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Original poster

Gay Midwives

340 replies

LozzaT12 · 07/10/2020 00:21

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey.
However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else.
I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions.
Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

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NotEvenTheKing · 07/10/2020 13:01

I guess maybe it's expected that the reason women may be uncomfortable with a male midwife is due to them being sexually attracted to women. So, that would be where they have gotten that idea that a lesbian would cause a pregnant woman to feel uneasy. But for me, I admit feeling a bit weird when I met a student male midwife whilst pregnant. I'm pretty sure he was gay, so it definitely wasn't because I thought he'd be sexually aroused at my huge pregnant form. It's because he is a man. And for me, I can't understand how a man could ever understand what it means to a woman to be pregnant. Not because they aren't educated, but because they could never experience it. I would not feel uncomfortable with a lesbian midwife. Because a lesbian has all the same plumbing as a straight woman.

You're friends were a bit weird in their reactions.

I guess some would say I was silly for how I feel, but I honestly prefer to be dealt with by women when I'm pregnant. It's an entirely womanly thing to do. And I think it's more than just knowing the facts and guidelines around pregnancy.

anotherhumanfemale · 07/10/2020 13:05

This thread is as sad as your friends' reaction.

  1. Men don't attack women because they're attracted to them.
  1. Lesbians are women.

So a lesbian midwife is completely incomparable to a male midwife.

nevernotstruggling · 07/10/2020 13:36

I want a midwife to be qualified to do the job.

Meanwhile your friends reaction throws into question any health professional practising on the sex they are attracted to ffs.

EndlessWaffle · 07/10/2020 13:50

@LozzaT12 i'm so sorry your friends are not being supportive, you have to ignore them on this and please stand your ground! What a shame they are taking such a narrowminded view. What an awful awful thing for them to say to you.

A very good friend of mine is a gay midwife (lesbian). She is fantastic at her job.

FFS you're not going into the profession to look at clunge, and none of your patients will give a crap about your orientation, dietary requirements or whether you believe in God, as long as you can support them in getting a healthy baby out of their uterus with minimum disruption!!!!

futuredreams · 07/10/2020 13:57

That's absolutely ridiculous for them to say that. They are obviously the same type of people who sexualise breast feeding and feel women shouldn't do it in public. It's a clinical setting. I just find this so stupid. Sorry you are being put off in anyway because of narrow minded people. Don't let them sway you. I think it's great. And I couldn't give a flute who helped me labour or gave me examinations as long as they were qualified and professional. Good luck with the studies! X

Waitingforbabypage · 07/10/2020 14:07

Like many other posters, I really couldn't give a rats who you're interested in, as long as you're professional and competent, that's all that matters.
Good luck in your training! Xx

CoalCraft · 07/10/2020 14:14

I couldn't give a toss who my midwives are attracted to. I can't see it affecting your career at all; not like you're going to be discussing your dating preferences with patients right off the bat anyway.

BlueBoats · 07/10/2020 14:15

I doubt they'll even realise? I have no way of telling if midwives for my births were interested in men or women.
If it had come up on conversation I wouldn't have cared.
A lesbian has the same body type, I'd feel far more comfortable with a female regardless of whether she is attracted to females than a man in any circumstances, even if it's a man who is attracted to men.

ScottishLassie91 · 07/10/2020 19:35

Get yourself some new friends! I absolutely hate this attitude, it's so outdated and homophobic.
I always feel like when someone says this they assume that you must be sooo attracted to them, cos you know how woman that are attracted to men obviously fancy every single one of them and vice versa. I'd be more uncomfortable with one of them treating me.
They need to get a grip and you should be so happy that you're going into an amazing profession to help others 💜

Tunnocksmallow · 07/10/2020 20:11

Tbh, when I was in labour, as long as he knew what he was doing, Mr Blobby could’ve been wheeled in as my midwife and I couldn’t have cared less!

Tunnocksmallow · 07/10/2020 20:12

But yes, get yourself some new friends. Preferably some who aren’t nasty judgy arseholes Flowers

WhoseThatGirl · 07/10/2020 20:17

TBH I wouldn’t want a male midwife. But I wouldn’t care about a woman’s sexuality. Let’s face it gay or not it isn’t women who do creepy weird stuff is it.

Moo678 · 07/10/2020 20:18

What a heap of crap! I’ve had a male midwife for one of my labours. I don’t care about the sexuality of the healthcare professional looking after me - why would I? I think you might need new friends rather than a career change. I hope you enjoy your course x

1Micem0use · 07/10/2020 20:21

Some pregnant women are lesbians or bi. Your patients aren't all going to be straight homophobes

BabyLlamaZen · 07/10/2020 20:24

How will they even know you are gay? Ideally you won't be going on about how you are attracted to women when feeling their cervix 😂 because yes that would be creepy.

None of it is relevant.

IHateCoronavirus · 07/10/2020 20:26

Completely a non-issue. My second to last midwife was gay. She was beyond amazing at what she did. The best OB I ever met was a young male doctor, he was the most patient and empathetic medical professional I have ever had the pleasure to meet.
Lesbian/male/female/straight whatever, welcome to my womb!

Runmybathforme · 07/10/2020 20:27

Your friends are morons. Ask them if they feel weird have a Male gynaecologist.

FolkSongSweet · 07/10/2020 20:28

I wouldn’t give two hoots about the sexuality of my midwife. But I would prefer a female (gay or straight) over a male (gay or straight).

theresaplaceforus · 07/10/2020 21:21

I’d have absolutely no issue with the sexuality of any medical professional that was looking after me. I also don’t see how it would ever come up?!
I’m 39 weeks pregnant and the midwives that have been looking after me have been great so far, as long as I feel safe and looked after and my baby is being looked after well I couldn’t care less, I wouldn’t be bothered by a male midwife either if he was making me feel I was in safe hands and I could trust him.

UnicornAndSparkles · 07/10/2020 21:41

How on earth would the patients in your care know you are gay?!

Your friends are being ridiculous.

Im pregnant and would prefer a female midwife, gay or straight, over a male one purely bc a female is anatomically the same as me and would probably appreciate the uncomfortableness of checking dilation etc and so might be a bit more sympathic. That said I would never refuse a male midwife.

Catchingbabies · 07/10/2020 21:43

Gay midwife here, even have a visible rainbow tattoo and never had a negative comment in the 5 years I’ve been qualified.

NoParticularPattern · 07/10/2020 21:47

How would anyone know that you’re gay? I mean unless you walk round with a flashing neon sign round your neck it would never occur to me to wonder about the sexuality of any healthcare professional I encounter, pregnant or not. And quite frankly when I’m in labour I couldn’t give a sausage who is delivering that baby so long as they know how to turn the gas and air on! Your friends are not friends. Find some better ones.

Heyha · 07/10/2020 21:50

Not even remotely bothered, I saw many midwives during pregnancy and labour and had no idea about their sexuality. Just about how cold their hands were and general chattiness level 😂

If you're good at your job and personable then you will be very much appreciated by any pregnant lady that you look after, I'm sure.

Voice0fReason · 07/10/2020 22:04

As long as you are female, competent, qualified and kind, I would welcome you no matter what your sexuality was.
It wouldn't even occur to me to consider what your sexuality was.

2020wish · 07/10/2020 23:37

U need new friends, that’s awful. That’s like saying a gay nurse can’t nurse a certain patient. I work as a nurse in an icu ward.. our patients are mostly totally immobile and require full assistance. A lot of my colleagues are of the same sex orientation and it has not affected their personal care to any patient what so ever. So I can’t see how it would be any different from a midwife. Wishing u all the best