Pregnant After MMC - Thread 4

[Sakura54]

New thread for anyone pregnant after MMC.

Here’s our current list of scan dates and due dates. More to be added soon!

Scan Dates
@RosieJess91 Tuesday 10th November 11:30am (20 week)
@Poppy10121 Tuesday 17th November 9am (20 week)
@Workingmama1 Friday 20th November 9am (20 week)
@Lu93 Friday 20th November 10:20 (20 week)
@Pugprincess Monday 30th November 3pm (20 week)
@bubblybon20 Monday 7th December 9am (28 week)
@lollol86 Friday 11th December 11am (20 week)
@JoJo58995 Monday 14th December

Due Dates
@bubblybon20 - 27/02/21 BOY
@Sakura54 - 28/02/21 GIRL
@DanceM1 - 04/03/21 SURPRISE
@ew1990 - 12/03/21 GIRL
@SkyBlue20 - 13/03/21 GIRL
@smileyT - 15/03/21 BOY
@Dipsy77 - 15/03/21 TWIN GIRLS
@PhotoMum4 - 18/03/21
@RosieJess91 - 31/03/21
@Poppy10121 - 04/04/21 BOY
@Workingmama1 - 09/04/21 BOY
@Lu93 - 11/04/21
@Pugprincess - 17/04/21 SURPRISE
@lollol86 - 25/04/21
@JoJo58995 - 02/05/21

[Sakura54]

@DanceM1 Ah how stressful. What was the heart rate? I’m sure baby will be fine and it’s good you get another scan then not long to go until baby arrives!

@Starfish762 That is so cute and impressive. Well done you for getting her to write. I need to step up my game lol!

@SkyBlue20 Mine is transverse too. MW said head down and I was like ‘Really? I thought breech. All the kicks are down below’, then she said well actually transverse. Not sure why she said different things. I didn’t bother explaining that my babies don’t go head down as there’s probably no room to turn due to split womb.

It’s bad timing for DH. He’s actually still in training for this new job and by the time he starts properly, baby will come so new job and new baby and it’s a hard, serious job and complete change of career. Luckily he’s a chilled, easy going guy, who’s able to somehow survive on low sleep because if it was me I’d be stressed just thinking about it.

@Workingmama1 I’m also worried about the nursery risk but I’m much more likely to catch it from my DH, as he has to be in close contact with random people but what can I do. Just bad timing again as when he applied CV wasn’t around yet. He managed to not catch it from his colleague that time even though they were practically in each other’s faces though!

[Starfish762]

@Lollol86 hope you’re okay, glad you’re getting some support.

@Sakura54 I would probably send DD to nursery if it was open, I’d just stop my MIL having her on the other day for extra peace of mind. All we can do is be super careful & take all precautions, I’m determined not to panic, think the worst, live in fear or hide myself away!

Has anyone done a gender reveal? I’m not a huge fan of the big ones or social media ones, but I’ve now got an overwhelming urge to find out & do a nice reveal for DD. She knows she can’t choose, but I just think it’d be such a nice memory for DH & I to have, shared with DD. All being well at the scan I’m going to ask them to write it down, then hopefully get a pink or blue sponge cake made so when DD cuts inside the white icing it will reveal it. Plus she LOVES cake! Like everyone else I’m just struggling to accept everything will be okay, or picture the baby here, so I’m hoping knowing will help that. Everyone I know who’s found out said it helped them bond & picture things. We had a surprise with DD which we loved, but I now feel like it’d be nice to experience the other side of things (we def only want 2 kids!)

[DanceM1]

@Sakura54 they didn't tell me just said it was tachycardia so unsure! Ive relaxed a little bit now after speaking to my midwife today. She reiterated what they said yesterday and reminded me that a consultant wouldn't leave me for 4 weeks if they were concerned. Ill probably still have the odd moment of panic and I know its in the back of my mind but I dont want to be releasing stress hormones as that won't help poor baby! He/she is wriggling lots again today so I think baby is just very very active!

@Starfish762 I think that sounds lovely! Obviously I'm having a surprise so can't comment really but I bet your daughter would love it!

I've just added a load of water wipes to my food shop and going to try and order some stuff for my hospital bag now too! Scary and exciting thinking of these things!! X

[bubblybon20]

Had an email from my sons teacher today to say that we are able to send the boys to school as my husband is a key worker.. apparently there only has to be one key worker in the family to be able to send them 🤷🏻‍♀️ and my husband mentioned that I have only roughly 7 weeks to go.

I feel glad they are still offered their education, and obviously the risk in minimal as there is less children and staff. But I just still feel a bit worried 😫 would you send them if there's a place available?

[DanceM1]

Oh thats really good @bubblybon20 I think many schools are asking parents to keep them home if only one parent is a key worker but if they've offered the place they are obviously happy for you to use it! I think whether or not you choose to do so is entirely dependent on you. It would probably help you with only 7 weeks left to go! And the risk will be reduced with fewer children. Do you know how many children are still in? That may help you to decide as I know my friends school still have 75% of children as so many are classed as vulnerable.

[bubblybon20]

Very true! Luckily DH is off for 2 weeks of the lockdown anyway, so we wouldn't use those 2 weeks if we was to accept it, or use it for his days off during the week. I just feel if I do that it's quite a selfish choice, as although I will be knackered with the run up to the baby, it's not like I'm ill or incapable of actually looking after them, so I feel bad! I read the email and there's no more than 15 pupils in a classroom. I'm not sure! 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

[SkyBlue20]

I’m really struggling with the anxiety this morning - baby is having another quiet morning and although my brain knows that it’s because she’s changed position (I’m still feeling her just differently and my stomach isn’t as hard as it was when I was feeling her more strongly - this happens like weekly), my anxiety won’t hear it. I keep waking up at 4/5am with the worry and have had dreams where I could see in and she didn’t have enough amniotic fluid or the placenta was failing. It’s obviously stemming from the MMC and then my bump measuring small and my anxiety taking that and running with it but the responsibility of being the only one who can keep check on her is overwhelming and I keep thinking about how awful it would be to lose her now. I’m going to talk to my midwife about it next week but am also thinking about booking a private well-being scan in the meantime - I think if we can have a peak in there and someone can tell me there’s enough fluid etc and she looks ok, it might really help (though another part of my brain is saying ‘it has to be the NHS or you won’t trust it’).
Just had to get it out and share and knew you ladies would understand. DH is amazing but his answers are always ‘she’s fine’, ‘you can’t think like that’, ‘but I just felt her move!’ - he doesn’t quite get it despite his best intentions.

[DanceM1]

@SkyBlue20 its really hard isn't it, I hope you are ok! Phone your midwife. I called her yesterday and just said I'm really sorry I'm mainly phoning for a hand hold. I've never even spoken to her before 🤣 but she was absolutely lovely and reassuring and talked me through everything again and said to call any time im feeling anxious. I won't actually do that to the poor woman as would constantly be on the phone, but good to know i don't need to worry about calling if I'm feeling really overwhelmed again. I am sure your baby is absolutely fine and know exactly what you mean about feeling movements in a different place/deeper inside. As for baby measuring small, my sister was told that her baby was too big and she needed to stop eating so much, then 2 weeks later she was told baby was too small and she needed to eat more. She had a perfectly average sized baby so please try not to worry. We also discussed going for a private scan again yesterday when I was freaking out. Not ruling it out but im going to see how I get on over the next week or so.

@bubblybon20 I know its a tough decision!! I think you just have to do what works best for your situation xx

[SkyBlue20]

Thanks @DanceM1. My midwife has always been like ‘well you can try ringing me but if I’m off, I’m off’ so I don’t get that very welcoming vibe from her that makes me feel I can call. I text her once about something and she took four days to reply (with rubbish advice), during which time I’d spoken to my GP who had sorted it for me straight away.
I know you make complete sense with measuring small but my anxiety is just catastrophising, my thoughts go something like ‘I can’t feel her much, that’s because she’s too small, she’s not growing properly, it’s probably because the placenta is failing and no-one’s noticed’ etc etc etc. It’s ridiculous, I know, but I can’t stop it despite my logical head telling me I’m being ridiculous. I’m usually a very logical and ‘don’t worry about things that might not happen’ person but that clearly doesn’t apply here 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m with you on that I’m going to see how I go before I book a private scan - I’m kind of hoping that if I share all of this with my midwife, she might send me for one anyway (and might anyway depending on what my measurements are looking like) but also know that by previous form, baby should be an acrobat again tomorrow and I’ll not be worrying nearly as much as I am now. It’s such a rollercoaster! I just want her here now, where I can keep an eye on her and where DH can be responsible for her, too!

[SkyBlue20]

@Starfish762 I did a gender reveal of sorts for my godchildren and did the cake thing, it was great! I got six cupcakes made, one with each of their names on, one that said ‘baby can’t wait to meet you’ and the other three just decorated nicely and then when they bit in, it revealed pink or blue. I’m similar in that I’m not really the type of person to do a proper gender reveal but I wanted to do something nice and exciting for them and I’m glad I did.

@bubblybon20 That’s a tough decision! If you feel like you can cope then I personally maybe wouldn’t send him in but only because we’re both at home anyway so it would be increasing our risk substantially, whereas if your DH is out for work, it may not be that much more of a risk to you, if that makes sense? Do whatever you feel is going to help you most both physically, mentally and emotionally over these last few weeks - and what you think your son would thrive from the most, too. You could even try it for a while then pull him out if you’re too worried? Xx

[JoJo58995]

@SkyBlue20 I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious 😔 you're not being ridiculous at all, this whole process is an emotional rollercoaster and it does feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders monitoring whether everything is feeling ok and consistent etc. Its completely understandable that our brains want to worry, and won't listen to us trying to rationalise. It's a shame your midwife isn't more freely available and welcoming, do you have a community midwife's number you could call to see if anyone else is available or is it just the one? When are you due for your next bump measurements? Thinking of you xx

[bubblybon20]

@DanceM1 @SkyBlue20 DH has managed to book so last holiday from today - until next Friday. So that really helps. They have messaged to say they're happy to have them whenever we need them to go, I may see how I feel and everything when he goes back to work.

@SkyBlue20 hope you're okay the worry never goes, as @DanceM1 says you should contact your midwife if you feel really worried. I'm sure they'll be happy to help, and reassure you. I was considering booking a private scan, I always find the last trimester the longest and most worrying! Sending lots of hugs xx

[JoJo58995]

I haven't posted for a while but I still check in daily to catch up on how everyone is doing! So much happening in here so I apologise I will miss lots out!
@Threnody so glad the scan went well 🥰
@Workingmama1 I'm sorry for the stress but so glad everything was ok 👍
@Lollol86 I'm sorry you've been struggling but absolutely well done for asking for help, I hope you are looking after yourself and trying to take things a bit easier 🥰
@DanceM1 I'm sorry you've had so much stress too, that all sounds very scary! Like you say the consultant wouldn't want to leave things 4 weeks if they were worried so they must be feeling confident about things. Glad baby is active though (possibly just a very lively baby!) to try to keep you reassured. Fingers crossed everything is all ok at your next scan 🤞🤞

[JoJo58995]

Is anyone not working from home and continuing to go to work after 28 weeks? I can't work from home as I'm a vet so have gone to work since the start of the pandemic. I can take steps to reduce contact with people (we already don't have clients inside and maintain social distancing outside with masks on etc) and I can increase my admin time where possible, but our contact with staff inside is challenging as I have to have nurses restrain patients closely etc. We all wear masks all the time but still I know it isn't ideal as I can't be 2 metres away from staff at all times. I really didn't want to leave at 28 weeks and have so long of doing nothing, as I'm really worried my mental health with suffer if I don't keep busy and use my brain for so long alongside all the 3rd trimester worries. My boss is really supportive and I am already reducing my hours loads to use up holiday so am actually only down to work a couple of days a week in Feb and March anyway, but was planning to dwindle things down and keep doing at least something until 37 weeks unless anything changed with my pregnancy. My midwife was very supportive and said I should weigh things up with my mental health and given that we're being very cautious at work anyway that it is my choice if I feel comfortable to carry on and she didn't think I was being silly at all, but my in laws aren't as understanding and I just wanted to see if anyone else has had the same struggles with these choices. DH will still continue to go to work regardless although he has limited close contact with customers, and we will still have to do the supermarket shop etc so there would still be some risk even if I was holed up at home not going anywhere....but we don't see anyone else socially face to face at the moment and haven't done while restrictions have been in place. I don't want to take any chances, I desperately want to get baby girl here safely, and try to keep myself as sane as possible for her arrival so I feel completely torn on what to do! Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, I understand a lot of you are already working from home which must be a more comforting situation with all this uncertainty around Covid in general and this new strain 🤦‍♀️

[SkyBlue20]

Thanks @JoJo58995 & @bubblybon20. The community midwife hub would just refer me back to her as she's the one that looks after everyone registered at my GP surgery. She's nice enough but I get the impression from her she just does the minimum. My next appt is Wednesday so not TOO long to wait, will see how I get on in the meantime - can always get in touch with my GP if all else fails.

@JoJo58995 I'm afraid I can't help as have been working from home since March but I completely empathise with how difficult a choice it must be and I'm glad your boss is being understanding. Ignore your in laws for a start, their opinions don't count right now, it's up to you and your DH. How safe do you feel at work? How much are your colleagues sticking to rules outside of work? As you get closer and closer to birth, could you perhaps reduce your days even more, so you're still in occasionally and not stuck at home, but it's just reducing the contact a bit more? Or is there anything you can do from home for the last few weeks - obviously not your day-to-day stuff but admin or the like?

[JoJo58995]

@SkyBlue20 that's a shame about your midwife. I don't really know what to suggest, I know what you mean about even if you have a private scan then you can still worry that it isn't an NHS one....could you really push how anxious you are feeling with your midwife and try to get her to refer you for an NHS one to put your mind at ease? I don't know whether they will do that but surely it must be an option for them if they can see a patient is really struggling with worries? I hope Wednesday comes round soon for you!
I'm counting the days until Wednesday too as it's my 25 week appt so it's my first face to face with my midwife since my booking appointment. She said she is going to measure bump and listen to heart beat etc. I'm worried I seem to be gaining weight quite rapidly over the last 6 weeks when I hadn't really put much on prior to that so I'm hoping she isn't going to tell me it's a problem. All the advice I've read says 1lb a week in 2nd trimester but I'm sure it's been more than that recently! 🤦‍♀️ I'm definitely an emotional eater so whether I'm happy or sad I do love my food, I'm trying to make it as healthy as possible and do at least some form of gentle exercise each day but I could be eating less so hopefully im not squashing baby girl with all the food 🤦‍♀️
Thank you for your advice about the working dilemma. My MIL is a midwife on a labour ward in a hospital so they don't have anyone pregnant in after 28 weeks which is why I think it's so black and white for her. DH is trying to be supportive but ultimately he knows I want to work with no risk which isn't an option. I think my colleagues are fairly sensible outside of work, but it's always difficult to know 100% and lots of people have bubbles which actually involve quite a lot of people eg children going to school still because we're key workers etc so its difficult to clearly say, and we did have a nurse diagnosed with Covid a couple of months ago. I wondered about trying to just knock off a few more days towards the end with the holiday I have left, possibly finishing even just a couple of weeks earlier than I had planned so maybe 35 weeks, and maybe trying to do a bit more admin over the final couple of weeks that I am there so that I'm just minimising everything as much as possible. I have young vets to support and a new one starting next week so I want to look after them as much as possible, plus my boss is still technically on maternity leave and phasing back her return so I don't want to add extra pressure for anyone else, but I know I have to focus on what is right for us and baby girl. Argh! Bloomin Covid....

[Workingmama1]

@SkyBlue20 they like to keep us on our toes don't they! Sorry its making you anxious. Its so hard to tell what is normal. You could try triage? My midwife said thsts where to call with anything medical as she is only at the health centre two days per week and they don't share their mobile numbers.

@bubblybon20 it's a hard choice. If your husband is off for now id be tempted to keep him home and then make a call when he goes back. We are currently still sending my daughter to nursery as I'm wfh full time and couldn't do it with her. It does make me nervous though, even though they've only had one case this whole time. Especially entering the 3rd trimester.

@jojo58995 I'm not sure what I would do. I think I'd be tempted to stay home if you cant social distance but it depends on what you feel comfortable with... its so horrible having to make decisions like that.

[ew1990]

@jojo I'm not sure either, I've been signed off again for 3 weeks and then only got 2 weeks after that before my annual leave and maternity leave start 😱

@bubblybon20 if DD could go to school I think I'd send her, DP is still going out to work so he could always bring it home.

@skyblue20 sorry your feeling so anxious, its so awful, I have days where she's quite but I really don't want to go and be told somethings wrong but I know if it is the sooner I get seen the better. What happened to the male midwife you had at your booking appointment (if that was you) he seemed lovely from what you said

[RosieJess91]

My test came back positive 😫
And yet both my sisters came back negative. Don't know how that's possible... systems told me I need to self isolate until the 14th, even though my symptoms started on 31st! So that's me having to go super careful for the next week. Hopefully they've marked me as CEV for no reason and I just end up with a mild version like my mum!

[SkyBlue20]

Oh no, @RosieJess91! Hope you're feeling ok so far? My BIL, SIL, her parents and her nephew all have it and have said it's basically just a bad cold for them (and her dad is actually asymptomatic) so hopefully you're the same at worst!🤞🏼 Take care of yourself. xx

@ew1990 What a memory you have! Yes, I had the lovely midwife at the booking appt. He was a hospital midwife so haven't had anything to do with him since, just my designated community midwife, unfortunately.
Wow, two weeks left in work - I cannot believe how quickly time is passing!

@Workingmama1 I did think of triage but thought I'd see how I get on today first as I was only there a week ago 🙈 She's just had a bit of an active period so that's calmed me again but it's generally just been a crappy day for my mental health really - I'm finishing up at work now (such an unproductive day), going to get a shower and then snuggling up on the couch with the new episode of This Is Us, I think that should help. Tomorrow is a new day.

@JoJo58995 Yes, I think I'm definitely going to be very open with my midwife and explain that that's what I think might help and see what she says - if you don't ask, you don't get! I did tell her how much I was struggling with movements at the last appointment and she'll see that I've been in to triage since, too, so it won't be too much of a surprise to her, I can't imagine.
Exciting that your first face-to-face appt is coming up! Not sure if it's everywhere but I've not been weighed since my booking appt, so it may be worth bringing up your weight if it's something you want to talk about, otherwise it won't really be mentioned, I don't think.
Work decisions do sound stressful, are you able to just be quite flexible with it and see how you feel as you go along rather than having to decide all now?

Almost the weekend, everyone - just one day left to go! The first week back is a killer! Six working weeks left after this one for me, it can't come soon enough (I know a newborn isn't easy but it's a different type of work...)

[JoJo58995]

@SkyBlue20 well hopefully she will listen to you and just get you referred for a scan, because it would provide so much reassurance just to see and be told that everything definitely is ok!
Ah I hadn't thought about them not weighing me, yes I'll make sure I bring it up thank you. Everyone I work with says I'm not looking fatter, just have a bump, but when I look down all I see is tummy so it's difficult to tell 😂 yes I have just had a chat with DH and we've agreed that I will avoid what I can, and we might just see how things are going and regularly review it as we go. I'm naturally a planner so last minute changes never sit too easily with me but I just need to be flexible with this as things change so quickly.
Oh I'm sorry you're having a rough day today. Sounds like you have a nice evening planned to try to relax and yes tomorrow is a new day. I've been asleep on the sofa this afternoon and hardly done anything. I think we've just got to let ourselves off a bit, it's hard work growing a little person. But will be so worth it 🥰🥰

[ew1990]

@skyblue20 Aww that's a shame he seemed lovely.

So DDs new nursery have set me up with some online learning to do. Got the first one today and I just don't know have a clue how to do it, its a maths one and drawing things in 5s so I'm going to get her craft stuff out tomorrow and see if I can make it exciting. She was only there for 2 days.

I tried with her today but she's not very well, feels very warm and she's just slept on and off all day, I'm praying it's not covid tbh but she only could of caught it them 2 days she went to nursery

[ew1990]

@rosiejess oh no so sorry its positive, hope your feeling OK?

[Poppy10121]

@JoJo58995 It’s really tough to know what’s right isn’t it! Although I am lucky to be able to WFH this whole time, I am having similar dilemmas around other things - for example we need some repair work doing on the house which is supposed to be done next week but my husband is now saying maybe we shouldn’t have a tradesman in the house. Whereas I am desperate to get things sorted around the house and start preparing for the baby!
So I think you do need to weigh up your mental needs/stresses alongside the physical ones. Is there anything you can do at work that is less contact with other people - like only work with smaller animals or something? (Can you tell I know nothing about being a vet!) Otherwise I think the best you can do is reiterate to colleagues about your concerns and make sure they are being extra careful around you, and if it gets too much, then accept that it’s not worth it and put yourself first - it sounds like you are very thoughtful to be considering your other colleagues needs above your own!

@Skyblue20 sorry you are struggling so much with the worry :( I am the same on some days, I’m still trying to figure out what makes it better but I think for me it’s spending less time on my phone (I end up on Peanut or other baby apps reading about all sorts of problems!) and trying to keep busy with things I enjoy like cooking. Does your trust provide any mental health support for people in pregnancy? I ask only because you may remember I had some counselling after the MMC and it helped me to notice when I am going into a spiral, and challenge my own thoughts.

[DanceM1]

@SkyBlue20 thats a shame about your midwife. To be honest I thought mine was the same as I text her once and she never replied. This time she did but did mention that she only works 3 days a week so would only have her phone turned on on those days. But she did reiterate that I could phone the main office and anybody would be happy to speak to me.

@JoJo58995 its a tough decision and I'm sorry I'm not much use! I was asked if I wanted to go into school rather than wfh now that there are less children in but I said I'd prefer not to and work have been great with that. Im a control freak so for me to not be in is quite a big deal.. I also usually feel guilty but this time I feel like I can do worthwhile work at home with 3 zoom sessions a day and keeping in touch with parents etc.

@ew1990 only 2 weeks left in work is exciting! I have just 5 weeks and can't believe it, I also feel like I really need to pull my finger out and get ready for baby.

@Poppy10121 interesting you mentioned about the mental health support. Ive spoken to every midwife I've seen (different one every time) about my anxiety and to the consultant as well. They all just say "oh yeah its normal to worry" but I dont think my level of worry is actually normal. Maybe I've seemed calm when I've been there!!

We had our first NCT class last night. That helped things to feel more real and helped me to relax a little bit and feel excited for baby. I still have the nerves always in the background but im trying to remember they won't help! Baby is very wriggly again today!