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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He's not happy with the gender.

377 replies

TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 21:46

This is my first baby, his second baby.

He has a daughter already, today we found out we are having a baby girl. I understand he's disappointed but he won't even sit in the same room as me. He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish.

We had our private scan today, where we found out and he was miserable after, before we even knew. I was excited and he was just so down. We did a cannon reveal so his 7 year old daughter could find out with us.

What can I do about this? I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed, I understand he’s upset but this is my first baby, I want it to be special. Do I just let him get on with it?

OP posts:
JustDavesWife · 06/03/2021 22:24

@TeaBookcats

He trains mixed martial arts and he said a dream was to have a son do it with him and he guesses that dream will never happen now.
Christ he's a sexist test as well.

My daughter is 8 and does kickboxing, she's bloody good at it as well. She also likes fairies and dogs and fighting with her brother!

Perlea · 06/03/2021 22:25

He's mad because so far both his kids will have a longer life expectancy than him lol.
So depressing that there are so many men like this, they're the ones whose parents should be disappointed in them.

JustDavesWife · 06/03/2021 22:25

Twat not test! 🙄

Original poster
TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 22:26

I've reassured him. I've done an MMA fight myself, I trained a lot previously.

I don't know, my head feels all over the place. Since being pregnant I haven't felt like he's happy. It's a really horrible situation. He wanted a baby and now I feel like he doesn't.

OP posts:
AWhisperWillDoIfThatsAllYouCan · 06/03/2021 22:26

He's a dick.

I'm a woman. I train in MMA. Tell him to grow up. It's his sperm anyway. He made the girl.

Original poster
TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 22:27

Thank you for the congratulations xx

OP posts:
justchecking1 · 06/03/2021 22:29

It's a shitty reaction but I would give him the benefit of the doubt for 24 hours while he digests the news, if everything else is good.

Sex disappointment is a thing, but it's how you handle after the initial surprise that counts.

Definitely shitty though and I'd be marking his card for it

VintageDiamonds · 06/03/2021 22:29

I think I would tell him that I don’t have the motivation for him anymore.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/03/2021 22:29

What makes you say it could be anything to do with you?

CrappyGarage · 06/03/2021 22:30

I can’t stand people who have children so they can turn them into miniature versions of themselves. Sounds like this is what he was hoping for with a boy. He does realise that a son might not have liked MMA? Maybe football or drawing or ballet or music? I suspect that he would have been one of those dads who doesn’t let his son have any interests that don’t align with his own, or if he did then they would have to be ‘manly’ enough for his liking.

bigredkangaroo · 06/03/2021 22:30

Your daughter doesn't need him.

The two of you can be a family without some twat who sees her as second best to some mythical son before she's even born..

Lorw · 06/03/2021 22:32

I see loads of posts on here about women who are disappointed about having a boy and not a lovely girl they can dress up and do girly things with and ‘not being able to stop crying’ since finding out and never wanted a boy, these women are always supported. Gender disappointment is a thing and couple that with ‘dad guilt’ about his daughter and you can kind of understand why, him leaving the room may just because he doesn’t want you to see how disappointed he is, not that his behaviour is appropriate at all. Let him calm down then have a rational conversation with him,

mrsbitaly · 06/03/2021 22:32

I can't imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. I'm not going to sit here and bad mouth your partner when I don't know him. I hope that he comes round to the idea and for some people the sex of a baby can be important especially if you have hopes and dreams of doing things with a son or daughter. He won't be the first to have these feelings nor will he be the last. I would just make it very very clear that you understand those are his feelings but this is your first child and not to ruin your experience and that he will need to think very hard about what part he wants to play in your pregnancy as you need him to be fully supportive including when your daughter is born.
I hope this is a blip, congratulations by the way!! I have two daughters and I absolutely love it!! 💘

Changemaname1 · 06/03/2021 22:33

God it’s rare I read stuff on here and feel actual anger !

Why are u even with him , he sounds horrible ( sorry I know that’s not very helpful )

Why the fuck did he try for a baby in the first place if this is how he feels

alexdgr8 · 06/03/2021 22:33

you tried to reassure him. him. just think about that.
is he a domineering controlling type.
maybe it's just as well he's not having a boy; imagine him in 10 years time trying to push the boy into what he dad wants to do, mini-me etc.
what a pillock.
i think you know that this relationship will not endure.
nor should it. you and the coming child need to be in an atmosphere of respect and total support, celebration.

otherwise you're much better alone.
get your ducks in a row as they say.
can you go stay at sister's/step mum's.
don't tell him. just prepare quietly, quickly, and go.
all the best. you'll be ok. both of you.

Chelyanne · 06/03/2021 22:33

He'll get over it after a bit if a sulk. Don't let his reaction put a downer on your joy.

We had a well-being and gender scan today. Hubby looked rather disappointed but it will be our 5th girl, we do have one boy. He said "well, we'll have to try again. I want another boy" lol chances are we'd end up with another girl. He loves all our girls to bits but he just had it in his head that it was a boy this time, he was the same with our twins but he got over it quickly. I wasn't bothered either way and just loved seeing how big she is getting.

GNCQ · 06/03/2021 22:34

How upsetting this must be for you.

You're with a proper misogynistic man, I don't use that word lightly, but he really believes he can't do sporty/martial arts activities with a female child ??

So he thinks she'll have to be covered in pink glitter and kept inside or what?

I wouldn't be able to forgive his reaction so sorry you're going through this, and a congratulations from me too.

Suzeyshoes · 06/03/2021 22:35

What an idiot. Why did he agree to make a baby if he knew he stood a one in two chance of not ‘having the energy to deal with it’ Confused?

AlexaShutUp · 06/03/2021 22:37

Oh gosh, OP. I know how incredibly difficult this must be when you're pregnant, but I honestly couldn't get past this. I couldn't live with such a cold, sexist man, and I couldn't inflict it on my daughter either. You need to make your own decision, of course, and I appreciate that there will be so much going on in your mind right now, but just think about it - do you really want to raise your lovely daughter with a man who is disappointed in her before she is even born? I couldn't do it.

Brefugee · 06/03/2021 22:38

He trains mixed martial arts and he said a dream was to have a son do it with him and he guesses that dream will never happen now.

What a tosser, sorry, OP, but he is.
My Dad wanted a son to take to footy matches, but my bro hates football so he took me instead and we had just as much fun. Does he do his fair share around the house? or does his dick stop him doing that?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/03/2021 22:40

@EvilPea

How much pressure would your boy have had to conform to his stereotype and ideals?
Good point.

If you had a boy he would never be able to live up to what his twat of a father wanted.

I'm so sorry he's spoiling what should be a lovely joyous time for you. TBH I wouldn't allow him to be "disappointed" like this - I'd leave. He may change when the baby is born, but he may not, and either way he is going to stress you throughout your pregnancy.

BlueJag · 06/03/2021 22:40

A daughter it's an absolute gift in this life. I'm one of four and my Mum feels very lucky to have us.
Many congratulations you are having a girl. 🎊🎉🎊🎉🍾🎉🍾
Hopefully your husband will come round. It may be only temporary his disappointment.

toolatetofixate · 06/03/2021 22:41

Wow I'd be leaving. That would be it for me. Out and no going back. What an absolute bastard. I could never see him in the same light again.

Congratulations OP. Another little baby is a wonderful thing no matter what.

SplendidSuns1000 · 06/03/2021 22:42

It's absolutely understandable that he might've been looking forward to a boy for whatever reason. That's not the issue. Whether you have a gender preference or not his attitude towards becoming a father again cannot be conditional on his child's gender. If he'd expressed slight disappointment but ultimately was just glad baby was okay in this checkup I'd understand, but flouncing off and being so unkind is not okay.

CandyLeBonBon · 06/03/2021 22:42

@TeaBookcats

He trains mixed martial arts and he said a dream was to have a son do it with him and he guesses that dream will never happen now.
Fuck that shit. Does he not know the brutality that vaginas put up with. Balls are positive snowflakes by comparison. Perhaps try reminding him of that when he's boohooing.

What a fucking twat.