Would you judge someone who didn't try...

[hermioneweasley48]

To breast feed?

I know this is a subject that can become quite divisive but I'm looking for facts, opinions and experience not nastiness.

I'm pregnant with dc2 and my first child is 10 so big age gap. When I had dc1 I was young and had a very traumatic birth and wasn't given much help or encouragement to breastfeed. So dc ended up being exclusively bottle fed. He's always been a healthy child and settled quickly as a baby. He was just very easy to manage and other than the usual struggles of babies/toddlers I felt very relaxed as a young, new mum.

I always said if I had another I would try to breastfeed purely for the baby's benefit. But as I look around at friends who have/are doing it, it seems pretty stressful. Their babies don't tend to settle as well and I had one friend in particular who pushed herself to the brink of madness being determined to feed her baby herself. Others have suffered huge guilt when they tried and failed.

Is it rally that bad to go for the 'easy option' here? I've done my research, I know the health benefits to baby but looking at my older dc who never had an ounce of breast milk in his life, kids can thrive without it. Or is that a selfish attitude from me?

I'm just weighing up my options at this point. After such a long break between babies I am understandably nervous about going back there and want to make life easy as possible for us all.

Not at all. I couldn't with my first. So didn't try with my second.
Don't feel bad at all, my DCs both turned out very intelligent, extremely healthy (my DC2 has never caught a sickness bug in his life!), and happy. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I think theres may to much pressure on new mums these days! Do what you can and don't feel bad.. don't you dare.

Not at all. I absolutely knew I never wanted to breastfeed and I didn't try and wasn't pushed either. Some of my friends breastfed until their kids were two and there was no judgement either way.

So you’ve not really looked at the health benefits and statistics then. You’ve looked at your child who was fine formula fed and decided not to bother. And judged your friends who have breastfed as having less settled babies.you’ve made your mind up which is fine but yes I judge people who choose the easier option over the one that is best for their child’s health and well-being for such trivial reasons. I’d only ever tell them that when, like you, they ask.
Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

My first just wasn't having it so I didn't attempt it with my second, knowing how hard it had made things at the start.

No judgment whatsoever. And who even needs to know?!

I think it depends where you live. I live in an area full of "holier than thou" Mums who are all breastfeeding and do so until a child is 2 or 3. There's a popular cafe with nice garden frequented by said mums and bottle feeding is unusual. My plan with DC1 was to breastfeed until 2/3 months then move over to bottle but my child never took a bottle (despite trying every teat and formula) so I continued until 11 months when they used a straw. DC2 is arriving soon and I cannot face another year of breastfeeding so will be on the formula from beginning.

No judgement here!

My DD is 10 months. I've never breastfed her and she has been exclusively bottle fed from the beginning. She was in NICU for the first day and night of her life, they didn't question me and gave her a bottle.

I've had to explain myself to a small number of people who have asked why I didn't.

The truth is I didn't want to.
Recently before my DD is battled cancer and had copious of surgeries. Plus C section and a traumatic pregnancy due to this. IVF before that and on quite a few medications that I couldn't breastfeed on. So I didn't risk it mostly because of the medications which I'm still on, and I just wanted my body back.

No judgement whatsoever. And whoever does judge can judge all they want. It's their problem not mine!

My baby is healthy and happy and that's all that matters.

If I wasn't so poorly and on meds I would've liked to try for at least a few weeks but I don't feel guilty or have any regrets. You do you!

Not in the slightest and I breastfed for 5 years.

You will likely get judged whatever you do so just do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck.

No judging. Entirety your decision.

I wouldn't judge at all and j breastfed mine. But given the scenario you describe yourself in, I'd see no harm in trying as soon as the baby arrives and see if you take to it then move to bottles if no luck.

Nope, I tried for 6 weeks, felt quite judged by other people at the time for giving up (even before I had DC i would never have judged). I would probably still give it a go just in case it works better this time around but tbh I was relieved when my DH could start sharing feeds with me.

Attitudes like @LowlyTheWorm are what worry me, I don't want people to think I don't care or haven't put my baby first.

I really have looked into the benefits believe me. But having had a very healthy, intelligent child you never had breast milk has shown me that it's not the be all and end all. And I would never judge people who do bf, I think it's an amazing thing. Their babies being less settled was an observation. You are the one who is judging, by your own admission.

I'm very nervous about going back to having a baby, it's been ten years!

I definitely wouldn't judge any mum for going for bottle from the start. I breastfed my 3 kids for 6 months each. The first 2 were easy, the last one was a nightmare and I only did it to 6 months because no has with the others and felt guilty. I think for some mum and babies it can be really easy after you initially get started but others it's a pretty bumpy road. The main benefit for the mum is not having to make bottles in the night, which I would have hated! You make the call here, don't worry about other people's judgement. You could try for a week or 2 and switch to bottle no problem. Or just go for bottle - it's your choice! X

I agree with this

yes I judge people who choose the easier option over the one that is best for their child’s health and well-being for such trivial reasons. I’d only ever tell them that when, like you, they ask

It is well known that there are many benefits to mum and baby from BFing and I get that it doesn't always work for everyone but surely if you are putting baby first then you would try to Bf.

It is more work, it is tiring, BF babies often need feeding more than FF babies but I wonder what's more important than giving them the best start.

Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

I’ll be over here quietly waiting for links to a reputable source for this^.

OP, it’s up to you. It also doesn’t need to be one or the other - you can start BF and see how you get on, or aim to feed one BF feed a day once baby is in a routine, or aim to feed for the first week.

Why does it matter though, what anyone else thinks? You're a grown woman, make your choice and don't apologise for it.

@hermioneweasley48 I wouldn't worry about @LowlyTheWorm, she is talking straight out of her *ss. I bet she considers it the greatest achievement in life that she had a couple of kids hanging off her boobs for a few years. 🙄
We know there are undeniable benefits to breastfeeding but there is NO evidence WHATSOEVER about the long-term effects VS formula because it is literally impossible to compare two human beings, even identical twins as what shapes us is a complex interplay of genetics, environment and lived experiences.
You do what's best for YOU and your baby. If YOU are not coping, you can't take care of your baby. You don't need to sacrifice your health or your sanity for your baby -not when there are alternatives that have clearly worked for you in the past. Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the best! ❤️

Nope. As long as a baby is being fed it’s no one else’s business how That’s achieved.

Have a bash if you want to but ultimately it really doesn’t matter.

Not at all I breastfed both of mine til 3.5 years old. First one I fell in the top up trap. However it's none of my business how another mother feeds their child. As long as the child is getting enough food it's all good. You do what works for you and no one else.

Hell no. I hate breastfeeding. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby. I don’t care how baby is fed.

No judgment here. They are plenty of people who will. Just read the previous posts. You are subject to scrutiny and judgement as soon as you are pregnant. I have 4 DC. They are adults. You cannot tell which ones were BF and which ones were FF.

Good luck

If I'm giving my honest opinion, I do think it's a shame when people don't even try to give that first feed.

I don't judge formula feeding generally, I mean it's so common there's not enough time in the day for all the judging that would be necessary anyway 😂. Breastfeeding isn't for everyone, and it has its own challenges, so if it doesn't work for people then fine. But yes, I do think it's a shame when they don't try.

I'll be really honest and say if youd asked me when I had my first DC I probably would have judged because I literally felt so brain washed into thinking bf was the only way to properly feed a baby, and I felt like formula was second best and would some how be failing my child despite knowing I was formula fed as a baby
With my 2nd I'd realised that bf was not the be all and end all and that formula was fine. (2nd baby had combination of breast and bottle feeds)

It’s none of anyone’s business.

Yes, I’d have an opinion on someone who didn’t even try it when it’s clearly the best option for a child as well as being free, convenient and a piece of piss once it’s established. We’re mammals, we’re literally named after our breastfeeding capacity as a class of vertebrates. Breastfeeding is natural to us all. With support at the start, everyone ought to be able to do it, barring a health concern.

But I’d keep my judgey thoughts to myself because what right have I to tell another woman how to raise her child? There isn’t the support there should be to allow every woman to feed her baby.

One thing I never see mentioned about breastfeeding (again, once established, and the first 2 weeks can be challenging without guidance on latch etc) is how good it feels. Hormones are released into the mother’s body as well as the baby’s through the milk that help with relaxation, digestion, falling asleep etc. It calms both mother and baby.

I’m all for anything that calms.

Thank you for the supportive comments. It is my choice and I am a grown woman but I still feel conscious of what others think, especially where parenting is concerned. I probably ought to toughen up a bit!

For those who breastfed for a little while, did you notice any change in your babies when you moved to the bottle? Did the change unsettle them?

@LowlyTheWorm

So you’ve not really looked at the health benefits and statistics then. You’ve looked at your child who was fine formula fed and decided not to bother. And judged your friends who have breastfed as having less settled babies.you’ve made your mind up which is fine but yes I judge people who choose the easier option over the one that is best for their child’s health and well-being for such trivial reasons. I’d only ever tell them that when, like you, they ask. Formula feeding costs the NHS a lot of money over the years as a result of the poorer health collectively of FF babies and the increased rates of cancers that would be prevented by BFing. Those are the facts.

Lovely judgemental post right here. I couldn't breastfeed my baby, despite producing milk, as she was very weak and premature. We had to bottle feed her, to check exactly how much milk she was taking. She was weighed constantly. My FF baby was kept alive, because I didn't listen to ignorant people like you.