Due August 2020 Thread 2

[cannotmakemymindup]

Hello ladies new thread here for all of us been chatting on thread 1 due in August with our babies!

I hope nobody minds me putting my frustration here, I dont think anyone else would get why it set me off so much.

I was just messaging with a friend, chatting about whatever. She asks how the pregnancy is going, I gave her an update but made a comment about how my back has been hurting all day and I'm really sick of it. Her response is, I kid you not, "are you sure you want to be a mother? You don't seem to appreciate him very much"

I don't have words for how angry I am and I'm sure hormones aren't helping but still...is it just me or is that just so, so over the line? I'm shaking and just...ugh

No @Camia I totally understand your frustration with your friend. Pregnancy is hard often and it's okay to admit that doesn't mean we don't want our babies or love them less just frustrated at the toll it takes on our body.

Maybe your friend has found it hard or impossible to conceive so cannot understand the frustration and thinks you're lucky to even be pregnant. Or maybe she's one of those who never had any trouble in her pregnancy nor birth so is rather lacking in empathy?

@cannotmakemymindup ooh that's good to know, I will have a look tomorrow see if it'll work. It's a right pain in the arse believe me. Was worse when I was veggie 😂 thinking of 2 meals a day is hard enough for one person never mind two, though hopefully it's good prep for when baby starts eating solids.

@camia what, for real? I'd be absolutely fuming. That's a completely uncalled for thing to say to anyone especially a friend. Say that to the wrong person and it could throw their mental health over the line. I just, wow!

@Camia it wasn't a very nice thing to say, unnecessary and unthoughtful - if a little strange. I agree with @cannotmakemymindup possibly an underlying issue. Doesn't make it better for you though, I'd probably give them a bit of a wide birth!

I'm struggling with everyone telling me how awful the first few weeks/months are going to be. I feel a bit overwhelmed by all the negativity! I already feel pressured and stressed about sleeping and feeding!

@JMill13 cool. I've just pm you codes. But no pressure. Literally only use of it'll be worth it for you. And Yes I can imagine you veggie and him not. Guess it's true opposites attract!

@Camia that seems like such a strange thing to say! I suffered an ectopic pregnancy just before my best friend fell pregnant & remember her complaining about feeling exhausted or sick & thinking how lucky she was to have that feeling, but I would never dare of said it to her! Maybe your friend is going through her own suffering but it doesn’t mean it’s ok to make you feel like that💗 nowadays I have more empathy for my friend as being pregnant is HARD!!! & no matter how much you love & appreciate this baby, you are allowed to have a moan & a gripe about the physical hardships of pregnancy

@cannotmakemymindup. Oh fab, thank you 😊

Ladies can I just ask your opinion....

My mum is a Nurse in the Endoscopy Unit at a local hospital. She is required to use full PPE when treating patients due to risks of catching Covid.

I’ve seen her once in the last 3 months on my birthday and that was outside.
She told me today that she wants to come to see me tomorrow so we can look at prams at a retail park 40 mins away. My OH would have to pick her up from the train station and then we would all travel by car there.
I’m really not comfortable with the idea and feel really anxious. I feel like I’ve been railroaded into agreeing and my mum is being really flippant about the potential risks. When I tried to broach it with her tonight she said “are you going to be in isolation forever?”
Am I being over dramatic? Have you seen your parents in person? X

@Flutterbunny my mum is a carer and yes I've seen her, but only with 2m social distancing outside. There's no way I'd get into the car with her and I won't go into her house, I'll just sit in the garden at a distancing of 2m. My mum too also seems quite flippant about the whole thing seeing as she works in an area of risk like your mum. I have told her we are effectively shielding and she just rolls her eyes and thinks I'm being ridiculous.

We are having the dilemma about what to do when little one arrives and whether to let my mum hold them- I don't really feel comfortable with it due to her high risk job but her words were 'you think I'm not going to hold my first grandchild that I've been waiting this long for?!' She even made a comment when we said on return from hospital we want no visitors at all for 7 days a) so we don't put anyone at risk having been in hospital b) so that we can figure out how to keep her alive ourselves without other people trying to 'help' by taking over and telling us how best to do things and c) allow her to build up a little immune system. My OH parents have been working from home and not really going out and even then we said we would only allow her to be held with a face mask and gloves after a week or so.

It's so hard because they're your mum but equally I guess we are going to be mamas now too and have to do what's right for our babies, so if you feel uncomfortable you have to say. Could you possibly get OH to pick her up and have her sit in the back of the car (OH to wear a face mask) and then you make your own way there and meet them in the car park? You can then wear your own mask and use the excuse of wanting to wear it in the shop, whilst also maintaining the 2m social distance?

@flutterbunny we haven't seen anyone at all, and will continue to see nobody. I'm a nurse and shielding, there is absolutely NO chance I would be having contact with a key worker who is face to face with covid, 100% not worth the risk. I'm also not going to shops even, and I'm keeping my older children home from school, even if the government do permit them to return which it doesn't look like they will now anyway.

If you don't feel comfortable with it, stand up for yourself. You legally are not allowed to do what she has asked of you anyway, so you are not overreacting, and are justified in refusing.

@camia

Bloody hell, I'm on my fourth baby and pregnancy is HARD! Really, really hard!

That was a completely ignorant and ridiculous thing for her to say. I would guess its from a place of personal loss and jealousy... But that's really no excuse. Did you reply? I would tell her that's a stupid and judgemental thing to say, pregnancy is really bloody hard, which we go through BECAUSE we want out baby so much!

What a friend! I'm sorry x

@worriedbutterfly

Sorry this is my third post together, I just didn't want to read and run!

Bless your heart, I'm sorry you've been told so much negativity! It really can differ so much, but I personally wouldn't call those first few months awful! I have only ever breastfed, which was sore at first but I soon adapted and found it to be wonderful and very easy in the end. The sleep deprivation can be hard if you are someone who needs your sleep, but you just have to get into a routine of resting during the day and having early night's, with lower expectations of a spotless house etc, particularly when it's a first baby and you have that luxury. It's honestly wonderful, the newborn baby cuddles and this little person snuggling up to you for comfort. Please don't feel overwhelmed by the idea of it! We'll all be here for advice, and all in the same boat of that newborn bubble. I cant wait!x

I wrote a long reply and lost it, let's try again!

In addition to the other freezer suggestions - moussaka, curry's - dal is good easy to scale to large portions, mushroom stroganoff type things, basic ragout that can be turned quickly into a chilli /shephards pie/spag bol.
Chopped fruit and frozen bags of fruit - apple crumble can be quickly whipped up from the freezer and is one of our favourite comfort puds!
Cook from frozen options - veggie sausages, sausage rolls, lentil burgers etc.
Feta and halloumi cheese have long best before dates (~6 months) and are good to have in the fridge to bring some life into mundane pasta dishes.
Jack Monroe has some super quick and easy recipes - we like her putensca, roast cabbage and feta, roast celeriac pasta dishes. There is also the old faithful undergrad dish of pesto pasta (add bacon/paprika and some frozen veg for a bit of variety)

@Camia I'm sorry your friend said that. Pregnancy is tough and completely unconnected from wanting the end result. In my first trimester a friend said he found it sad when women don't enjoy the wonders of pregnancy. He quite quickly got given a list symptoms that were currently making me feel rotten and he never mentioned it again.

@Flutterbunny we are currently not seeing anyone socially. We saw my sister briefly when she had to pick something up from us. My dad is working and my mum is a carer for my grandparents. I can't risk exposing them or getting exposed. I was half thinking about having my dad over for drink from a distance on father's day but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm going by gut instinct because I have nothing better to go on. Everything from covid to pregnancy is new. I don't feel like I have enough information to make informed decisions so I'm going with a cautious approach.
What would you prefer to do today?

@flutterbunny I have been seeing both sets of our parents throughout this, well after the first couple of months not at the beginning but only because my mum was shielding and lives at the end of our street so I was able to her from the street, my dad's retired and not working so would walk round to see us and stand at the end of our path, now he comes and takes our pup for a walk as I'm not able to do massive walks anymore at the minute and OH's parents where both off work staying home, the only places either my dad or OH's parents have been going is Tesco but OH has been going there anyway so to me the risk was the same and worth it but even then I wouldn't be getting in the car or anything with any of them. We've been staying outside in the garden away from each other, I have been in their house to pee but it's a downstairs toilet by the garden so wasn't traipsing through the house and I didn't touch anything other than the flush and taps. But, if your mum is a front line key worker I personally wouldn't. Is there no way around the car part? Could your mum not meet you at the shop and then keep your distance with masks/gloves on?

@superscientist ooh these all sound wonderful, Halloumi is my absolute favourite. Thank you for suggestions 😊

@Camia that’s awful I do hope there is something underlying for her that caused her reaction.
@WorriedButterfly some things you may take some time to adjust when baby is here, I know I did but every stage is temporary, the wonderfully amazing and the bad. I found pregnancy much harder than having a baby last time. You will be a wonderful mum.
We haven’t seen people yet but Saturday I’m going to, I’m so happy! We are going to see my sister, her husband and niece. The infection rate is now low here, so I’m doing it before I lose my mind and go completely crazy. I will be locking down completely from 2 weeks before just to decrease any risks further as I would like DH to be able to come to the birth.

@Flutterbunny I haven't seen mine or DH parents either as his mum works in a supermarket and mine will probably be back to working in a shop soon.

However we should be having my mum to stay to help look after the house and my daughter but not until two weeks after the birth giving her long enough to isolate to remove any potential of risk to me or baby. We're also locking down two weeks before babies due. I haven't seen any friends for social visits mainly as I want it to be fair to my daughter to. She'd end up hugging her friends and I can't risk it. So we're not meeting up with anyone.

@WorriedButterfly I don't remember the first few months being horrific with my daughter. I know the lack of sleep was tricky at first but I also remember great moments where I would be feeding her and the sun would be coming up. I saw some lovely sun rises. I also remember having silly amounts of energy after she was born, I think it was hormones, I would feed her put her down in cot and then put a wash on in the middle of the night. I don't even know how I did it! Plus all the baby hugs, snuggles are the best. I definitely spent the first couple of weeks feeling a little overwhelmed but again any big change does that. New job, new house etc tend to feel really big at first then you get on with it, learn to enjoy it.

@Camia that is out of order for your friend to say that - I would be feeling pretty cross about it too! Big difference between saying that and saying something like 'oh well, it will all be worth it when baby is here' or similar. I get pretty grumpy at my husband who always says 'well you wanted to have a baby' if I so much as moan about a pregnancy ailment so I can only imagine how fuming I'd be if it was a friend who said that!

@Flutterbunny It's a really hard decision isn't it. My dad is coming over for the day on Saturday, however I have been staying at home apart from daily walks, as has he so the risk there is really low. The biggest risk to both of us is my husband, who is still commuting in and out of London. However husband will be at work, I will have thoroughly cleaned the house and we are planning on staying in the garden pretty much all day. I also pointed this out to my dad so he can make his own decision. Will repeat for my mum the following week, she has been out slightly more to the supermarket but has always worn a mask and has been obsessive about washing her hands, using anti bac etc.

Really hard to know what to do about when baby is here - under normal circumstances they'd have been here immediately, to visit in the hospital. I may say to them that we will shield for the first two weeks, as we will potentially have been exposed at the hospital and it also give us time to get our heads around how to keep a small person happy and healthy and then say they can come over after that, provided they/we are all symptomless. I really cannot imagine saying they cannot have cuddles as I know it would absolutely break their hearts, so I may have to spray them with anti-bac, get them to wear a mask and wash their hands before holding her.

I am planning to batch cook but not sure when I will have time as I work full time, have two kids, and am working till 39 weeks 🙈after my second was born we had batch cooked vege chilli and bolognaise, and got a bunch of COOK meals in, they are really nice and all frozen. Probably will go to m&s and pick up some posh ready meals as well.

@flutterbunny my mother in law is a health visitor and now doing face to face visits, we've seen her once (last week) but only in our garden and observing social distancing. Personally I am not that concerned about/paranoid about catching covid, at my age (34) and with my health pre pregnancy (no underlying conditions, healthy weight and regular exercise) I don't think I'm high risk, as despite pregnant women being advised to isolate, rates of complications of covid between pregnant and non pregnant women are the same, and its generally down to pre existing conditions. However even though I am not worried about getting it, I have two children and we are being quite clear with them on what the rules are regarding covid-19 and social distancing and it would be confusing/not ok to say its ok to cheat on the rules a bit, and my eldest is going back to school next week so don't want to increase potential exposure anyway. My mum lives 80 miles away and we have vetoed her coming to see us as she has been ignoring lockdown quite a bit and it annoys me how un seriously she takes it, and I know she wouldn't be able to socially distance from the kids. I have no idea what we will do after baby is born, my mum seems to think she will just be able to come visit straight away and I am less happy about my newborn potentially being exposed, but she is very overbearing 😔

DH's parents are 1.5 hours away, and my dad is 6 hours drive. So we haven't seen any of them since before lockdown! I'm not sure what will happen after the birth - I guess it depends on the rules around travel/household mixing by then, as they can't exactly pop around for a garden visit.

@NamiSwan hey I remember you form our other thread!! How have you been doing?

34 weeks today, got up, washed, dressed, actually did my hair (which are all hard to do right not as I’m absolutely huge and to be honest struggle too be properly these days with my back pain and the pressure of the baby on my bladder etc) got in the car and got half way to my 34 week midwife appointment, when she calls me and says “morning, you don’t need to come in you were seen at the hospital a few days ago I’ll see you for your 36 week app”

😡😡😡😡😡 I COULD OF STAYED ON THE COUCH

I don’t know why but it infuriated me the way she called 10 mins before my appointment knowing full well I live 30 mins away in the car. I don’t know wether that’s just me being overly hormonal though but it’s genuinely hard leaving the house a) with the covid situation and b) just the effort of walking out the door!! 😂

I’ve also got this really strange sharp like pain in my right side, but literally at the very very side it’s not really painful just more uncomfortable, anybody else?!

So apart from all the moaning...
How’s everybody doing today? ❤️
(You would really think I hate being pregnant...)

@firstmummytobe oh I'd be fuming. You should be told at least the day before if an appointment is cancelled. Going to that effort to be told to stay home 10 minutes before is ridiculous.

Not sure about the pain but could be baby lying in a weird position or something, have you tired some stretches to see if it lifts?

@JMill13 I’ve just been on my gym ball for 45 mins and it’s relived the uncomfortable pain massively! Maybe baby just moved position a little bit 🙈

I would be annoyed by that too!

I'm glad the pain has gone. I'm getting some pain when baby spends a prolonged time pushing against my stomach muscles. Lying on the opposite side to the pain or having a wiggle on my exercise ball helps.

I'm feeling pretty rotten. I felt really good on Tuesday and thought I had turned a corner but since I have had awful nausea again.

@firstmummytobe those exercise balls are a god send, spent about an hour on mine yesterday cause baby sitting in the oddest position and I was so uncomfortable. Might be that time of day again now, feel like the top of my bump the bottom of ribs is being pushed out 🙄

@superscientist oh no! Sorry to hear nausea is back, is there anything that helps relieve it at all?

Did anyone order anything from Baby planet the weekend of the baby show in May?

@JMill13 you have just hit the nail on the head, I feel like the top of my bump is about to burst through my ribs it’s such a horrible feeling 😂😩🙈