Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

@Tiniestsky I would say that @Knotemma has summed it up pretty perfectly. My own losses were at 7 and 8 weeks so up to that point my anxiety was very high and I pretty much felt resigned to things going wrong again. An nhs scan at 9 weeks was reassuring as everything was in line with expectation dates wise, but the reassurance quickly wore off and I was a bag of nerves again for my 12 week one. My next big milestone is the 20 week scan in just under 4 weeks, then 24 weeks will be the next milestone and the point at which I might finally let myself start to think about actively preparing for a baby in our lives. Pregnancy after loss will always be a tough experience and whilst these groups / TTC groups are an amazing lifeline, don't forget that they do give you a disproportionate understanding of the many things that can go wrong in pregnancy. We are an unfortunate slither of the population based on our previous experiences, but the vast majority of pregnancies do work out without major complications and there's no reason to think that our current ones won't be a success story. Today you are pregnant, and that's great. Hopefully all of our rainbows are on their way....

@Avocuddles @Knotemma thanks ladies, you're right, for the most part I try to be positive and happy and grateful for each day.
I guess like you say, the fear will always be there and pregnancies will always go wrong. It's really sad that this will always linger over us and spoil the experience just a little bit. Glad Ive got people like you to talk to x

@Knotemma it was, but going to try get out again starting from tomorrow. Might stay out the woods! As unhealthy as this sounds, I’ve found a can of coke has helped with the dizziness.

@Avocuddles I’ve never had a nose bleed in my life, I’ve got fake / synthetic sinuses though, as I’ve suffered since I was a baby, so had the tubes replaced. But the Fragmin is meant to increase bleeding. I know when I cut myself in the woods, it’s just wouldn’t stop, then shaving my legs in the shower caused another blood bath! My stomach is so Bruised from the injections, also find the slightest knock and I bruise. Looking slightly battered. Hope your feeling ok though. Are you on the injections until 6 weeks post?

@Tiniestsky also agree that Knotemma said it word for word. I’ve reached 12weeks (now to be told it’s 13) and it such a relief, it’s a milestone my anxiety didn’t think I would get to. With each step the anxiety calms, but agree you will have bad days and good. Just take every step at a time

@Tiniestsky I agree with everything that @Knotemma and @Avocuddles said earlier. For me personally, I initially thought that my life will forever be split into two parts - life before the loss and life after. However, it isn't as black and white as I initially thought. The reality is that every single pregnancy is a fresh start and it does not follow the same pattern as the one (or more) that you have lost. Each and every time, it's a different you, different baby, and a fresh start. As with every pregnancy, there is never a guarantee everything will be ok. But there's never a guarantee with anything in our lives, is there? We can only hope for the best, and as some of us also like to do - prepare for the worst. So whilst our perception is perhaps tainted with this additional worry resulting from what we've been through, there is a lot of comfort to be found in this grey area, where we might worry sometimes, but not all the time. Where we can find acceptance of things that do fall out of our control and believe that one day they'll work out well.

I personally took a lot of comfort from the fact I survived the death of my baby. It's made me stronger as a person and it's given me confidence that I can survive the worst in life - in fact, having been through a fair dose of shit in life, I think baby loss is the worst that can happen. So think about it this way: you will get through it, no matter what. You already have. You have no reason to be scared. You can only do your best in being healthy and looking after yourself. That's it. The rest does not depend on anything that you do. The best thing you can do is do whatever it takes to keep your mind healthy. Not necessarily positive if that's too much, but balanced. Things will work out well for you, they will for all of us. Whatever happens, we'll perservere and we'll get there in the end.

@MrsMGE thank you! You're so right, well done you for being so well balanced and just cracking on, wish I could be like that more often. I'm gonna try practising that way of thinking, thanks :)

@MOGMOGMOG85 Thank you ❤️ You wrote a couple of messages that have really reasonated with me, especially one yesterday I believe when you said that oddly, being pg after loss right now is very fitting in this uncertain world and that it seems to be making it easier. I so agree with you. I think there's just so much going on and so many potential worries that our brains can't (or perhaps choose?) not to comprehend all that. Pregnancy worries might well be getting absorbed in all this, and actually, it's for the best. It's the survival instinct kicking in.

I genuinely had times after my first loss which was pretty traumatic (especially comparing to the second one) when I thought there was no point in living and things would never be ok again. That I'd never truly laugh or be carefree or look forward to things. Wise ladies on MN helped me get out of that dark hole, encouraged me to get counselling and to meditate. I then focused on my physical fitness too and within 3 months I was back to my normal self, or actually, a better self. The 5 months before were the absolute worst time in my life, with a number of other bereavements and shit stuff happening all at once. It's so important to talk if you feel you need to, let it all out and allow yourself to grieve if the grief is still raw. I didn't initially and thought I was that strong woman who will just get on with things. Big mistake. A strong woman takes as much time as she needs for herself, and then moves forward. There is no shame in that. We're here to talk ❤️

@Sunflower1608 Hello 😊 Thank you for your congratulations and congratulations to you too 😊 I'm sorry you're having a tough time, it sounds like the hormones are going berserk plus sciatica is never good news, bless you! Literally, what a pain! I know you like your exercise, is there anything you can do right now, maybe a bit gentler? Re food, I'm not even going to list any suggestions in case they make you sick 😂 However, I heard wonders about the BRAT diet, apparently it's easy on the digestive system. Have you heard about it? I really hope you find something that you can stomach and it will give you a physical and emotional boost 💐💐💐

@Tiniestsky I'm so sorry to ever about your anxiety, all of us in this thread understand and have been there, so it's a great place to get support! Just like @Knotemma and @avocuddlss said, it helps to break it up in smaller milestones rather than to think "I'm only 8 weeks" - for me it was also the "longest pregnancy" date I've had which was 10 weeks when I found out about my MMC, and then the 12 week scan. I'll be honest I went for the NIPT test that came back super low risk on everything, and after this I really relaxed more as 12 weeks feels (to me) magical to pass, and to then find out that the baby was healthy I just had to try not think so negatively and give the poor thing a chance. I am more worried and doubting about my own body than the baby at this point (because I don't know what happened last time, was it my placenta or something else? Or something I ate)?. It doesn't help to think like that. I just had my 16 week scan this week and all was fine, so more relaxed now and the next milestone is the 20 week one. Remember like @Knotemma said this new circumstances - a new egg and a new sperm. The odds are really to your favor!

Amazing advice from @MrsMGE too, I know it sounds horrid but for me (and her as she told me), the second miscarriage we had was actually not that hard to deal with. We both had a mmc first and then an early miscarriage next . You get on with it, and you trust yourself to not ever go back to that place you were in again the first time.

Any bump pics this week? I love them, keep them coming! This is me this morning at 16+2, sorry for the PJ:s 🤣 I still look quite thick and wondering when a proper bump will arrive. I hope soon!! I've bought some cute maternity clothes (to wear around the house at this point 🙄) and they don't fit yet 😕

@Tiniestsky *to hear about your anxiety

@DressingGown87 what a wonderful scan picture. So so glad it all went well and you feel more relaxed.

@avocuddles I have had small amounts of blood when I blow my nose, along with really stuffy sinuses. I have very easily blocked sinuses, apparently something to do with tiny ear canals, and it seems to happen every time I lie down so that I can't breathe through my nose at night 🙄

@tiniestsky welcome 🙂 this is an amazingly supportive group of women and we are hear to listen to your anxieties. I can't say I have any advice, I was such a wreck this time up until 12 weeks - and still am at times - but the other ladies have offered some very sage wisdom. I hope you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy ahead. 💕

@sunstruck here's my morning bump 😊

Morning ladies!! I'm 10.5 weeks now and still no sign of a scan date around 12 weeks, when did you get your scan dates come through xxx

My bump

@TunnocksTcake @Sunflower1608 omg what LOVELY bumps!! 😍😍😍 love them! I can't believe you have such a nest bump with twins @Sunflower1608, you look 👌

• neat bump... MN needs the editing function!

@Mimba1 mars bar cake is super easy... 4 mars bars chopped up, about 100g of butter and a couple of tablespoons of golden syrup. Melt everything over a low heat slowly. I sometimes add a few extra squares of chocolate. Stir in rice crispys (100-150g) until coated in the melted mixture. Put in either a square tin or cake wrappers and chill. Then eat all of it 😂. Seriously I had a square in the bath last night and I'm probably going to grab some for my breakfast, healthy food and pregnant me do not mix.

Updating my weeks and adding an (enormous) bump picture. 17 weeks today and I'm feeling massive... It's probably more cake than baby let's be honest 😂🙈

@Bellsx21wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael32121wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum1918wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping202016wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou231217wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma16wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS16wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo16wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake16wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles16wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower160816wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck16wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout2014wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth13wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes2013wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie1914wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria201510wks
@tmc1413wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@Doughnut10010wks (due 05/11/20)
@teaandtantrums9010 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 11/10/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 5 wks (due 13/12/20)

@Knotemma @Sunflower1608 ahh lovely bumps!

@teaandtantrums90 hmm that does seem a little late. By memory I had my booking appt at 8 weeks exactly and waited maybe 10 days for my letter, scan ended up being at 12+6. It may be worth giving them a ring, they might be able to tell you when it is over the phone if your letter is still on the way. We have had a bank holiday of course which won't help.

My bump yesterday... suddenly mahoosive lol! I turn 18 weeks tomorrow 😲😲

Hi all,

I had just posted in a separate forum and then came across a page!

I had a miscarriage last October and I was devastated - I have fallen pregnant again! So AF should arrived yday, but I tested and found out I am pregnant.

Today I have wiped and had tinted cervical mucus very slight blood stained (rusty) - I am petrified - it has triggered all the emotions, worry, anxiety that I am miscarrying again.

What can I do? I know if it is happening, it will happen and nothing I can do can stop it. Is it implantation bleeding? is it a miscarriage? Should I ring EPU?

Some lovely bump pictures 💞 I look bump already because I am so flippin bloated!

Hi @optimistic66 and welcome. I really wouldn't worry too much, I was spotting the day up to and after my positive test, spotting is normal. Like you say there is nothing anyone can do regardless so just sit tight and try not to worry! The first few weeks are agony but we all feel the same so I'm sure you will find posting here a comfort- there are some great words of comfort from others on the last page or two which have hugely helped me too!

@whiffle77 thank you for your kind words! I am going to have a good read, once I can convince myself not to go pee for the 100th time to check my CM.

It’s such a scary time!

Lovely bump pictures!

@Optimistic66 I agree, sit tight and keep the faith, spotting can be normal and there's no action to take this early. Hoping with you that this is your rainbow.

Today is a good day for me. On this day in my first pregnancy last year I started spotting after having had sex the night before. It was a mmc and the sex had irritated my cervix. As it happens last night we had sex and there is no sign of blood. So today I am the most pregnant I have ever been, 10w6d. It feels like a good milestone. Also I was a bit worried I'd never want to have sex again but I did want to last night so that's good!

Lovely bump pics ladies! I keep looking for one but I'm just fatter because of my new habit of no-exercise and carbs every 2 hours🤦‍♀️

Aww such cute bump pictures this morning!

@Optimistic66 I remember a Saturday when my AF was late, at this point I’d not done a test. But I started bleeding thought it was the start if AF, had cramping too. I just put a tampon in, and carried on with my day. Looking back it wasn’t fresh blood, but because I didn’t think I was pregnant, I didn’t think anything of it. The next day it had stopped, and that’s when I started wondering what’s going on.

The start is agony, and so anxious. Just take each day at it comes, and start with little milestones. Good luck to you, hope this is your rainbow x

Reposting the list to actually update weeks 🙈, I clearly tried to squeeze too much into one post

@Bellsx21wks (due 20/08/20)
@Rachael32121wks (due 20/08/20)
@Pugmum1918wks (due 31/08/20)
@UrsulaSings17wks (due 07/09/20)
@Hoping202016wks (due 13/09/20)
@SammiLou231217wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)
@Knotemma17wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)
@LilMrsS16wks (due 24/09/20)
@didslysquiddlydoo16wks due 26/09/20)
@TunnocksTcake16wks (due 26/09/20)
@avocuddles16wks (due 27/09/20)
@Sunflower160816wks with twins (due 28/09/20)
@SunStruck16wks (due 28/09/20)⁣
@Scout2014wks (due 29/09/20)
@Littlegoth13wks (due 30/09/20)
@HighHopes2013wks (due 03/10/20)⁣
@Treaclepie1914wks (due 07/10/20)⁣
@Aria201510wks
@tmc1413wks (due 11/10/20)
@Hagster13wks (due 12/10/20)⁣
@seaduck12wks (due 17/10/20)
@DressingGown87 13wks (20/10/20)
@rachelrainbow (11 weeks, due 1/11/20)
@Doughnut10010wks (due 05/11/20)
@teaandtantrums9010 wks (due 07/11/20)
@Shefliesonherownwings 9 wks (due 11/10/20)
@MOGMOGMOG85* 5 wks (due 13/12/20)

Thank you for making me feel welcome and all the kind words and support.
It's such a bizarre feeling, I'm 9 weeks today but don't feel pregnant at all really, I've missed my second period so it must be true but why don't I feel anything 😩