Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4

[Avocuddles]

Thread 4 already! New members very welcome to our friendly and supportive team.

Latest roll call....

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

@footprintsintheslow @Shefliesonherownwings have you checked for numbers in the front of your maternity notes? My midwife went through and circled all the most important ones during my booking appointment, so you might just not have been told you have them?

@futuredreams I felt pants the day after the whooping cough vaccination, numb sore arm, temperature, headache the works, but it only lasted 24 hours. Feel better soon

@futuredreams I wasn't so lucky with my whooping cough. I felt like crap for a week after. It's worth it to make sure baby is protected though...hope you fell better soon xx

I do have the number for the birth centre so I can speak to a random midwife so I'm not worried about my care but it's just frustrating that it's so complicated getting hold of my own one when it used to be so easy.

My midwife did ring me yesterday ten minutes after the receptionist said she'd 'try her best to get hold of the midwife but wasn't promising anything'. It obviously wasn't that difficult as the call came though ten minutes later. I think they just try and field people away from the midwife incase they are over worked.
Anyway midwife said to ring EPU to ask for a scan as it's her day off today and they are only open in the mornings because of covid so it was too late for her to ring. If they say no to me she will ring them on Friday to ask again.

In other news it's tipping down here today. So could be a crochet day.

@sammilou2312 @knotemma thanks I'm really glad you say that. I have felt so horrid since it. More tired than usual and generally feeling a bit rubbish. It's still up like a bee sting and just as sore today. Not the greatest time to have a temperature related to a vaccine ...

@futuredreams yeah it's not the nicest of things to have. Just try and rest when you can and it should ease off soon xx

Updating my weeks as I have hit the last week of 2nd trimester today 🥰

@Bellsx 30wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 30wks (due 20/08/20 -surprise)⁣
@Hoping2020 26wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 27wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Knotemma 26 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣- SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 21wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 25 wks - Girl (26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 24wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@avocuddles 25wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 24wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 24wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 23wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 25wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 23wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 24wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 23wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 23wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 19wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 17wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 15wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 15wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 15wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 9weeks (due 16/01/21)

@Rachael321 I've been feeling your pain again! Had another middle of the night heartburn related trip to the hospital with crippling pains again.
My omeprazole dosage has been increased from 'as needed' to daily now so hopefully it will do the trick. There are enough sleepless nights without throwing trips to the maternity assessment unit in the mix! Fortunately my MAC is always happy to check ladies out and very easy to get hold of at night, though ringing them in the daytime is a different matter..... I hope you're feeling better now since your meds have upped too.
@SammiLou2312 I'd forgotten that you're also in Leeds!. Hoping you won't need any trips to the MAC but they are very nice and supportive if you ever do have any concerns. I hope those of you who have has struggles getting through to support in your local areas have better care going forwards.

Just realised that a long post I wrote yesterday never actually posted so trying to remember the sentiment of it!

@Ranoutofgoodnames I hope you're feeling ok today. The early weeks are definitely the worst and the slowest, and it's so hard to not obsessively symptom spot even though we know it does us no good. I didn't have many pronounced symptoms before about 7 or 8 weeks other than generally feeling very irritable / hormonal and having dodgy / crampy guts. Even later on I was never sick, just occasionally nauseous if I hadn't eaten for a while. Hang in there and we'll all be crossing our fingers for a positive outcome for you.

@MOGMOGMOG85 it's very exciting to have potentially have the option to work more flexibly and move closer to your family, keep us posted! Re 'showing', looking back at my photos I didn't have anything resembling a bump until 17 weeks when it suddenly became a bit more rounded but I know that some women still don't really show at 20+ plus, we're all different. It'll be coming eventually though for sure! Re movements @MrsG3 I had some tiny but uncertain flutterings from 18 weeks but it wasn't until after my 20 wk scan that I felt definitely kicks and even they were quite small. They're getting bigger and more pronounced all the time still but I've yet to have the kind that make your whole belly shake!

@futuredreams my vaccine left my with a heavy / very bruised feeling arm for about a week. Hope the pain starts to go down for you ASAP.

Congrats to all of those who have hit milestones recently. It's lovely to see newer faces and also exciting how many of us are approaching or have already reached the third trimester, including lots who've been here for the full five months since group 1!

@Avocuddles thank you xxx I had some cramps yesterday which were usual but also some sharper pains. I woke up with a hormonal headache today and that stressed me because pretty much the day the heart beat stopped last time I had one of the worst migraines of my life. Have emailed doctor to see if she thinks all fine - poor lady I just hope she is used to nervous 40 year old women emailing her about every ache and pain!

I decided today I need to go out and socialise more again. Obviously not actually go out and socialise but since lockdown first began when I was pregnant the first time I have kind of gone into hibernation and not really been staying in contact with people - made worse by miscarriage. So I think I need to get back on WhatsApp and be more on touch with my friends so I am not sitting here just working and obsessing

@Ranoutofgoodnames reaching out to friends and keeping that social network going is a really good idea - it's tempting to lock yourself away but I don't know how I would have got through the challenges of the past couple of years without mine to keep me busy! I'm sure the doctor will be perfectly understanding. I feel guilty sometimes for how much I've called on the NHS over my pregnancy to date but they're never, ever made me feel like I'm wasting time and as a 'high risk' pregnancy they've always been more than happy to support me. I hope the headache subsides soon and you can manage to relax

Thanks @Avocuddles I guess I need to be patient for another month or so :'( SO MUCH PATIENCE haha

Oh no now I'm scared of the whooping cough injection!!!

Is the whooping cough one just kind of in your arm rather than in a vein? I hate when they go into a vein so hopefully I can stand that one a bit better, although it does sound nasty and painful!

@mogmogmog85 it goes straight into your muscle in your arm but it leaves your arm painful and can make you feel a bit rubbish for a few days after x

Having a bit of a rubbish week ladies. Had my 24wk scan last Thursday and it showed the girl twin only being on the 5th centile. She's considered as SGA (small for gestational age), does anyone have any experience of this? My three previous children, despite me being small were all good sized babies. I've obviously panic googled and it's coming up with all sorts of possibilities from just being small to potential chromosome or placental issues. I've got another scan next week to monitor her growth. But was slightly panicked by the consultant muttering under his breath "it should all be fine, its only under extreme circumstances we would induce at 26wks"
On top of that we've had to pull out of our house purchase due to numerous issues we've been misled about with regards to extensions and safety of the boiler/oil tank. It's kind of left us stuck in a teeny 3 bed semi that I rent with my partner's stuff in storage and no other potential homes. I'm really panicking about how we are going to fit the 7 of us in to this house. And I hate it. I have so many negative associations in it with regards to my ex husband and the abusive relationship.
I just want out of here. I want to start planning a nursery. I want space for baby clothes. I want my children to not be crammed together. I feel anxious about where we will be. I want both my babies to be healthy and safe. I want to be excited and not worrying about what I could have done differently or do differently now

Time to update. 31 weeks!! 9 to go. Cant believe its single figures now 😲😲

@Bellsx 31wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 31wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ -SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 26wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 27wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Knotemma 26 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣- SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 21wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 25 wks - Girl (26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 24wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@avocuddles 25wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 24wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 24wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 23wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 25wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 23wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 24wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 23wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 23wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 19wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 17wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 15wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 15wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 15wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 9weeks (due 16/01/21)

@Sunflower1608 sorry that you're having such a difficult time. I don't have any personal experience with babies measuring small, I know it's normal to have 1 twin smaller than the other, but I have no idea by how much. Fingers crossed the next scan will give some more definitive answers.

On the house front it must be really difficult worrying about space as well having so many bad associations. Sending you lots of positive thoughts xx

@Sunflower1608 It’s good that you’ll get lots of monitoring to keep an eye on her and that it has been flagged early. Fingers crossed it’s nothing to worry about and she soon catches up. Look after yourself and try not to google xxx

A bit of a different post from me today, as great and positive as this pregnancy has been, I’m just finding it really hard today. Feeling very emotional and think I’ve sobbed most of the day. Our friends little girl is the same age as lily and is now walking, something I know lily never would’ve been able to do had she lived and 3 friends and families pregnancies have just been announced... anyone else still find that pregnancy announcements really get to you? Wish we still had that kind of naivety and excitement 😔 Sorry for the brain dump!

@Sunflower1608 I think try and focus on yourself and the babies and the house situation will fall into place. It's better you've discovered the house problems now rather than living with them. Even if you move after the babies arrive, they don't need their own space just yet.

time to focus on your extra monitoring for the babies now. X

@Anon20something Hope you are feeling better today. I cannot begin to fathom the rollarcoaster of emotions you must be on in this pregnancy. You are more than entitled to have days where it gets on top of you. I can only hope you feel a little more at ease today. xxx

@Sunflower1608 I second what @footprintsintheslow has said. You will manage in your current place for the first while if the babies are in your room. But appreciate that doesn't help with how frustrated you must feel at this point. House buying is an absolute nightmare under the best of circumstances. With the baby measuring a little smaller, try not to do any further panic googling. It has been picked up in the scan, and doctors will give the best advice and care. You could have imagined every worst cse scenario between now and the scan next week, so try to just focus on the information the docs have given you for now. Incredibly difficult to do, I know. I'd imagine this kind of thing must happen more often than we realise with twins. By looking at stats alone, the 5th percentile would indicate that 1 in 20 babies measure smaller, which would be a lot of babies. But I'm not a doc, so I'm probably rambling!

@MrsG3 and @Avocuddles I'm another one trying to push away anxiety about movements. I'm 19+5 and am 'thinking' I have felt uncertain, brief flutter feelings for last week or so. But as I don't really know for sure what I am even looking for, I don't know if it's in my head. I've read that it can feel like bubbles popping or a slight ticking sensation. I have had this off and on (usually only notice it when sat down for a while). But the feeling is so faint and brief each time that I wonder if I am just confusing it with something else.

I slept terribly last night. I found each time I was on my side (left or right) I was getting a pulling twinge a little above pubic line (central). But only seemed to be when I moved on to side. Eased off after a couple hours, so it may have just been some sort of stretching pain.

The only certainty I have at this point is the bump still seems to be growing, so I have to take that as a positive sign. Attached a pic from last week.

@AnxiousLady1 thank you. It’s just so hard, and I’m really missing my daughter as she’d be coming up 1 soon.

Lovely bump pic!! Those definitely sound like movement. I obsess over it still and baby boy is so active there’s no mistaking it now. The pulling sensation can be really sore and uncomfortable, it’s round ligament pain as your womb and baby grow so that’s good! X

@Anon20something Of course. I think these different milestones will be understandably difficult as you reach them. Do you have still have support (outside of friends and family) to talk to about your daughter? I'd imagine that's really important at times like this. But if you need to spend the day crying then do so. And of course offload your thoughts on here too. It's a safe and supportive space.

Thank you for your advice on the movements. I know I will worry myself through this pregnancy. Understand you will also be analysing all the moments after what happened with your daughter. Your baby's movements now are a good sign though. You'll have your little boy home safe in next to no time. xx

@Sunflower1608 sorry you've had a stressful time. I know it's hard but try to step away from google, it only shows absolute worst case scenarios. It's good that your little girls size had been picked up and presumably they will keep a very close eye on her going forward. Hopefully you can get a little reassurance at your scan next week.

@Anon20something I hear you on the pregnancy announcements. I also struggle with these. We found out another family member is pregnant and due in December and it still really sets me back. Being pregnant myself doesn't take away the pain and loss, and I definitely feel jealous at their excitement and happiness. It feels as if the joy of pregnancy has been snatched away from us now. There is nothing wrong with having a bad day and giving into the grief. Look after yourself and just take it easy. Big hugs.

@AnxiousLady1 those definitely sound like movements. We are pretty much the same with our dates and i'm feeling those sorts of bubbles and flicks which I remember from last time. I also feel them more when i'm sitting down or in bed. Before you know it they will turn into proper little kicks and movements, especially noticeable when your bladder is getting a pounding!

We're off to the consultant this afternoon, bit nervous as always about going to the hospital but hoping it will be a productive appointment and not as disastrous as last time.

@shefliesonherownwings Good luck with the consultant appointment this afternoon. Hoping it is a far more straight forward affair than your last experience. xx

@Shefliesonherownwings good luck this afternoon x

@AnxiousLady1 thank you so much. I’m really lucky in that our family and friends always do include lily and talk about her too, it’s just starting to feel a little like everyone is too preoccupied with thinking about her little brother and just assumes that we are okay now, but as we all know here pregnancy after loss is so so hard and emotional isn’t it! X

Thanks both, it was a much better appointment, total opposite of last time. I think the consultant had a word with the receptionist who was almost pleasant and ensured DH could come in and we got seen straight away.

I was hoping we might hear the heartbeat but the consultant actually did a proper scan, looking at all the organs, limbs, heartbeat and even the placenta, cord and blood flow. Everything looks great at the moment which is such a relief. She gave me the emergency number and her secretaries number if I have any questions for her. I'm seeing her every two weeks now for the next couple of months at least which is brilliant. I feel so much better after that, and DH was really pleased too so all in all a success!

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm so pleased it went well, sounds like everything is looking very positive

So much to catch up on the last few days, @Avocuddles and @Rachael321 I'm so sorry you are both having such a rubbish time and having hospital visits! Hopefully you are both feeling much better now? @rachael321 I had gallstones and my gallbladder removed a few years ago, so give me a shout if you wanted to talk about that at all.
@Shefliesonherownwings I was so pleased to read your update, what a night and day experience from last time! And so lovely that your DH got to be with you too. I'm glad you are getting proper support in the coming weeks.
@Anon20something I always feel the same on pregnancy announcements, i tell myself it makes no sense but it is still hard. I'm struggling with people with similar due dates to my previous pregnancy as well, that's extra hard. No one will have forgotten Lily, they will just be pleased for you and your little boy. She will always be a part of your family.
@Sunflower1608 I echo the others and try not to google, but it's so hard! I think measurements will always be a bit different with twins too. I hope your next scan goes ok. With houses, I always feel like things were meant to be - I know this will sound like absolute b*ox now whilst you are stressed, but we've lost out on houses before and it was definitely meant to be as we ended up with one I believe we are much happier in. I know how stressful house moving is tho so like I say, this wont comfort you! Things will def work out somehow.
I was meant to have my 16 week midwife appointment last week, but I thought it was a phone one and it was face to face 🙈 so I'm going to see her next week now. Had a private scan this morning and all fine, first time for DH seeing it not looking like a bean too so it was a lovely experience. I just want to look at them all the time! Got to hear the heartbeat for the first time too. Super active baby and all measured as they should. Feeling absolutely shattered this past week, almost like first trimester tiredness! Hoping for some pregnancy glow at some point too as my skin is horrible and I just feel massive! 😂
Hope everyone else is ok xxx