Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4

[Avocuddles]

Thread 4 already! New members very welcome to our friendly and supportive team.

Latest roll call....

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

Good luck @AnxiousLady1 - I'm sure everything will be fine and hopefully hearing the heartbeat will put your mind at rest for a little while xxx

Thanks @MOGMOGMOG85. I've now just taken a call to say my appointment has been moved to telephone call. Really disappointing as my next scan is at the 22week mark. Spent most of this week psyching myself mentally. Not sure whether to just go private now.

@AnxiousLady1 if having a private scan will give you some peace of mind then go for it, since Monday window to the womb have been offering a wider range of scans (I've been looking as I think it would be nice to go for DH birthday in a fortnight). It's interesting I was talking to a few friends who had babies last year and they both said they wish they'd had more scans rather than being anxious. I know it's not for everyone and its important to feel Nd the right fit for you, but anything to help

I had to travel to the next city over for my 8 week private scan, but all the ones in my city have opened up again now. They are only doing reassurance scans though. So we've decided to have another at 16 weeks. One to break up the wait between 12 and 20, and one so DH can come - hes only seen babies that look like blobs so far! My 12 week scan was so different and I want him to experience that (he wants that too 😂) I think it will help my anxiety too. I'm starting to feel a bit excited now and I'd like to hold on to that.
After 20 weeks we will wait and see - they are expensive but it will be our first child and my mental health is important. I dont think it seems real for DH yet either, I think this will make it more so!

Didnt really get to the point there sorry 🙈 I meant I agree with @Knotemma - if you think it will help you @AnxiousLady1 then it's worth it. If it will wind you up in knots beforehand and not give you much reassurance then it isnt. Everyone has different views on private scans I know, so you just have to make the right choice for you and your partner

@Knotemma and @Whiffle77 I think I'm going to have to go ahead and book a private scan. I've just had a good cry out of sheer frustration. I think there was such a build-up of anxiety last few days before today's appointment, and to essentially be told nobody will see me face to face for another 4 weeks is incredibly disappointing. I'd also built myself up to finally tell work today, after my appointment, so that has further added to my frustration. I called my MW as I'd been told urine and blood pressure would be checked today (as 16 week appointment was on phone), and she said that's okay As they aren't checking for anyone at this stage...She's moved to 24 week appointment (which was apparently also on phone), to 23 weeks and will see me face to face a week after my scan.

I still hate the idea of the private scan and I know I'm going to be incredibly anxious over next few days until I do it. But I don't know what is worse for my mental health - this or going through another 4 weeks worrying.

@AnxiousLady1 I totally get what you mean about it feeling like your between a rock and a hard place. I wasn't seen from 13 week (because I'd had a bleed) to 19 weeks and that was really difficult. I had a face to face appointment with the midwife at 23 weeks though, which was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and from chatting to friends/having a look online that seems to be standard that it's the first appointment where they will listen with the Doppler. My 16 week appointment was over the phone and they said it's because all They really do is talk you through your results for bloods/NT.

If you're going to be in knots anyway then just have a look and see what's available in your area, it can't hurt x

It is hard at the minute, I wont see anyone nhs until my 20 week scan as my 16 week appointment is on the phone too. I feel ok about it as my anxieties are all in my head so I dont feel like the midwife would help at all if that makes sense, as I have no specific worries or queries I want to go through with her! They should have told you beforehand though that it would be over the phone, that isnt fair.
My private scan experience was really good if that helps, they were very professional and helpful and picked up a fibroid that no one nhs has previously (it could've been new however). So hopefully if you do then you will have a nice experience too. If not, I do think the next four weeks will probably fly by for you anyway. Hope having a good cry made you feel a little bit better!

@AnxiousLady1 if a scan will make you feel reassured than go for it; there are a lot more places open now so hopefully some local to you. The wait from 12 to 20 weeks without any face to face contact felt so slow to me, but the final couple of weeks did go a bit quicker, possibly because I was starting to have a visible bump and some initial movements by then. My anxiety dropped for a bit immediately after the anatomy scan but has built back up again, have just over 4 weeks to my first growth scan at 28 weeks which still feels like a lifetime away but taking each day as it comes.
I personally have mixed views of window to the womb (which I've mentioned before) as felt it was all about selling things and didn't provide good support when things didn't look good in a previous unsuccessful pregnancy, but I've heard better things about them recently as they're focusing more on the reassurance side of things rather than all the teddies and gender reveal items. I'd quite like a 4d scan if and when they're offered but don't think DH would be keen to return to WTTW as we have bad memories of our experience last time.

@Knotemma in my area they don't listen to the heartbeat until 28 weeks - my 25 week midwife appointment is a phone one, the last time I saw her in person was my booking appointment.
I did get to (briefly!) hear the heartbeat this week though when I was in the maternity unit re my chronic heartburn which was reassuring.

@Rachael321 eek so exciting that you've reached birth plan stage! I assume the hospital antenatal classes will all be cancelled in my area too but we have online NCT sessions booked for next month. I'd recommend The Positive Birth Book for advice around writing a birth plan - a fair bit of it wasn't relevant to me as I have no option other than consultant led birth (it really loves the idea of home births!) but it was very good at setting out all of the different choices available.

@SammiLou2312 your bump looks lovely and am jealous of your kick video! I've still never seen it from the outside but hopefully it's only a matter of time....

I'm due 25.12.2020 after two MC feeling optimistic after I had my 7 week scan dates match and heartbeat seen now 11 weeks and panic has set in for my 12 week scan that all okay

Ah, I’ve missed loads but hope everyone is doing ok. @AnxiousLady1 I was quite anti extra scans for myself but had one at 17 weeks so DH could see the baby & it was actually really nice to break up the time between 13 weeks & 21 weeks.

I seem to have been given loads of appointments, but can’t figure out which one is my GTT test, which is midwife & which is consultant 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve tried calling to ask but no one answers or returns messages. Guess I’ll go to each one prepped for anything & see what happens!

I’ve been reading everything I can find about the pros/cons of early induction, planned section or waiting past 40 weeks... none of the options seem best & my list of questions for the consultant is currently 4 pages long. My gut instinct at the moment is wait it out & see if I go into labour naturally by 41 weeks. Higher risk if still birth due to age, but I have no co-morbidities, have given birth before which lowers the risk & the data used for that risk is quite low quality... it’s very hard! Part of me hopes for a footling breech so I have to have a section & it’s not my decision 🤣

Anyway, sorry, that’s a bit of a brain dump. I’m finding it a bit all consuming at the moment. In good news I’m feeling lots of light little kicks now... can’t remember who was worried about movement with an anterior placenta but feeling them the same with this one (posterior placenta) as I did with my son (anterior placenta) so I think it’s all a bit random.

Hope everyone is doing ok and the anxieties aren’t too bad xx

Hi ladies, at 16 weeks anxiety is getting the better of me so before I go into full on panic mode I thought I'd seek some sanity here!

Sorry for TMI but around this time has anyone noticed an increase in watery discharge? I keep dashing to the loo panicking that I'm bleeding or that my waters have broken, I just feel permanently damp/wet? Is this common around now? Don't know if I'm just getting anxious as no pregnancy symptoms, no movements and scan not until 2nd July my anxiety seems to have gone into overdrive 😖 feel like I'm struggling a lot this week whereas last week I was feeling quite positive, not sure why it's all changed this week?

@TTC1991 gentle congratulations and welcome, that's quite an exciting/busy due date!

@MrsG3 I've definitely had similar experiences with watery/clear discharge, probably at around the same time as you are now, apparently it's very common in pregnancy, though not fun for us symptom spotters. I went through a phase where I had to use panty liners or just do regular underwear changes 🤦 as long as it's not big gushes when you move or sweet smelling there's no reason to think it's anything other then normal. I think the changes in anxiety week to week/day to day are pretty common, especially because there's so much negative stuff going on in the world at the moment.
I didn't feel anything movement wise until week 19/20 and went through a phase weeks 14-18 where I felt great and normal other than having a belly. Then at 18 weeks my sickness came back with a bang 🤷‍♀️ Try to be kind to yourself and do what ever you need to to feel better x

@Knotemma thank you so much for that, makes me feel much better knowing I'm not the only one! Fingers crossed I should be seeing my midwife next week so that may help to settle my nerves a bit more x

@Knotemma @Whiffle77 @Avocuddles @tmc14 Thanks ladies! I've reflected on it more today and I think (for now) I will refrain from the private scan. This is more due to my own anxiety over them and getting bad news at one. For now, I'm going to accept the fact that, as far as I know, things are going okay. All tests/scans to date have been fine, so I've no reason (other than my own anxiety) to think there is something wrong. So I'm going to try to embrace that. I know like others on here that are further along, these wobbles will always come and go in between scans. So I'm going to try and practice more of a mindfulness route to deal with it. Otherwise I know I'll just let the worry build right up to the end of the pregnancy (and beyond!!). Today was more out of sheer frustration, as these little milestones/hurdles are what wr focus on, so I felt like one had been pulled further from me. I'm sure I'll have more wobbles in next 4 weeks before the scan so will see how I go. 😊

@MrsG3 I started feeling like that around 15 weeks and have had it ever since...as @knotemma says, as long as it's not massive amounts you should be fine. It may be worth starting pelvic floor exercises if you haven't already. I found that it seemed to ease up a bit once I started that so not sure if it was a mixture of the excess discharge (that is to be expected) along with sweat and a bit of pee lol! Sorry for tmi but hopefully it will help put your mind at rest a little. Isn't pregnancy glamorous 😂

@SammiLou2312 thanks for your reply, definitely must add some pelvic floor to my to do list! 🤣

Does anyone know if there's any law to stop you having to take annual leave for antenatal appointments?

My employer is making me do this and I'm not happy about it. They are being super shady at the moment and I have a feeling they are going to make me redundant with covid as they excuse. I'm a cheap member of staff and I don't think they can be bothered to pay me maternity pay. I want to fight them on this if I have any grounds to because I don't want womens rights to get eroded by coronavirus and employers will take any chance they can to roll back rights.

See attached from acas @mogmogmog85 www.acas.org.uk/your-maternity-leave-pay-and-other-rights/time-off-for-pregnancy-appointments
Mine also states it in in my maternity leave policy, do you have one? It shouldn't be taken as holiday, that isnt fair.
Glad you are feeling a bit better @AnxiousLady1 as you say it's normal to feel up and down, we just have to enjoy the ups and weather through the downs!

@Whiffle77 thank you but I can't see anything about annual leave on there or the government website. It just says you are entitled to paid leave. I found some info on a mumnet fact sheet here but there are no references www.mumsnet.com/jobs/maternity-leave/paid-leave-for-antenatal-care
Also here and same problem: yourjobrights.co.uk/your-family-rights/maternity-leave/antenatal-leave/

I suspect there is case law on this but I'm having a look on Bailiii now and I'm way out of my depth (I'm still going though - do not piss off a pregnant woman!)

@MOGMOGMOG85 you're entitled to paid time off for antenatal appointments you dont need to use your annual leave. I did once or twice as i wanted the full day off as opposed to just enough time for the appointment.

Yep as @rachelrainbow its paid time off you are entitled to - if you had to take annual leave it would state that. I would tell them they are breaking the law to request that, and let them prove you wrong (which they want be able to).

*wont be able to

@Rachael321 do you have any links to anything to back me up? All it says on gov website is you are entitled to "paid leave" so obviously they are arguing that annual leave is paid...

@Whiffle77 thanks - that's a good idea actually. I can just send them the link to the mumsnet fact sheet and ask them to prove that they can make me take annual leave. I will try not to word it too aggressively but I feel really strongly about this! The worst thing is they give people paid time off (not holiday) for doctors appointments so I feel they are specifically targeting me because of my being pregnant!