Gay Midwives

[LozzaT12]

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey.
However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else.
I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions.
Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

I have no idea if any of the midwives or doctors that attended my children's births were gay or lesbian and I wouldn't have given a shit if they were. Being straight doesn't magically make people more professional and less creepy. You need better friends!

Thank you so much everyone, for the kind words and taking your time to reply to this like you all have! I never expected such an overwhelming positive response, did it on a whim last night and I’m so glad I did.
Can safely say they’re not gunna be my friends anymore, but even then, they used to be good friends that I’d grown apart from and haven’t seen in a long time, it just really shocked me and it’s been sitting at the back of my head for too long. I do have a smaller group of wonderful friends who have been amazing but we’re young and don’t have children. That’s why I posted on here, wanted to hear some opinions from people who’ve actually had the joy of being in that situation.
Again I can’t thank you all enough, hopefully I don’t need this kind of reassurance again, but I still think I’ll be coming back to this quite a bit, it has been lovely to read xx

As long as you looked after me and baby and ensured my husband its legal to kill him if he makes stupid comments during labour, i couldn't give a shit about your sexual orientation. I cant imagine a women pushing out a baby is the most attractive thing to a man or women, i mean ita pretty gross 🤣

It wouldn’t bother me, as for a male midwife I had one with me when my daughter was born.
As long as you do your job and (I’m sure you will be brilliant) its no body else’s business if your gay or not.

@LozzaT12

Hi everyone, I’m a first year student midwife, I’m female and I’m attracted to women. I’m so grateful to have gotten my place at uni, never been happier, and I can’t wait to start my journey. However, in the past few months I’ve spoken to old friends from school and many were shocked that someone who is gay is going into this profession. Many people have said it’s as weird as having a male midwife, some have straight up called it a bit creepy and that they would request someone else. I’d never thought about it in any such way until this started and honestly it’s really shaken me and I want to know people opinions. Would you not want me in the room? What comes to mind when you read this?

I've not read the whole thread; I'm really sorry but I may not get to it.

But I'm a lesbian mum and my partner (who was the birth mum) would have been so delighted to have someone else who was gay in the room. It makes a huge difference.

We had a rotten time during DD's birth because midwives and doctors kept not realising we were a couple and being awful to us both. I think maybe someone like you would have stopped that. Plus we would have felt at home with another lesbian.

As it happened we had a lovely midwife who looked after my DP after the birth, and she shared with us that her mother was a lesbian and commented that it was a lovely, special relationship. It really put us at ease and I keep thinking how kind of her it was to share something personal with us in that way.

I hope more people like you go into midwifery. We need you.

Your ‘friends’ are weird. I couldn’t care less about either the contents of anyone’s underwear or their sexuality in any context other than a relationship. There is nothing sexual about childbirth either which makes that opinion particularly odd, kindness and competence are the only things that matter in terms of the qualities I’d want in a midwife. Ignore them & maybe think about finding better friends!

This is SO weird. Are your friends 10? Utterly bizarre opinion. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you get aroused when you look at a vagina, which is clearly what they are thinking. How close are you to these ignorant 'friends'?

To me, it wouldn't matter what gender, race, sexuality etc that you are. All I would care about is that you are a kind and caring person looking after women who are at their most vulnerable while giving birth. That is all that matters!

Wouldn't bother me at all. I think you need new friends! I would also be fine with a male midwife.

I know and have worked with many gay nurses, doctors and midwives. It makes not one jot of difference. Go for it. And get new friends. Xxxxx

Why would who you shag or want to shag come into conversation? Friends need to mind their own imo.

I don’t know why anyone would care!
You are doing an amazing job, my midwives were my lifeline, I had so much love and respect for them and last thing I ever thought of was their sexual orientation, that is no bodies business and doesn’t make a single difference. Absolutely shocking comments from your “friends”

For god's sake who is going to look at a pregnant womans nether regions and think "Mmmmm nice fanny" ff's. Nobody in the world that's who. How ridiculous.

I had a male midwife for baby 2 and I couldn't have cared less. I would care even less if the midwife was female and gay.

Your friends are odd.

The sexual orientation of any medical professional doesn't not concern me at all.
Pretty sure you haven't gone through all the years of training, studying and hard work just to get a look at my bits.

cannot imagine why it would be a problem, but then I wouldn't have cared if there was a male midwife/nurse either.

Literally wouldn't care. Your school friends are idiots to think that, never mind to voice their bigoted opinions.

My community midwife was lesbian and lived with her partner (also a midwife) down the road from me. They have retired now.

I'm sure my first very elderly midwife waa

Probably as old as time - it was a vocation.

I had a male midwife and it did make me more inhibited. It's nothing to do with sexuality though. I would have preferred a female midwife regardless of who they are attracted to.

I wouldn't care at all! I think the difference with being uncomfortable by a male midwife is that your body has the same bits as the ones you are looking at.

Nobody knows the sexuality of their midwives, unless it comes up in conversation, it isn’t relevant. I have no idea if any of my midwives were lesbian or straight, it wasn’t something I have ever thought about until this thread. I had a male midwife at one point, who I think may have been gay but I am not basing that on anything other than a hunch.
OP I cannot imagine any woman in labour minding that you have a female partner, or that you are lesbian. All that matters is how you treat labouring women, and how good you are as a midwife. If anything I would see it as a plus, as possibly a lesbian woman would be more empathetic towards other women - some midwives can be very dismissive of women’s pain, experience, and gut feelings, and I have wondered why that could be ? Internalised misogyny ?
Please don’t let other people make you feel that your sexuality would be a problem, when midwifery is all about women, your sexuality is not an issue at all. Your old friends must be childless ? Because when in labour what you want is someone kind, who listens, and who is very good at their job.
Wishing you the best of luck with your career.

I had male and female midwives at my birth. It made no difference. I don't know what sexuality they were, but I was completely unattractive and unconcerned - I was too busy to worry about their lovelives!

No medical person I have ever had dealings with disclosed to me what their sexual preferences are.

As many previous posters said, I've never really thought of or had reason to know the sexual orientation of any HCP nor do I think any of them really knew mine.

Some women HCPs, including a midwife, have physically assaulted me.

In one incident, women HCPs 'sexually assaulted' (legally 'assault by penetration', which to me and where I'm from would be classified as rape) on a ob/gyn ward until my bed had a large bloody stain to "teach [me] a lesson".

I've never not once thought of the sexual orientation of the women involved, either in those incidents or in the incidents where I've had excellent care in my four pregnancies and beyond. Attacks are about power which HCP often have in a situation, and some abuse it. I understand why some have greater concerns about a male HCP abusing their power even if I've had very different experiences, but I don't get how a lesbian HCP would automatically be more a concern than a straight one.

As others have said, it sounds more like they have an issue with you in that position than a real understanding of what it's like to be under a midwife's care or the nature of violence, particularly in a medical setting.

Ridiculous, you need different friends. It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest when I had my children. Can't believe people think like this.