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Original poster

Gay Midwives

340 replies

LozzaT12 · 07/10/2020 00:21

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey.
However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else.
I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions.
Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

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RaisinGhost · 07/10/2020 01:40

hi I’ll be looking after you today and I’m gay

Grin

Agree with others, I wouldn't know, nor would it bother me at all if I did.

Its not like having a male midwife at all, because you are not a man (seems obvious).

It was horrible and strange of your friend to say that.

HeyBlaby · 07/10/2020 01:44

Wouldn't care, I would doubt anyone is even going to ask your sexuality and I'm a nurse and have had weird and wonderful patients!

Saracen · 07/10/2020 01:46

Not a problem. Your friends are being weird.

Spiderbaby8 · 07/10/2020 01:47

Anyone who would say that to me wouldn't be a friend any longer. It's ridiculous.

lakesidewinter · 07/10/2020 01:53

You are gay not male, it really isn't the same.
I wouldn't give this anymore headspace.
Your sexuality is nothing to do with your job.
But I might consider new friends.

feelingverylazytoday · 07/10/2020 01:56

How would your patients even know your sexual orientation?

DeliciouslyFemale · 07/10/2020 02:05

I wouldn’t care about your sexuality, only what sex you are. I prefer those of the female sex for any intimate care.

LeekPeachPlum · 07/10/2020 02:06

Definitely not the same as having a male midwife! Not sure I would be happy with a male midwife as I am not sure I would feel comfortable confiding in them not because I would be concerned about them seeing me naked (i saw many male obstetricians during/after my first birth). I would be more then happy for you to be my midwife. The relationship you build with mothers is what is important, your sexual orientation is not. Good luck with your course. I think you will make an excellent midwife. Xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2020 02:10

Wouldn’t concern me at all. I had a male gynaecologist. He saw me as a person and my body as a body to treat.

steff13 · 07/10/2020 02:13

My OB/Gyn, and all the other doctors in his practice are male and straight. My new OB/Gyn is also male and straight. All in all, I've seen 6 different men for my female care, and they've never been anything but professional and caring. It's not weird. Nor is a male midwife or a gay female midwife or OB/Gyn.

Yellownotblue · 07/10/2020 02:15

Nonsense. Get new friends. I’ve had horrible female midwives, an excellent female one and an excellent male one. I have never devoted one millisecond of my time to think about their sexuality.

Your friends are homophobic.

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 07/10/2020 02:37

Wow, it's sad that some people are still homophobic in this day and age. No, I would not care and also your sexuality is your personal business, I don't see why someone would have to know the sexual orientation of their midwife...

Nancydrawn · 07/10/2020 02:38

Wouldn't care in the least, just as I don't care if my OBGYN is a man. It has far more to do with skill, professionalism, and general vibe (open, kind, no fuss) than anything to do with the sex, gender, or sexuality of the person.

CircleofWillis · 07/10/2020 02:44

I would not feel as comfortable if you were male. I have experienced a sexual attack and am not be able to relax in a vulnerable position with someone male bodied. However another woman, no matter her sexual orientation, wouldn't bother me at all.

danascully96 · 07/10/2020 02:48

I'm bi/queer. I've had male doctors, and unless they behave inappropriately, I wouldn't feel a bit bothered. Your friends are bigots and you deserve better, OP.

calimommy · 07/10/2020 02:50

That is ABSOLUTE TRIPE. Please walk away from these people. Wow. Just wow. I dont know where to start? Does that straight men can never be Obstetricians? Because someone forgot to tell them.
Also have they ever seen a delivery?? It's not a sexy moment.

CodenameVillanelle · 07/10/2020 02:57

I struggle to believe anyone would actually say this in real life it's so stupid

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/10/2020 02:58

Well, this seems overwhelmingly positive for OP. Grin Nobody wants to know your sexual preferences, nobody cares. Personally I wouldn't have minded a male midwife, gay or straight, and of all the times a speculum has been used upon me, the most gentle were mostly men. (With one outstanding female GP.)

Jent13c · 07/10/2020 03:02

I've had 2 babies...first one had a third degree tear and spent a full hour in stirrups with around 7 people in theatre. I'm sure a couple of them were Male, didnt bother me in the slightest. 2nd was delivered by an ObGyn who was Male again I was very happy he was safely delivering my son I didnt care at all about gender or sexuality.
As long as you don't insert a suppository without asking for consent or insult my attempts to breastfeed like my idiot female (I'm assuming straight) second midwife then im delighted that you are there to deliver my babies.

LaBellina · 07/10/2020 03:17

I would not be OK with a male midwife and the team that delivered my baby were all female on my request. But I honestly wouldn't have cared at all if I had heard that each and everyone of them were lesbians.

I've never heard of any lesbian doctor or midwife doing creepy stuff to patients but I have heard those stories about some male heterosexual HCP.

user1481840227 · 07/10/2020 03:18

You must have a very strange group of friends because I would say that the vast vast majority of people wouldn't care in any way and you could probably go your whole career and never come across a mother to be who ever cared!!

Were these all separate conversations that you had with these people? or was it a group chat or something where one person (the queen bee) said it would be weird and then the sheep followed her? because I find it so so strange that anyone would care about this!

Poppyisa · 07/10/2020 03:18

I have asked for a female midwife or obgyn. But I couldn’t care less if said person was gay or straight. Lesbian women have never given me any types of second thoughts on whether they’re a predator.

Men, on the other hand, from all walks of life, have given me plenty of second thoughts.

Those friends are being ridiculous. Please carry on with your goals. The fact that you care about this tells me you’re kind and compassionate; exactly the kind of midwife women need.

LaBellina · 07/10/2020 03:20

Oh and before anyone starts attacking me over my choice to not accept male HCP for intimate care: my body, my choice.
If you're ok with them, good for you that you probably never had any experience that made it difficult for you to feel comfortable with getting intimate care from a male HCP.

SageFuzz · 07/10/2020 03:31

I am a queer midwife - and I look it! Never had a negative reaction. Your friends are homophobes and will destroy your self esteem. Hopefully you will meet new friends at uni!

Ladedada · 07/10/2020 03:33

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. How weird of your friends.. do they think your going to be throwing pick up lines while a women is in labour?