Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4

[Avocuddles]

Thread 4 already! New members very welcome to our friendly and supportive team.

Latest roll call....

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

@MOGMOGMOG85 paid leave is distinct from annual leave or holiday, they are not the same thing. You should also ask for a copy of your workplace policy where it states in writing that you have to take annual leave for maternity appointments (which I can almost guarantee it won't, as that is discriminatory).

You could also have a look on maternity action for some more info and potentially some free advice. I'd also keep a written record of everything, so that you have evidence should they try to dismiss you in relation to your pregnancy. Put it in emails and send it to the relevant parties if you can asking them to confirm that they agree with the statements. If not ask to have an advocate in any further meetings (again they shouldn't say no to this, it's your legal right) to help document everything. It definitely sounds like they're pushing their luck, I'm pretty sure in our policy I can take up to 5 hours in a day for up to 6 appointments for prenatal care as standard

@MOGMOGMOG85 I would also challenge why they are making a distinction between hospital/doctor's appointments and antinatal care? That might just be enough to put them on the back foot.

I also forgot to include the link for maternity action🙈

maternityaction.org.uk/

@Knotemma that is a great idea - I will ask them to prove that they compel pregnant employees to take annual leave for antenatal care and I need to demand to see that policy. I've been trying to see it but haven't seen it yet. We don't have HR and the policies aren't available online so I have to go to an office and ask. I've been asking through my boss but I will go direct on Monday and make sure I see it that day.

Do you know how I can clarify the difference between paid leave and annual leave? I just had a google and it seems like an unclear distinction if any!

Thank you

@MOGMOGMOG85 you're right, there doesn't seem to be a clear distinction online, in my workplace talk about paid leave e.g. For a hospital appointment as a totally separate entity from annual leave time, it's recorded differently in time cards etc.

This is the section on maternity action around rights to time off without loss of pay

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/time-off-for-antenatal-care/

It might be worth giving them a ring for some advice

@MOGMOGMOG85 haha (in a triumphant way) I knew I could find it.

The ACAS factsheet "pregnancy and maternity discrimination, top ten myths" can be found on this page

archive.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5271

I've attached a screenshot, number 2 spells it out! You are entitled to paid time off and cannot be forced to take holiday/annual leave!

@MOGMOGMOG85 looks like @knotemma has said everything i was going to! Stick to your guns with them

Nothing to add to the advice @MOGMOGMOG85 but that sounds awful. Well done for sticking up for yourself & keep pushing. x

@Knotemma you are an angel - thank you so much for taking the time to do some research and find this! I'm sorry I couldn't find it myself but that is great - ACAS is a very reliable resource so I am happy to use this to take to work, phew! I'm so glad - as I say it was really winding me up, not even for my own holiday allowance but just the principle of it! xx

Well done everyone for sorting this issue out. @MOGMOGMOG85 it's bloody disgusting they are putting you in this position

What sort of work do you do if you don't mind me asking?

Quick question any1 started feeling any movement

@footprintsintheslow I work for a private school on the maintenance team - we are treated as a different category of workers to the teachers and I'm sure they wouldn't have tried this on them. We don't have HR or easy access to policies. I think as far as my boss is concerned (he used to work in finance in the 80s lord knows what kind of crap was pulled in that era and setting!) I'm a low paid worker and not worth the extra "hassle" of maternity pay, antenatal appointments etc. He's picked the wrong woman to mess with though - hormonal, raging, educated and extremely stubborn haha!

I really appreciate the advice here - I'm also going to email him some questions so I can get things in writing from him and keep it to protect myself as I am feeling quite vulnerable to being dismissed right now.

@MOGMOGMOG85 Pregnant then Screwed also seem to give a lot of advice/help in these situations.

@Ibaadsmummy I’m 22 weeks tomorrow, second baby with a posterior placenta. I have only started feeling regular movements in the last week. Felt first flutterings from 19 weeks. Seemed quite late but nothing wrong, that was just the way it was.

Hi all, sorry I've not posted much in the last couple of weeks. My anxiety has been really up and down and I'm starting to feel quite lonely / isolated - can't believe I'm 24 weeks pregnant and pretty much hidden away at home the whole time.

Anyway, just wanted to update my weeks - 24 weeks seems like a milestone so I'm trying to dampen my anxiety for today and enjoy reaching this stage!

@Bellsx 29wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 29wks (due 20/08/20 -surprise)⁣
@Hoping2020 25wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 25wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Knotemma 24 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣- SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 21wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 24wks - Girl (26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 22wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@avocuddles 23wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 22wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 22wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 22wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 23wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 21wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 22wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 20wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 20wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 17wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 17wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 16wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 15wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 14wks (due 02/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 13wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 7 weeks (due 16/01/21)

@MOGMOGMOG85 are you in a union at all? They certainly wouldn't dare treat teachers like this. I'm a teacher and they bet over backwards for me last time. I wasn't even allowed out in yard duty once it got cold.
I'm so glad you are a determined strong woman who has the energy to fight this!

Hope everyone is ok, I'm 8 wks today and hoping someone comes along soon so I'm not the bottom of the list still!

I really love this thread. I'm on a thread for women due the same month as me and as soon as you vaguely mention loss it gets met with silence as if it's catching. I just can't connect with people the same who think being pregnant means a baby is coming. Thank god for you lot!

Congratulations @didslysquiddlydoo on reaching your milestone! 24 weeks is fantastic!

No wonder you're feeling anxious. It's so hard going through this in isolation and I do feel for all those further ahead of me because I'm already feeling so sad that I haven't seen any family and barely any friends since I got my bfp. Pregnancy is already such an anxious time, and after loss triply so, and we could really do with our wider support network around us.. I'm just grateful that I don't have a baby yet and I'm so hoping things will be different by the time we do get to bring our little ones home..

Keep going though you're doing great under challenging circumstances! Is there anyone you can meet up with for a socially distanced walk or picnic to help take the edge off feeling so isolated? xxx

Updating my weeks too, can't believe I'm at 14 weeks and past my 12 week scan... I haven't pictured myself getting this far for a long time and weirdly it came as a bit of a shock to me this week the idea that I might actually have a baby - I panicked a bit! It's been about getting pregnant or staying pregnant for 2 whole years now and I sort of lost track of what comes next if I do manage that!

@Bellsx 29wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 29wks (due 20/08/20 -surprise)⁣
@Hoping2020 25wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 25wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Knotemma 24 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣- SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 21wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 24wks - Girl (26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 22wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@avocuddles 23wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ - GIRL
@Sunflower1608 22wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 22wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 22wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 23wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 21wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 22wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 20wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 20wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 17wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 17wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 17wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 16wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 15wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 14wks (due 02/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 14wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 7 weeks (due 16/01/21)

@didslysquiddlydoo congratulations on your 24 week milestone 💕 x

@MOGMOGMOG85 amazing news to hear you're now at 14 weeks 😀 I'm currently at 16 and people keep asking me if I want their baby clothes, car seats, Moses baskets etc. Have to admit I'd been so focused on my 12 week scan and now getting to my 20 week scan that I haven't thought about anything baby related at all yet 😖 think they wondered why I looked a bit confused lol! X

@MrsG3 I am starting to get really anxious about being under-prepared but then something is putting me off planning! I'm only just coming to terms with maybe having a healthy baby so I'm giving myself time to adjust!

I did something stupid and googled low PAPP-A and am now terrified. Does anyone else on here have low PAPP-A and can help me feel better about it?? Or more informed! Midwife said to take aspirin and i'll be fine - she didn't mention additional growth scans...

@MOGMOGMOG85 step away from Google! You will frighten yourself. I would guess that there is a sliding scale for "low" you could be 1% under the guideline or 50% under, so everyone's experience will be different. They might not decide on the need for growth scans until after your anatomy scan, when they'll actually have all the measurements and be able to see if there's anything going on that they want to keep an eye on (growth scans aren't typically until after 28 weeks unless there's something specific going on).

On the preparation front you still have lots of time. I started think about lists at about 16 weeks and bought my first item at 19 weeks. Other than some muslins I haven't bought anything since.

@MOGMOGMOG85 Definitely step away from Google. On my call with doc yesterday they asked me how much I'd researched about the impact of a certain asymptomatic neuro issue I have on pregnancy. I said absolutely zero as I didn't want to further add to my anxiety and they basically said I was completely right to do that. Glad I didn't Google, as turns out the worst I can expect is potential headache during labour or from any anaethesia. I know if I'd googled I'd have found stories telling me my head might explode 😂

On the prep - I'm in the same boat. Still something making me hold off until 22 week scan. On doing anything. I've made lists and done some research on things I will need to buy. But have not bought anything and have also not started doing any sort of physical prep yet either (ie yoga or pelvic floor exercises). I figure I've enough time for that after the scan and don't want to get too ahead of myself yet. I got some stretchmark oil. But even that I forget to put on 60% of the time...

I'm 18 weeks 2nd baby but havnt really felt any definite movement I do nt think...just abit worried as 20 weeks scan coming up and old worries about bad scans coming up... I dont have any mc symptoms but I cnt help but be negetive around scan time it's really bad habit.

@Ibaadsmummy I understand that, my consultant at 17 weeks seemed surprised I wasn’t feeling movements. Luckily I’d just had a private scan & knew everything was ok. This is my second but didn’t feel anything until 19 weeks and it was very light. When is your anomaly scan? Hope you don’t have long to wait x

Thanks @Knotemma!

@AnxiousLady1 oh the headache on top of everything else sounds horrible! But yes in the grand scheme of things doesn't sound too bad and you're right it probably does say on google that heads could explode, limbs fall off etc etc!

Whilst we're airing insecurities, I'm 14 weeks today and feel like I look slimmer now than I did most of the first trimester! Its probably because the nausea has eased and I'm not eating every 2 seconds but when did everyone else start showing? This is my first - or first to get so far as to be near showing.

xx

My trousers are def getting pretty snug but apart from looking a bit... fat I have no bump at all!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I think most of first trimester is bloating. Then that comes back down again in second trimester. I follow another thread on MN and most FTM on there were saying they weren't showing anything before 15 or 16 weeks. My SIL is 19 weeks and has only started showing a little in the last week. All comes down to your body shape, whether your uterus tilts forward or back etc.