Thread 2 for us classed as more mature pregnant ladies

[AliasGrape]

Hi everyone.
I noticed our thread was about to fill up, so thought I’d start a new one quick. Hope that’s not too presumptuous of me and have to say thank you to @Sheera1 for starting the thread.

As the title says it’s a discussion thread for any pregnant women who are classed as that bit older for a mum to be.

Copying our list over so we can keep up. If you would like to join please copy and paste the list, adding your own details in date order.

Really hope I’m doing this right! 🙈

@Liveforholidays 40. Due 01/06/20 - Baby boy born 4th June 💙
@Ethellsmum 38. Due July DC5
@fool11 45, due July, DC2
@PregnantPorcupine, 38, due 29/07/20 DC1
@AliasGrape 40 Due 30/07/20 DC1
@stairgates Age 43 Due 5/08/20 DC12
@Dufferedup 42. Due Sep DC3
@Realladymarmalade Age? Due:29/08/20 DC (darling child)?
@Ferrylass 45. Due Oct? DC2
@3isthemagicnumber3 40. Due 16/10/20 DC3
@Brightonmaman 41. Due 19 Oct DC2
@LittleMiss7 38. Due 20/10/20 DC1&2.. TWINS!
@crispaddict99 40. Due 9/11/20 DC1
@Sheera1 41. Due 20/11/20 ds10
@onlyreadingneverposting8 44. Due 24/11/20 DC (darling child)?
@Frazzlerock age 41. Due 26/11/20 DC3 - 7th pregnancy
@EveningReflection 38. Due 04/12/2020 DC1
@MariaDingbat 40. Due 07/12/20 & FTM dc3
@AuntLucy 44. Due Dec
@passthemustard Age? Due Dec DC5
@sunlight81 Age? Due Dec DC2 & 3 TWINS!
@countingblessings 40 Due 19/12/20 DC2
@LJEva 42. Due 25/12/20 DC2
@Shroppy 38 Due 31/12/20 DC1
@Kiffers 42, due 01.01.21 - first child
@Liese27 38 Due 9/01/21 DC2
@footprintsintheslow 40 Due 10/01/21 dC3
@pinklillie 39. Due Jan DC1
@sk283 40. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@Antihop 42. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@mlctobe 41. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@Dia1212 40. Due 21/01/21 DC1
@Mummymilla Age? Due 24/01/21 DC3
@Viennoise 38. Due 26/01/21
@Louscarlet 39 due 30/01/21 DC1
@Celibacydidntwork 46 Due 31/1/21 DC3

@Dia12 sorry to hear you need the NIPT. I got a high risk for DS (1:27) so had it. The wait is horrible but here’s hoping you get good news. It’s a less reliable test for E/P’s (false positives are possible) so even if it comes back high risk for those, a CVS or amnio might give you a clear result. Keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you

@Dia12 that midwife sounds horrific. I am sorry you're going through such a worrying time. All the waiting and wondering is horrid so I can understand the anxiety xx

@Sheera1 Mine's at 2pm. I'm meeting with my LLL BFing consultant at 1:30. She's been utterly amazing so I'm looking forward to meeting her.
No kicks for me since that one so god knows where the hell this baby keeps hiding . I guess I will find out on Friday. and yes I am also quietly freaking out that they've missed things on the hundreds of other scans I've had.
Ah! Right on cue, the little scamp just kicked me! I think this one is on a constant wind up...

Oooh heartburn. Doesn't legend say that if you get heartburn you have a baby with lots of hair? Not sure how much or a legend that is/how true

DP and I are freaking out about FT childcare again. It's like we forget, then we realise again. We were reminded as finally got an email back after I enquired about nursery costs weeks ago as I wanted to compare nursery/childminder.
It's pretty much the same and we would much prefer a childminder as we know our local one really well and prefer the 'home from home' environment. But how the hell does anyone find an extra £1500 per month!? I'm more burying my head in the sand, but DP really stresses about everything and isn't the type to 'cross that bridge when we get to it'.

Are there any other FT working parents here? I mean FT working out of the house? What are your plans?
I do tend to WFH one day a week but I don't know if my work will let me choose a specific WFH day. They're pretty shitty when it comes to returning back after mat leave. Nearly everyone I know who's gone on Mat leave has either not returned or they've left after a few months after returning. They refuse to let anyone work PT and are just generally not the best at making our lives easier.
Saying that, I do wonder if this lockdown has made them realise that WFH bears no ill effect on their profits so maybe they will be more accommodating [fingers crossed]

Hi just joining on this thread and adding myself back into the list as I seem to have been removed.

@Liveforholidays 40. Due 01/06/20 - Baby boy born 4th June 💙
@Ethellsmum 38. Due July DC5
@fool11 45, due July, DC2
@PregnantPorcupine, 38, due 29/07/20 DC1
@AliasGrape 40 Due 30/07/20 DC1
@stairgates Age 43 Due 5/08/20 DC12
@Dufferedup 42. Due Sep DC3
@Realladymarmalade Age? Due:29/08/20 DC (darling child)?
@Ferrylass 45. Due Oct? DC2
@3isthemagicnumber3 40. Due 16/10/20 DC3
@WhatWouldPennyDo Due 17/10/20 DC1
@Brightonmaman 41. Due 19 Oct DC2
@LittleMiss7 38. Due 20/10/20 DC1&2.. TWINS!
@crispaddict99 40. Due 9/11/20 DC1
@NaomiB70 40. Due 13/11/29 DC1
@Sheera1 41. Due 20/11/20 ds10
@onlyreadingneverposting8 44. Due 24/11/20 DC (darling child)?
@Frazzlerock age 41. Due 26/11/20 DC3 - 7th pregnancy
@EveningReflection 38. Due 04/12/2020 DC1
@MariaDingbat 40. Due 07/12/20 & FTM dc3
@AuntLucy 44. Due Dec
@passthemustard Age? Due Dec DC5
@sunlight81 Age? Due Dec DC2 & 3 TWINS!
@countingblessings 40 Due 19/12/20 DC2
@LJEva 42. Due 25/12/20 DC2
@Shroppy 38 Due 31/12/20 DC1
@Kiffers 42, due 01.01.21 - first child
@Liese27 38 Due 9/01/21 DC2
@footprintsintheslow 40 Due 10/01/21 dC3
@pinklillie 39. Due Jan DC1
@sk283 40. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@Antihop 42. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@mlctobe 41. Due 21/01/21 DC2
@Dia1212 40. Due 21/01/21 DC1
@Mummymilla Age? Due 24/01/21 DC3
@Viennoise 38. Due 26/01/21
@Louscarlet 39 due 30/01/21 DC1
@Celibacydidntwork* 46 Due 31/1/21 DC3

Sorry you fell off the list @NaomiB79. Not sure why this keeps happening! Hope you're well.

@Frazzlerock - normally we’re both FT out of the house, with a day a week WFH. Both have a long commute to the City. COVID has changed things for us though. I expect that we’ll both do 2 or 3 days a week from home once I finish maternity leave (and husband his shared parental leave). Might look at compressed hours potentially but suspect we’ll probably stay full time (I’m keener on this than my husband!) with nursery 5 days a week.

If we were to have a second (highly unlikely given how long it took for me to fall pregnant with this one), I think a nanny would be more cost effective.

How flexible will your workplace be on WFH? What’s your commute like? Any chance for your partner to be the one to take the hit rather than you? Is a nanny share an option or a nursery/childminder closer to your place of work? Just trying to think of some other options.

Glad people are finding us again!

I’ve just spotted @Clarkel1 is not on the list - hope she finds her way to us! If you do Clarkel let us know how the pain is.

@Dia12 Im so sorry about your experience with the midwife, that’s the last thing you need. Everything crossed for you for the NIPT.

I had my final growth scan today. Had a student midwife who struggled to get the measurements which was fine, the other sonographer took over and got everything straight away. When I got my notes handed back they were emblazoned with ‘advanced maternal age’ and ‘technically difficult scan due to high maternal BMI’ which made me feel like shit. Very hormonal and oversensistive. My bmi was 30 at booking, not ideal but it’s not caused a single issue with scans or anything so far, I was really patient with the student in the scan even though it meant lying in various uncomfortable positions which was really hurting my back and hips, and then I just felt picked on! I know I’m just being daft.

Anyway, then saw the consultant - a different one again but by far the nicest so far. She said the baby’s growth has slowed slightly, no huge concern but could be a sign the placenta isn’t being as effective as it could, which is the thing they worry about with older mums and why they’re quite keen on induction. She was keen to book my in for an induction at 39 weeks, we talked about it and weighed it up and have ended up booking in for 39+5.

I feel deflated, I was very keen to avoid induction and to give birth in the MLU rather than in the ward. But weighing everything up and using the BRAINS framework from the positive birth book I feel like this is probably the right call. She was lovely and said she didn’t want me to feel railroaded and to call back and ask for another appointment to talk it all through if I had more questions or changed my mind.

She also told me to phone my midwife for a sweep at 38 weeks. I assumed she meant community midwife I generally see at my own doctors surgery but I’ve phoned them
and they gave me a different number, then that place gave me somewhere else to call and I’ve left a message with the 3rd place but no idea if I’ve got to the right people. We’ll see.

@WhatWouldPennyDo thank you for your suggestions. I don't know how flexible my work will be now. I suspect they may be more accommodating since we've all been WFH for several months now and the company is still doing well regardless. But I can't be sure.
We both work in London and commute from Kent so its a fairly long commute. I haven't looked at Nanny share, I think I would be nervous about being someone's employer as there is so much to be responsible for, even if I was only half an employer (if that's how it works). DP earns a lot more than me, but we rely on both incomes and he works all hours as it is so it's not like he can take more hours. Ahh I don't know. I had considered a childminder or nursery closer to work but not really followed it up so thank you for the reminder. Perhaps that needs a rethink.
We'd so love our baby to go to our childminder friend though. She's so good at what she does and really loves the children she minds. Plus we'd really love for baby to be around our lovely village and town daily. But I realise this is all an ideal world and finances will have to come first.

@AliasGrape ahh how are people dropping off the list? So weird!

Sounds like a productive appointment! Sorry you're having to go for the induction. I understand the deflation - I so wanted to have DS2 in a pool and had imagined this wonderful natural birth! But he was breach so I ended up with an ELCS. I'm sure they wouldn't do it unless they felt it was necessary. I've also been told that growth could be a problem so will be having growth scans and they will do an ELCS early if they need to but, as it stands, I will be having the section at 39 weeks.
Sorry you're feeling picked on. It's a kick in the balls when they speak about our age isn't it. It's not like we're ancient FFS! Women have babies in their 50's these days. Having said that, I never expected to be pregnant at 41. I thought our first lost baby would be my last at 36 TBH. It just took bloody ages and several more losses to get to this point. I think that is something the younger judgemental ones don't understand. Try not to let it bother you too much x

Hope your NIPT will come back as low risk @Dia12..i know how stressful this waiting for results can be..i was lucky i was busy working whilst waiting for my harmony results so had not time really thing about it till i got an email with the results..sorry to hear about the midwife..unfortunately many of them are not nice, and i think since Covid it's a bit worse.. my consultant is not very nice and midwife is useless..

Thank you everyone for your kind words 💐 it really makes me feel a bit better about things.

Is this your 10th baby @Sheera1? Did I read that right? Superwoman! I'm surprised Scotland are behind on offering NIPT, usually I've found care to better there.

I've also heard of heartburn being caused by a hairy baby......

Well done on getting through your final growth scan and glad to hear your baby is doing well. It's totally shitty constantly hearing about your age and bmi of 30 isn't even high enough to make a song and dance about. Sounds like you're being guided well by your consultant. I'm sure once the little one is here, healthy and safe, it will be so worth it.

I'm having my sweep next week @AliasGrape, arranged via hospital - antenatal care, same place where i had my scans, there is a midwife who does sweeps all the time, had one with her 5y ago with my dd, which worked..hopefully it will work again..i'm really scared of induction..at 45 i'm a geriatric mother, heard people talking so many times about my age..it's not nice to be reminded all the time..

@Frazzlerock i work full time and will have to go back FT after maternity, my bosses are not flexible at all, you either work FT or you can go..don't want to even think about the childcare, nursery is £95 a day, can't afford to have little one there full time, we tried a childminder but had a really bad experience, last time my hubby had to stop working for a while so could look after the little one on the days she wasn't in the nursery. I think i need to buy a lottery ticket and hope that i win.. otherwise not sure what we will do..just thinking about it stresses me out..

@Frazzlerock could an au pair be an option to help with childcare costs? It's not for everyone and would depend on you having a spare room but I have a few friends who have had au pairs over the years who really couldn't have juggled everything without them.

@Dia12 OMG lol. Goodness no. 10 can you imagine. Is there not someone on here with 8? I have one son who is 10 😀. That would be superwoman indeed.

@aliasgrape BMI is hardly even overweight. I think mine is about 50 and they had no problem even at EPU scan at 8 weeks. Lod of pure bollocks if you ask me. Sorry about the induction. Maybe wee one will come sprinting out after the sweep?

@Frazzlerock and others about work not being flexible. That is sl shit in this day and age. I am lucky my work is all for dynamic working and flexible working. Childcare is so bloody expensive. That being said, there is a job I have wanted for ages which I needed the guy to move on from. He has timed it that he is moving on just as I am going on may leave. I could cry. I don't think they would want someone to do that role part time though and between this one and ds to be home educated I have to compress 4 to 3 and drop 2 days to make it workable. They won't come out and say that of course but someone else will "score better" than me even though I am the ideal candidate (if I was not pregnant). That was one reason for my initial cry and freak out as career progression is gone for the next few years. This baby is more important though! It sucks to be female at times. Things haven't moved on in equality as much as these companies like to say they do. Yes they hire female directors but only ones without children!

@Sheera1 @Frazzlerock
So just had a private anomaly scan so that my husband could come - I was getting beyond too anxious to go alone - having nightmares etc! All is good! Baby is definitely a girl. Relieved beyond belief!! I may actually tell some people now! Other than you lovely lot!!! Still going to my NHS one of course - they've changed the time twice so far - still on Friday but now at 8:45am.

@AliasGrape I know it's not what you wanted by my last pregnancy was induced and it was by far the better of the two births. They broke my waters, I sat and crocheted for a few hours (my choice to wait) then went on the drip for a few hours and she shot out. Just want to reiterate that it's not all bad. If all births were like that I'd be happy.

Re: induction, I asked if was going to have to be induced because of my "advanced maternal age". The midwife wasn't sure so went and checked for me and said according to the NICE guidelines (so same for England and Wales not sure about Scotland) that induction was done on a case by case basis based on the other circumstances.

@Frazzlerock it is shit when they bang on about age! I didn’t like the implication that the scan was difficult because I’m a fatty too - it was difficult because the midwife was training and wasn’t able to find the measurements- as soon as she gave up
and the qualified one took over she found everything within minutes. No issue with a trainee at all, just didn’t like being blamed. But I know I’m being ridiculous really.

Like you I didn’t expect to be having my baby at 40, we started trying at 36 (and had been winging it a bit before then) it just took a very long time. I didn’t have losses to contend with like you though, I thought I was just incapable of getting pregnant at all. Even harder for you to contend with that 💕

Thanks for getting it on feeling deflated! I’m sorry you didn’t get the pool you wanted first time. My new focus/ affirmation is to be ok with WHATEVER turn this birth takes.

I hope you get to use the childminder you want!

@footprintsintheslow thanks for reassurance on inductions - hoping for an equally positive experience!

@fool11 Hope the sweep works out for you! That’s positive that it worked well last time. I know what you mean about people banging on about age, it does get rather waring! My consultant today was saying ‘you’re not actually old’ whilst still telling me about how my age was why they were worried about the placenta. I just imagined it crumbling to dust on my 40th birthday

@onlyreadingneverposting8 that is fab on the scan. Eeee excitement for a wee girl. 8.45am for a scan is brutal!

I have had headaches everyday for about a week and been feeling nauseous again as mentioned on the other thread. Didn't think anything of it. Was thinking hormones. But someone at work said that wasn't good so I googled it and am now freaking out about pre-eclampsia. I always thought it was something near the end of pregnancy but apparently can be from 20 weeks. Didn't really know much about it. I am going to call the midwife tomorrow and see if they can do some tests to check. It is like a constant headache and doesn't go away with paracetamol. I have felt dizzy and lightheaded but was chocking it up to just par for the course and work being wyite stressful the last two weeks. No swelling or anything but will get checked out. I am 20 weeks. X

Hahahahaaar @Sheera1 - sorry! Don't even want to imagine time spent in pregnancy for that many kids! There's that woman who's had like 22 in England somewhere! 🤪

Could your headache be related to low blood pressure?

Congrats on your baby girl 🎀 and a clear anomaly scan @onlyreadingneverposting8! Wonderful news.

No clue @Dia12. I was just taking the aches and pains and tiredness and yuck as part of the wonder of pregnancy. Will definitely call tomorrow. Don't really know anything about it other than your feet swell and that isn't happening. Fingers crossed all is ok as it will be a long, long pregnancy if so. I already do most of the things on the list like sleeping on left side, don't add salt or eat salty foods, drink lots of water, limit caffeine etc. Could just be stressful work and sitting in front of a screen all day. Xx

@Sheera1 sorry to hear you're suffering! I had a horrid week of headaches last week but mine did go with paracetamol. Most likely absolutely just stress and stomach being pressed upwards causing the nausea but defo get checked!! I also read about the pre eclampsia risk esp as I had it with my first and was really sick with her...but I only got it at 38 weeks and I was sick all the way through with one of my others and didn't have any problems with my blood pressure!! Are you on aspirin - sorry I can't remember? Aspirin is given as shown to help prevent pre eclampsia.

Thanks @Dia12 - sorry to hear you're having a worrying time 🤞🏼🤞🏼 that you're NIPT back comes back absolutely fine. Remember even your high risk was less than 1% risk of having an actually affected baby.

Morning all - sorry I lost the thread there for a while! I am massively behind now..

@fool11 I didn't realise we have the same EDD hope your sweep works 🤞

@AliasGrape sorry to hear that it looks like your birth plan will be changing.. Good that the consultant actually listened and explained though.. It does make such a difference (and the other way when they are arses like that sonographer!). The RCOG article was interesting, especially clicking through to the actual study. I can see now why they do recommend inductions for older women. Your affirmation sounds like a good one. I went through the affirmations from my hypnobirthing course yesterday and edited them to make them sound less wanky 😂

@Dia12 sorry to hear you need the NIPT - lots of good luck and calming thoughts - there is a very very good chance that all is OK xx

I'd write a longer post but my annoying boss had scheduled a zoom meeting for 8am (WTAF?!) So I should probably go and get dressed..

@Clarkel1 I've been reading a 'day by day' preg book and today's talks about fibroids. I thought of you and wanted to share what it says (pic attached) Not sure if it tells you anything you didn't already know?

@Sheera1 pregnancy is so full of worries isn't it. Just as you think you've got control over it and can look forward to things, something else floors you! I hope it's nothing sinister and just pregnancy woes x

@Dia12 how are you doing today?

@fool11 sorry you had a bad experience with a childminder. I was one for a few years when I had the DC (I was a nanny before that) and I met some great ones and some not so good, but mostly they were all excellent at their job. Ofsted makes it impossible though which is why I packed it in and went for a city job. I wouldn't let your experience stop you from using one again.
Re your work, presumably you're WFH FT at the moment? Do you think they will be more flexible now they are used to people WFH? It is incredibly stressful thinking about it, I agree.

@NaomiB79 An Au Pair would be lovely but we don't have another room, plus I don't think they can legally work more than a handful of hours per day as they're essentially in the UK for education.

I looked up nanny shares and it looks hard work trying to find a family to share with and I don't think it will be much less than a childminder, plus you have to pay half their tax/NI/pension etc.

@AliasGrape I've been through looooong periods between pregnancies where i never thought it would happen so I know it is exceptionally hard when it isn't happening at all. The feeling when it finally happens is second to none! You must have been overjoyed when it finally happened for you!
My boys took several years to conceive. Then the last four little ones were a mix of taking a fairly long time (last one took over a year) and happening quicker than expected (this one). Our bodies like to keep us on our toes I think.

Thank you guys @Frazzlerock @PregnantPorcupine @onlyreadingneverposting8. I'm taking the advice on board and hold tight to fact that's it's still low chance and that I'll leave the worrying till after NIPT results.

I do feel better today, thank for asking @Frazzlerock. I had a massive sob with my mum on the phone yesterday and it's got some of my built up emotion out of my system. Also realised DH was really down (and kept apologising for being upset) and so I knew needed to just pull it together and conjure some false bravado to lift his spirits.

You made me giggle @PregnantPorcupine with the "less wanky affirmations"!!! I find hypnobirthing interesting, do you get an idea if it's working or will work before the delivery?