Would you judge someone who didn't try...

[hermioneweasley48]

To breast feed?

I know this is a subject that can become quite divisive but I'm looking for facts, opinions and experience not nastiness.

I'm pregnant with dc2 and my first child is 10 so big age gap. When I had dc1 I was young and had a very traumatic birth and wasn't given much help or encouragement to breastfeed. So dc ended up being exclusively bottle fed. He's always been a healthy child and settled quickly as a baby. He was just very easy to manage and other than the usual struggles of babies/toddlers I felt very relaxed as a young, new mum.

I always said if I had another I would try to breastfeed purely for the baby's benefit. But as I look around at friends who have/are doing it, it seems pretty stressful. Their babies don't tend to settle as well and I had one friend in particular who pushed herself to the brink of madness being determined to feed her baby herself. Others have suffered huge guilt when they tried and failed.

Is it rally that bad to go for the 'easy option' here? I've done my research, I know the health benefits to baby but looking at my older dc who never had an ounce of breast milk in his life, kids can thrive without it. Or is that a selfish attitude from me?

I'm just weighing up my options at this point. After such a long break between babies I am understandably nervous about going back there and want to make life easy as possible for us all.

@JaninaDuszejko don’t you think that health care professionals are the biggest problem in terms of our breastfeeding rates.

You only have to join a breastfeeding support group on fb for mums crying out for support and it being actively refused. Midwives won’t help establish breastfeeding in hospital, health visitors scarcely provide support in the community, paediatricians often advise early weaning without due cause, the first sign of trouble in a young baby (faltering growth, sleep issues, ‘colic’ or even delays) and it’s breastfeeding that’s blamed rather than any other avenues being explored. Waiting lists for tongue tie assessments taking weeks so by default the baby will have to have some formula. Allergies aren’t explored etc, faltering growth and rather than support with latch and positioning the mother is instantly told to use formula instead. It seems to me that either breastfeeding comes quite easily (not necessarily easy but relatively so, that a fb group can support) or for those who have problems it’s a privilege of the relatively well off. This to me is at the core of our dismal breastfeeding rates. This and a weird cultural attitude towards breastfeeding in public.

@JaninaDuszejko
The point is that the actual risk reduction is far smaller than it seems (i.e. it’s not 4.3% and certainly not 28%), thus it’s misleading.

And anyway, surely this argument about a benefit to the mother runs counter to the general lactivist narrative - that you should be sacrificing yourself, however difficult - in order to give your baby ‘the best start’ (otherwise you’re an inferior mother and deserving of judgement)?

Finally, it doesn’t matter that breastfeeding rates are low because in the long run it makes no realistic difference. Any differences are so marginal as to only be visible at population-level and most cannot be untangled from socio-economic effects. There’s no difference at a familial level, e.g. between siblings. (So anyone feeling guilty that the BF one DC and not another, don’t!).

If a mothers wants to do it and is happy with her choice, great for her. But she can quit with the judgement of what other women do with their bodies. She’s not interested in the health of strangers or their babies either, it’s just a convenient smokescreen to put others down in an attempt to feel superior.

Whether you want to do it or not is up to you but make an informed decision rather than an anecdata based one

Not at all, it’s personal choice. Do what you feel is right for you & baby will be just fine either way. Just bear in mind that however you choose to feed there’s every chance that your 2nd will be completely different from your first, and it was probably just luck that your first was so settled rather than how you fed him. I’ve breastfed all three of mine & done everything the same in terms of sleep etc but my middle one was exceptionally hard work compared to the other two - I think they have their little personalities set way before we do anything & some are just more chilled than others 🤣