Gay Midwives

[LozzaT12]

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey.
However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else.
I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions.
Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

I really don't see your sexuality as relevant. In fact, I would say that is non of my business. When I was pregnant I was lucky enough to be cared for by competent, kind women with whom I felt comfortable. This is all I could want and ask for.

I personally would not have been able to have that experience with a male midwife and I tolerated the male Doctors although they behaved in a superior and condescending way. I don't think men belong in gynaecology or obstetrics. When you need to feel understood and cared for only a woman can/will do that in my experience and opinion.

I am pretty particular about what medical practitioners I allow anywhere near me. I have a complex medical and social history, and it has almost without exception been men who have ignored my boundaries, failed to listen to me, or otherwise treated me poorly.

I am pretty sure my obstetrician (who did my primary pregnancy and birth care, see above about complex medical history) is gay. I am also sure that if I were to have another child, I would beg her to come out of retirement (she tied my tubes for me, so vanishingly unlikely). It's not about who you are attracted to, it's about whether you listen and treat your patients with respect. I find men, as a class, do neither, so I prefer female doctors for any situation where I am likely to feel vulnerable.

They sound completely mad and totally narrow minded. What makes them think anybody wants to look at their private parts with sexual inclination certainly not when in labour? Can't think of anything less sexy really

I would be absolutely fine with it. I’m sorry your “friends” said this to you.

Lesbians are women, therefore highly unlikely to be predatory sex offenders or suffer from fetishes.
I hope this isn’t a Trojan horse trying to claim transwomen would be equally acceptable. They, by contrast, commit sexual offences at the same rate as men. It’s well documented.

I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered.

I have never ever assumed that any of my hcp's sexuality is relevant to my care

So long as you are a biological female, I don't care what your sexual orientation is.

This actually made me laugh. Wtf is wrong with your friends?

Nothing about my pregnancy care to date has been even slightly, fractionally sexy and I can’t imagine anything further from anyone’s mind during the birth process than sexual attraction!

I think you’re there to do a job. I don’t believe you will be so overcome with lust at the sight of a vagina that you would be rendered incapable of doing that job. It wouldn’t make me in the least bit uncomfortable to know you were gay. I think your friends’ comments are actually pretty homophobic.

Pish what nonsense. People over think everything.

I shouldn't think it's likely to come up in conversation when someone is hefting out a baby - and if it did, no one is going to care!

Go for it - we need good midwives

Hi OP,

A person's sexuality has no revelance to me at all. As long as they're good at their job, I wouldn't mind who delivered my baby, regardless of sexuality or gender.

Your friends sound like homophobic jerks, to be honest.

I have no idea of the sexual preferences of any of the medical professionals that I may see. Male or female. Creepy friends you have there. Find new ones.

I wouldn't be fussed, but I also don't see why or how I'd know. If you went out of your way to tell me you were attracted to women I think I'd wonder why and that might be a bit creepy. If I found out by accident (e.g. saw you in town with a partner) that would be fine.

I find it more creepy that your friends are sexualising childbirth. Your sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with delivering a baby.

Your friends are fucking idiots.

Having intimate exams by woman is not because of the woman's sexuality. It's because we have the same bits. It's because we are all women and all have the same bodies.

I woulndt want a gay man doing my internal exams. Because he's a man. His sexuality is irrelevant.

I honestly couldn’t care if my midwife was gay, straight, male, female, purple with green spots - as long as they get the baby out as safely as possible, that’s what matters.

If a gay midwife was inappropriate or assaulted someone that would be awful. Just like it would if a straight midwife did. I don’t understand why you would somehow be creepy automatically?!! They are your friends presumably they trust you would treat women kindly and with dignity. Seems a very weird thing for them to say.
Don’t worry about it, be compassionate and do you job well and you will race to the top of any list of midwives, whatever their sex or sexuality.

I think most women care more about the pesonality of a midwife, you want someone sympathetic and compassionate. I think we are already suffering enough indignity and pain to worry about sexual preferances .

Out of interest, have any of your friends actually had babies? It’s flippin scary and gory! It’s not sexy. I want someone who is going to take care of me and baby, not traumatise me. Make me feel safe when unexpected things happen. I honestly couldn’t care less about their sexuality.

Honestly, it's not a big deal. There are male and female nurses and midwives and doctors. Us patients aren't concerned about their sexual orientation at all.

Hi,

Lesbians are hugely over represented in midwifery compared to the general population (I think that’s actively a good thing, but that’s JMO). You will be absolutely far from alone. At every unit I’ve worked in in 20 years there has been at least one power couple in the senior team. The issue might be keeping yourself out of a workplace romance..... but I have never known a woman have a problem with it.

What comes to mind is that you need new friends. If this is your dream job then go for it. I personally wouldn’t care. As long as you are qualified/learning to do the job than that is all that matters. When I had my little boy I had to be seen by two male doctors (due to completions) and I didn’t find that strange/creepy as they were professional/respected my wishes so I definitely would not find a gay female midwife out of the ordinary. OP I am so sorry you have felt disheartened by your friends. Please do not let them have any influence over your career. Midwifes are amazing so go for it!

In labour I couldn't have given a toss - I am more interested in their empathy & how skilled they are

I wouldn't want a male midwife, but a lesbian one would be no issue at all.
However, in labour I have no idea who saw to me, I just wanted it to stop.

Male, female, gay, straight or bi, if you can safely deliver my baby I couldn't care less! Of course you will get people that don't approve but do you have to tell the women that you're caring for? As long as you are professional and they feel comfortable I don't see why it should come up tbh