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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He's not happy with the gender.

377 replies

TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 21:46

This is my first baby, his second baby.

He has a daughter already, today we found out we are having a baby girl. I understand he's disappointed but he won't even sit in the same room as me. He said he hasn't got the motivation for another girl. I said that it was upsetting, what he said, he responded by saying I only think about myself, I'm selfish.

We had our private scan today, where we found out and he was miserable after, before we even knew. I was excited and he was just so down. We did a cannon reveal so his 7 year old daughter could find out with us.

What can I do about this? I’m feeling so lonely and disappointed, I understand he’s upset but this is my first baby, I want it to be special. Do I just let him get on with it?

OP posts:
BrigitsBigKnickers · 06/03/2021 22:12

Jeez- what a fucking childish reaction. As if you have any control over what sex your child is?

Who on earth raises these man- child fuckwits?

MrsHound · 06/03/2021 22:12

Oh my God what a cruel, petulant horror he is.
He doesn't want to be in the same room as you? If I were you I wouldn't be able to look at him.
Selfish ignorant prick doesn't deserve to be a father

Tavannach · 06/03/2021 22:14

Tell him it's his sperm which decides the sex, then leave every room HE enters see how he likes it.

^This.

MuddleMoo · 06/03/2021 22:15

Can you leave him now? It will be easier than when you've just had a baby.

gerbilfur · 06/03/2021 22:16

What a fucking twat!!

I'd leave, sorry. Fuck that. As someone who's father never had 'the motivation" for her, I beg you don't let your daughter grow up around that.

I'd be making sure the mother of his DD knows how shitty his attitude is towards girls too!!

Yebanksandbraes · 06/03/2021 22:16

How dare he act like this is your fault!
How dare he assume your new baby girl will be a certain type of girl. Does he want a son to play football with? Maybe your DD will be an England captain one day. Besides a dad should love their child regardless of sex/gender/gender expression/interests etc. I don't know why he didn't want a girl, but he is not acting like an adult here. He's being awful to you when you most need support.

FourTurnings · 06/03/2021 22:17

The ungrateful swine. Horrible behaviour.

Original poster
TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 22:17

Thank you, guys.

I'm mentally preparing myself for what I have to do if it comes to it.

I really didn't think he'd be like this. He does love his daughter, very much. I keep thinking maybe it's me. I don't know. Luckily, I have a very supportive and excited sister and step mum.

I just don't know how he can be like that after hearing her heartbeat and seeing her today.

OP posts:
WineInTheWillows · 06/03/2021 22:19

What. A. Twat.

My goodness, what rotten log did you find this particular toad under?

Original poster
TeaBookcats · 06/03/2021 22:19

He trains mixed martial arts and he said a dream was to have a son do it with him and he guesses that dream will never happen now.

OP posts:
Cakecrumbsinmybra · 06/03/2021 22:19

What do you mean, maybe it's you??

gerbilfur · 06/03/2021 22:20

So a girl is incapable of martial arts? A girl can do everything a boy can! He sounds pig ignorant

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 06/03/2021 22:20

He is an idiot but I think he's actually not said what he really means.
Which in my opinion is the following:

  1. Will I be able to love this baby girl as much as I love my DD already here?
  2. Will my DD already here feel pushed out & be jealous?
  3. Will this new baby girl bring up some recurring sadness that due to circumstances I'm not able to be a full time parent to my existing DD?
  4. Will my partner/wife also leave me when the new baby is the same age as my existing DD was when that relationship broke down?
  5. Will my ex be difficult as I'm having a baby girl & will she think I'm trying to replace our DD?
  6. If we had a son I wouldn't have to worry about the above?

I bet if he already had a DS & you were expecting a boy he would say exactly the same for the above reasons.

Now I could be totally wrong but I went through something similar albeit with myself thinking similar things when it came to having more children.
In the end we just have one child as we were happy with just the one. Though sometimes I do wonder if we should have tried for another one or two. At the end of the day I am at peace with the decision I made back then.

WineInTheWillows · 06/03/2021 22:21

@TeaBookcats

He trains mixed martial arts and he said a dream was to have a son do it with him and he guesses that dream will never happen now.
Oh, cry me a river.
  1. Girls can do MMA if they want to.
  1. Not all boys are into that sort of thing.

Gender stereotyping at its finest.

Charm23 · 06/03/2021 22:21

I would be annoyed and really disappointed in my husband if he had this reaction but gender disappointment is definitely a thing that a lot of people go through. Having said that, I don't think your husband has dealt with it in the best way but maybe in a day or two he will have had time to get used to the idea and realise how stupid he has been.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2021 22:21

@TeaBookcats

He trains mixed martial arts and he said a dream was to have a son do it with him and he guesses that dream will never happen now.
My DH is a black belt and teaches martial arts. DD is tough as nails, massively more than most of the boys I know. He could have had a squishy, tender boy.

I'd leave the sexist arsehole. And teach your daughter to throw a decent punch.

Nith · 06/03/2021 22:21

What a pillock. If he ever has a son, I do hope it turns out that he hates martial arts and is into ballet.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 06/03/2021 22:22

And btw Congratulations!

JustDavesWife · 06/03/2021 22:22

One of two things would be happening after that remark, he would be gone or I would be.

He sounds like a knob.

IsThePopeCatholic · 06/03/2021 22:22

Is he hoping you’ll have an abortion? He sounds like a dick.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 06/03/2021 22:22

Jesus I've read about such dicks on here and he is right at the top of the list OP! I'm not sure how you would ever reason with someone like that. I would leave the relationship.

MrsJackRackham · 06/03/2021 22:22

Is he Henry VIII???? Get out now before you lose your head.

Motnight · 06/03/2021 22:23

He has told you who he is, Oo. Question is are you listening?

partyatthepalace · 06/03/2021 22:23

I am really sorry OP. That is a bizarre reaction. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference but any child is an individual, whereas he sounds like he wanted a stereotypical boy.

I’m glad he’s good with his daughter but w reaction like that does indicate some deep seated emotional disturbance or sexism behind it. And beyond this there is a deep selfishness in him that he can ruin your experience like this.

If the relationship is generally good, see how it goes. But it doesn’t bode well, and I would think about your options for the future.

Parkandride · 06/03/2021 22:23

Didn't realise martial arts involved wrestling with your penises Hmm why can't his daughters join in with him?
I'm sorry OP he is a major disappointment, not your baby girl