Would you judge someone who didn't try...

[hermioneweasley48]

To breast feed?

I know this is a subject that can become quite divisive but I'm looking for facts, opinions and experience not nastiness.

I'm pregnant with dc2 and my first child is 10 so big age gap. When I had dc1 I was young and had a very traumatic birth and wasn't given much help or encouragement to breastfeed. So dc ended up being exclusively bottle fed. He's always been a healthy child and settled quickly as a baby. He was just very easy to manage and other than the usual struggles of babies/toddlers I felt very relaxed as a young, new mum.

I always said if I had another I would try to breastfeed purely for the baby's benefit. But as I look around at friends who have/are doing it, it seems pretty stressful. Their babies don't tend to settle as well and I had one friend in particular who pushed herself to the brink of madness being determined to feed her baby herself. Others have suffered huge guilt when they tried and failed.

Is it rally that bad to go for the 'easy option' here? I've done my research, I know the health benefits to baby but looking at my older dc who never had an ounce of breast milk in his life, kids can thrive without it. Or is that a selfish attitude from me?

I'm just weighing up my options at this point. After such a long break between babies I am understandably nervous about going back there and want to make life easy as possible for us all.

@welshladywhois40

No people shouldn't judge because you are doing the best thing you can do for your baby. People also forget a happy mum is a happy baby. I have known people pushed to the edge of despair trying to get it work.

For some people it isn't easy and just doesn't work.

The poster linking FF and cancer makes me so angry. And the poster who tastes is so so easy to BF.

Anyway to answer a question - I stopped at 6 days as my milk hadn't come in and I was truly struggling post c-section with a baby who was literally trying to feed constantly.

He was fine moving to formula. The only thing I had to watch was quantity - my son didn't know when to stop feeding in those early weeks so would often feed until he was sick.

Dummy soon fixed that issue. So gosh I am a formula feeding mum and I use a dummy - how terrible am I?

You seem to have an issue and maybe a guilt about this.

It is a fact that breastfeeding reduces the risk of cancer in mothers. Why would that anger you? I've had two very close people in my life under the age of 35 with breast cancer. Both with three children who were formula fed. I think this benefit to mothers should be promoted more to help give more information to mothers like OP who don't want to try

I have a 14 year old and a 3 month old, I bottle fed both of mine from birth, no problems what so ever with either, they never lost weight, always been settled, it's very rare DS1 had been ill tbh, and DS2 is perfect, growing like there's no tomorrow, I know I'll get judged for not trying but I just didn't want too, and after DS1 did so well, made me more confident DS2 was gonna be just fine FF from birth, plus it's YOUR choice regardless, f*ck the judgers if so, you do what you think is best for your children, whether BF or FF, theres no right or wrong imo

@LowlyTheWorm

So you’ve not really looked at the health benefits and statistics then. You’ve looked at your child who was fine formula fed and decided not to bother. And judged your friends who have breastfed as having less settled babies.you’ve made your mind up which is fine but yes I judge people who choose the easier option over the one that is best for their child’s health and well-being for such trivial reasons. I’d only ever tell them that when, like you, they ask. Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

Sources for these bold assertions, please? Proper verified peer-reviewed studies?

Fed is best. Do what works for your WHOLE family. Including you.

I personally intend to try to breastfeed, but I don't buy into the guilt and pressure that comes with it. I have seen too many women really hurt by it when breastfeeding didn't work out despite their best efforts.

If you think you will cope better and enjoy your baby more by bottle feeding, do it. Your well being and your ability to parent your baby and your older child are all very important things, and formula is specially created to meet the needs of a growing baby. It's a perfectly fine choice to make.

@1940s

It's also significantly reduces your risk of breast cancer. So win win

Nope, it’s not a significant reduction of risk just a reduction of risk and as PP said these things are compounded by age.

How you stated it is misleading, it makes like it’s almost impossible to get breast cancer if you breast fed and unfortunately that’s not the case.

It wouldn't have sat right with me not to try it (and I didn't consider not trying because to me it's just how babies are fed by default), but I don't judge anyone else for it. I'm happy I tried it, happy we finally got it worked out and persevered with it, and am satisfied with that part of babyhood. But there are a million other things that you make choices on as your child grows up.

The only thing I'd say that is that anecdata is pretty useless, so deciding what to do because some other people's babies sleep longer on formula or because you know X children who had formula and they are healthy isn't really a good metric. You have to look at population scale on a large level, not just the narrow band of people who you know. There's plenty of actual research out there, though, if you do feel you have to justify your decision in some way. But there's no need to justify it to anyone.

I bf both of mine. I wouldn't judge - really do not care - but i know plenty who would (and they'd 'never say anything,' but they unconsciously ooze a smug, judgy self righteous vibe like bad breath on this subject. Boring, arrogant, and mis-informed. Just something the judgers here might want to consider if they think it isn't obvious...)

Its none of my business what you do with your boobs. Emily Oster has a lit review of the evidence on benefits of bf. It's really not all it's cracked up to be. I found it less faff than ff seemed, but as far as what's best for your baby, there's almost no difference. And an unhappy mum (if you hate bf, say) far far outweighs any of those benefits. Your boobs, your baby, your business.

@1940s your also presenting anecdotes as facts and honestly sounds like are saying that if those women you know had breastfed they wouldn’t have got cancer, which you have no way of establishing. Reads like victim blaming

@1940s have you actually read my posts? I don't not want to try. In my op I said I was weighing up my options. In my update I said I would try. Please don't jump in without reading the posts first.

OP, I think some people see the subject heading and vent without reading anything else. It gives them their soapbox moment

I had my first a few weeks ago and planned to breastfeed. We only managed a week due to my milk never coming through, he's now formula only.

Would I judge? Do I judge? Yes. Women should always try in my opinion!!!! It's so good for them I just don't understand why someone wouldn't try

If it's the easy option you want as you say in your OP you don't know that bf isn't it. Yes it can be hard to establish but it isn't always.

I only have experience of bf but when it does go well I can't see how ff is easier when it means having to plan packing bottles and powder and everything out and about and sterilising and making up bottles at 3am with a screaming baby.

So don't discount bf as the harder option, it might not be!

Nope, wouldn't judge anyway. However, it was impossible for my to bf and I still mourn it a year on.

Why would you assume if judge? I really couldn’t care less what Claire from isle 4 is or isn’t doing with her baby.

Why do these peoples opinions or judginess matter? Are these people more important to you than yourself?

I wouldn’t judge, no. I didn’t try with my first 2. I did with dd3 and part of me wishes I hadn’t. I was and still am heartbroken it didn’t work out for us (for reasons beyond my control) and am finding it hard to get over. That being said, I would try again if we ever had another baby as I so desperately want that experience.

How you stated it is misleading, it makes like it’s almost impossible to get breast cancer if you breast fed and unfortunately that’s not the case.

Indeed it’s not. My friend died last year aged 39 of breast cancer and it was diagnosed when she was still BF her third.

Not being overweight and exercising regularly are greater protectors against breast cancer than breastfeeding is.

@FloconDeNeige

How you stated it is misleading, it makes like it’s almost impossible to get breast cancer if you breast fed and unfortunately that’s not the case.

Indeed it’s not. My friend died last year aged 39 of breast cancer and it was diagnosed when she was still BF her third.

Not being overweight and exercising regularly are greater protectors against breast cancer than breastfeeding is.

Exactly! And this narrative teeters on blaming people for getting cancer. I’m really sorry about your friend @FloconDeNeige ❤️

My mother also had breast cancer, stage 2 and both extended breastfed my sibling and I, the risk reduction is drastically overstated by lactivists.

@Sleeplessem

Thank you. She was a wonderful mother, a passionate scientist and an all-round top human being. The world is a poorer place without her in it 😢

I made a half arsed attempt but ive never liked the feeling of my nipples being stimulated tbh so it didn't appeal.

Absolutely no judgement whatsoever.
Exercising personal choice in a private matter.
Do whatever is right for you! x

No I wouldn't.

I thinks it's a shame not to try but none of my business.

@Sleeplessem if you read my posts and interpret it as me saying it's almost impossible to get breast cancer if you breastfeed you need to read again. Ludicrous claim. Both close friends who had breast cancer were angry that they'd never ever been told that breastfeeding can help prevent breast cancer. Which it does. One was actually high risk due to family history.

A 2002 landmark study that pooled approximately 50,000 breast cancer cases from 47 epidemiologic studies in 30 countries found that the relative risk for breast cancer in parous women is reduced by 4.3% for every 12 months a woman breastfeeds and is reduced by 7% for each birth independently.12 Similarly, a 2013 review of 32 studies concluded that the risk of having breast cancer was 14% lower among parous women who had ever breastfed compared with parous women who never breastfed. The protective effect of breastfeeding persisted regardless of the number of births and was even greater for women who had cumulatively breastfed for 12 months or longer; they had a 28% lower risk of breast cancer.13

@LowlyTheWorm

So you’ve not really looked at the health benefits and statistics then. You’ve looked at your child who was fine formula fed and decided not to bother. And judged your friends who have breastfed as having less settled babies.you’ve made your mind up which is fine but yes I judge people who choose the easier option over the one that is best for their child’s health and well-being for such trivial reasons. I’d only ever tell them that when, like you, they ask. Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

Wow

is reduced by 4.3% for every 12 months a woman breastfeeds

The key phrase here is ‘is reduced by’.
If the average lifetime risk is 12%, then breastfeeding for 12 months reduces that by 4.3%. So, by about 0.0048, which is obviously miniscule.

It’s still a reduction but if you’re overweight, sedentary etc then breastfeeding is a drop in the ocean for your risk reduction.

I have a 6 week old son, during pregnancy my thought was I’ll give it a go but I don’t think I’ll like it. When he was born I loved it, absolutely loved feeding him.
However I have not been able to keep up with his hunger and I’ve slowly moved to bottles which means my supply has dropped hugely. My baby is 90% formula fed now and he doesn’t sleep or settle so honestly the formula doesn’t help that much.
What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t think I’d like doing it then loved it but couldn’t do it. So you don’t always have the choice, ultimately fed is best whatever route you decide to take