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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He's not happy with the gender.

377 replies

TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 21:46

This is my first baby, his second baby.

He has a daughter already, today we found out we are having a baby girl. I understand he's disappointed but he won't even sit in the same room as me. He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish.

We had our private scan today, where we found out and he was miserable after, before we even knew. I was excited and he was just so down. We did a cannon reveal so his 7 year old daughter could find out with us.

What can I do about this? I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed, I understand he’s upset but this is my first baby, I want it to be special. Do I just let him get on with it?

OP posts:
Chickychickydodah · 07/03/2021 13:45

Congrats .
He’s never going to be happy with this situation so I would make plans to bring baby up on your own. It is hard work as a single parent but worth every minute. Good luck 💐

BlueThistles · 07/03/2021 13:59

Do not move OP... stay where you have support security and friends ... don't be isolated by him 🌺

Tigertigertigertiger · 07/03/2021 14:07

Congratulations!
You are having a baby girl. That is AWESOME

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 07/03/2021 16:15

@TeaBookcats how are things today?

Latenighthoughts · 07/03/2021 16:38

Poor baby. Not even born yet into this world and already named a disappointment by her own farther.

You need to be putting your baby first op. She doesnt deserve this, and his resentment towards her gender may get worse.

Original poster
TeaBookcats · 07/03/2021 16:41

Thank you for all the comments.

I’ve spent the day with my sister. He was still miserable and snappy today. Luckily, we are not married. Unfortunately, I handed in my notice for my small flat at the start of the month because he’s got a house an hours drive away. I now realise this is a very stupid idea. I’ll need to look at options and ways of getting my own place. I know I need to grow up and realise he’s never going to be different to this. He goes through phases, always up and down.

The Henry comment made me laugh.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 07/03/2021 16:53

speak to your landlord ASAP 🌺

randomer · 07/03/2021 17:12

Yes,if you have been a good tenant perhaps you could stay put?

AyyMacarena · 07/03/2021 17:18

I haven't read all the comments but I wanted to tell you of my experience with this situation in case it gives you any help! I'm not condoning his behaviour at all. I know how shit it can make you feel and I am sorry you're going through this.

DP and I have one DD together. We were reasonably young when we had her - 24. He always wanted a boy. His mum always wanted a girl but had three boys. Neither of them handled it well at first.

He barely spoke to me for days and was upset and snappy, like yours. Everyone told him she will do "boy" things and he said "it's not about her doing boy things. I always envisioned a son and I'm sad I'm not having one." If I was the person I am now I would have either left him to it for a few days or left full stop.

As soon as she was born, he was full of love, singing joys about how he wouldn't change her and she's perfect how she is. He is by far the best father I have ever seen. My point is that some people couldn't care less about the sex of their child, some have a preference and some feel a loss when it's not what they "wanted". It has no effect on what they will be like as a parent.

He is allowed to feel that way. He is not allowed to take it out on you.

Frazzled2207 · 07/03/2021 17:20

@TeaBookcats

Thank you for all the comments.

I’ve spent the day with my sister. He was still miserable and snappy today. Luckily, we are not married. Unfortunately, I handed in my notice for my small flat at the start of the month because he’s got a house an hours drive away. I now realise this is a very stupid idea. I’ll need to look at options and ways of getting my own place. I know I need to grow up and realise he’s never going to be different to this. He goes through phases, always up and down.

The Henry comment made me laugh.

Worth asking your landlord if you can withdraw it. Less faff for them if you stay put .Unless they've found someone already of course.
raincamepouringdown · 07/03/2021 17:52

I'd ask to withdraw your notice. Immediately. Beg if you have to.

YoniAndGuy · 07/03/2021 18:21

Please try and withdraw your notice!!!

2bazookas · 07/03/2021 18:21

Go back to u=your landlord tomorrow and ask if you can cancel your notice. That would give you time to think before you commit yourself to moving in with him.

MuddleMoo · 07/03/2021 18:30

Your landlord might not have found someone. Please ask!

Lockdownbear · 07/03/2021 18:42

I'd try to withdraw your notice too. Give yourself breathing space.

mathanxiety · 07/03/2021 20:49

It's given you the final insight into what an absolute meathead piece of shit he is, and you can get away. Meanwhile, in another parallel Sliding-Doors dimension, there's a desperately unhappy version of you with a desperately unhappy little boy who's scared of his father bellowing at him to BE A MAAAAAAN and throwing tantrums at any suggestion that he won't be a MMA fighter.

THIS ^^

There are lots of sad cases in the region where I live of horrible 'men' attempting to 'man up' their little sons, resulting in terrible injuries, brain damage, and death.

Triggers for these 'men' included babies crying for milk, babies wanting to be held by their mothers, babies wanting to play with stuffed animals.

BEG your landlord to let you stay.
DO NOT move in with this toxic man.
END the relationship.

If necessary, stay with your sister for a while. Pay her rent if it comes to that.

anamazingfind · 07/03/2021 20:52

My brother wanted boys and now has a tomboy girl who does kick boxing. tell him to get a grip

purplebiscuits · 07/03/2021 22:29

OP if you don't get away from him now, you'll be one of those posts you read from women with new babies who can't cope with their partners.

I really don't think he has shown you enough for you to lose what you have and move in with him.

Be honest, tell him your fears and you're not yet ready because of how he is.
If he really cares and wants you/ baby he will bend over backwards to prove it.

If he doesn't than you've had a lucky escape. Bringing her up alone in the area you know is better than miles away in this kind of relationship.

Joinedjustforthispost · 07/03/2021 22:59

That man does not deserve children, so many people are desperate to be parents or sadly loose there children. Any child girl or boy is a damn blessing and he should cherish it girl or boy. Please don’t bury your head in the sand op listen to the posters here, he isn’t a nice guy and he’s shown you his true shitty colours, get out whilst you can .

Mrsrightagain · 07/03/2021 23:18

Omg what an arsehole. One day he might be thankful of his daughter. Let's hope she treats him the same way.

timeisnotaline · 08/03/2021 04:41

Call your landlord, it feels embarassing I know, but would be so much simpler if they will just relet yours to you! I know people who’ve quit, and had the job they thought they had fall through and had to swallow their pride and ask for their job back, were so thankful they had when the companies said yes.

mathanxiety · 08/03/2021 05:03

Be honest, tell him your fears and you're not yet ready because of how he is.
If he really cares and wants you/ baby he will bend over backwards to prove it.

Words are cheap, and a relapse into twattish behaviour when you are living with him, heavily pregnant, or after the baby is born, is very likely. Meanwhile, the OP gets more and more trapped. It's far easier to cut her losses now.

The OP has described an abusive man here, mentioning several incidents.

  • We had problems from the start of the pregnancy, I literally can’t do or say anything right.

  • He goes through phases, always up and down.

This is a man who is jealous of attention paid to the OP - by a doctor, nurse, ultrasound tech, and jealous of the attention the OP gives to the baby. They talked about having a baby and now he is finding fault with her about the baby.he has set her up to fail. He wants her to centre him and his disappointment and not her own pregnancy or the baby - he accused her of selfishness. She is never going to be happy with this loser. He will make sure of that.

Wannabangbang · 08/03/2021 05:16

Congratulations OpFlowersFlowers i say leave and good riddance to bad rubbish. On that note do not put him on the birth certificate you'll be tied to the butt hole forever more and he will have PR.
He doesn't want his baby now he isn't worth it when she's here.
Does he realise his ball bags are the decider for girl or boy. Yet he sulks like a big pansy and blames you, what an absolute melt.

toolatetofixate · 08/03/2021 06:12

I think you're lucky to have had a girl. If you had a boy perhaps his happiness would have marked this issue and you would have ended up with him for longer before something else inevitably happened and he showed his true colours.

Many many congratulations on your little girl.

lowbudgetnigella · 08/03/2021 07:32

Think how much less stress you will have without him, even if it is hard when the baby comes, you will be fine. Do you even need to put him on the birth certificate? Would it be worth not getting money off him to have him not trying to control you?