Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He's not happy with the gender.

377 replies

TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 21:46

This is my first baby, his second baby.

He has a daughter already, today we found out we are having a baby girl. I understand he's disappointed but he won't even sit in the same room as me. He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish.

We had our private scan today, where we found out and he was miserable after, before we even knew. I was excited and he was just so down. We did a cannon reveal so his 7 year old daughter could find out with us.

What can I do about this? I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed, I understand he’s upset but this is my first baby, I want it to be special. Do I just let him get on with it?

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 06/03/2021 23:26

I’ve read your other threads
He’s a bastard
Do you have family that you can talk to ?

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 06/03/2021 23:26

Congratulations! I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. He is 100% out of line.

SanFranBear · 06/03/2021 23:27

@Wroxie

MMA is not the martial arts most of you are thinking of- it's not karate or taekwando or even kickboxing. It's dangerous and violent competitive combat and leads to head injuries and mental health/cognitive issues over time, much like boxing.The people who participate in it are generally pretty awful, in my experience.
Oh, I agree Wroxie.. I wouldn't want any DC to be involved in actual MMA. My point, badly made I guess, was that sex does not define interests, outlook, approach to risk etc etc..
UhtredRagnarson · 06/03/2021 23:28

He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl.

I’d relieve him of his burden by disappearing and never letting him near her.

VodselForDinner · 06/03/2021 23:30

I’d really struggle to bring a child into a relationship where one parent doesn’t want her.

Lollypop4 · 06/03/2021 23:33

congratulations OP.
I'd leave him. No way would he be near my child with such an awful attitude toward her.

LouiseTrees · 06/03/2021 23:33

What a dickhead. Honestly. The mind baffles.

FeelthewrathofthesuperRad · 06/03/2021 23:33

I’m hoping that he soon realises what a test he is being and apologises and tries to make it up to you.

It may go the other way that he totally disengages with the pregnancy and possibly once your daughter is born.

If the second happens you need to be prepared for a frank conversation and if he doesn’t man up and accept that he is lucky to have another daughter on the way you may need to prepare yourself to either leave him and be a single parent or stick with him and essentially be a single parent.

I hope everything works out for you

rainbowlou · 06/03/2021 23:33

Firstly congratulations 🥳

I honestly couldn’t be with someone like this. Saying he has no motivation for another girl sounds like he hasn’t enjoyed his experience of being a dad up until now and I’d find it hard to get around this.
Most of us are so lucky to be able to have children, it isn’t a right and some people sadly don’t have that opportunity.
If my husband had voiced this opinion to me when I was pregnant I think I would have planned to go it alone 💐

mellicauli · 06/03/2021 23:34

Who does he think he is? Henry VIII? I don't believe a bit of it.

That he called you selfish is laughable. He's the one causing the problems here. He is thinking about himself with no thought for you, the baby or his other daughter.

More like, he's remembering this is where the hard works begins and he's getting ready to check out (again). You're probably better off without him. Sorry.

Labyrinth86 · 06/03/2021 23:35

I know it's been pointed put already but he literally decided the sex of the baby so the only person he can be cross with is himself. I read that babies inherit their mum's intelligence, which is definitely a blessing here.

LesleyA · 06/03/2021 23:35

He’s built up this fantasy of a son. In my opinion and of course generalizing but little girls worship their dads. Not sure why he walks out the room when u walk in. If tgis wasn’t such a precious being that you are clearly excited about I’d say you walk out every room that he walks in shaking your head at his sperm having failed him. You have got to not seem to be desperate for the crumbs of acknowledgement he gives you. Or you are telling it’s okay for him to be rejecting. He sounds young and like a spoilt child. you need to step up and completely ignore his surly childlike behavior. He gets zero attention from you. Yes he’s disappointed but he’s a grown man and needs to manage it. I imagine he’s acted like a juvenile in other situations as well. He should be grateful the scan didn’t show any abnormalities. How lovely for his daughter to have a little sister to play with. Can he think further than his karate chops? But you are not there to console him (you could have been if he’d behaved better), you’re not there to convince him. You just do what mums are meant to do when their kids are having s tantrum you ignore. If you need to speak you ask a question ‘how is me being happy for having s girl more selfish than him bring disappointed for not having a boy’. You have s baby to raise so today is the end of his childhood. He treats you like that he won’t get you. Also if he’s such a great dad then he should be showing his daughter how to treat and consider you. A lot of men don’t bond with their babies for a while but he’s seriously acting like a baby. Good luck!!! And congrats I love love little girls you have a friend for life

fabulousspider · 06/03/2021 23:36

OP, what a shithead. I would be leaving immediately! No adult acts like this! You have a manchild on your hands, imagine what it will be like when the baby does arrive!!

Pompom2367 · 06/03/2021 23:36

I'm sorry op that is a horrible situation to deal with congratulations on your baby girl ❤️❤️

SingClearlySweetly · 06/03/2021 23:37

@Helga55

If you're not married, fuck him off, what a douch bag
This.
PurpleRainDancer · 06/03/2021 23:40

@CrappyGarage

What a twat. Couldn’t be with someone so vile. He can’t sit in the same room as you?! He honestly sounds horrendous. You don’t need to do anything. Be excited for your baby girl and consider the possibility of going this alone.
This is very good advice you and your daughter deserve so much better than him OP Flowers
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 06/03/2021 23:44

@TeaBookcats

The gender thing was both our idea, we wanted to include his daughter. I didn't think he'd be this upset.
It's not gender, it's sex.
PutItInNeutral · 06/03/2021 23:45

@BirthChoice

Is his name Henry?
Exactly what I was thinking.

Read him the riot act. If he doesn’t get with the program, you’ve got some thinking to do.

I’d be as mad as hell.

Anotheruser02 · 06/03/2021 23:46

I couldn't get past that, even when he decides to stop stonewalling you and get over himself he will forever be the nasty cunt who made you unhappy and stressed on purpose the day you found out the sex of your much longed for first child. He's had that moment before, you haven't.

A nice partner would want this day to be all about you and your excitement. He can control this crap too because he held it down for his kid and acted happy for her, he sounds like a fucking selfish arsehole it all had to revolve around him, his wants and his fat ego.

Somethingkindaoooo · 06/03/2021 23:47

Do I just let him get on with it?

I'm not sure what the options are?

Whether he's happy or not, it is actually happening (...?l)

BoJoHoNo · 06/03/2021 23:50

He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish. Sounds like he's the only one who's thinking about himself, I'd say your response was very restrained given his behaviour! Did his daughter witness his disappointment and him ignoring/refusing to sit in the same room as you? Congratulations btw, you seem sensible in preparing to go it alone if and when needed.

RaininSummer · 06/03/2021 23:52

What a horrible, ignorant and thoughtless man. Apart from the sheer stupidity of thinking it's somehow your fault that you are expecting a lovely girl baby, where does he get off spoiling your excitement like that? I would really hate him for this and don't know how to carry on with him unless he has a radical epiphany, comes to his senses and grovels very quickly.

Getoutofbed25 · 06/03/2021 23:59

I’d suggest he wrote a couple of letters of complaint, the first to god and the second to himself for not sorting out a male sperm.

Then I’d change the locks

giantwaterbottle · 07/03/2021 00:00

Congratulations on your pregnancy with a beautiful baby girl 😍

I'm so sorry but your husband sounds like a vile man. I couldn't stay with someone who held those views.

Especially about my tiny unborn baby.

Shinyandnew5708 · 07/03/2021 00:01

He sounds like an awful twerp. Prepare yourself for single parenthood.

Swipe left for the next trending thread