'easy option' here? I've done my research, I know the health benefits to baby but looking at my older dc who never had an ounce of breast milk in his life, kids can thrive without it. Or is that a selfish attitude from me?

I'm just weighing up my options at this point. After such a long break between babies I am understandably nervous about going back there and want to make life easy as possible for us all.

Definitely wouldn’t judge on the basis of health benefits or whatever which I don’t think are hugely compelling when you’re talking about individual babies, but I do think it’s madness to view ff as the easy option and I’d always recommend breastfeeding to a new mum to make their life easier in the long term if they can persevere through the tough early weeks. Being able to breastfeed lying down at night was my absolute saviour. I don’t think there’s anything in the ‘bf babies are less settled’ thing - I tend to think babies largely are how they are and you just work with it. Also, I think because midwives and HVs are obliged to promote breastfeeding, we miss out on a whole big part of the conversation around the benefits of mixed/combi feeding - I switched to that after a while and it was brilliant, my husband and parents loved being able to feed her and I still got all the practical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding but could also get a break when I needed it without having to plan and face the godawful prospect of expressing in advance.

Not at all. Didn't breast feed any of my 3 and never felt any pressure too. Everyone's choice is personal.

I wouldn't judge but if I'm being completely honest It doesn't make sense to me why someone wouldn't want to try first time around.

I’m going to be honest here. I was quite surprised at my first baby group meetings to see how many mums were ff. When I saw them mixing their bottles from that powdered formula, I honestly felt it seemed a bit nasty to be giving such processed food looking powdered milk substitute to their babies. I don’t judge them for it, but this was honestly what I thought. Obviously I wouldn’t say anything. Not to mention how much more difficult it seems to be mixing the bottles, packing them, washing etc, compared to just sticking the breast to the baby’s mouth. Having said that, I have also now bought formula (liquid) for my 6 month old, to help with making her first purées. Haven’t used it yet, though, as get a bit turned off by reading the ingredients list. Guess I will eventually though. And yes I know formula is safe for
baby and all that.

I really couldn't care. I choose to breast feed because I couldn't be bothered making up bottles *especially in the night) and it was free. I am basically very lazy...I choose baby led weaning because that too sounded easier!

Please don't let anyone judging you bother you. You need to do what's right for you and your baby and it's absolutely no ones business but yours.

I FF my son is one now and I don't regret my decision at all .

@LowlyTheWorm

So you’ve not really looked at the health benefits and statistics then. You’ve looked at your child who was fine formula fed and decided not to bother. And judged your friends who have breastfed as having less settled babies.you’ve made your mind up which is fine but yes I judge people who choose the easier option over the one that is best for their child’s health and well-being for such trivial reasons. I’d only ever tell them that when, like you, they ask. Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

No I wouldn’t, I save my judgement for nasty, thick, ignorant, superior bullies like this.

And I say that as someone who has breastfed.

No judgement from me
Do what works for you and baby 👶 x

I wouldn't judge anyone's feeding choices, and shame on someone who does.
You do you, OP.

but there is NO evidence WHATSOEVER about the long-term effects VS formula because it is literally impossible to compare two human beings, even identical twins as what shapes us is a complex interplay of genetics, environment and lived experiences.

I have no idea what the evidence is of long term differences between ff and bf. But your reasoning as to why there is no long term evidence is absolute nonsense. We have evidence of the long term benefit/risk of so many things, and the fact that all humans are different doesn’t make that data impossible to gather. It’s not done by comparing two humans, it’s done by comparing a large number.

Yes, I do judge people that don't even try, because breast is better for your baby - even if you literally only did the colostrum feeds, or even better the first few weeks. The fact that one formula fed baby seems fine is wonderful, formula is a life saving invention, but it doesn't change the facts that breast is better.
I definitely don't judge people who, for whatever reason, find they cannot breastfeed. Cannot is different to can't be bothered. Also no judgement on the ways people make breastfeeding work for baby AND them. My baby was prem and my boobs didn't get their act together in time for her milk requirements so she had donor milk for a few days. Then she was tube fed so none of that lovely bonding feeding experience. Then I expressed and mixed bottle/boob feeds for weeks because when she couldn't latch on, sometimes the stress used to make me want to harm myself... eventually she got the gist of it. I don't judge friends who combi feed, express for bottles, stop when they go back to work etc. But there is benefit to breastmilk.
That being said.... parenting is all a judgement call, which means that you will always be being judged, too!! Nobody gets everything 'right' and there often isn't a 'right' anyway. You could have asked 'do you judge me for using my mobile phone in front of my toddler' or 'do you judge me for turning my car seat front facing' or 'do you judge me for talking non stop to my child in a performance parenting way' and you'd have had the same mixed bag of responses. There is the best scientific research and the conclusions drawn from that, and most people try their best to follow this advice where they can... but evidence changes, people often have reasons why they can't or don't or won't do what it suggests (like me being on my phone whilst my child climbs on me!!) and in the end all you need to do is judge yourself and be happy (mostly) with what you see.

The most important things are are they loved, and are they safe. Everything else has pros and cons and nuanced 'better choices' but ultimately those are the only two that matter. x

@Antsinyourpanta hey! I'm pregnant with DC2, how did you find combination feeding? I found they discouraged anything like that with DS1 and gave the whole 'nipple confusion' reason along with not giving baby a dummy etc. So I ended up feeding every 1.5hrs day and night for months. I really want to try both this time as I just couldn't cope with the lack of sleep! Like you, I was brainwashed!

Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

Crock of shit. Outcomes are determined by genetics, health and wealth of the mother, environmental factors, lifestyle choices.

OP, I would probably try to bf for a few weeks in order to give the baby colostrum and antibodies. If it works out, then great and if not, then swap to bottles and give it no more thought.
I did a mix for mine - shortest time was 4 weeks, longest about 4-5 months. They are all fine.

The only time I would say that bf is definitively better is if you lived in a place with no easy access to clean water or sterilising equipment.

It's a personal choice, but since you asked- I don't know why you wouldn't at least give it a go now you're older and better informed.

It is better for you and the baby health wise. Some people struggle, some have no issues at all- why not see if you're one of them?

It's also much better for the planet, saves buying formula, avoids the faff with bottles. There are lots of benefits.

It's also much better for the planet

Now he’s a claim about BF that I can get behind. But anyone who’s that concerned about the planet wouldn’t have reproduced at all, of course

I wouldn't judge, lots of mother ff from birth.

I would think that it's a shame you hadn't tried breastfeeding first. There are a lot of benefits for the mother and the baby, it's a lovely bonding experience and it's so easy once it's established.

I think it's the mothers choice and I just assume people have their reasons. I wouldn't judge.

I don't judge how someone feeds their baby as I don't know their circumstances and reasons for the choice they have made and frankly it's none of my business.

However on a none personal level I am surprised more people don't at least give colostrum as the first feed. Even hand expressed if they don't was to actually breastfeed.

Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts

I'm not sure about this per se. I suspect it's probably small and certainly hard to quantify. However I'm sure that the NHS spend an awful lot of money prescribing hydrolysed formula to babies with CMPA (I say this as someone who received some prescribed formula myself)

The only person I ever judged said something along the lines of their boobs being for their boyfriend. I felt quite repulsed and judged by her for breast feeding

I was breastfed too, had childhood asthma, allergies, have hypothyroidism and I’m NC with my mum…. Ofcourse I do have an astronomical IQ 🙄. Bloody hated cluster feedings in the evening, felt so touched out, was exhausted, depressed, just a sobbing mess. I also didn’t co-sleep, baby hated the sling, used a dummy erm probably failed at a bunch of other things too. Oh and she watches a bit of tv. Definitely destined to be waynetta slob.

I think it’s great if it works out, it’s cheap, environmentally friendly etc etc. But if it doesn’t, well the baby gets fed. 🤷🏽‍♀️. There are reasons why people don’t and you don’t know them all so why judge. Hell tbh even I don’t feel like it doesn’t make you a terrible mother. When my baby was born I felt like every tiny thing I did was critical to her long term health and wellbeing. The stuff around breastfeeding didn’t make breastfeeding anymore possible for me but it did make me feel like shit for ages, I used to steel myself for people asking about it because I felt so ashamed at failing. Then I chilled out.

I BF two and didn’t BF 1 because of health problems they had not me. Doctors told me to stop.

They’re all adults and you wouldn’t know which was bf or ff.

No judgement here

[quote 1940s]@Sleeplessem if you read my posts and interpret it as me saying it's almost impossible to get breast cancer if you breastfeed you need to read again. Ludicrous claim. Both close friends who had breast cancer were angry that they'd never ever been told that breastfeeding can help prevent breast cancer. Which it does. One was actually high risk due to family history.

A 2002 landmark study that pooled approximately 50,000 breast cancer cases from 47 epidemiologic studies in 30 countries found that the relative risk for breast cancer in parous women is reduced by 4.3% for every 12 months a woman breastfeeds and is reduced by 7% for each birth independently.12 Similarly, a 2013 review of 32 studies concluded that the risk of having breast cancer was 14% lower among parous women who had ever breastfed compared with parous women who never breastfed. The protective effect of breastfeeding persisted regardless of the number of births and was even greater for women who had cumulatively breastfed for 12 months or longer; they had a 28% lower risk of breast cancer.13[/quote]
If your friend had a family history of female or hormonal cancers then this is altogether separate and it’s highly unlikely that bf would counteract that potential genetic component.

Who are the authors of this study? Was it peer reviewed? Lactivist and their website have a habit of misrepresenting data

No I wouldn’t judge.
I couldn’t bf ds1, my milk didn’t come in time and he became severely dehydrated.
When DS2 was born I put him straight on a bottle in hospital. I did try bf when we got home but found it too time consuming whilst trying to look after a 2 year old at the same time

No, and if someone did it says more about them.