Rainbow Babies - New Mums Support Thread 1

[MOGMOGMOG85]

Wonderfully supportive thread for anyone pregnant after previous loss

[title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

Hi all. Also joining the graduates after my daughter was born on Wednesday morning by emergency c-section. We've just arrived home and it's all a bit surreal! I will return to update the other thread and join in here properly when I get a moment!! Xx

@didslysquiddlydoo pleased to hear your both safe, hope everything is going well for you at home x

Yay @didslysquiddlydoo! Congratulations!! Was wondering how you were doing. Hope you both are ok. Enjoy your snuggles and hope to see a pic once you have recovered a little x

@didslysquiddlydoo @tmc14 congratulations to you both on the arrival of your precious little ones. Hope your c section recovery is going well and you're taking it as easy as possible!

@TunnocksTCake congratulations on your little girl, she's gorgeous! I just came across this thread on the pregnancy feed and I remembered your name from our SMEP thread way back in December/January. What a journey we've been on. I'm so happy you have your rainbow baby in your arms, all the best to you and your family. I'm due my rainbow twins in a few weeks myself 🙌

Hope all you lovely ladies are doing well! I've a quick question - does anyone have any recommendations for a steriliser? Looking for a steam one. Think I'm ruling out the MAM one as the microwave warmer that comes with it won't fit in my microwave. And read mixed reviews of the Philips Avent due to how frequently it needs to be cleaned and descaled. So I'm currently going around in circles....

@AnxiousLady1 I have the Milton steriliser that can be used either a cold water steriliser or in the microwave. I personally use the cold water method - just drop in a Milton tablet and the sterilising solution remains good for 24 hours - but the steam method is also available and its pretty cheap....

@AnxiousLady1 I've got a Tommy tippee steam steriliser which I love. It plugs into the mains power supply. You just add a small amount of water and it's done in a few mins (plus cooling time). Only downside is if your water is hard like my area you will need to descale it every week or two

Thanks ladies. After much research I ended up with the Milton cold water one. I couldn't make my mind up with the electric ones so figured that was a safe bet. Now I think I need a separate warmer though. So back to the research board! 😁

Happy Sunday ladies, hope you're all well and settling in OK.
I'm starting to feel a lot better and getting about more and more every day meaning I'm able to look after Henry more which is great. I can't help but feel like I've missed all of the newborn bubble though ☹ I know its not my fault I was unwell it wasn't through choice. Just gutted that I didn't get as much of the skin to skin bonding time and there's very few photos of me with Henry even now. Just the ones of me in theatre really. I don't have any photos of me with a scrunchy newborn, its heartbreaking thats time I won't get back. Not much point to this post really 😕

Oh @rachael321 that sounds really tough, don't be hard on yourself for feeling hard done by. It's a real shame you didn't get those things and its ok you feel both grateful and sad. Sending you a big hug xxx

@Rachael321 I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time. Definitely allow yourself to feel sad about it, and talk about it as much s as you need to. There’s absolutely a point to your post... if you share those feelings it will help you process this time where things haven’t gone how you’d wished they had. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your time with Henry now, he’s still a tiny baby xxx

@Rachael321 I sympathise with how you feel, looking back I feel that I was very distant from my daughter during the first couple of days of her life, being ill in the final days of pregnancy (and having a gallbladder attack during labour) completely took it out of me and by the time she was born by c section I was so exhausted that I pretty much just slept for the first day of her life. I didn't get any skin to skin in theatre and whilst there are photos of me and India recovering afterwards, I'm really out of it and have no recollection of that time whatsoever. In retrospect I was feeling depressed for the first ten days or so of her life - spending a full week in hospital with only one visiting hour a day really didn't help, and it was only once I was back home and belatedly getting to grips with feeding that I began to enjoy' her company if that makes sense?

I had my worst gallbladder attack since having the baby last night / this morning, have an appointment with the consultant on Friday and am hoping that it won't be too long a wait for the surgery although Covid might have an impact. I'm glad you're feeling a lot better and hopefully making up for lost time with lots of baby cuddles x

Hey,
Just thought I’d check in and see how everyone is doing.
We’re two weeks in today. Having feeding issues, similar to DS. Baby didn’t lose very much by day 5 but hasn’t gained any yet so having to give top ups and working with a lactation consultant to maximise our chances of breastfeeding. I mix fed DS and may well have to do the same again. Feeling a little sad about it but know that fed is best and concentrating on how lucky we are to have a healthy baby.

Hope everyone is getting on ok. @Avocuddles sorry you’re having gallstone issues, fingers crossed is sorted quickly.

I had similar feelings when DS was born. Exhausted, whisked away for a 3 hour surgery, no skin to skin, felt just shocked afterwards. My only advice really would just be to keep talking about it, maybe do a debrief if you have gaps about what happened. And allow yourselves to feel sad if you want. You can be simultaneously happy & grateful for your babies and feel cheated that the start wasn’t how you wanted it. x

Hi ladies, I can’t believe I am saying this, but I can finally join the graduates thread!

James was born this morning by planned c section. He is perfect and I can’t stop staring at him. He’s currently snoozing away next to me. The c section was brilliant, so calm and peaceful. Little monkey had flipped from head down to breach in just a couple of days which surprised the consultant when she opened me up.

We’re both doing fine, having some trouble latching him on and keeping him there. My nipples are quite flat so he’s not keeping them in but we’ll keep trying and I’ve hand expressed some colostrum for him. Just wish DH could be here.

@Shefliesonherownwings congratulations!!! James is gorgeous and looks so content in that picture. Is your DH able to visit tomorrow? I hope so. With regards to the latching issues, I also have flat nipples and with Amelia's tongue tie she really struggled to latch and keep it... The breast feeding clinic best me saw us and recommended medela nipple shields and we are at 7 weeks today and still breast feeding due to using these (they are a tad pricey but worth it in my opinion) so don't give up hope, there are ways to help him with his latch and keep up with the breast feeding if that's what you want to do. Enjoy your snuggles and try to get some sleep xx

@SammiLou2312 sadly DH is not allowed to visit at all, I’m so gutted he can’t come and see us. I’m hoping we can be home soon but depends on me and baby. I’ve just gotten up for a walk and some breakfast and I am very sore.

In terms of your latching issues, did they still let you go home even if it was a struggle latching? I’m getting sore nipples now so I’m worried we’ll have to stay in until things are better.

Congratulations on the birth of James! What a cutie! @Shefliesonherownwings so awful that DH can't visit, hopefully you can go home soon but don't rush if you're not fot to do it. As hard as it is there's no award for rushing.

@Avocuddles how did you get on with the consultant?

I'm still not that great but getting there a wee bit at a time. Eg I love that first feed in the morning about 6/7 am hes so alert and happy and smiley and as daddy is already away to work its properly just us in our wee bubble before the rest of the world wakes up (sounds silly I know but it works for me). Maybe because we are staying with family for the support we needed its quite busy and that's when its just us.

I've also been thinking about baby number 2... and how I want to do things differently next time. I know its early, but I can't help myself! Havent even said to DH that I would like another. Strange given the horrible pregnancy, birth and post birth experience I had that I want to do it again!!

Has anyone else thought about having another yet?

@Shefliesonherownwings it's horrible that your DH can't visit but just think of all the years to come where you're all going to be together as a family. Can you do video calls in the meantime? I know it's not the same but might help a little. Yes, the hospital released me the day after i gave birth (natural delivery following induction) and at the time I was so eager to leave and go home even though I was having to express and give Amelia colostrum using a syringe. BUT... a week after, I was still having major issues with her feeding and when the midwife weighed her she has lost a lot of weight (down from 6lb 10 to just about 6lb 3) and hadn't had a wet or dirty nappy for almost 2 days - which is why the midwife came to see us as I was really worried. At that point we ended up getting some cheaper shields and I started pumping after every feed so I could top her up with a bottle of breast milk in between. I had to wake her up every 2 hours through both the day and night as she wouldn't wake up for feeds herself. We got referred to the breast feeding clinic too who then diagnosed the tongue tie and recommended the Medela shields to help with that and the flat nipples (because she had tongue tie it made dealing with the flat nipples harder). 2 weeks later and she was back at just over her birth weight which was great and had started to wake up for food herself. Long story short, yes I was discharged from hospital early but I probably would have benefited from being in there a little longer so the issues were picked up before Amelia got ill and lost all the weight. She is doing tonnes better now, we still use the shields and may need to for a long time but she is breast feeding well and it's so beneficial for both of us so I'm glad we were able to persevere.

@Rachael321 I've also thought about having another baby. Very much along the lines of, I could do that again...pregnancy and delivery weren't that difficult lol but not sure I could cope with 2 under 2 haha. The sleepless nights are hard with only one lol

Hope every one else is doing well xx

@Shefliesonherownwings James is gorgeous 💛 congratulations. So hard to not have DH there. I hope you get discharged quickly. Most sections at my hospital were released after 24 hours, I had to stay an extra night due to blood loss. In terms of feeding, my hospital were rubbish, I’ve been seeing a lactation consultant since being released as we have several issues (tongue tie for baby, possible IGT for me), we’re working hard to breastfeed as much as we’re able.

@Rachael321 after DS I wanted another straight away. I don’t know if that was the result of a traumatic start, but the urge was very strong!! This time I don’t have it at all and umm not sure if it’s because I knew we were going to stop at two (I’d love a third but DH only wants two and I’m feeling old), so I knew beforehand that this was us finished. I think it’s perfectly normal with the hormonal changes to think like that though! I think also I wanted a better start when I tried again which increased my urge. I got a better birth (didn’t want a section but got my initial skin to skin which I didn’t with DS), but feeding had been the same battle which makes me sad. Not all second births can be cathartic I guess. Not sure what the point of saying that is, but that’s experience

Had to go to hospital last night as my wound has got infected. Back on antibiotics. Fingers crossed it well heal better now.

@Shefliesonherownwings congratulations! James is gorgeous and I'm glad you're doing ok. I hope that you'll be on your way home soon. I was in for five days after my section but that was due to India's jaundice and weight issues rather than anything to do with me.
My nipples were flat at first and I found that using the hospital pump was great for getting them up. I had significant feeding issues at first and my milk didn't come in until day 7 so we had to supplement with formula in the hospital for a couple of days, however after a couple of weeks she'd really got to grips with things and can now get my nipples up and a brilliant latch in an instant. It took us three and a half weeks to get to an acceptable weight and discharged from the midwife.

@Rachael321 we've thought a bit about number 2. I was packing my maternity clothes away the other day and my husband asked 'are you putting them away or getting rid of them?'. I said we're keeping hold of them for now..... I'm 37 in a couple of weeks and due to fertility challenges and the miscarriages it took us over 2 years to have her, so another child might not be on the cards anyhow, but I imagine that in time we'll try and see what happens - been told not to TTC for at least a year post section regardless. My labour was horrendous so I'd probably opt for an elective section if we were lucky enough to have another baby, but if we just have the one then we'll still count ourselves incredibly blessed. @SammiLou2312 I agree the thought of 2 under 2 is terrifying though we don't necessarily have time on our side if we do want another!

Re the gallbladder I've got a consultant appointment on Tuesday (thank work for private healthcare...) and may be having the op as soon as November 11th - I'll keep you posted!

@tmc14 I hope the antibiotics do their job quickly and no more hospital visits for you!

Hi all, thanks I am totally in love with him. He’s perfect. Still in hospital, although we both got signed off by the doctors, the midwives weren’t happy with the feeding and neither was I so stayed in tonight. I’ve ended up topping him up the last two feeds with formula. He spent an hour and a half on me late last night but still wasn’t getting enough and my nipples are really sore so we’re using formula to give them a break. I’m not getting much colostrum hand expressing but he had some Friday and yesterday so that’s something I guess. I’m hoping when my milk comes in, that will help her him back on the boob and if not I’m happy to express or Just give formula.

I’m really struggling not having DH here though. I feel like it’s all on me to know what to do for him and I haven’t got a clue. The midwives are all nice and I call whenever I need them but I feel like I need someone here for a whole feed to see the issues. Plus each one tells me something different which doesn’t help. Anyway hope everyone else is ok. Fingers crossed we’re home soon. Xx

@Shefliesonherownwings I know exactly how you must feel about not having your DH around, I was in for five days post birth and really struggled with not having him there to support - like you say the midwives were happy to try to get feeding going but as soon as she appeared to have a latch they'd be off which wasn't helpful given that as soon as she left India stopped feeding or fell asleep! We were sent a feeding specialist once we were back home which was good as she had more time on her hands, for me though the turning point was when my milk (finally) came in and then things became a lot easier. It's great that you're open to formula and expressing - there were a few midwives who made me feel like direct breast feeding was the only valid option and that had really detrimental effects on my mental state when things simply weren't working! Hopefully once your milk comes through then you'll have a great little feeder. Fingers crossed tonight you might be back in your own bed, it definitely helps to feel comfortable and the noise and bright lights of a hospital aren't particularly conducive to that!

Hi ladies, we’re home now. I thought I would feel better being home, and I’m very glad to be with DH but I’m feeling so anxious and overwhelmed already. I’m so nervous of not knowing how to look after him and what he needs.

@Avocuddles yes the midwives left me so they didn’t see James getting upset and coming off and then not getting back on which was frustrating. He seems better with latching on although I have topped up a bit with formula, overnight and DH gave one when we came home. He’s still feeding from me as well which is good so hoping my milk comes in soon.

One thing though is twice now after he has fed from me and I’ve put him down in the crib, he then has a horrible coughing, spitting up session. He cries and cries, goes all tense and red and seems like he’s trying to cough up fluid. He brings up the formula so I’m wondering if he has reflux? Seems to be after he has fed from me though which is strange. Anyone else has similar? It’s so scary as it seems like he can’t breathe.

@Shefliesonherownwings we have that most nights and in the past couple of the weeks we've had her coughing and spluttering in her sleep too which is quite disconcerting! I think it probably is reflux, we give her infacol before her bedtime feed at the suggestion of the midwife though no idea if it actually helps. The main advice we've been given is to try to spend as much time as possible burping / keeping the baby upright before bed but that generally doesn't work that well - she hates being burped at the best of times and if she's sleepy it's even harder. I'm still anxious every time she makes those noises but beginning to accept that it probably is 'normal'. There's never any harm in mentioning your concerns to the health visitor or GP though!