Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 6

[Treaclepie19]

New thread!

@AnxiousLady1 @DressingGown87 thanks both. Any advice for before or after would be greatly appreciated

@footprintsintheslow I just went the response feeding route so perhaps that helped stimulate my milk production. Essentially any time he cried or gave a cue I got the boob out. Lots of skin to skin at home. I use shields 50% of time due to sensitivity but he hasn't struggled with them and they haven't impacted milk access( I see it in the shield). Because it's response feeding he tends to be on there quite a bit, more frequently but shorter feeds (starting to get little longer now). So I guess mentally prep yourself for doing little else but feed in first couple of weeks. That said, you need to plan to do nothing anyway to help with section recovery time. Take all the paracetamol and ibuprofen they recommend - it doesn't impact breast feeding.

@Whiffle77 have you got your date for section yet?
I was ready that the milk coming in is brought on my the birthing of the placenta so that reassured me.

How are you feeling having had time to come to terms with a section?

@AnxiousLady1 thanks for that I'm just worried about managing a toddler and breastfeeding. But I also feel fully determined and I don't feel bottle feeding is an option for me so I've got to have faith it will work.

In your recovery are you lying down or sitting up mostly?

Thanks @Shefliesonherownwings and @DressingGown87 too, its really reassuring to read all of these experiences!

Yes @footprintsintheslow its next Wednesday, so 25th! I cant really believe it, seems to all of a sudden be here after pregnancy lasting what has felt like hundreds of years!

I feel ok i think, I like the planned aspect of it, the certainty of when and what will happen etc. I think I would have been more surprised if they'd said try natural, as c section has been on the cards since around 12 weeks. Im disappointed not to do a natural birth, but generally focusing on the positives - of which there are a lot!

Like the others say, I intend to hibernate and do very little for a few weeks after anyway - so recovery and breastfeeding should be helped by that! Lockdown and the time of year will certainly help that

How are you feeling about it all? The fact the choice is made for you helped me as well to be honest, this is the only way to get them out safely so it is what it is!

@footprintsintheslow what really helped me with the recovery afterwards is my pain relief. Even if you “feel fine” I would advise just sticking to a schedule for the first week atleast. Everyday I wrote down on a notice board the times I had to take my medication through the day / night. I would make a “caddy” a bed and lounge one, tv remotes, bottle of water, sweets, pain relief, whatever you might need. So you can keep it close and don’t have to unnecessarily get up. I had a lot of cushions, which I used to prob me up in bed and on the sofa. I did a mixture of lying and sitting, but you do find getting up from a led down position to sitting quite hard, hence the pillows. Don’t push yourself, rest a lot. I wore a lot of loose fit clothing, high waisted underwear or maternity leggings, nighties for bed, anything that wouldn’t rub. As I couldn’t bend down, I raised everything up to my level. Even the play mat, bouncer chair, put plates and cups where I could access them, but this was mainly because I live alone. (2nd day my friend placed Paige in her bouncer chair on the floor, she fell asleep, my friend went home, 30minutes later she woke up crying and I realized I couldn’t bend down to get her so she was stuck) I also got a litter picker so I could pick thing like muslins off the floor when I dropped them. X

@footprintsintheslow I was mostly sitting in that I hung out on the couch more than the bed in that first week. I agree totally with what @Dressinggown87 says - keep on with the painkillers even if you might think you don't need them. I was more lax thinking I was fine but then would notice increase in bruising and was advised this was because I hadn't been taking any ibuprofen. So I stuck to taking them fairly consistently after that. I haven't taken anything in last couple of days so was taking pain meds for two weeks and gradually reducing these down in the last few days. Also, for me, it was the getting up and down from bed or a seated position on couch that was when I struggled. Walking around I was okay. But you do need to be very careful getting up from lying or seated position.

@DressingGown87 @AnxiousLady1 thank you so much. I'm taking this all in. I'm getting new pillows for Christmas now and my H will be in charge of the meds schedule.

Where did you sleep your babies in the early days? Ours will be have a normal cot next to the bed but to be honest the baby slept in with me most of the time.

@AnxiousLady1 how did you manage to feed at night? Did you lie down and feed to save you getting up?

@footprintsintheslow So I initially struggled to pick him up from his crib myself (More due to the bending over/trying to hoist myself up in the bed). We have a co sleeper cot next to my side. So for the first week my DH and I swapped sides of the bed and he slept next to the cot. Then every time he woke for a feed, he picked him up and placed him next to me in the bed and we fed lying side by side. This also meant DH was able to help with positioning if we struggled with initial latch. Once fully settled again DH placed him back in cot. Haven't fed lying down in the bed for over a week now. This is more due to my own fear of falling asleep. Just not sure how to manage this safely. And I found with the lying down feeding in bed it was very difficult to fight the urge to sleep.

Yes it's a worry about cot sleeping but the lullaby trust five good safe co sleeping advice. It's a very personal choice. I just find they don't settle well in their own cot. I've never read anything about the 4th trimester but people keep recommending it to me

Hi all
Just catching up on this thread.

@MOGMOGMOG85 hope you’re doing ok, it sounds really tough for you. Keep asking for feeding help but sleep is also important, missing one night won’t do any harm (will probably help as you’ll be less stressed). Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. Sending huge hugs xx

I cosleep with mine... I do a mix of lying down feeding and sitting up. After the section I would just edge up the bed and had several pillows if I wanted to sit up/recline feed. It wasn’t too bad. It is a personal choice though. I found the section quite brutal to recover from but by the end of week three felt mostly back to normal. Agree with the painkillers, and taking it as easy as possible. DS watched a fair amount of tv, loads of books/puzzles/sitting down activities. I found it hard but was still loads easier than my vaginal birth recovery!!

@tmc14 Interesting about the recovery being easier than for vaginal birth. I've heard this a few times!!

On the co sleeping- do you mind me asking how you set it up? Ie is bed against a wall? Where do you put pillows? Do you do anything to stop yourself rolling over? Is baby lying flat on the bed?

My little man will sleep in his cot but he has to be tired enough/in a deep enough sleep before moving him. So in day I let him sleep on me a while before moving him. At night that's almost impossible to do as I try leave him settle on me but not long enough as I find myself nodding off and panic.

@AnxiousLady1 i think it’s really dependent on the type of vaginal birth... mine was 3 days, episiotomy, 3rd degree tear, ventouse. It’s only after this birth I realise how bad it was and how much it affected me mentally & physically. So the planned section was much better. My friend who had to have a section For her second but had a home birth with her first probably wouldn’t agree!!

Co sleeping: we do have a next to me crib, so if she rolled she’d just end up in that. But that apparently is too far for her to be left atm. She is in a sleeping bag on her back with her head at boob level. I lie on my side around her, so my pillow isn’t anywhere near her. I don’t feel that I would ever roll towards her, but then I naturally have never slept on my front. I tuck my duvet round me at waist height so even if it came loose it wouldn’t be near her head. I don’t really drink either, I might have a small one but not closer than a couple of hours before bed. I think that’s it! It feels quite safe, & means I wake at the very first signs of hunger, which is good for me as I struggle with my supply so I feel it maximises feeding for us. With my son it meant he was quite slow at sleeping on his own/falling asleep on his own but we didn’t mind that. I do see why for others (and some partners), they have different views on how ‘independent’ the babies are with sleep.

I think we me are planning on H sleeping in toddlers room and me having the double bed just for me and the baby.

With my last child I didn't use pillows on the bed and just used to snuggle next to her. My head would be just below where a pillow would end and then move up myself to feed her whilst still lying down.

I did feel anxious but equally I wanted to rest and sleep and the baby wouldn't settle anywhere else.

How are things going @MOGMOGMOG85? Hope you get to go home with Errol soon.

Good luck for next week @Whiffle77!

@footprintsintheslow it sounds v nerve-wracking not knowing exactly whether it’s going to be a c-section or not. Waiting is the worst!

I’ve just started zoom antenatal classes and it’s good to be forced to think about all the stuff I’ve been refusing to think about for fear of jinxing things. If this is going to be my new friendship group I don’t want to put people off so should I hold back on sharing anything about my losses? They’re all so young and jolly about it all and I don’t want to come across as the wobbly mess that I really am. How did you guys handle antenatal classes?

Also, recognising that there may well be no choice about the matter in the end, but how do you choose between the delivery suite and the midwife-led unit? On the one hand I like the idea of having doctors on hand in case anything goes wrong. Plus I think I might need the full works on pain relief as I found some of my miscarriages so so painful and I know that’s not supposed to be nearly as painful as full on labour. But on the other hand, those delivery suite rooms are just like the ones at the EPU that have some horrible associations from previous MVAs so maybe midwife-led unit would be better from that perspective. I don’t know!

@FloDaffodil I'm not sure what you should do re antenatal classes. My experience is slightly different but when I had my late loss I just disappeared off the mumsnet 'due in March' thread. I wanted to say something but equally I felt like what's the point in scaring any of them as we were all so far along.
If I'd become closer friends with any of them then I would have said something. But it was just Internet strangers I guess.

Do you want to disclose to your antenatal people? Maybe see if you bond first and see them in real life?

@FloDaffodil it's a tricky one about antenatal classes! DH and I have just started these too. We did tell some people when one of the lessons had a break out room and one of the women asked if it was everyone's first pregnancy. DH and I were honest about our losses. I skipped last week's class because part of it was going to be some breakout sessions with a discussion of ways to give birth and I just didn't think I would be able to cope with lots of people who were discussing birth in a theoretical way, whereas I would just be thinking of giving birth to DD1 when she was stillborn. I don't think that I will disclose anything more broadly to the class, but I'm wondering if it might be helpful to tell the class teacher via e mail. Then she might be able to help out in terms of being clear about what's coming up in each lesson in case there are things in the lesson plan that might well be distressing etc.

I think if it had been up to me I would not have done the classes, and just buried my head in the sand, but DH really wanted to do them (he's right, really) because it's a way of participating in a local support network when we don't know if any baby groups etc will be open any time soon.

@Whiffle77 Have you had your section? Hope all is well xx

Hi everyone,

Sorry for being so awol, had a really tough first week or so.

C section went really well and i had a little baby boy, he is lovely. We stayed in for two nights and then were allowed home. He then got really poorly two days later and we were sent to a and e. Spent another few nights in hospital where DH wasn't allowed to see us, and little man was pumped full of antibiotics and tube fed.

We are finally home but he seems an awful lot better but I am completely overwhelmed by everything. Think my baby blues are hitting me hard, and he does his best sleeping during the day rather than at night so I am exhausted. Finding feeding really hard work too. But just pleased to be home

How is everyone else doing?

@Whiffle77 Glad to hear your baby boy is doing better and back home but sorry that you've had a bit if an ordeal to get there.

My son is super alert at night and all I can say is ( sounds cliche) sleep when they sleep. DH and I took turns napping in first couple weeks. Didn't manage it every day but was good when we did. Don't forget you are recovering from major surgery so your exhaustion is not just from lack of sleep. Its your body recovering + the workout you are getting whenever you breastfeed -which is constant. Drink loads of water. That's been my downfall. I forget my body is losing fluid with every feed and to hydrate accordingly.

Totally understand feeling overwhelmed. Been there and absolutely still get teary moments. You do adapt and it's easier when your body has recovered more also.

Thanks @AnxiousLady1, appreciate the kind words! Didnt get much napping in whilst at hospital as people were in and out all day, trying to get myself into it now i am back home though. DH wants to set up a bit if a schedule for nights as well so I can get a bit more kip.

Hes just been weighed and hasn't put enough on, so they want me to express for top ups as well as feeding more often - it already felt relentless! Ah well

Completely not looked after myself either with all the worry, trying to make a concerted effort to eat and drink a lot more than I was!! Its hard though, you almost forget you have had major surgery and need some TLC.

It is def reassuring to hear other people are finding it the same though. Hoping the next week is a bit easier than the last!!

@Whiffle77 I had to do the expressing and top ups too. It is relentless but if you can manage to throw yourself into it it will pay off. I only did it for 3 days as his weight then jumped up. I was advised to top up every 3 hours with 30ml and more if he would take it. Express after feeding but make sure you use lansinoh etc as I find the expressing tougher on my boobs than the feeding. After the 3 days I was told I could stop the expressing again. Now I do it once a day so I've milk in the fridge that DH can give him if I need a break ( ie want a shower etc!). Its a bit of a safety blanket.

Understand you will be exhausted from hospital. I honestly think one of points I was most overwhelmed was at hospital. Lack of sleep and eating I was a bit of a shell the day after the birth. So much so I jumped at chance to go home 23 hours after section. Couldn't bear thought of another night in there on the ward.

Thats what I'm hoping @AnxiousLady1, especially whilst DH is off work and can help, I may as well give it my all! A breastfeeding consultant is coming to see me too. My plan was to do the same eventually with expressing, so will hopefully carry on - safety blanket is def the right word!

Yes I was in two nights on the maternity ward, and managed about 2 hours sleep total - it was brutal. And doesnt set you up in the right frame of body and mind to recover and deal with a newborn! I got more sleep when we went back in as we had a private room, just so hard trying to do it all on your own.

Crazy that you have such a major op and then are expected to look after a newborn! Any other op of that size and you would be recovering for weeks.

@whiffle77 huge congratulations on your baby boy! I'm sorry that the first week has been so hard, must have been really tough for you. I'm simultaneously so happy for you that he's here and also sending you a big hug for the week you've had. Hoping things go more smoothly for you now xx

@Whiffle77 congratulations on the birth, you clever thing! How are things going now?

I always remember by first birth. As they wheeled me from the labour room I said to the midwife "will you bring the baby along to me later then" and she laughed, plonked the baby on me and said "oh no dear, she's yours now". I thought the babies went off to those 1950's style nurseries. I couldn't believe they expected me to look after a baby having just given birth!