Would you judge someone who didn't try...

[hermioneweasley48]

To breast feed?

I know this is a subject that can become quite divisive but I'm looking for facts, opinions and experience not nastiness.

I'm pregnant with dc2 and my first child is 10 so big age gap. When I had dc1 I was young and had a very traumatic birth and wasn't given much help or encouragement to breastfeed. So dc ended up being exclusively bottle fed. He's always been a healthy child and settled quickly as a baby. He was just very easy to manage and other than the usual struggles of babies/toddlers I felt very relaxed as a young, new mum.

I always said if I had another I would try to breastfeed purely for the baby's benefit. But as I look around at friends who have/are doing it, it seems pretty stressful. Their babies don't tend to settle as well and I had one friend in particular who pushed herself to the brink of madness being determined to feed her baby herself. Others have suffered huge guilt when they tried and failed.

Is it rally that bad to go for the 'easy option' here? I've done my research, I know the health benefits to baby but looking at my older dc who never had an ounce of breast milk in his life, kids can thrive without it. Or is that a selfish attitude from me?

I'm just weighing up my options at this point. After such a long break between babies I am understandably nervous about going back there and want to make life easy as possible for us all.

Yes - if I'm being honest, I'd judge a first time mum who didn't even try to breastfeed and went straight to formula. But I wouldn't be damning her or thinking about it much, to be honest. And I'd wonder if she was let down by the system more than anything.

In your case, I'd think 'it's a shame she didn't try' and leave it.

But that's because I breastfed for 2.5 years and found it so useful once I got the hang of it (took me four months of hard work and specialist help)

As a PP said, I think it’s a shame / sad that more women don’t try. That it isn’t the default option these days.

I think it’s linked to the skewed expectations we have about babies and parenting - the notion of a “good” baby being one that will lie happily in their crib, self sooth, sleep all night from early on etc.

That’s just my viewpoint - not sure I specifically judge people who formula feed though. But I am advocate for breastfeeding so some people might take that to mean that I judge all those who chose to formula feed instead.

I thought bf was the easy option tbh - no faffing about sterilising bottles, buying and making up all the days feeds. Worrying about you will heat the bottle if your out and about. With bf milk is on tap and ready when baby is. I bf both of mines - watched my sister fart about with bottles etc and decided to put it off as long as possible. Bottle fed babies don’t settle easier/ quicker/faster - that’s just the baby!

@ThanksIGotItInMorrisons

I thought bf was the easy option tbh - no faffing about sterilising bottles, buying and making up all the days feeds. Worrying about you will heat the bottle if your out and about. With bf milk is on tap and ready when baby is. I bf both of mines - watched my sister fart about with bottles etc and decided to put it off as long as possible. Bottle fed babies don’t settle easier/ quicker/faster - that’s just the baby!

I found it easier too. Both my DD had a bottle of expressed milk when I had to leave them. And DD2 had some formula when I went back to work at 9 months as I could express enough. What a pain that was. Because it was only for 6 bottles per week, we ended up buying the premade ones to save all the worry about boiling water etc

Getting my boob out was so much easier!

Do what you can. Walking down the street you can't tell the difference between people who were bottle fed and breastfed as babies. It all works.

My mum didn't want to, had no desire to. So didn't. There will be judgemental people who feel their opinions are important but tbh only your opinion and decision matters. I never had a single drop of breastmilk until I breastfed and tried it. Hasn't stopped me having a healthy life with 2 (almost 3) children who I mostly Breastfed. The guilt for not breastfeeding is worse - I don't know why tho. (my 2nd had severe colic caused by lactose in my milk apparently and he ended up refusing to drink and couldn't poo). So no do what is best for you and your family

Do what you want to do OP - your baby, your choice. If anyone judges you tell them to mind their own business.

Thank you all so much. There has been some really helpful advice here and the lack of judgement has made me feel a lot better. I suppose we are all too busy worrying about our own life and kids to worry about what others are doing!

I think I will certainly be open to trying bf and hopefully it will work for me. If it doesn't work and I or baby begin to suffer then I will move to the bottle without hesitation. That's the plan for now!

I think bf can be easier, it's just the effort is front loaded so to speak. It's painful at first but then it can be really easy and convenient. Totally your choice not to try, but you might be surprised.

I've no judgement and tbh I'm in the same camp. Due a baby in the coming weeks and I have no intention at all of even attempting to breastfed and the amount of judgement I've received is unreal , along side judgement about the fact that I'm not co sleeping either or using reusable nappies 🤣🤣🤣 I call it the judgement trifecta

No OP, definitely not!

The people who do judge clearly have self-esteem issues, so don’t worry about them, pity them instead.

The long-term benefits of breastfeeding are extremely small and they’re enormously eclipsed by other parental decisions in any case. Those preaching that they’d judge a woman who didn’t breastfeed to make her own life easier; if any of them live in large urban conurbations, then they might want to ask themselves why they subject their children to air pollution, which has a demonstrable negative impact on health. They could move out of the city, but I’m sure they wouldn’t be willing to inconvenience themselves by leaving London for the sake of their kid’s respiratory health. So they can therefore STFU with their hypocritical judgments.

I wouldn't roll my eyes, I wouldn't give you a second glance bottle feeding a newborn. If you were a friend I'd tell you truthfully that it's your body and choice, because it is.

But yes id judge someone not trying to breastfeed and going against the science that breast is best. You're looking at a small pool of anecdata of your friends unsettled bf babies and your healthy formul fed pre teen.

Breastmilk is better for babies and I think every mother should try it. Some may give up after a few nights / weeks / months or reach toddler age. But my opinion is that every baby deserves the chance to be breastfed.

It's also significantly reduces your risk of breast cancer. So win win

@hermioneweasley48 only obvious plus currently is if you've had the covid vaccine your baby will get a share of those antibodies.

@1940s

It's also significantly reduces your risk of breast cancer. So win win

I hate to raise an argument against this but this is dependent on age. The protection against cancer goes down as you get older. It certainly shouldn’t be a deciding factor in whether or not you breastfeed anyway, but if it was for someone, it’s worth researching whether you fall within the age ranges where you’re likely to benefit from any protection.

All I can say is, my mum breastfed me 31 years ago for 6 months. I’ve got PCOS, always been overweight, suffered from shingles (more than once!), glandular fever and had my gallbladder removed when my first daughter was 6 weeks old - I’ve never been lucky with the best of health, although I know it could be worse. Due to my PCOS I also have breast hypoplasia which means I have insufficient glandular tissue in both breasts and cannot breastfeed. My first daughter is now 4.5 yrs old and was bottle fed formula, as is my 5 day old baby. They both had some colostrum and that was the only thing I could provide as my milk doesn’t come in. At the end of the day, I couldn’t give two hoots if another mum judged me - goes to show she probably isn’t very nice in the first place and has no idea about my background!

Yes I do and I know that's probably wrong of me, but I can't help it! I would never say it out loud though, it's their choice at the end of the day.

No I wouldn't judge. I didn't breastfeed either of mine and can tell you I was judged, especially by oh's family.

No people shouldn't judge because you are doing the best thing you can do for your baby. People also forget a happy mum is a happy baby. I have known people pushed to the edge of despair trying to get it work.

For some people it isn't easy and just doesn't work.

The poster linking FF and cancer makes me so angry. And the poster who tastes is so so easy to BF.

Anyway to answer a question - I stopped at 6 days as my milk hadn't come in and I was truly struggling post c-section with a baby who was literally trying to feed constantly.

He was fine moving to formula. The only thing I had to watch was quantity - my son didn't know when to stop feeding in those early weeks so would often feed until he was sick.

Dummy soon fixed that issue. So gosh I am a formula feeding mum and I use a dummy - how terrible am I?

I think those that judge are small minded

Not at all. There are different ways to feed your baby so long as they are fed and happy and healthy that's what matters.
When my baby was born the lady next to me was determined to breastfeed and it wasn't working. Her baby screamed the entire time and she was so stressed and exhausted she had to stay a second night. I bottle fed and was out the next day. Its hard going.
What about combination feeding so it takes the pressure off plus makes sure your baby gets vitamins thats in formula?

To be brutally honest, I would. I mean, why would you not even try, knowing that breastfeeding is the most beneficial to baby? Fair enough if you try and fail, I've been there myself. But to make a conscious decision that you won't even have a go at doing something that will greatly benefit your baby just makes me

The statistics showing that breastfed babies are healthier are not made up. Formula feeding costs the NHS thousands of pounds every year. It will even tell you on the Formula tub that the contents are not the same as breastmilk, and that breast milk is best for baby.

I breast fed my first, currently pregnant with 2nd. I would really try for the first few days to give them the liquid gold. I did notice in hospital last time though that all the first time mums were trying to breast feeding, but those with a baby before didn't even bother trying.

Interesting read;

time.com/99746/its-time-to-end-the-breast-is-best-myth/

@EmRata95

To be brutally honest, I would. I mean, why would you not even try, knowing that breastfeeding is the most beneficial to baby? Fair enough if you try and fail, I've been there myself. But to make a conscious decision that you won't even have a go at doing something that will greatly benefit your baby just makes me

The statistics showing that breastfed babies are healthier are not made up. Formula feeding costs the NHS thousands of pounds every year. It will even tell you on the Formula tub that the contents are not the same as breastmilk, and that breast milk is best for baby.

Because life is complex, and there can be lots of factors in any decision that people make. Yes, the healthy of your baby is a huge factor, but there are a number of others which may tip the balance from a yes to a no.