Gay Midwives

[LozzaT12]

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey.
However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else.
I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions.
Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

Congratulations on getting your place at uni op. Very well done. It must be an extremely rewarding profession. My dcs are all adults now but I can remember the midwives who delivered them with great clarity and huge gratitude.

It would never in a million years have occurred to me to think about their sexual orientation. And if it had come up in conversation that they were gay it certainly wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. Hopefully you're making new friends now.

@Mmn654123 agree totally

@LaBellina

Oh and before anyone starts attacking me over my choice to not accept male HCP for intimate care: my body, my choice. If you're ok with them, good for you that you probably never had any experience that made it difficult for you to feel comfortable with getting intimate care from a male HCP.

Although I said I personally am quite happy with either sex, I would never attack or even argue against a woman who did not feel comfortable. Your body, your boundaries, absolutely.

You need new friends. Hopefully you find some who aren't so daft. My previous and current gynaes have/are male, and they are the best doctors I've ever had. I should care that they are male and they are heterosexual? Of course not.

I would be more than happy to have you as my midwife.

So sorry you have encountered this view. What on earth does your sexual orientation have to do with your professional ability, including your ability to connect with women in the way a midwife needs to. Wouldn’t give it a second thought.

That's crazy. Ignore your friends. Well done on your new career.

I had many many male doctors involved in the birth of my children. Most gynaecologists are heterosexual men. I assume they are not being turned on by looking up women vaginas.

Thank goodness there are many women like you @HirplesWithHaggis but there are a lot of others who are more then happy to argue with other women about this because otherwise the poor men feel excluded . Appearently that matters more to some then having the right to decide who touches my body. I've sadly also seen this attitude on MN in the past.

That's strange. Not sure that an expectant mother is going to discover you're gay... unless you invite them out or something?

FWIW I had a gay male midwife looking after me for about 8 hours following a traumatic delivery (I think he needed me as a case study to finish an assignment or something) and he was absolutely fabulous helping me to establish breastfeeding.

OP - I’m a gay female, married to my lovely wife and 10 weeks pregnant today.

You need new friends I’m sorry to say - it’s the age old homophobic cliche that because you are a gay female you will automatically be attracted to EVERY female you see.
Same goes for some of my straight guy friends, years ago they believed if they went into a gay bar, EVERY guy would be hitting on them. I used to say to them, do you get loads of females coming up to you in straight bars? They soon changed their tune when they realised how ridiculous they sounded.

I couldn’t care if my midwife was male, female, black, white, gay, straight bi etc. Just deliver my wee baby safely and that’s all that matters.

Hope you do well in your new profession.

I would never ask if someone was gay so I can’t see how it would matter. Personally, when I gave birth, I asked for a female obstetrician. This wasn’t because I thought that a males would be attracted to me in that state, I just felt more comfortable with a female. So even if I somehow knew you were gay,I wouldn’t care.

You're friends are mad.
It's a profession, you're a professional - it's ridiculous to assume that you'd be leering at the pregnant women in your care.

Most gynaecologists are male, the majority of doctors are male, many nurses are male and some midwives are male. They're also, mostly, medical professionals who are not "getting off" or leering at their female patients (there are some exceptions, of course) - do your friends have issues with all these male professionals?

They're being totally lesbophobic. I'd get new friends.

*YOUR friends, not you're. Feck.

And because you are gay you are going to get off on looking at all those vaginas? In the same way as my heterosexual DD HCP gets off on all the dicks she sees in her job everyday? And a nurse of either sex working in a sexual health clinic is in a constant state of arousal?

I think your friends need to grow the fuck up.

It would not bother me at all and like other people have said, why would I find out in the first place? Your friends are being very rude, do not listen to them and good luck with your training!

How would you even know?
I wouldn't know if my midwife was gay or not. And definitely wouldn't care

I don’t understand what your sexuality has to do with anything.

However tbh no I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a male midwife and I would ask for a female.

I was SA as a child and has an awful Gynea experience with a male doctor so I always ask for a female. I know other women who feel the same.

These people are not friends in any respect. Nor sould you want them to be as they are clearly homophobic.

I would have no issue with any of my midwives being gay. And, how would I even know this anyway tbh?! Its not like a male midwife, which is obvious. In all honesty I would not have chosen a male midwife (though many women are happy with this) and would maybe have felt a bit uncomfortable even at times. But I also request female only for smears and stuff. Wouldn't ever cross my mind to even consider if the woman treating me was gay tbh.

The only issue I had with a midwife was when she (post birth, helping with breastfeeding in hospital) overshared. She found out my child was IVF, and told me her fertility problems but was very angry about it. Made me very uncomfortable 2 days post partum.

So personal life- not an issue unless you project onto other people! Hope you are kind and compassionate and a great listener then you will be the kind of midwife every woman needs.

I can assure you I would feel safe in a women's hands regardless. Are they suggesting that you are doing the job for a the women? Because I am absolutely confident there are a million different jobs you could do that would be alot less gory in that case.

Your friends sound ridiculous. When I had my daughter five years ago a young man was on the ward training up. He was very feminine and I'm 99% sure he was gay. He said to me really excitedly that he might see me on the labour ward later and I thought oh no I can't have a young lad looking at my bits. But that's all it was. Not his sexuality.

I'd be 100000% happy with a lesbian supporting me and helping me in labour.

How would anyone even know? Do you go into every labouring woman’s room and shout “I’m gay btw!!”

Tbh when I was in labour, a tarantula could have been the midwife and I wouldn’t have given a fuck.

My birth with my first DC was an emergency section, they literally ran me to theatre I couldn’t have cared anything about anyone as long as they could help me and my baby. It doesn’t cross my mind in non panic times either. I think it’s your friends that are wrong not you.

This person has NEVER posted on MN before and you're all merrily giving them birth stories. It's a troll and I don't care if it IS against the rules to say that.

I wouldn’t give a toss. Also, women in labour are not very sexy, so I doubt you’ll find yourself aroused by much of what goes on in antenatal, labour ward and postnatal. I also don’t care about having a male midwife. I don’t believe most people would care about their Midwife’s sexuality... also how would I even know? It’s not like you’ll be wearing a badge is it?!

Um what?

Jesus your friends are weird.

Do you work hard?
Do you GAF about your patients?
Do you care about what you do?
Do you keep up your CPD?

That's all I'd care about.

As PP said, get new friends.