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Original poster

Gay Midwives

340 replies

LozzaT12 · 07/10/2020 00:21

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey.
However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else.
I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions.
Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

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VettiyaIruken · 07/10/2020 09:21

What comes to mind is that you need to find friends who aren't stupid.

Whatwouldscullydo · 07/10/2020 09:25

I'm done having kids now.

But If I were to have another, I'd feel the same as I did 10 years ago when I had the last. A female midwife would have been preferable for me ( I had one with my first. The second well that was a botch job and I have no idea who delivered dd ) Of any sexuality . I don't actually know the sexuality of the woman who delivered my babies why would I?

I dont know why they would find it creepy. Females prefer females often in this search not because they worry about being "hit on" because those who have been abused by men, well male abusers can be any sexuality its not about attraction its about power. Its because we share the same bodies and we feel safer. Lesbians do not behave the same way as straight men do anyway. This idea that they are equally a danger is false .

Do it .

Pregnancy care and the handling of childbirth can be shit. The world needs all the caring compassionate and decent midwives it can get.

Your job isn't the problem your friends are.

FairFriday · 07/10/2020 09:25

I would wonder about someone who said that to me (if I was the OP).

What do they think of me? Do I come across as predatory? Am I so unprofessional that I can’t do my job without trying to catch someone’s eye? Would they refuse to go to a sauna or swimming pool with me ‘just in case’? Would they refuse to let me babysit their kids???

Oh no - nonono. You need better ‘friends’.😡

theconstantinoplegardener · 07/10/2020 09:25

I personally feel uncomfortable about having intimate examinations by male health care professionals, for various reasons. But a lesbian midwife? Even if was aware of your sexuality, it honestly wouldn't concern me at all. I haven't had any problematic experiences with lesbians (whereas I've had lots of unpleasant encounters with men).

FairFriday · 07/10/2020 09:26

Someone in a uniform - really (if you cared) how could you tell if they were straight, gay or bisexual? Most time’s probably not!

pollysproggle · 07/10/2020 09:26

I agree you need new friends!
I've had a male midwife once and female the two other times. Their sex or sexual preference didn't even occur to me and I wouldn't care either way.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/10/2020 09:27

The wonderful amazing fantastic Dr who delivered my 2nd was a lesbian (yes, it came up in conversation or at least her wife did) and it mattered not one bit. All I cared about was her gentleness, her understanding and her professionalism.

Frazzled2207 · 07/10/2020 09:27

Never thought about this before tbh. But it would not bother me in the slightest.

Lollol86 · 07/10/2020 09:28

@LozzaT12 I wouldn't have any issue what so ever, you have a job to do and that's what you are doing. Every gynaecologist I have seen has been a man and hand on heart have never had an issue with it. As long as you deliver my baby safely I couldn't care less what sex you are or whether you are gay or not that's none of my business. Ignore your so called friends and best of luck with your studies 😀

bleachblondemom · 07/10/2020 09:29

It’s so sad sad that people have made you feel like this. Bin them off and go be an amazing midwife

MnM156 · 07/10/2020 09:33

I wouldn't mind a gay midwife at all. It is of no concern to me what her sexual orientation is. I would love her if she is providing the care she should. Why would anyone be concerned about a midwife's sexual preference? It is bizarre how people can think sometimes. I would say go for it if it's your dream!

unmarkedbythat · 07/10/2020 09:35

I don't know or care about the sexuality of any hcp who has ever looked after me, least of all when I was giving birth.

Blondiney · 07/10/2020 09:36

Honestly OP, it would never occur to me. I really think it's a complete non-issue, despite what your 'friends' say.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/10/2020 09:39

What comes to mind is that your friends are homophobic. They're the same people who don't like the idea of getting changed in a women's changing room, in front of lesbians.

It's an odd idea, because it's based on men's ideas about male sexuality as predatory and sex as an attack. This idea underlies the discomfort some men feel about having gay men in their changing room.

Applying that to lesbians is odd though. As if their gayness overrides their femaleness. Mostly, I suspect, based in heterosexual women's embedded ideas about male sexuality - as that's the only kind they're used to experiencing, as the object of desire. So they translate 'them looking at me', instead of thinking about how they look at and behave towards men in general.

wingingit987 · 07/10/2020 09:41

I would get some new friends.

Sexuality is not a issue.

I wouldn't even think that if I had a midwife who was gay just as I wouldn't with a male midwife.

I had male GP examine my breasts a few weeks ago. I didn't think he was getting off on it. It's his job.

Your friends have really weird minds to even think this.

Scoobygang7 · 07/10/2020 09:42

Your friends might want to check their views. Both my labours and pregnancies I have no idea what sexuality my midwives or Dr's were.

I've only ever had one time I was offered a different health care professional, by the person who was meant to be seeing me. He was a male hca and was booked to do a wound check on my breast. He offered to bring a female nurse in for 2 reasons I may have been uncomfortable as it was an "intimate" area and he was male. Secondly we had met professionally via his old job at the care home I worked. I chose not to request someone else, he was good at his job, I trusted him. He's a health care professional and as such it doesn't matter, he's there to do his job not perv over me or anyone else.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/10/2020 09:42

Hopefully you will make new friends at uni.

Elsiebear90 · 07/10/2020 09:43

I perform some intimate procedures on women as part of my role and I’m gay, tbh it’s never been an issue as most of them have no clue of my sexuality anyway.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/10/2020 09:43

But do I care about the personal lives of people helping me give birth? No. And it's definitely not the time of life at which I've felt most attractive or sexual! Rather the opposite.

longcoffee · 07/10/2020 09:43

The night before my induction, I stood in the bath and made DH trim my pubes with his hair clippers so everything was neat and tidy for my midwife. I was so worried about who's be seeing what, and what they'd think.

During the birth I couldn't have told you who was down there, and during the subsequent surgery, as I laid naked, numb and with feet akimbo, I kept calm by counting the people in the room - 19 at one point. The lunch lady could have popped in for a look and offered me a jacket potato and I genuinely wouldn't have been bothered at that point.

Only afterwards, safe at home, did I examine my DH's handiwork (in the bath, not specifically on pube patrol!). He'd only cut one fucking side. But you know what, who cares!

Point being, when you're having a baby, or in a scary situation, a kind midwife who was there to help me through was all I needed - all the things I thought I was worried about made no difference.

You'll be great OP. It's an incredible profession, with incredible people working in it. Good luck, I hope you really love your course x

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/10/2020 09:43

Your "friends" are odd.
I would have had zero problem with a gay female midwife.
It could be an advantage in some circumstances- my friend and her partner are both women, I think they might have appreciated a gay female midwife as one or two if those they dealt with seemed uncomfortable with their relationship/questions about sex (when there were complications).

emptyshelvesagain · 07/10/2020 09:44

Interesting question. Are you coming back OP?

Mishmased · 07/10/2020 09:44

Sexuality of my midwife never crossed my mind on both pregnancies. What a ridiculous comment.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/10/2020 09:45

Mostly, your friends sound very immature and as if they have not yet attained confidence in their own sexuality and their own skin.

Stay123 · 07/10/2020 09:48

I wouldn’t mind at all. Nor would I mind if it was a man. I would prefer someone with ability, experience and compassion. Good idea to add a tick box at the end of their personal details form for them to tick if it would concern them or not, eg. would you prefer to be looked after by man, woman, gay, straight, any. Most people would tick any but the others should be given a chance to express their preference not sneered at. They have their reasons too.