Rainbow Babies - New Mums Support Thread 1

[MOGMOGMOG85]

Wonderfully supportive thread for anyone pregnant after previous loss

[title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

Hi all. I'm officially joining. A bit late now but She is now two weeks old today. It's been a tough time - found out she had lost 13% of her body weight and we've been in hospital a couple of the days and also now bottle feeding and pumping around the clock. They say it's because she was less than 6 lbs when born she didn't have the reserves she would have needed for milk to come. It's been so emotional because she was doing so so well at breastfeeding it was just because of the section my milk hadn't come in. I'm still very upset about it all. She's getting pumped milk and a top up of formula. Trying desperately to pump enough to be solely BM but can't manage it yet. Also trying to get her to feed from me again but she's gotten lazy from the bottles. I'm a bit of a wreck.

I can't fault the midwife care after from home visits. I just feel so terrible that breast feeding might not happen now. her weight is almost back to her birth weight now.

@futuredreams welcome and congratulations! Sorry to hear you have been having issues with feeding. Fingers crossed your milk comes in and you can go back to EBF but, if not, try to remind yourself that having a fed baby is what truly matters... Be kind to yourself x

I'm having a bit of a tough time today. Amelia was cluster feeding last night before bed (pretty much constantly on me from half 6 til 11pm and I'm not sure if it's due to over stimulation or what but as she slept soundly most of the night I was left awake with severe boob pain and hot flushes. It was gone 5am when I last looked at the clock. Amelia had her first jabs on Thursday morning and had been off her food for a couple days so hoping it's just that combined with her suddenly clustering last night but man do I feel rough today. She's just having a good feed now and they don't feel as painful anymore so hoping I can nap today lol.

How's everyone else doing?

@MOGMOGMOG85 My dressing came off the day after the section and I've had nothing on it since. I was told to just have a shower the next day at the hospital to wet the dressing and to then take it off myself. In terms of keeping an eye on it I just gently wash and dry the wound with a clean flannel every day (making sure it's dry seems to be the main thing). I can only see it looking in the mirror. So far it's been checked at both midwife appointments and they said it looks fine. I was advised to increase my ibuprofen intake (I was only taking paracetemol) to reduce the bruising I was getting.

@futuredreams Sorry to hear about the breastfeeding difficulty. I honestly think 99.9% of people have issues getting it established (specially after a section) and they don't make that clear enough to new mums. You're almost led to believe that it will all start in its own time etc etc and once you have a good latch that's it. 🙄 But main thing is your baby is being fed - whether that's breast or formula. They don't care once they have a full tummy. And you shouldn't feel any sort of guilt. The fact you have been trying so hard to breastfeed is itself an indicator of how great a mum you are. That you are putting yourself and your body through it to try ensure you give your baby this. Be kind to yourself and if formula is the way forward then so be it. Once they are gaining weight that's main thing.

@Sammilou2312 Hope you are feeling a little better today. That sounds really uncomfortable for you. I don't know how I will manage the cluster feeds. As it is I feel like my nipples might fall off but keep getting told latch is fine etc etc 🙄

@MOGMOGMOG85 I just went over to the other thread to read your birth story. Huge congratulations on the birth of Errol, he is gorgeous. How is he doing today? It sounds like you are doing everything you can for him whilst recovering yourself. Remember you have had major abdominal surgery so you need to take care of yourself. A midwife said to me that even if you feel ok, don’t forget all the internal stitches you have so take it easy.

Don’t worry about formula either, I had to give James a bit in hospital as he would not settle one night and I don’t think I had enough milk. Even if you have to syringe colostrum to him it’s all good stuff and you may be able to express more once your milk comes in. It’s great that he rooted and latched on, bodes well if you do want to breastfeed. Equally don’t worry if not, you’ve both been through a traumatic time and formula is there for you.

I really hope what happened to me is not commonplace. Our gp has been rubbish for months with Covid and I actually drafted a complaint in the summer over the way they treated DP and his diagnosis of acute PTSD but I ever ended up sending it. If I didn’t love my actual registered gp so much I’d be tempted to leave. I’m definitely complaining to the practice manager. Similarly I’m disappointed with the hospital, both the day I went in and when I called up about the oozing but I have less faith a complaint will do much there.

I’m back to the private gp this afternoon for them to check my incision. I’ve been changing the dressing after a shower and I think it is looking better. I feel much much better as well so fingers crossed the antibiotics are doing their job.

I had my dressing off and stitches out at day 5 during a midwife check, not sure if that is normal or not? Let us know how you’re getting on @MOGMOGMOG85

@futuredreams I hear you on the disappointment and frustration of not being able to breastfeed. I had to stop due to very painful nipples. Tried pumping as much as possible but other things got in the way so my supply is dwindling off. The HV has organised a hospital grade double pump for me which I’m hoping arrives today. I’m hoping that boosts my supply and will cut down the time pumping as it’s a double. Easier said than done I know but try not to beat yourself up about it, I didn’t realise how hard breastfeeding would be, especially after a c section and I didn’t get a huge amount of support in hospital. James also lost more than 10% of his birth weight and upping the formula helped him gain it back. It’s great that your little one has gained back her birth weight, it doesn’t matter how that’s happened, you’ve done it for her and she’ll be fed and happy regardless.

@AnxiousLady1 I had a good latch but it turned out James had a tongue tie which made my nips so sore. He’s had it snipped now, could this be something you get checked to make sure it’s not the cause of your pain?

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm so happy for you, little Errol is a beauty, though sorry that your birth experience was somewhat dramatic (your poor partner!) and that your first days together have been so tough. Regarding C section healing my story is a positive one, in spite of having to stay in hospital for five nights due to India's jaundice and weight it healed really well and I've had no issues at all. I was still an inpatient when the dressing was removed after a few days. To be honest I didn't really 'see' the scar properly for weeks as my tummy was swollen above it, but I've had no weeping or discharge or anything like that, and now there's just a neat purple-ish line.

@futuredreams congratulations to you too! It sounds like your early days have been very similar to my experience. The pressure I felt when she lost weight was immense and my mental health really suffered whilst trying to juggle feeding, pumping, formula not to mention the jaundice lamp too. My initial milk took a week to come in and at least two weeks passed before it fully came through. It took 24 days for her to get back to her birth weight and then I finally managed to relax and enjoy being a mum! As others have said the most important thing is having a fed baby, please don't beat yourself up of breastfeeding isn't working out, you've done an awesome job sticking at it through these tough couple of weeks and the benefits from that alone will have been huge.

@SammiLou2312 we've had a few cluster feeding days recently, it's so tough and my boobs do go crazy trying to gauge the level of supply required. India's jabs are next Monday, wish us luck...

@Shefliesonherownwings I hired the hospital grade pump (Medea Symphony) for 7 weeks before investing in my own double pump (Spectra S1). Hopefully it will do wonders for your supply - I went from struggling to express a few spoonfuls to being able to pump up to 300ml in a single session. The support I had in hospital post section was dire and I felt like they were very dismissive when I was adamant that my milk hadn't come in yet. Being at home and able to pump / direct feed on my own terms made a world of difference.
I hope your appointment today goes well.

I'm feeling nervous as going in for my gallbladder surgery on Wednesday. Should hopefully be home the same day but am anxious re the recovery and how ill manage feeding / general baby care afterwards. Will be taking the pump in with me to relieve my boobs after I come round, don't want the pain of mega engorged breasts to deal with on top of healing from the surgery!

Oh I stopped getting notifications and I’ve missed loads... I haven’t caught up properly but @Shefliesonherownwings just washed you and my sympathies on the wound... mine got infected and it’s been really hard going. Your GP sounds awful. I’ve had a lot of luck with maternity triage so agreed to see me, sorted me out and have phoned me since with lab results/to check I was ok! Any other issues and you could try the day unit at your hospital?

Feeding is still tough here... still mixed feeding, got an appointment at the Tongue tie clinic this week. Hoping to keep mixed feeding (I’ll never get 100% supply) but am much more relaxed than I was with DS. Baby girl is chilled out and we’re finding our way so I don’t want a desperation to breastfeed to take that away. I’m sad I will never exclusively breathed but am so lucky to have my two children and the important thing is she’s full and contented. She turned a month old yesterday, can’t believe where the time goes.

Ok, will try and catch up more... no idea what I’ve missed out on! @Avocuddles I think your op is this week? Sending good vibes to you xx

@Shefliesonherownwings sorry I see it was triage that were rubbish too... that’s awful. Glad you got it sorted eventually, it’s the worst thing not being listened to properly (including me not reading properly!)

@MOGMOGMOG85 oh my gosh I just read your birth story on the other thread. What a journey. Sending you lots of love, it sobs really hard. Errol is gorgeous xxx (My DH had to leave theatre at one point as he was about to pass out... my anaesthetist said it was really common!)

Congratulations to the other arrivals the last couple of weeks, so sorry I’ve missed so much.

*sounds really hard! Jeez, so many typos...

Anyone else breastfeeding notice a lack of poop in the early days? Have noticed we haven't had a dirty nappy in last 18 hours (but lots of wet nappies). Just wary of how rigid the 2-3 stools per day are. As there's so many wet nappies I'm assuming he's eating enough. Doesn't seem any way distressed so doubt it's constipation? He's 7 days today.

@AnxiousLady1 Amelia only poops once every 4/5 days even now. We asked the midwife and health visitor and they've said that it can be normal. As long as you are getting plenty of wet nappies and the poop looks as expected for babies age when you get a dirty nappy it should be fine. If in doubt could you call your health visitor to get a check up?

Thanks @Sammilou2312! Everything is so new and it's hard to not read into every little thing. I can happily say he's done 3 poops in the last hour. Must have been saving them up. 😂 He has a tendency to be more of a night owl (being awake more and definitely hungrier). So after a massive feed before bedtime the poop came along. So that's today's worry out of the way. Now I can go back to googling images of what it should/shouldn't look like when the cord comes off 😂

So sorry I'm so behind and I need to catch up and respond to people properly.

Just a quick one - if anyone feels ok to, someone is asking for rainbow baby stories on this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4076039-Miscarriage-at-12-Weeks-Would-Love-to-Hear-Rainbow-Baby-Stories

@Hagster that link doesn't seem to work for me...

Ah dammit does this work? Miscarriage at 12 Weeks - Would Love to Hear Rainbow Baby Stories - www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4076039-Miscarriage-at-12-Weeks-Would-Love-to-Hear-Rainbow-Baby-Stories

No it doesn't. Ah what a shame my technical uselessness 😟

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/4076039-Miscarriage-at-12-Weeks-Would-Love-to-Hear-Rainbow-Baby-Stories

Found it and I think this link works xx

Thank you @SammiLou2312! 😍

How is everyone doing? X

Doing well I think @Rachael321. How are you getting on??

We've a weigh in tomorrow at 2 weeks as it looks like Conor dropped another 100g in the week after first weight check. Still within the 10% and getting through enough nappies to indicate he's feeding well but they reckon as he falls asleep when feeding that he isn't getting to the fattier milk. So for the last 3 days I've been topping up with expressed milk every 3 hours. Hoping his weight is okay tomorrow. He's otherwise well in himself. Between the almost hourly feeds and expressing every 3 hours my boobs are really going through the ringer 🙈🙈🙈

@Rachael321 I'm good thanks. Had my gallbladder out last week and feeling very happy / relieved now it's gone! The following day was my birthday and it was great to eat cake and a takeaway without fear of an attack. Feels like it's finally onwards and upwards after a tough few months. Assume you're fine and have had no issues since yours was removed?

India had her first jabs yesterday, i was a bit nervous about it but she was fine and only cried for a matter of seconds. She was very fussy and wanted lots of cuddles in the evening but was back to her usual self today. She's two months old today, I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by! She's still little (9lb 10) but gaining nicely along her line.

@AnxiousLady1 I hope the weigh in tomorrow goes well. It took us over 3 weeks to get back to birth weight and I can sympathise re the pumping / feeding pain of those early days. Hopefully he'll start to gain soon and your boobs will get some much needed rest, it's a really tough regime....

Hope everyone else is well, would be good to hear how you're all getting on. Here's a picture of little one today just because she's incredibly cute - she really didn't want to smile for the camera though! 😆

Thanks @avocuddles. He's 2 weeks today and at the weigh in he's exceeded his birth weight. Which would indicate gaining 400g since last weighed on Sat! So I was told I could stop expressing and just top him up if he looks for it. Not exactly sure how I judge that 🤷‍♀️ For now will top him up at bedtime to at least ensure he goes to bed with full tum. Hoping the reduced pressure on my boobs will help. They checked latch again today and said all looks well so I think latest discomfort was more due to the constant feeding PLUS additional expressing.

Gorgeous pic of India. Can't believe how much the time is flying!!

Anyone have any tips for what I can only assume us reflux?? Worst at night and strikes once we try settle him in cot. Doesn't always sick up but looks very uncomfortable and makes some awful gurgly/wheezy noises. Try to wind him before putting him down. Only settles once up again but afraid to keep him on my chest at night in case I fall asleep . 🙈

Is anyone here using nipplr shields?

Errol has a tiny mouth and little sucking reflex and the shields are the only thing that allows him to latch. But I'm worried about how much he is getting. He has dirtied 3 nappies today but its only been a few days of ebf. He loses a small amount of weight every day. He sometimes sleeps 3 hours after a feed but for the last 24 hours more like hourly to 90 mins. Part of the problem is that he wakes if I put him down. My breasts feel empty after and sore before but not necessarily full but that could be the hourly feeds. He seems to feed for half an hour but not vigorously it's like dreamfeeding.

I'm so stressed about it, if anyone has any tips. The shield is quite small for my nipple (to fit his mouth) and his latch is terrible so it is a bit sore but I dont mind. The shield seems to be full of milk for as long as he is sucking and then he falls asleep.

The nurses here dont seem bothered by whether he is getting enough they say my supply will increase to meet demand, I'm worried the shield may impede this.

Thanks xx