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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnancy after miscarriage support thread

193 replies

AlbiMix · 10/06/2021 18:27

This is a support thread for all who are currently pregnant following a miscarriage. Originating from the TTC after miscarriage group: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/4236516-MC-crew-Thread-10?msgid=108052031

Pregnancy after miscarriage is an extremely anxious time so please use this space for support.

@Greenluce
@Lililou

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Greenluce · 15/06/2021 11:43

Welcome @Flopsy88 @PlantMummy87 @ButtercupBlue

I am feeling quite anxious today, I am 5+1 and I don’t really have any symptoms yet. I remember that with my previous pregnancy I felt nauseous and extremely fatigued from the very beginning and I am worried I don’t have those symptoms now.

Doing yoga and Pilates usually help me to feel better, but I stopped exercising since my BFP. What are you ladies doing? Do you think is it safe to exercise during the first trimester? I would normally think so, but I am so paranoid after the MC 😔

ButtercupBlue · 15/06/2021 11:58

Thank you @Greenluce

I was literally just about to start a new thread asking a similar question re: exercise!

All I really do at the mo is a lot of walking (about 6 miles a day on average) and the occasional yoga video on YouTube or pilates session (but haven't done for a few weeks now.)

I signed up to a 6 week 'ballet fit' class thinking it'd be a nice distraction from TTC and a way to lose a few lbs too but obviously I wasn't expecting to be pregnant already and it starts this evening!

On the one hand I think surely a bit of exercise is good for me physically and mentally, but otoh I'm not sure I should be taking up a new class when I've literally just got my bfp and with my history of miscarriage.

I'm really torn about what to do. I guess I could go and mention it to the instructor before we start but I'll feel a right wally if she then sends me home!

It's extra complicated because it's at the same dance school DS1 goes to and I already told him I was starting a class there so if I don't go he'll be wondering why!

lavenderlilaclily · 15/06/2021 13:49

@Flopsy88 yes that makes total sense. I'm completely with you on the feeling that uncommon things are way more common and likely than they actually are. It is hard because it's really important to feel that sense of community and feel less alone, but equally it does mess with your head about the reality of things. I keep having to remind myself that statistically way more people go on to have live, healthy babies than not, not the other way around!

I had my NHS reassurance scan today and happy to say it all went well. Saw a little bean measuring exactly 7+2 and with a heartbeat 💓
I felt reassured for about an hour though and now I'm back to worrying.

lavenderlilaclily · 15/06/2021 13:51

@Greenluce @ButtercupBlue I've been questioning the same thing about exercise! I was pretty active my last pregnancy until things started going wrong - doing lots of walking, pilates, yoga, regular prenatal workouts...
but this pregnancy I'm scared. I've been doing some very gentle yoga and walking but not much more. I feel way more achey and crampy this pregnancy and it really scares me and so I'm scared to do too much, though I'm not sure if being more active would actually be beneficial. I just don't know!!

Flopsy88 · 15/06/2021 13:53

I'm also struggling to know how much exercise is safe. I'd just got back into running but I'm really worried the hot weather at the moment so just doing a couple of slow miles on cooler days and going to the gym twice a week, but then I'm not sure if there are any weights I should be avoiding. Exercise really helps my anxiety and I don't want to keep as healthy as possible whilst I still can!

Do you know what the ballet fit class involves @ButtercupBlue ? Could you speak to the instructor in advance? I guess it depends how gentle it is. The NHS guidance seems to be that you can continue activities you were already doing but at a lower intensity. Not overheating seems to be important

AlbiMix · 15/06/2021 17:41

@Greenluce @ButtercupBlue @Flopsy88 @lavenderlilaclily so glad you've raised this as I've had the same problem. During my last pregnancy I was exercising relatively often and I got back into it properly after the MC, but I've been too scared do any proper exercise since the BFP. I even asked my midwife at the booking in appointment and she said "if you were doing squats and miscarried, don't do squats", I was like wtf?! That's your answer? Not only did it not help (I still don't know if I should be doing more exercise) but it made me feel even more worried about exercising and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy. I've tried to go for lots of walks instead but I'm finding it hard to find the time and tbh I'm not happy. But of course terrified to do anything that will harm the pregnancy now...

lavenderlilaclily congrats on the scan! That's good news but I get you still worrying, I've had the 12w and still anxious.

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Flopsy88 · 15/06/2021 18:45

@lavenderlilaclily That's wonderful news!! So pleased for you! Was this your last scan before 12 weeks?

@AlbiMix That is a really weird and unhelpful thing for your midwife to say!!! I know what you mean re. the walks. It takes up so much more time to maintain the level of fitness you'd have from doing more intensive exercise

mrskcam · 15/06/2021 19:43

Not sure if this is a silly question but those whose pregnancy's have already passed the mark where you have pervy lost a baby - have you been out on anything to help or is it just better luck this time?

I'm terrified I'm gonna miscarry again because I'm not doing anything different to last time. I really never thought it would be this hard 😞

Flopsy88 · 16/06/2021 07:43

@mrskcam I haven't got that far yet (only just under half way!) and can completely understand how you're feeling. However, most miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities so there was something not quite right with that particular egg or sperm which meant the baby couldn't develop properly. This is a completely new pregnancy with a new egg and a new sperm so there is no reason to think it will happen again, even if you don't do any single thing differently. The first one wasn't caused by anything you did or didn't do. I'm so sorry you're feeling so anxious. I'm not sure why we focus so much on getting to the point at which we lost our previous pregnancy because it doesn't really mean anything for this pregnancy but 9 weeks is feeling like a lifetime away for me right now so I really do get it! I've got Zoe Clarke-Coates' 'Pregnancy after Loss' book arriving today so hoping she'll have some pearls of wisdom to help cope with this. I'll share them if she does! Xx

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 16/06/2021 09:51

Can I join? Just read through this thread, so sorry for all of your losses. I'm feeling pretty anxious this time around. I'm only six weeks, and currently feeling a bit stressed as my boobs have stopped hurting this morning. I know realistically I have to just wait and see and things fluctuate, but I can't seem to stop obsessing.

On exercise I'm walking a lot also, and doing some stretching etc, but no HIIT classes for me. However friends of mine stayed very active, spinning practically up to their due date etc, so I don't think there's a problem with it. I'm just being over cautious

Greenluce · 16/06/2021 10:48

@ButtercupBlue Did you go to your class last night? Let us know how it went!

@lavenderlilaclily I am so happy to hear all went well with your first scan yesterday.

@AlbiMix How unhelpful and insensitive for your midwife to say that!
I am really torn, exercise is such a big part of my routine, I would usually attend 4/5 classes per week, but I do not want to tell any instructors about my pregnancy yet because is still very early days. I find online classes quite boring now, but I might do some gentle yoga just to do something.

I really hope that I will feel less anxious and stressed after my 12 week scan (wishful thinking I know!) and that I will be able to join prenatal classes in my second trimester.
Have you tried to look for any good prenatal yoga or pilates class in your area?

Greenluce · 16/06/2021 10:52

@Flopsy88 Please can you let me know how you find that book? I was planning to buy it too! Thank you x

Welcome @A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 I completely relate, I keep panicking every time I have a small cramp or twinge and I am also worried that I don’t have the same symptoms I had with my previous pregnancy. Pregnancy after loss is so stressful!

I am not sure if any of you ladies have thought about it or are currently seeing someone, but in my experience the only thing that really helps me is to speak with my counsellor. I have never seen a counsellor before my MC, but I find our sessions extremely helpful.

Lililou · 16/06/2021 18:57

2 days till my 6 wk scan (after previous ectopic). Haven't thought about it too much until now but quite looking forward to it. I'm sure I'll be a lot more anxious though as it gets closer.

Flopsy88 · 17/06/2021 11:31

@Greenluce Chapter 1...uh oh! 😬

Pregnancy after miscarriage support thread
Greenluce · 17/06/2021 11:59

@Flopsy88 Haha 😂😂😂 Oops I am using both on a daily basis!

mrskcam · 17/06/2021 13:56

@Flopsy88 thank you your reply about this being a brand new pregnancy has made me feel much more calmer

AlbiMix · 17/06/2021 14:20

@Flopsy88 @Greenluce I know! I was shocked she didn't even try to reassure me that it's not likely that exercising during my first pregnancy was to blame for the MC. I mean I was being very careful and measured with it and tbh I don't like working out anyway, I just do it because I know I should. At this point I'm pretty sure I won't be brave enough to sign up for classes (greenluce I've never been good with yoga) but I am considering seeing if I can sign up to a pool as I love swimming and I feel that might be a good exercise option.

@mrskcam I agree with Flopsy88 that it might help if you try to remind yourself that it's a new pregnancy and the odds are in your favour. I know what you mean about worrying that you're not doing stuff differently (the only thing I've changed is the lack of exercise) but I don't genuinely think that it was anything I did that caused it and if you weren't doing anything too crazy like drinking/smoking tons etc I'm sure it was nothing you did. My bigger worry was that I might have a long standing problem, like hormonal or clotting disorder, that would lead me to miscarry again. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do to stem those worries except try to take things one step at a time. The further along you get, the better your chances of having a healthy pregnancy this time. Personally I found it helpful to get an early scan to find out if the pregnancy was doing better than the first, but I know some people don't like early scans. My main reason for getting them is that I wanted to know earlier on if I had miscarried, so I could move on sooner. It wasn't so much for 'reassurance'.

Welcome @A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 I know I'm also being over cautious about the exercise thing. About the symptoms though, please try not to worry. With my first pregnancy (MC at 8w but baby measured 6w without HB) I had no symptoms except feeling more hungry. When I MC'd I thought maybe the lack of symptoms was because the pregnancy wasn't viable. This time around again I had no symptoms except the hunger so I was worried it would go the same way. I only had a tiny bit of boob tenderness which had been very mild and rare. I'm now 13+4 and scans so far have been ok, so I'm somewhat reassured that the lack of symptoms doesn't mean much. I can't be certain how this will end but so far it's going better than the first pregnancy.

@Lililou good luck tomorrow lovely!

@Flopsy88 uh oh...but I don't think they're thinking about the fact that for a lot of us these threads are the only support we get because society is broken and miscarriage is treated in a completely messed up way!

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A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 17/06/2021 14:33

Thanks @AlbiMix and @Greenluce. @AlbiMix that's so amazing you've felt well first trimester, I hope I'm similar 🤞

It is a new pregnancy you're right, also I'm realising that worrying isn't going to change anything. So I'm trying to almost pretend like I'm not pregnant day to day for now. Obviously not drinking, cutting down on coffee, and not doing hiit workouts 😂 But I am meeting friends, going for dinners, and taking long walks with my dog

Flopsy88 · 17/06/2021 15:03

@AlbiMix Exactly! I don't know about anyone else but I'm certainly not surrounded by a 'health team' so are willing to listen to all my worries.

Speaking of which, does anyone know if it's safe to take antihistamines? And if so, are there any that should be avoided?

lavenderlilaclily · 17/06/2021 17:32

@AlbiMix I can't believe your midwife said that!! It's so insensitive and unnecessary. Swimming sounds like a great idea though, I've heard it's really good exercise option for pregnancy (especially later on).

@Flopsy88 thank you 💕 my next scan is booked for 12 weeks, all my scans are done by consultant from here on in and I'm meant to be getting scanned every 4 weeks. There is a walk in EPU not far from me though so I might go for a 9 week scan for reassurance.

I was going to order the "Pregnancy After Loss" book too! I keep putting it off because I keep thinking 'what if I start it and then I lose this baby too'...which I realise is exactly the sort of thinking that points to me really needing some wisdom from that book!

In terms of antihistamines, I'm not sure about this either. I looked at a packet of Cetirizine the other day and the leaflet said clearly not to take during pregnancy. But then I looked on 'best use of medicines in pregnancy' website and it says that it's probably safe, but there's not enough research to confirm, which is the classic answer that always gets my anxiety going. It might be worth speaking to a midwife if you can, do you have a pregnancy advice line or something in your area that you could call to ask?

AlbiMix · 17/06/2021 17:32

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 I think you have the right attitude, I also tried to forget about it in the very early weeks (with varying success!) and just going about normal life takes your mind off the worry. My first pregnancy and MC was during lockdown so there was literally nothing to do other than be at home thinking about it. I'm so glad that's not the case anymore.

@Flopsy88 same here, no health team or counselling team on demand 😂 I don't see a problem with support groups...I thought that was meant to be healthy?

Re: antihistamines I'm afraid I don't know, maybe this link from NHS may help? www.nhs.uk/medicines/chlorphenamine-including-piriton/

Of course it's another thing that hasn't been researched properly, so women just have to suffer through with no knowledge as always!

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lavenderlilaclily · 17/06/2021 17:34

I was actually prescribed a specific antihistamine before I found out I was pregnant - I had asked the dr for a pregnancy-safe one because we were trying, and she said she'd look into it, but then the prescription she gave me in the end said "no data in pregnancy". So I've been too scared to take it!

AlbiMix · 17/06/2021 17:35

Ha @lavenderlilaclily we posted the same thing at the same time! Some day they will bother to do some proper medical research for women...don't know when though.

Tbh the midwife comment just annoyed me because it was so unhelpful. I was just like...is that all you've got?

Amazing you have the walk in EPU and you're getting those early scans. I've been paying for all mine as I assume they won't give me anything special after one MC.

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lavenderlilaclily · 17/06/2021 18:45

@AlbiMix it really blows my mind how there's so little research done! I know that a lot of it is because it's unethical to use pregnant women as research subjects, but still, there must be a way of conducting more research on these things.

I would be SO annoyed at that comment! Not helpful at all and just argghh!

The walk in EPU is a godsend. It's a huge rarity I think, because you don't even have to be booked into that hospital - they'll see ANY woman under 14 weeks pregnant. You do have to get there early and it means a long wait, but I am happy to travel early and wait 2-3 hours with a book if it means someone will scan me that morning.
I've never seen anything like it! Every hospital should have it I think, it just seems so unfair that people are having to pay ridiculous amounts of money for scans that they should be given for free as part of their care! And the fact that most places don't give any extra care or investigation after one MC and wait until 3 infuriates me.

AlbiMix · 18/06/2021 08:54

@lavenderlilaclily miscarriage care and research was actually debated in parliament yesterday. I got an email from Tommy's letting me know, as I had signed the petition asking to stop the 3 miscarriage rule. I also responded to the women's health strategy consultation, I'm intrigued to see if the government will actually do anything good with this consultation. I haven't read all of this but here's the text from the debate if you're interested hansard.parliament.uk/commons/2021-06-17/debates/A9EDE017-BFBF-4D20-ACA8-27FADF8F6031/MiscarriageResearchTheLancet

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